Forgotten Tales Are The Best

My mind must be going, or just has a loose wire. I thought of something catchy and maybe even interesting, for a change. Now I can't remember what it was. That happens all the time lately; I think of something I want to write, hoping it will be a refreshing and entertaining change, but come time to write, it is lost.

There was some thought of requesting that no one with out door teak furniture let anyone shoot a coat of varnish or lacquer on it. But that wouldn't have been it. After a few months in the sun the teak looks like hell, though, just so you know.

Maybe a primer describing how the inside lane on a highway is for passing, not creating a slow moving obstacle for others, was in the works. I doubt it. That's a lost cause.

I'd sworn off telling people that Obama is frontman for a small group of elites who are taking over the country in fascist-like fashion. So, that couldn't be it.

It could be that I was going to inflate my history by claiming some accomplishment that never happened, like the time..etc. I can't even think of reasonable fiction regarding any astounding feat involving me.

This is frustrating. It was simple, clean, poignant and the best of anything I've dreamt up so far.

I've been rationing out the last of my birthday cake. Some things made of chocolate seem to get better with time. I froze it so I could thaw out a piece at a time. I'd rather do that than try to remember whatever I think I forgot.

The Tennis Nazi

OK, so I'm just out there at a public court getting ready to gently hit balls with my pal M. I claimed a court while he finished parking. This old curmudgeon with a British accent was at the court next to me and struck up a conversation. "Hey, how about hitting a few while you wait?"

I explained that I'm a novice and not intending to do anything spectacular today. OK, just few easy ones. He proceeds to hit rocket shots right at me so they land just in front of me. Caught me by surprise. He's a little bowling ball of a codger and chronically abrasive- as I was to discover.

After the first couple of WTF shots I returned a few way up in the air, high lobs too far back for any great smash. It's the one thing I can do. Then my friend showed and I said adios and figured it would be the end of it. To be polite I introduced myself as I was taking my leave.

He then approaches us and starts in like the lion in Wizard of Oz, "I'll play ya both, two against one, c'mon..". Any minute I was expecting him to offer to tie one paw behind his back.

My friend explained I was just starting out on a program with a local guy and wasn't playing any games just now. He then turned on me like a rabid dog, "Let me see your grip!!! You know the difference in a bla bla grip and a yadda yadda bla bla bla. None of the people around here knows a damned thing, What about...bla bloa bla".

My friend was so amazed at what a prick this old Brit was that he froze with his jaw hitting the floor. It was funny. I did that horizontal hand wave thing like a referee ruling an incomplete pass in football. I hate intrusive pop quizzers. He was not invited.

Finally I'm doing the throat cut signal and the incomplete pass thing while saying, "Woa!! Let's cut this off right here. I'm not interested, and like it or not I'm going to go about things as I see fit! I'm not going to debate it." He went grumbling off. He had no one to play with. I wonder why.

This guy had about forty balls with him and he hit them all to one end of the court then back the other way. Some other old guy met him there for about two minutes then he took off. I think this jerk may have been trying to hustle up students.

I like to play and want to be better and I have a plan. It's simple and easy. Amazing how people you don't even know want to get in on things like that. It turns out this guy is known to some people who go to that court. He has had run-ins with anyone he can find.

It's completely unexpected and almost out of character that I would ever play tennis. I happen to enjoy destroying myself on a tennis court--just worked out that way. Another of the odd things on the Tour. What's even stranger is that I want to take the time to learn the correct basics before I worry about beating the overzealous nutcases and naysayers. I have the tennis Nazi in my sights. One day I'm going to find a way to drive him back home. All the way to the UK. I've rarely encountered a ruder dimwit.

It was funny in the long run. That may have been because it wasn't a case in which someone's nerve and lack of couth left me bulldozed and stunned, so that I regretted my actions or inaction. I think I cut him off properly and in a timely fashion.

Ignoring him while I did my nursery school hitting with my friend was the real challenge. We managed to ignore him long enough so he finally got tired of hitting by himself and went away.

If you see him, he's about 5'6 in all directions, wears Bucky Beaver tractor treads and garb, and looks like one of those aged muppet curmudgeons. Beware, I did some checking and understand he really likes to play the bully when dealing with women.

Apparently he lives just a few houses from the place. My guess is that he has a telescope fixed on the place so he can scope out potential trouble to make. I remember when learning to fly getting cornered by run amok pop quizzers. They'd just start quizzing you if they thought they could get away with it. I was young enough I probably could have said I wasn't allowed to speak to strangers. Hindsight. Have you ever been assaulted by a hostile pop quizzer? Are you one?

Making a Difference

Judging from the stories delivered by apparently drugged out grinning news people, and public service ads, school kids and gullible adults are encouraged to believe that sacrifice in the form of buying a new energy efficient water heater, marching with a crowd of people, or serving soup to soup line people is somehow more noble than just living life and doing your job.

The term, "giving back to the community" often comes up, as if anything you have was wrested from your neighbors at gun point. It is really a senseless concept pushed by people who want to influence your behavior or find excuses to pat themselves on the back. Because so many truly believe that by walking rather than driving they are saving the earth from certain destruction, and similar acts of sacrifice, the number of ways one can publicly and conspicuously show their pious community spirit has multiplied in recent years. Along with that come the number of ways they can feel righteous admonishing others for their choice of automobile, smoking a cigar in private, not having a new water heater, etc.

Those who "give back" the most to their community are those who provide wanted and needed goods and services honestly and reliably. Of course, they get paid for it. They could not do it if they were starving and on the street. That is not a bad thing. The general trend lately is to make it seem bad to get paid or to produce without specific sanction from some community or governmental body. This thinking seems happy and holy, but it is the devil in disguise. Most on that band wagon can't see it and probably never will.

The high profile people who make a big scene about their volunteerism and giving back are usually getting a big damned tax break and doing it on advise of counsel. Some are actually generous. And can afford to be. Voluntary generosity is fine. Forced sacrifice is not, and the defamation of excellence through the implication that the workaholic ace auto mechanic. who is honest and fair, is somehow not an asset to the community because he doesn't march for a cause or volunteer for politically correct efforts, is 100% garbage. To think he should "give back" to the community could only be the act of a people hating lunatic.

I've got to think that people who push these things never had months of hard 60- hour weeks, and never mastered the basics of simple logic.

More Mush Thoughts

Since making the decision to change everything so that my life felt like something other than an inward apology for breathing the air, creating a Gorish (Al) carbon footprint, I've learned a lot which sheds light on the past. Much of it is just definition which I probably knew deep down anyway. It's technical and few people would understand or be interested. It helps to realize certain things. It makes effective compensation a lot easier.

At points in my history I have noticed, and friends have sometimes commented, that people tend to treat me rather well. I've had my share of betrayers in one way or another but that's not a big issue. Most of the time it isn't so hard to see if you open your eyes. Certainly it is not as noteworthy as the better treatment. I'm somewhat spoiled in that way if I take in the big picture over the years. I've had to learn lessons over and over for reasons unrelated to how others behave. It is not so much their fault. I just didn't know what was what. People will be how they will be.

The subject came up in conversation last night that in general people tend to treat me rather well. My friend commented that she'd noticed that. It just seems to happen. At times it irks acquaintances or bystanders in my life. That's when trouble ensues.

I think I used to feel bad for getting special perks in that way to please those who resent such things. Mistake. Anyone who resents affection or kindness because they aren't the target is a nincompoop. I like to see good things come to good people. And there are a lot of good people.

There does seem to be an inner thing which requires maintaining for continuity of the good luck to exist. I don't know, maybe it is that SoCal new age mojo getting to me. I don't really think so, though. It's probably easier to think things are OK if you don't feel like there are a myriad of requirements from life, or for life to be OK. There are a few more changes I'd like, additions and subtractions to what is, but overall I have to say I feel more enthusiastic about waking up in the morning as time goes on. I've got plenty I could panic over, but for some reason that feels unacceptable. It's just as easy to be kind of content. I paid the rent again, and that is one of the things that makes me happy.

Separating true needs from wants and putting the wants in the gravy category puts a good perspective on things. Right now I have what I need and more. I'd like even more of the gravy but it would be bratty to decide I can't be happy without it. It's quite a wonder I'm even alive considering how many close calls I've had. They've not been health related, just the sort of thing you generally don't survive. Several were obvious and dramatic.

Oh well. Tennis has unexpectedly caught my fancy. I think I'll learn to play well enough to beat my friends. Or at least hang in with people over 50 or so. Next year it's going to be snow boarding. And we have to get some sort of kayaking or small cat sailing in there too. That's all gravy.

Other more interesting items in the gravy column are expected, but not demanded. This last however many months--9?--has been kind of magical. It makes me think more is at play in life than meets the eye.

Flushing Out The Truth--etc

It has been said, and not only by me, that I live a strange life. The word entertaining should often be included in that description. Recent work at the secret compound of Daddy Warbucks has been interesting.

People other than DW often stay there; relatives and associates, I assume. I just do what is in front of me to do and don't have direct involvement with the owner or his cohorts, so far. The last group only broke a few things. One of which was a trip bar thing that makes the toilet flush. Of course it is of a type that is not typical so the rather generic piece is not like those in the water closets of lesser folks. It seemed a simple issue when I agreed to solve the problem. Fortunately there is some time between now and the next visitors.

Maybe I'll have to make the part. I can't even find anyone who has that size brass or bronze rod. So, a ten minute job has involved hours of searching and driving and emails to Fancy Toilets R Us. If they reply, I will be happy. It's good to be hooked up where odd things break, requiring one who is good with odd fixes.

There's a rabbit out back who is lucky I'm so sporting. He was a long way off before I tried to nail him with my slingshot. I hit all around him then gave up. At that distance it probably would have only startled the creature anyway. I thought he'd make a good hat. I could fold down his ears over mine in cold conditions, like those hats Inca musicians wear in the subway. Canadians wear them too I think. Not all, but some.

I'm really taken back by this witch hunt on Michael Phelps. It's a case of law enforcement totally losing sight of their legitimate purpose. They can't be blamed considering the administrators of government have forgotten their legitimate purpose. What a waste of tax money. How people can condone such police state shenanigans is beyond me.

Hopefully I won't have to go around saying, "Free Michael", like when I was saying "Free Martha" after she was railroaded by tyrants and a kangaroo court. Piss off the wrong people and they bar no holds.

Freedom and Environment, Etc.

Back in the days when I believed it was not only possible, but advisable to conceive a preferred solution to a problem and then find a way to make it work, I toyed with ideas which reduced or eliminated dependence upon expensive fuels, power companies and tedious building systems. That floodgate opened when I watched an idea go from sketches in a notebook to shop drawings to the physical object to a thing that knew when to move specific parts to perform the task for which it was designed. Since the patent office agreed it was unique, and it actually worked, I assumed a person could decide to solve a problem, lay down the parameters the solution had to meet, then eventually the answer would appear.

I still think so.

Environmental concerns were never the motive for ideas that would make a building or home self sufficient. Freedom and independence from The Man drove that passion. Back then the same group who now want to force their ideas of greenness on everyone were prohibiting the development and manufacture of things that took people off the grid or would lead to reduced dependence upon fossil fuels. The pretense today is that these things are really encouraged.

GE is the biggy in many respects when it comes to wind energy, not because their designs are all that great but because they have clout. There are a number of companies who have been the beneficiaries of grants to design specific components and systems which are predicated on keeping existing system design. Refinements are nice but the big picture is wanting in many of these endeavors sponsored by the American politburo. Eurpoean countries are that way, too, but I don't live there and am one of those stubborn Yanks who has no wish to emulate european bureaucracy.

In researching some items I found endless cases of governmental interference and subsidies which amount to promoting the status quo in some of the industries considered by the press to be cutting edge. In reality, much of this is very old technology whose advancement has been stifled due to subsidies and grants based on the existing methods.

My theory is that the most efficient, cheap energy solutions which would allow inexpensive, independent home energy and/or water are still actively discouraged and squashed by the ever present government. People who are on the take and people who've never taken a design from nothing to something tend to swallow the tripe that political leeches and thugs spout concerning research and development in the field of powering homes, cars, and all other facets of life. I find that disheartening.

The reason it is allowed to happen is that so many are directly dependent on tax money for their research. If you've met many government scientists in a situation in which you had a better alternative, you'd quickly realize that they are not as clinically open minded as they pretend. The system stifles creativity, and in many cases greed and pride tend to kill the creativity of the government supported scientist or engineer. It is human nature; if you are doing well being paid to make a better buggy whip, you would probably not be wanting to promote or even listen to some upstart who has created a horseless carriage.

We've come to the point at which there is a conflict of interest in the policies. It is one that I haven't heard discussed. Consider that the real pioneers in off the grid systems for homes were outlaws only 30 years ago. Most were painted as kooks, and enjoyed everything from physical threat to court action. What is interesting is that the main motive of these green kooks was independence and self sufficiency, not misguided hysteria that they could change climate or that "Mother Earth is sick and in need of healing". That same spirit is still stifled. If the true motive was energy independence, government would not penalize some efforts while subsidizing others. They'd butt out.

Now that some of the major firms who own government have cornered various markets involving alternative energy sources, government is all into it and robbing taxpayers to fund it (payoff those firms). The way it is being done and the nature of the development is aimed at keeping the public dependent and under control, not toward left alone independence. Now that those who want no dime or hint of interference from the feds can't usually afford to start any enterprise, the idea of true energy independence is actually slipping away more than one might think.

The goal of every panic we've been dealt for years, but specifically since 911, is to force more intrusion on private lives, and control how resources, human and otherwise, are allocated. Serfdom.

One hoax after another. I think Michael Phelps proves that occasional use of marijuana is not a big deal. Why are they down on him? No one in their right mind can say bong hits constitute a performance enhancing drug when it comes to swimming. Research into why they made hemp illegal to begin with indicates it had nothing to do with the drug aspect. Another big scam foisted on the public, then after enough repetition people believe whatever they are told, replete with kooks appearing on cue to make it all seem valid.

Why is the US Congress involved in sports? I do not care if a baseball player takes steroids. We know it is potentially deadly in many cases. That's between him and whoever pays him. Buying tickets doesn't give the general public the right to waste congressional time and money on such things. Just drop it. let the tabloids rake them over the coals if they must but legally, it is not an offense that warrants anything. Let a team launch a civil suit if they don't like it. As if they really have no idea.

the end

Lost and Forgotten

My computer decided I wasn't connected and that the connecting device didn't exist so the last post was lost. I could have saved it to a text file. Not worth it.
Highlights of it were: it is raining in SoCal, wet and windy in Alpine, authority sucks when they are twits, people don't care because they like twits, my life in the cottage is like camping out in the woods in the mountains but with fewer trees, it doesn't leak in the rain, I have electricity and indoor plumbing and a bed--other than that and the kitchen conveniences, it is just like camping. My kitchen consists of mostly plug in appliances--2 burner hotplate stove, microwave, some kind of euro whatever convection oven that can make toast too. You have to supply the bread, though. It says "euro-pro". I wanted the one that said "euro-trash", but you don't always get what you want. You can get what you need, if you try sometimes.

The refrigerator looks like the real deal you'd find in a house. Still, this is a lot like camping, especially when it is cold and rainy and windy. Nothing like camping in the Everglades, though. I'm not sure much short of hell is. I've had friends and relatives who liked that--camping in the Glades. Not me. Not one single night, ever. It would have been good practice had I decided to go to Viet Nam, but I missed out on both experiences, Glades and the Nam.

Fair Tax people are trying to make the point that now would be a good time to transition over to that rather than blow all the taxpayer money on the Political Payoff bill, and that it would stimulate the economy in a way that would produce something useful. I'll let imaginations dream up metaphors along those lines. I'm very supportive of just about any alternative to taxing labor and income, especially under present code and setup. It's absurd that people have to fill stuff out pay to have someone tell them what to pay, etc. I know, but I don't give a damn how they do it in europe. My relatives left that place a long time ago, opting to farm, live with Indians and run amok over here.

This situation is as sinister as the foreign policies which have put our cajones in a vice controlled by foreign countries and lunatics. This place is potentially too much fun to be continuing policies which punish passion and create organized crime opportunities and markets.

I remember now. The lost post dealt with my question about whether the current design you see in wind farms for producing power from wind is really the ultimately best way. I believe there is enough wind at my house to power the place but means of harnessing wind power are not the best that could be devised, I don't think. I haven't designed the alternative but that doesn't mean the present machines are anything close to the best that could be done. I'm sure the wind could be of more use than it is, but my instincts are that the present windmills are a poor effort to do the job. Great design as far as bearings and blade, bad overall concept.

!La Musica por la Gente!

Or something like that.

I caught the Grammy show tonight. Most of it was apolitical which was nice. Then the worm who is the head Grammer cracker had to lobby for legislation and do his version of the "Yes we can" speech. Tacky, and transparently self serving. Politics permeates the music world even down to rinky dink blues competitions. Adding to it is not a commendable thing. Too bad people have to do that.

Many of the acts and artists were exceptionally good. Justin Timberlake is better than I realized. That boy rocked. I was surprised to see Robert Plant. I don't keep up with these things. Zeppelin goes country, and it doesn't sound bad. Of course teaming up with Alison Krause helps the effort considerably. They rock.

Radiohead was particularly inspiring, performing with the USC (I think) marching band, but the USC guys stayed stationary. It was an inspired thing. All those drums, how can that be wrong?

I've caught bits and pieces in the past and liked it this year more than any other time since Lionel Richie won about a gazillion awards. He did win, didn't he? Maybe he just played. It would be inconceivable if he didn't win maybe five or ten of those things. That was a long time ago.

McCartney is always a favorite of mine. Just showing up is good enough but he did OK performing.

The result of it was that it made me want to play. I wish the people who tried to squeeze politics into it would have put a sock in it and just stuck to the music. Can't there be an entertainment awards thing in which people don't talk about the president or Washington DC? It's sick. The sickest part is that some of those people are simply pushing something that gives them an edge in some way, at taxpayer expense. And being a great performer does not a political genius make. Often those people are not really capable of intelligent critical thought on matters unrelated to their particular talent.

In my opinion, Stevie Wonder and Justin Timberlake were the winners of my imaginary battle of the Grammy performers, and almost all the others were pretty good.

Movie Review: Across the Universe

The library dvd wouldn't play correctly on the big screen setup but it played fine on my computer. Probably operator error. Who knows.

This is a very well done flick. The soundtrack is all Beatles and done by killer singers and musicians. Someone is very creative and clever I think. The people who designed this film. And it's a friggin musical. The way the music was done and the general look of the movie kept me captivated for the duration. I give it several stars.

Out In The Fog

On my deck, a much more inspired title came to mind. By the time I came in, got the computer switched on, played a few meditative licks on the didgeridoo, and began to write, the title disappeared from the shelf in my brain of items I can recall.

That brings to mind a song, which I will paraphrase, written long ago during one of my semi-sad periods, of which there have been many. I've learned to curb the sadness better now. It is still there, but it has been weakened through much effort and good fortune.

Before I bore anyone with the paraphrased/revised version of that song, I will tell the tale of birthdays; 2008 and 2009. Last year I do not recall much of it, except that I was to the point of no return in the planning of my escape from the rut I was in. The Ballistic Tour was far into the planning stages. I'd sold the condo and had only to get the clutter out of my way and hit the road. Fortunately, it took until May 10, 2008 until I was able to clear the last of my goods out of my apartment and embark on the journey into the unknown. As it turned out my favorite points along the tour were just then cleared of snow, opened to auto travel. That is an example of the sort of luck I have which offsets my ignorance.

It was a birthday of hope and anticipation, even if it felt a little lonely and I was feeling blanketed in that heavy-as wet-cement fog which characterized much of my life. What I remember most is the video a friend in California made which included various people from that social circle, and even a few others. They had been coached to say something about me as if they knew me. It was the coolest film ever made. Obviously, I knew I had to include San Diego on the Tour after viewing that. She who started out enthusiastically then became strangely mercurial and unavailable was even in it.

This year, I tried to pretend I did not know my birthday was at hand, and even connived not to be in town on the 4th. That's my day, February 4.

Next thing I know, I had phone calls with singing voices and orders to be in town on the 6th for my birthday party. What can you do? I haven't had a pleasant birthday celebration in so long I've forgotten. I'm sure I must have had OK birthdays but I generally block them out. It has to do with childhood horror parties in my stupid neighborhood at an early age. I'm not sure if it was because I had to beat some kid up who left no alternative or what, but I know as young as age 8, I adamantly requested NO PARTY every birthday.

There was one surprise party when I was married that should have been nice. I remember my wife or one of the in-laws gave me a harmonica, and I was pleased about that. The fact that it was the day the cotton mill got the air quality tests back from the lab which showed my machines worked, accomplishing what everyone in the industry said couldn't be done, proving the idea which had appeared on paper a year and a half before actually worked, made it a red letter day. I wasn't crazy, I was right. It was the high point of my achievements before or since, I think.

I'd been at that mill, fiddling with the machines, enjoying the smiles and congratulatory pats on the back from the mill's president and V.P.. I was on top of the world. I couldn't wait to get home and tell the wife. First I had to do a little work to the prototype machines, then I hit the road.

When I arrived my in-laws were all there. I was fond of that family, but the wind swiftly left my sails when all I heard was how I was late, and how they'd been waiting. No one cared about the good news. At that time, the documented results were believed to be as good as millions in the bank. (That should have been the case but I lacked the savvy to know how to proceed, another story, another time). So, a very nice party, a surprise party and I was the bad guy because I had not anticipated my part in the play. From then on I avoided any celebration of my birthday.

This year, I was left no alternative but to show up, and it was like a chapter from some other person's life; a person with nice friends who like to make things pleasant. Normally, this would have been way out of the comfort zone, but it was comfortable, and even fun. I should add that I no longer know what or where my comfort zone is. I was pretty comfortable with the giant, heart shaped chocolate cake--very good stuff--and the balloons and the sign expressing the fondest of sentiments and affection.

All through the evening I thought how lucky I am that people would take the trouble to make me feel good about being born. Maybe it is because I like all those involved and they like one another as well. I don't know. Maybe I am not as tense as in the past. It looks like I am locked into this tennis thing now. Birthdays offerings involved a very nice scheme to ensure that, as well as my favorite Bollywood soundtrack and my favorite roast of cafe in the universe.

On the actual day, I was feasting on lasagna at M's, the scuba chick. And playing pool on her very nice table. Some of the shots I was able to pull off back in the Pfeiffer college game room manager days seemed to come back. I thought I'd managed to go through my birthday unnoticed but she was already aware of the upcoming party. They all acted like this was just the normal way of things. I'm spoiled is how I see it. People who know me probably agree. For a lone moper I do get a lot of special treatment. I think I always have.

Only now, I don't feel guilty for it or feel tangled up in the strings.

It's strange that I can't remember any specific birthdays for the last 20 years or so. Only these last two. As far as the usual, "Oh no, a year older and nothing more to show for it", I don't feel anything one way or the other. I'm here and it is against all odds that I am. Things have changed since coworkers were wanting me to let them pay for a life insurance policy and make them beneficiaries. They never thought I'd live past 35. I think I was 34 or 35 at that time. I'm glad I don't have the need to get drunk on days like that any more. Birthdays are still no big deal in and of themselves to me, but being blessed with friends who like to let you know they are glad you are here is a very big deal.

One possible change in me is that I am a little bit more receptive to such affection than I was in the past. I know I have made it extremely difficult for those who wanted to show kindness or affection at times. I guess I don't feel like there is a hidden harmful aspect to things, and before, I did.

It's doubtful any other group would have found me less defensive. Whatever the reason, that is how it is. That is a big change. I've been unable to know when affection is a cover for an unpleasant ulterior agenda in the past, so I often shielded when maybe it was the wrong thing to do. This is a new world; to feel secure and natural at such a simple thing as a small gathering, eating incredible home made calzone, pasta whatnot, and birthday cake. Since it comes at such an advanced age, relatively speaking, I guess something must have screwed with me for decades, stunting my growth and limiting my ability to live life.

This is getting lengthy and involved. I have one major goal for this year. Even though I know you can't force or put a timeframe on some things, some unknown soul is in for an interesting surprise if it works out like I hope.

ps:
the song

In the misty night
a baby dreams
a mother weeps
a flower screams

and the fog
from the hills
rolls and rolls
stealing the sight
from the valley
below


It actually has a meaning of sorts. Everything I write is either about innocence, redemption, or what EVAH