Once was Lost

Once? That's a joke. I've been lost, figuratively and literally, more times than I could begin to remember or count. The cool thing is when that troubling condition lifts, even if it is only imaginary. It is largely a state of mind, at least in the figurative case. When I'm lost in a geographic sense, I know it is only a matter of time before I get my bearings. After all, the world is round so sooner or later I'll come around to point zero.

Maybe the other works that way too. I think it is mostly a matter of outlook and certain beliefs. And probably a mixture of effort as well. Anyway, I just eased out of a heavy fog of unknown origin. Once it starts the mind kind react in a way that feeds the problem, or creates one. No doubt it is tiring and annoying to friends. I often wonder why no one has shot me yet. But, then again, I do have a few redeeming qualities, and I am sincere, for the most part. They fry in court if they shot me. But I'd never press charges. Only if a stranger or disliked acquaintance shot me, not a friend. I better not make that known or they might lock and load next time.

Anyway, my musician friends say we're invited to a musicians only hooplah event that will include a lot of good bands and musicians from the area. Hours and hours of non stop music, including us playing a few songs. It's so invitation only, I can't even invite friends. No room is one reason I think. The venue is a private residence out here somewhere. A large place but with all the players, it would fill up. I think there will be maybe a hundred or so. Who knows? Reportedly it is great exposure to the SD music world. So, I look forward to this. I've got lots to look forward to in the next couple of months.

I keep having this urge to go back down to FL to make sure all our work is good and holding up. That was a very unusual experience. I don't know what it was that made it so. It was purely productive and harmonious. I guess my only difficulty was not being able to contemplate what was next for me and I found that somewhat troubling. Sounds like self made angst. Most is when it comes down to it. Most of mine, I should say.

In some ways I think I have learned more since arriving out here than I've learned in many years. Much of it the sort of thing I probably should have learned by the time I was 18 but just didn't. I can't really fault myself for that, but it probably caused some inconvenience to myself and others. I just didn't get it. Inconvenience to others does bother me, though.

They may be trying to tax the air and anything else they can think of here, but it is still a remarkable area. I'm still impressed with the whole shebang.

Depressive Guilt

Sometimes I feel guilty for getting a little depressed. Regardless of the mess I have made of my life here and there, I am still treated with affection and friendship to a much higher degree than I would expect. And my real problems are minimal. There is a chronic, nagging frustration that most people can't separate logic from emotion, and don't mind their own business. But that is just the way it is. By "mind their own business" I mean they are all for enforcing their ideas of how you should raise your children, live your life, ride your bike, etc. I find that morally repugnant, and somewhat scary.

Whatever the little annoyances, depression leaves me guilt ridden, both because I am depressed yet have plenty to be grateful for, and because of the regrets that might bring me down. So, after analyzing this quandary, I decided to absolve myself of guilt and see what I can do about dropping the depression. That stuff is like duct tape. Tough to shake it loose. Picture Curly, Moe, and Larry hanging wallpaper. Maybe you can't do that. If you've seen it you know what I mean. The wall paper symbolizes the depression, in case that wasn't clear. They end up papering themselves and hijinks ensue.

I've finally hit that point in life where it becomes true and obvious that the older I get, the less I know. I remember people saying that to me when I was younger. What an idiot, I'd think. I know more as time goes on. It is one of those things that holds in certain contexts but not across the board. Mostly it has to do with what is worth fighting. Maybe all my passionate opinions are garbage and have nothing to do with live humans. Hard to believe that could be true. I'm way too far ahead of my time for that one to hold water. I saw current events coming before most people were born, maybe even me.

Grammar be damned. That's to account for much of the foregoing.

IDEA: How about a new snack, Grammar Crackers? Little cookies with grammar rules and definitions stamped on them. Maybe they'd have to be large enough to hold adequate information, or else they could use abbreviations and netspeak.
Would that defeat the purpose? If they are tasty enough, no one would care. It could improve the speech and writing habits of an entire nation.

With thoughts like that it baffles the mind that I'm not a gazzillionaire.

SAVE THE RICH

With most of the country all of a sudden noticing that the public sector is not a self supporting, sustainable entity, many public officials are casting their greedy eyes toward that nebulous class known as "the rich". It's the same gaze you see in the eyes of the thug holding up a liquor store or 7-11. The main difference is that the rhetoric accompanying the stalking is shrouded is self righteous fiction. False premises and faulty reasoning.

California, which prides itself on leading the nation in making feel good laws based on junk science and compassion should be a model for others about what not to do if you want to thrive. Apparently the opposite has occurred. The same reasoning clouds Washington that clouds Sacramento. They are killing jobs and putting people out of business.

When you have companies running away from your state, with its draconian regulations and licensing requirements, and unemployment rising, raising taxes on everything business, and everything personal has a bad result. The overall market suffers, shrinks, and tent cities grow.

All the work I have done has been for people and firms which are wealthier than myself. I realize that this is not always the case in life, but it has been in mine. Should those entities have enough of their wealth confiscated to pay public workers, study fish farms, or whatever it is that tax spenders do, then there is a risk that money will no longer be budgeted to pay me to make art out of refurbishing outdoor furniture, fixing foofoo "water closets" or any number of projects that have lately kept me afloat.

The rich are the friend of the independent operator. Definitely the friend of those who sell them goods or labor. Of course, if you are part of a government agency, you'd rather just take their money at gunpoint to keep yourself in potato chips. If it does away with jobs which would have some mutually agreed, voluntary basis, well, eggs get broken when you make an omelette.

If you aren't dependent upon maintenance of totalitarian, paternalistic/maternalistic agencies which obtain their income by involuntary contributions, then it would serve you well to actively do what you can to protect the rich. It's the new "save the seals". The beauty of it is, that by saving the rich, you increase your chances of becoming rich. Although it is denied in some circles, tax revenue has a better chance of increasing long term when the stranglehold is loosened, so that making money, hiring people, and creating new things and enterprises is not penalized.

Don't fall for the "misery loves company" mentality when it comes to wealth. If we're all poor there's no one to pay you to become obsessive compulsive over fixing teak furniture.

These are very peculiar times. Saving the rich is one step toward saving yourself. I still don't know exactly what defines rich. I think it varies, but didn't Obama or one of those guys cap unrich at 200K, meaning over 200k per year makes you rich? Or was it 75K? I guess it depends on the day and how you interpret what is said.

All We Have to Fear is This That and the Other

Often, when my own condition and life freak me out or worry me, I turn to current events. At least in that arena I can see the right and wrong of it. Besides it is encouraging to know that even total reprobates and morons can achieve great wealth and acclaim, often with no discernible redeeming qualities whatsoever. I submit for review Ted Kennedy. Case closed.

It could freak a person out, the way there seems to be a frenzied carnival atmosphere in the seats of government in this country. Then again, it could have the perverse benefit of allowing one who has no roots, very little wealth or property, and no one under his care to feel damned lucky he doesn't have to watch what he's worked for over a few decades erode and get confiscated before his eyes. What if I had been a Jeep dealer who was brazen enough not to be a generous contributor to the Democratic party or the Obama campaign? Chances are far better than even that my dealership would have been one to get the axe, regardless of performance. It seems the list of those who stay and those who go follows that formula. Not surprising except in how obvious it is.

To some degree I fear for my health, but I've already lived longer than I thought I would. Not because I'm unhealthy but because I'm a chronic misfit and must be crazy. So, if I did have some issue I can only hope it is legal for me to pay as I go, should I decide to seek care. Most likely I'd look for the quick way out in the case of anything major. I hope I don't have to confront that circumstance for a long time, if ever.

Mostly what there is to fear is the threat of force (guns) should one not bag his trash correctly, separating various items properly etc. All these little behavior mandates, all in the name of the larger good, are enforced by implied force, and if you push it, directly by force. It's all ultimately enforced at the point of a gun. That's actually why I don't condone socialism. It has to be accomplished by force. I'm all for voluntary generosity. To clarify, since the word "volunteer" is beginning to take on the same meaning as involuntary servitude, when I use the word "voluntary", I mean an act done of one's own volition, not under duress of any kind, neither rewarded or penalized in any official manner.

A company selling land in Arizona advertises that Az is fast growing and only 17% of the land is private. I fear that. Parks are dandy, but some of this stuff has gone a little bit awry. If not private then what is it? I learned in my travels that nominally public land is as likely to be a forbidden zone as not. So, they use the term "public" loosely. That's kind of scary, when you consider just how much of the US is off limits to private use.

I fear tendonitis, clowns, government officials with power, officials with guns, a gullible public, Islamic PR, the wicked witch of the West, bears, militant religious groups of any belief, racial tribalists, 3rd world drivers, and Barney Frank policies. Various combinations of the foregoing tend to put a damper on the idea of being free and mobile. I also fear that there may be no like minded unencumbered future significant others out there who, of course, would be hot as a fire cracker as well. Like minded is probably putting it a bit strongly. Like minded enough not to drive me nuts or vice versa. Lots of nice people disagree with my assessment of things 100%. They lack insight, but think that I do. I forgive them.

It's probably a phase which I'll outgrow. Until then, I'm a little nervous about what comes next.

Tell Me I Mis-heard: Anyone Want To Admit There's Been A Coup?

OK. I've been pretty good about biting my tongue, or my pen, or my computer. Maybe I just bite (although I probably claim otherwise when convenient).

Now, I may have heard wrong since I merely catch bits and pieces of information here and there. I've been saying it for a long time, and I still hold to this view; the US government has undergone a slow, subtle, but effective coup. It has been in the works for some time, and now, it is just about a done deal. That is based on the fact that under our system the oath taken by military and elected officials is a promise to defend the Constitution, meaning the document which spelled out and limited the scope of the state's authority. Nothing in there about making your life better or worse. That is because we weren't supposed to be a land in which your life got made better or worse by force and authority.

Many cheer events that leave me cold. Prejudiced as I am, I believe attempting to pretend most countries in the Mid East are run by reasoning amiable people is foolish. Particularly religious states, and particularly those which abuse women and believe that the world's destiny is to be under their medieval religious system law, and that it is only a matter of time before the infidels are subjected, killed, and or converted. I also find pretending royalty and its trappings deserve obeisance in one form or another is somewhat disgusting.

It's clear that few in this country still understand our break with royalty; monarchy and its workings. Gossip shows claim "our royal family" is the Kennedy mob. They should have a disclaimer at the beginning of the show suggesting thinking Americans view the show only after locating the nearest sick bag or nausea meds. I know, admitting I've seen any of these puts several points in the "John's an idiot" column. It's research.

Speaking of Kennedy lore, is it true that Ted's new health care initiative mandates that everyone have health insurance, under threat of a fine? Of course those who can't afford it get government help. That then puts you under the institutional thumb, and I'd rather die of appendicitis should the condition arise and I can't afford treatment.

It can't be true that Ted and company would fine those who don't choose to either buy insurance or sign up with the feds' program. I hope I didn't get it right. It is bad enough that freedom is being traded for false security as it is. The option of a person paying himself, having the ability to negotiate with a clinic or doctor, ought not be illegal. It doesn't bode well in any case. I'd prefer the way it was many years ago in that regard. The economics of it should be saved for another time.

Another thing I am sure I didn't hear correctly is that Obama, while kissing up to Islam, claimed that the compass was invented by them, among other dubious claims. I believe that's another of those things credited to the ancient Chinese. I'm sure I'm wrong. It troubles me enough that the head of state would get involved in kissing up to any religious group or leader, but to pretend they are what they aren't makes it worse.

The issue comes down to how people view freedom, and how they see the Constitution, and whether they believe one is important to the other. Many very smart people believe the masses are better off being subjects under rule of smart folk like themselves. More than a few must think that way. That's why so many have adopted a religious zeal in their near worship of the president. Reason is out the window, and so is the idea of rule by law rather than personality. At least he never claimed he invented the internet or raised the dead. Some implications made or promises made may border on that, though.

No question about it; the recent rash of company take overs and interference, the frenzied, corrupt, and self serving bailouts, the bizarre overtures toward one religious group, many of whom interpret that faith in ways which lead to mass murder, the total disregard for the basis of this nation, all constitute symptoms of a country taken over, and increasingly ruled by a small group. Obama would be their figure head, of course.

When the limits are ignored, the game is lost. Limits have been ignored long before Obama. It is just that now, the pretense that they are observed has been dropped. Lots of people are all for that.

I don't get it. If he did credit the king of Saudi Arabia, or his ancestors, with inventing the compass, then I guess I'm vindicated in believing nothing he says as my default condition.

Photo Evidence from Surreal Journey in SoFlo

Note the evidence of rain drops in the pond. This is proof that I stop for nothing when the job must go on.
Novices don't get why I cover up like this in SoFlo heat. I do it to avoid over exposure to sun, to avoid scratches on legs, and because I can't stand wet dirty Florida muck on my skin. In the long run you actually stay cooler. Using cotton clothes helps. Besides, if it was good enough for Mr. Greenjeans, it's good enough for me.

oh, you can't see me. I'm there but blogger cut me off. I'm leaving it. Why resize just to get in the pic?

This is a pebble and river glass depiction of the gardener who is at war with the iguanas. The foundation of the deck was not square so we dealt with it over in that corner by telling the tale of the war.

That's a palm tree under the gardener. Future scientists will know that as they read my stone-o-glyphics.

This one depicts the warrior iguana. Don't feel bad if these look like nothing or just rocks, they are there for future trained anthropologists and archeologists to decipher.


Here's some of the deck and the hollow duck which holds up the feed line for the sprinkler pump. There's a video story to go with that. We reworked that line, and one other, and secured both with crazy ducks. The bird on the duck is his own creature and not one of the projects we completed.


This one shows corner of deck and one of my iguana pals ---just left of deck.
Another look at the duck holding up the water line. Large as he is, there are larger there, 5 or 6 feet nose to tip of tail.


After the rain.

Band of Rebels in the Hood; I'm in the right place

Life is resuming after my month of no nonsense boot camp in Florida. Funny how things sink in after the fact. I have particularly strange delays in processing. Often it serves to make me more aware of details after a time lapse rather than in real time. This has been documented by well paid professionals. In this case, I am feeling the benefits of that experience more and more as I settle back in to life in the rarified air. We accomplished plenty, and much of it was pure art.

So, my Ballistic Mountain musician friends had a practice tonight. Those sneaks have been playing various benefits and rabble rousing events in my absence. Two of them play quite a bit. When they play with one set of others they call it one thing, and when I am included the band has another name, Copper Creek, I think.

I heard a song that Kevin wrote in protest to the "Powerlink" the electric company is railroading through, or trying to. It is being sold as something which will bring San Diego green energy and move it into the next century, or similar tripe. It was discovered that the true deal is to hook up to Mexican power plants, oil fired, and run the power through Cleveland national forest on up to serve LA and other infidels.

The problem it poses here is that the very substantial towers are a significant hindrance to the fire control people. It also constitutes an additional fire hazard itself. The whole thing is quite sneaky. My bandmates being homeowners here, and long term residents, the matter is of great concern to them. The song is really good and to the point. I was impressed. They played it at a rally in Lakeside. If this keeps up I bet they'll be calling me to bail them out of protest jail.

Is it just me or does the corruption and blatant deception in governmental matters seem more transparent than ever? It is probably mostly me because people are putting up with it and allowing their kids to be inundated with pure horse crap in matters of rights, weather, and relative values of various activities.

What a nice thing it was when I was walking along the deck entrance to the practice house and they all running out the door cheering because I was back. People out here sure are affectionate like that. I've never seen anything like it. I guess they secretly knew I was combatting the blues recently due to a bout of self doubt. They did chide me a bit for not finding a woman to bring home while I was down in SoFlo. I was too busy, and it don't work that way anyhow. It must be the natural condition of humans to have a squeeze in the shack. I've been there and do think it a preferable situation, except when you hook up with an unsuitable mate for your constitution. I've done that and it is not something I think is worth it. Right one or no one.

We will do a benefit thing later in the month. One of those odd deals where a band plays while people run around a track to somehow cure cancer. I'm all for curing cancer but not always in the loop as far as seeing the connection between walking or running and actually curing anything. I'll play whether I understand that part or not.

I Miss The Homemade Ice Cream Sandwiches

The ice cream wasn't home made, but the assembly of the treat was. K made lots of ice cream and vanilla wafer sandwiches. Varying flavors.

You have to try it to appreciate such a thing. It helps when there is a bowl there with more than enough to satisfy the ice cream jones.

That was back at Camp Iguana in Florida where I completed a month of rehabilitation of habits. I was awake by dawn or close to it, and ready to retire by sunset. No putting off until tomorrow what could be done today. I had to behave in social situations with strangers. That was tough because I was not feeling very impressive in the grand scheme of life. I felt like just introducing myself as big loser who does good work. Mostly I felt somewhat inadequate for not having spouse or kids and/or grandchildren. Everyone else had one or more of those things.

Maybe someone will start a service which lets you claim far away waifs as offspring or grandkids. You get pictures and cards--enough of a kit to make it look legit; replete with a bio and amusing anecdotes. Maybe for a small fee they have a kid or "grown child" call you at a preset time. Of course when the cell rings you act somewhat inconvenienced that you have to solve yet another minor family drama.

Why didn't I think of this before? The perfect thing for the aging ne'er do well who wishes he had ten kids and a wife with a pioneer cut to her jib. Then again, maybe it just wasn't in the cards. Good reason to encourage others not to traumatize small children, and to encourage youth, aka yoots, to ignore news and never buy drugs from unlicensed pharmacists. Also never let pride and anger cloud your view of the ultimate goal, whatever it be. Long story and half of it is written here or elsewhere.

So, today was a real struggle with that macabre feeling of doom that the above mentioned true wish sometimes brings. It is not the best way to spend mental energy. Not all past experience was a waste. Much wasn't, although the pain of some judgement lapses and general gullibility in certain respects is a bit hard to bear. It can be easily conjured and re-lived, to a degree. The result is a horror. It did leave me believing I probably will die alone, but maybe I'll be the "special friend" to a few good grandmas. Or something. That is better than nothing however I want a better outcome in that department.

Good thing 50 is the new 22 and 70 is the new 36. 36 was a very good year in some ways. So were several that followed. I'd go so far as to say they were ... never mind. That does lend credence to my theory that if you have means enough for the very basic necessities that friends and warm women are about all else one should require. Like everything, this can only be appreciated fully in retrospect---rarely at the moment.

Life now must be pretty good. I have some very good friends, and the necessities covered for the moment. That is an ongoing endeavor. Life is like that. The warm women department has yet to gel. I'm a little more cautious than ever before. Some experiences, I refuse to repeat. Most bad ones could be avoided if I learn a little from the past rather than repeat it.

MoeJoe Working

Future films will clarify that title and the spelling. Any self respecting blues wannabe knows it's "mojo" that ought to be working. Moe and Joe is another level altogether. I forgot whether I was dubbed Moe or Joe in this instance. Joe, I think.

So, here I am, back on Ballistic Mountain. We arrived at sunset into San D. Our experience on Southwest was without incident or complaint. I was impressed to hear some passengers at the gate praising SW and comparing it to carriers that have left them less than pleased. It is not that common that air travelers do anything besides complain. Somehow this airline has managed to create an almost cultish loyalty. After this trip, I am only saddened to see the areas not covered by Southwest.

So, I spent a month of what I would consider therapy. Good habits, an impressive amount of work, and opportunity to sweat out any toxins which may have been lurking in or on my person. Not sure what a toxin is, but I know it is good to sweat them out. Sweating comes naturally in South Florida. I'd almost forgotten that feeling; inescapable heat and being drenched from head to toe with relatively little effort. Of course, in this case, plenty of effort was included. It's just that the toxin purge was merely a by-product and not the goal. I suppose it is at times, though.

The experience will take a little time to sink in. This is the first time in my life I have been to that area without a family event or some connection of that sort. I was too busy, as it turned out, to try to dream up old friends to find or any of that. The experience was surreal.

How can any house in that area not have bugs clamoring to get in or to eat you alive? After all, the state bird is the mosquito. Yet, we had no such issues. We'd leave the sliding doors to the deck wide open. No bugs entered, only the occasional wayward lizard. This very impossible circumstance caused me to suspect that either I am in another dimension--possibly the after-life--or perhaps there was some sort of sorcery involved. I may have been in the thick of a band of wizards or witches.

OK. The bugs are one puzzle, but how do we explain the fact that most projects went rather smoothly? Things just fell into place. That never happens. Certainly not consistently.

All of it worked on me from every direction. My history, as it ties to that part of the country, caused me to reflect in maudlin remorse, as well as just your basic garden variety confusion. It may have been a necessary mental path at this juncture. Such things are risky indulgences though. Either you come out the other side with some sort of resolve regarding future outlook, or you get stuck in mope mode. I decided I want to avoid mope mode if at all possible. That has not been easy, but had nothing to do with actual present company or conditions.

The little pond and the golfers on the far side of it provided plenty of entertainment and interest. We became emotionally involved with the trials and tribulations of the marsh hens and their offspring, as well as the war between gardener and iguana. One thing I learned about marsh hens; the more you observe them, the less you understand about them. They are always up to something but what, I do not know. So, I cheered them on in total ignorance.

The iguanas were plotting against the gardener, that was pretty clear. I can only hope he doesn't blow up the course trying to gain the upper hand. Time will tell.

Once again I am dodging the question that never leaves me feeling comfortable; what am I going to do with the rest of my life? I'll worry about that another time. I know I have more teak plus a list of whatnot waiting, so that is good.
A less labor intensive means of earning money may be the smart goal for now. I took the odd reactions of muscles and joints to be a reminder that, while working with one's hands is a splendid thing, one's hands and else can get fatigued and beaten beyond a prudent level of discomfort. That is merely a reminder that it may be worth starting a big company, or becoming a pimp or gigolo. Maybe I'll run for one of those elected judge positions. Knowledge of the law a plus but not required. Disdain for the law could make it an interesting gig.

Iguanas the size of Kangaroos Battle Golf Course Goofball

It is true. The iguanas across the lake from the massive paver deck, which is near completion, are bigger than a refrigerator. Or a bread box.

The grounds keeper finally got up the nerve to leave his golf cart. He wildly waved his arms at the fearsome creature, my pal, Godzilla, the giant iguana, who dove into the lake. G'zilla remained submerged for some time before surfacing over near the green, below that nasty sand trap.

The grounds guy acted like he was driving off but he backed up behind the tree, peering down at the bank in case the crafty reptile decided to sneak back up. He didn't see him surface a hundred yards to the north east.

I'm enjoying the escalation of this contest between groundsman and Godzilla. I've noticed G'zilla has a host of homies almost as big as a refrigerator. They were on maneuvers yesterday. Something is brewing.

Projects have continued in spite of the downpours. Supposedly Broward County was of the opinion that it was in a drought. Odd thing about South Florida, there is water everywhere, yet you always hear that it is drying up and there is no water. I understand the science behind the argument, but from appearances the place is soggy with water. Humidity is king down here.

Oh well. Here in this little sanctuary all the best of Florida seems to have landed in the back yard. Cool birds, turtles, coconut palms, other tropical shennanigannery, allegedly alligators but none have been seen since our arrival, great sky with S.Florida cloud mixes, etc.

I live an unusual life.