Ups and Downs and the Art of Mental Maintenance

It must be a function of nature. The weight of nature vs nurture has come to my attention lately in other contexts, but it has caused me to wonder where each applies in my own case. I don't think there is a clear delineation as the two often work with synergistic effectiveness for good or ill. In my case, I suppose there has been more ill result than I'd choose. The element of choice based on conscience, logic, and possibly mystical belief can temper the effect of a spirit that follows a sine wave.

Practice and perseverance actually do work when it comes to leveling off yoyo emotions. The trick of recognizing the highs and being careful is probably an advanced level of the art. After periods of being down, a high is always a welcome relief. Neither condition is very useful. I haven't had too much trouble with this stuff for awhile, but it is only because of the habit of constantly curbing the out of bounds thoughts which lead to the blues. Anyone can come up with a thousand things abut himself that are deficient, defective and no good. They are generally not even legitimate, but that doesn't matter. That's where nurture and nature take hold.

One might be somehow wired to flipflop into a depressed state, and if early learning included some kind of shock for minor mistakes or just differing opinion, he will beat "them" to the punch, berating himself and indulging in self loathing.

The real key is to discover that thoughts can be controlled. Many people think they can't but they are wrong. There is a difference in saying "be positive, be cheerful" and stopping when a thought like "you're an idiot and everyone hates you" comes up, then asking where did that come from. For one thing, you don't even know everyone, so that is obviously an unproven statement. The internal dialog that uses words like always, should, never, worthless, etc. can be inspected under a lens of cold logic. It is pretty rare that one always screws everything up, always says the wrong thing or never does anything right. The chemicals released by full blown funk become somewhat addictive even though they are no fun. That's why the mind resists shooting down the things that fuel the blues.

That was one of the most astonishing things I ever learned; that the mind will actually play tricks on otherwise intelligent people. It still amazes me, and I think it is a thing that takes a long time to learn to combat. Why the mind would try to defeat itself is a complicated proposition but it does. The why is less important than taking the power away from things which don't enhance enjoyment and meaning in life. So much is up to how a thing is viewed. One person is thrilled to have a meal, while another is bummed because the meal is not better.

OK. That's my pep talk to myself for now. Speaking of meals, I got to bring home a bunch of Easter leftovers so I not only have a meal, but I have as good a meal as I could ever want. No problemo there.

Sound of Music

I was sent this link to a cool video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UE3CNu_rtY. It fits in abstractly with a great idea the just floated into my mind shortly before I viewed this.

When the movie, Sound of Music, came out I avoided seeing it, thinking it wasn't cool or sexy. At that age I was a bit stupid. When I finally saw it, I loved it. It was about freedom, and the clear cut difference between the human spirit as it should be, and the spirit of tyranny which always emerges when the philosophy of "the greater good" becomes dominate and inevitably bastardized. The MAN vs the free individual. What is most significant about the movie is the deeper meaning behind the dynamics of the story. Some people don't get it, and some do.

Of course the phrase, "sound of music", is a metaphor for the spirit of freedom. It makes so much sense, whether one considers it corny or not. Nothing corny about escaping the conformity and control and murderous authority of a Hitler, Castro, or possibly some in our own country I could mention. None of these forces gain momentum without it looking like a good cause in the early stages. People always give up their rights in the name of what they think is a good cause. Then they find out it is not as they thought and that the boot comes down on them as well as those they were willing to sacrifice in pursuit of that nebulous "greater good". Usually sanctioned villains emerge. People and classes which become fair game for hate and harassment. We are seeing that here in the USA, where such things are not supposed to happen. It plays, like many local car ads, to the lowest, basest aspects of human nature, and to the ignorance of the lowest common denominator. That tactic works. It sells cars.

Speaking of cars. I was in that business, and the most appalling aspect of it was that the most money was made off of those with the least. The real shocker was that they generally refused to hear the truth if you tried to talk them out of sinking themselves in a bad loan for more car than was reasonable. I hated to deal with those customers. That may explain why I bailed from that job. I did well with people of means and sense. It was always good when someone actually trusted my suggestions and didn't sink themselves in some stupid obligation just because they could.

Anyway, it was a study in how easily people can be influenced by what they see on TV. And how their greed for the shiny object clouded their judgement like a drowning man. You try to help and they lash out at you as if you are the enemy.

All that aside, sort of, I had an idea that might work if I can get the cooperation I need to pull it off. What is ironic is that it might be a hit with groups whose philosophy and reason for liking it would be completely different from my own motivation. It's all about the sound of music. Wouldn't it be bizarre to enlist those who haven't a clue what that means?

Just a minor scheme. Nothing earth shattering, but I don't need earth shattering, only projects which can provide some lasting satisfaction and benefit for myself and those who trade with me or work with me. This one may be crazy enough to work. I know it could work. If the idea floated into my mind, it has to be out there for anyone to grab. That's how I think these things work. I can't believe no one has done this. Those who would be most motivated are unlikely to actually do anything. They are too busy making noise and being hateful. My scheme has no hate involved, just music.

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TWO THUMBS UP FOR NAVY SEALS!!!!!

I confess, I figured Obama would never give them the latitude to do what they felt they had to do. Now they will need to do some real trickery to shut the rest of these bastards down. Taking hostages is a very low business and those who trade that way deserve whatever it takes to stop them. The world is a much poorer, more violent place than it has to be. Between superstition and pure stupidity it seems a condition which won't change much anytime soon.

Easter is the big time of rebirth. Nice time for fertility rites. I'm quite happy that ship's captain was rescued.

This has been one of the best Easter Sundays I've experienced in years. I've got some good leftovers I brought home to prove it. What an unusual day when I consider an unexpected card or two I've fallen into a place where the people I know just won't let me give up and fade away. Then on the way home the great Idea jumped into my thoughts. Perfect.

Sleep Is Almost All I Crave

It's another world and lately my brain is really pushing for it. Except that actually sleeping at the right times is difficult, and at the wrong times it is not. The result is that I'm not quite all here in my waking hours. Or less all here than usual. A matter of degree I suppose. It's one of those phases in which I am often confused between things that really occurred and those that were dreamt. I keep it to myself. Nothing of great importance is in that mix.

I caught the old movie, The In-Laws, with Peter Falk and Alan Arkin on a local station. It seems a remake was made, but hard to imagine anyone equalling the original.

What struck me was that since the dictatorships of Latin America could never pay off their debts, they were stealing plate to print money. It was feared the economy would go into chaos due to all the additional money in circulation. Some very curious parallels with today's world, right down to the crazy generalisimo with the talking hand and fabulous art collection of black velevet master pieces.

I'm wondering what the remake must have been like. I suspect they did a more sensitive politically correct version. Who would have thought a movie like that could hold so many strange elements of prophesy if you don't look too literally at the comparisons.

The similarities, such as spend your way out of debt, print worthless money to fund it, and then sweat out the problems with the world's monetary systems or just ignore that part. And plenty of crooks and corrupt officials popping up every step of the way. Not so far from the way it is going in the US. Whoever said we were becoming a banana republic probably watched that movie.

I'm even wondering if some of the engineers of current policy didn't get their ideas from that classic flick. They certainly didn't pull the plan from "The Wealth of Nations", or anything by Milton Friedman.

The Manipulators Are At It Again

I see they are working up toward trying to convince people that only government workers should have guns. People you can trust. Too bad the whole concept of freedom and rights, and not recognizing the divine right of kings and upper castes has eluded the bulk of the world and the people in this country.

Why is it that when we were a budding agrarian country, whose citizens believed they needed firearms to keep the government honest, as well as to protect themselves, there was not the issue of kids punking out with firearms and homeowners afraid to prepare to protect themselves and their property?

No question that civilization's evolution has twisted matters considerably, and that movies and video games have put complete fiction and insanity in the minds of many. Obviously with the growth of the country has come a disproportionate amplification of the ranks of idiots. That is no reason to assume the official idiots have the authority to usurp the rights of the rest of the population to protect themselves against rogue tyranny and other criminals. Not to mention bears.



Just like the prelude to Iraq 1, and Bosnia, etc, it starts with clues in the media. After Viet Nam, no one imagined that any war which was not clearly a defense of the country would have the slightest support. Then they quit airing all the anti-war stuff and started having shows that made it look kind of fun. Pretty soon we were back to having a crop of kids about 18 or so thinking you go kick ass and no one can stop you.

Defense against rogue government is just about a thing of the past anyway. The new McCarthyism, Castroism, Stalinism policy in this country toward those who disagree with those in power is building steam and it could get dicey.

It's always a flip flop. You wait. I bet this administration ends up with more tangled overseas operations than we've ever had. people might join up just so they can have a gun since they are in the sights of the neo-prohibitionists. But don't expect any war, police action or involvement to have any conclusive outcome. That is not longer their purpose.

I don't mind reasonable reports and documentaries, but when the purpose and method is propaganda, and when they ignore some very basic principles, I find it disgusting.

It is stupid to have kids and guns together if a lot of hard core training and discipline are lacking. It is even dumber to have to hide it away if it is there for protection, which is wise in many cities. Hold on, Bad Guy, let me go unlock my gun down in the basement.

Oddly, the show that hit the nerve is showing how easy it is to buy guns, and I find that comforting. It makes me want to buy some guns before it becomes a thing that puts me on too many official lists. That's because I trust the general public more than the government. Gangs and crooks are a problem but the same as the thugs in power. I have noticed that they target regular people more than they really target gangs and true trouble. One obvious case of that was the Ramos-Compean debacle. The drug thug was protected and rewarded by our own government.

Speaking of which, Johnny Sutton is resigning. Perhaps he has a pot of gold waiting in some Mexican beach town as a reward. What a slime ball.

Lazy Day

It was slightly rainy and what I had to do wasn't all that much. So, I did what I needed or wanted to finish and took off early relative to most days. Usually I quit at dark. Today I don't think it was 5:00PM yet.

Times are tight and I hope not to have any unexpected expense. As I drove home I was thinking about that. Then I started looking around realizing how glad I am to be in the low mountains, how pretty it al is right now. It is hard to ward off concern and worry but stressing over it is not a plan of improvement. It is actually counter productive. For awhile I was able to just experience the experience and feel fortunate that I am here.

It's a constant confusion, knowing what is what. I started to better define that thought but decided to leave it at that. Understanding where true limits and capabilities lie is key to knowing if goals are pure insanity. Most of the time I find I can do more than I thought. It depends on the endeavor.

Head Banging

I just deleted a lengthy treatise on why energy development should be private, as in run by evil capitalists, and decentralized, as in figure a way to power the home, at the home, or the neighborhood, rather than be hostage to remote huge central sources. It's far more secure as well.

It is a waste of time to try to push such ideas. But it does seem like something is seriously wrong with the setup, as we know it, and definitely as the rest of the world knows it, or wants to.

When I mentioned the thought that I ought to figure out some sort of business venture to undertake, I was thinking more in terms of lucrative project. Something I would enjoy. A business like a bike shop or prostitution ring is not what I have in mind. Nothing against either of those enterprises, although I don't know how much true happiness can be had there. I guess the bicycle enthusiast and the hooker enthusiast find it worthwhile. I rarely see these bicycle people smiling though. They are all around here and have the expression that they are on a mission from Godt. Suicidal lot, I'll say that. We have ample lanes lined out but they still prefer the middle of the road in places which are not very safe.

As for hookers and their clients, I don't really know. I see what could be working girls around the area and some look happy enough, and ever so qualified. That profession covers a wide spectrum between the five dollar dumpster crack whore to sky's the limit, designer clad grad student. For varying reasons, I couldn't afford either one. Mentally, if nothing else. The idea of paying someone to like me seems a little depressing. Maybe if I were the one getting paid I'd view it differently.

I think I am overdoing it on this teak. How many times can you go back over something? How smooth can it be and how many microscopic little whatnots are you going to deal with? This stuff is beginning to look like it belongs in the house with the other multi big buck antiques and furniture that is too foo foo to even be utilitarian. I like crude, comfortable furniture. Maybe I'm just too clumsy for delicate fine things and dishes that break if looked at wrong.

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My traffic treasure updates have fallen behind. I dodged a big box in the road but was going to fast to read what was possibly inside of it. Could have just been a rodeo clown practicing or something.

I neglected to mention the other day the pedestrian reported strolling in the median and another selling water on the on-ramp. They included those in the list of things on various roads. Today all I heard was that there were boxes somewhere, and a big planter. I'm not sure if the latter was a gardener, and maybe due to California law had to call himself a planter to avoid licensing.

I Forgot

First thing I forgot was what I intended to write. Something was on my mind and seemed like an interesting topic. It wasn't even related to current political or collective madness.

The other thing I forgot was the name of a street in Memphis which is one of the main thoroughfares. I used to travel it frequently. I avoided it regularly. The thing that bothered me was that I could not call it to memory. There have been an increasing number of known things which I find temporarily unavailable when I call for them. That's disturbing. Sometimes I will be around people I know rather well, see frequently, and I will momentarily draw a blank on the name, or I'll feel uncertain about it. I've never been great with names but I knew the names of friends.

Just another of those things. It may be a reflection of the odd kind of stress I've placed on myself lately. Why would anyone indulge stress which could be avoidable or ignored? I don't know. Habit, maybe.

On the other hand, I am remembering more things of distant past, and see many of them in a slightly different light. Some of them are unchanged as far as my opinion and emotion. Mostly there is not much emotion involved. I guess worry is a reflection of fear, so I must be occupied keeping fear at bay. It's a mental exercise. If you are in a room with the walls closing in, the best course is to find an exit or a way to stop the trend. That's where thinking forward, conceiving new goals and endeavors probably pays off.

I think I need to figure out the what and how involved in starting my own business of some kind. Something less physical and more prone to increasing returns than straight job work. One guy can only do so much job work, and charge only so much. It is limited. I have no wish to build an employee heavy enterprise because it is not worth it when you consider the governmental hassles, tax issues and the headaches that come with most employees. I could care less about bossing people around. If others must be involved, I'd rather be the lead than the other way around, but that's not the nature of what I'm after.

Speaking of forgetting, I am in disbelief at this latest crop of Castro worshipping nincompoops. It just goes to show how low the bar really is when it comes to elected officials and others in political circles. Whether the embargo is backfiring or doing any good is one thing, to pretend that life for the average Cuban is equal to that of the overage American is nuts. Forgetting the way that country became a giant prison is dangerous. Of course the idiots who say that you have to crack some eggs if you are going to have a revolution, to justify his mass murder and firing squads are safely wealthy over here.

People were tricked. The wanted change and an end to corruption and such but they thought they were welcoming freedom when Fidel and Che swaggered into town. The got communist style socialism, and the cult of personality. Those places always post humongous portraits of the dictator and his chosen icons. Castro created the cult of Che, and some might argue he also was somewhat complicit in his demise. He became worth more to Fidel dead than alive. He could play him as a martyr to the Revolution and all that. Suckers around the world fell for it hook, line, and tee shirt.

It borders on criminal for people to go over there and fawn over the guy and his ideal state, especially if they are officials in our government. They are supposed to be about freedom and here they are praising the opposite and implying they'd love to institute similar policies and programs here. Oh, I guess they already are.

If you think all that "people's" this and that is glorious stuff, and that what we need is a glorious state like Cuba, just pray that you aren't one of the eggs that has to be cracked. And don't play the sax. They labeled instruments like that as symbols of capitalism, bourgeois, and wouldn't let them play. Cracking eggs was serious business. No time to play and have fun when the people's business needed doing.

I got off on a tangent there. Maybe my memory is not quite as selective as some. Those people get paid and make these trips on the taxpayer's nickel. If idiots like that can make a decent living, I ought to do OK. I'm not quite that idiotic.

Real Things amid the Biggest Mass Mind Control Ever

Last few days have yielded more road furniture and useful building materials right there on the highway for the taking. One report mentioned large boxes, so I count that as a grab bag special. No telling what was inside. It could be nothing or it could be dancing girls and a marching band. Wood and steel were in the road, in different places, and the ever popular couch. California is a different kind of place. But I like it, other than the ever growing volume of taxes and rules which only apply to citizens.

That should not be construed as a xenophobic outburst. I like Mexicans and tend to get along with the ones working in the area where I work. I'm one of the few Americanos who do labor intensive jobs there. There are a couple of others but they are more official and do things of slightly different nature. Foreign and domestic criminals I do not like. And I'm cold enough to think tax money ought not go to feed clothe educate or heal those who aren't citizens or at least here legally. Overall I think that whole issue is probably sort of a smokescreen for more diabolical mischief in power circles.

There is so much to do and experience out West. Freedom to do it is the real treasure. More and more that can mean you need money. Right now, you just need enough to have and hold a vehicle and put fuel in the tank. Lots of places to camp for free if you wind up homeless. Or if you want to escape.

That is a new way of thinking for me, to even consider where to pitch a tent. I learned it on the Ballistic Tour. It seems that people are far more serious about recreation out here. In the west, in general. I don't recall people on the east coast in such numbers just enjoying the nature of the place.

It is important to maintain mobility I think. That is not so easy to do, but so far it seems like it can be done. Easier to stay mobile than to get mobile. That's where having a cross country bike may pay off. If they make driving impossible, put on that pterodactyl looking hat tie the essentials to you back and go pedal across the mountains.

Hell of a thing that I'd even think that way in the 21st century. We should be floating around in 3D, flying cars or some such. But no, we're headed back before horses. You could get in trouble if you start riding a horse everywhere--only a matter of time before the horses-are-people-too people bring a class action suit or something. I bet people wouldn't be throwing furniture all over the road if it came to horses and bicycles.

A lady on George Noory's show claims she was taken to Mars, back in time, several million years. I couldn't follow the whole thing. Sounds like a good idea anyway. Maybe. It could be I found myself in another universe. This could be Mars. It's all adventure wherever it is. It takes some time to make sense of the customs and language. I've been wrestling with that all my life so that's no excuse to complain.

Money Saving

In case I find the irresistible Mrs Me; one big money saver is if she buys into the whole blood diamond thing. How in Hell can anyone ever buy a ring like I see on fingers everywhere in SoCal? Really, that item worries me and has for years. I just don't have the dough. I was watching a good looking news chick tonight and noticed a friggin ring that must have contained an once of gold and a forty carat diamond. I could be over estimating a tad, but even the news chick sets a bad example. So, to save money, ban diamonds.

To save on the cost of water I consider the entire world my urinal. It's a public service as much as anything, especially in an area that pumps water in from places like Colorado. Confuses the coyotes, too.

Don't do credit cards. They can end up charging a lot of money.

Figure out unit cost rather than suckering for the grocery store excitement sale labels. Often it is cheaper to buy 2 18oz jars of peanut butter than the 36oz economy size which has some hooplah tag on it. This is where mental division and accurate estimating pay off. They purposely price things in order to make it hard to quickly break down per unit. Some places have the unit cost in fine print on the price label, but not on the sale label.

Usually generic or store brand is cheaper than famous name brand.

Don't buy Marlboro.

Claim multiple personality disorder and list 2 or 3 of the distinct personalities as dependents.

Keep only pets that can be let outside, and which can find or hunt food on their own. Something like a badger, alley cat, raccoon, squirrel, wolf, owl, mountain lion, or wharf rat. If the animal has no health insurance, treat it as you would yourself, let it get well naturally or die.

Read your neighbor's newspaper

Forget cable, or watch it next door. Or, run a splitter from your neighbor's cable.

Carry a siphon hose at all times.

If you want to give flowers, visit the cemetery for a wide selection at no cost. Weekends and holidays are the best times. Hospitals can be a good source for fresh flowers as well.

Get my new piggy back green machine, a device designed to hook under the frame of the car in front of you. Throw 'er in neutral and experience the joy of extremely high gas mileage. Device comes with easy eject button should your unwitting benefactor turn off.

Run an extension cord from the outside outlet of your neighbor's house, or from nearby businesses to power lamps refrigerator and other electric hungry appliances.

Eat jalapeno peppers in winter to reduce the need for heating.

Never Ending Story, part Nth degree

For as long as I can recall there has been some kind of inner conflict going on. Most of the time I can't define it. Sometimes it is a battle between what makes sense to me and what keeps me from upsetting police. I almost almost subjugate my better judgement to the inferior course of action dictated by the people with the guns.

In retrospect I have often tossed better judgement aside in favor of the inferior course which seemed the majority way, the mainstream, normal thing. Half the time it wasn't at all the normal mainstream thing. Maybe it was just some sophisticated pretense that those wired for civilization as we know it understood. I have some little glitches which evidently are not so obvious, but which have thrown me way off course on a regular basis.

I can see the value in realizing the reality that life is not a practice round so regrets don't do much good. It still seems cruel that smoking doesn't win friends and build muscles, but that is how the game is laid out. Much of what I regret may have been a blessing. It is highly possible that I was never really capable of raising the seven children I wanted, and I probably would not have done well had I remained in various jobs, even though outwardly it appeared that I had promise and potential. You can be competent in some way but lack essential ingredients that would allow you to profit like you would were you not a few apples shy of a bushel, so to speak. It isn't a crime, just how it is. It has taken a long time to see that.

Every now and then the realization of limits, and more, the realization of times when I tried to ignore those limits, causes a little angst of one sort or another. That is the stuff that makes me want to hide away.

And that leads to a type of inner conflict. Accepting one's reality without accepting the wrong type of limitation. Opportunities are far more abundant than I know, almost by definition; I have no idea what all the possible inventions endeavors and schemes possible to a ballistic tourer are, so setting a mental limit is not even logical.

Yet, I do know I have limits on a certain aspect of understanding and reading people which either leads me to trust the untrustworthy or to see rejection when it is not there. That is somewhat more extreme than average. On the other hand I can spot it when someone else is up to no good in matters between others, in which I have no vested interest. I think some of that is normal.

What is not normal are the extremes which have characterized some episodes of my life dealing with such matters. Not a reason for regret because it does not good, and it wastes time and energy as the woe erodes attitude, diminishing the likelihood of recognizing good opportunities. Such regret and sadness over what should have been another way serves only to destroy the contentment of the moment. That is not to say conscience is no good. I'm not talking conscience.

I don't know what I'm talking. But here's a secret teak trick; after all is done and you coated it with teak oil, come back and rub a final coat in with #400 wet or dry sandpaper. It is the way to make things dazzle and be smooth as [name withheld]'s bottom.