Things That Cross A Vagabond's Mind

For one thing, I have come to realize that I've been a vagabond in more than just the sense of moving here to there with ties either cut, forgotten or never formed. Odd, since that is probably the last thing I would have done, if I were me. I was raised and brainwashed to believe leaving is what you do, and that personal affection, and sentimentality are irrelevant. That is not my nature although you might never know it. People are made to form bonds. The world as we know it tends to stifle human nature to the point that it takes getting out of Dodge to feel any personal freedom. That's another thing people are designed to do, be free.

Herd instinct, tribal loyalty, illusory security, and things like that tend to be forces which engender inner conflict when it comes to individual freedom. That's why faulty logic is so easily used to promote restrictions and practices which actually penalize people for their intrinsic nature. Often, as we see more and more, people sign away their autonomy and rights willingly. If you have had experience trying to conform but just can't make yourself fit the prescribed mold, all the encroachments scare the hell out of you. Without ever doing anything morally off base or wrong, you can end up in hot water; just because you don't understand the set up. If you just don't fit, the only thing that is scarier than loneliness is authority.

I was remembering some incidents that happened when I was 19. In one sense I really was a jerk, as some others concluded. At the same time there was some misunderstanding and people who decided the haughty self righteousness of interfering in the business of others took precedence over the free will of their "friend". I was not really the only jerk. Just a guy who didn't know better. Either way, the whole thing was no good.

The event is not the crux of the matter so much. It is the realization of how lacking I was in certain aspects of my interpretation of the motives and actions of others. I'm glad that some of that has changed.

I had to be a social vagrant in order to come full circle. That's the sort of thing that crosses your mind if you are me. Probably some sort of effort to forgive myself for being here now, as I am, and for my many shortcomings. Acceptance is most likely a prerequisite for moving on in a healthy manner. That forgive yourself part can get a little weird I think. I'm not sure I did anything all that bad. Maybe hurt some feelings, but had there not been the busy bodies buzzing about, who knows? Two lives may have turned out drastically different. Mine sure may have. You never know though. Is normal good influence likely to overcome the influence of mescaline? Those were some screwed up times.

OK. These are screwed up times, but I'm not fooled by them now. My own world is a better place. Time goes much faster though.

From now on. That is all that's worth considering with any seriousness. If the past was flawed, then make different mistakes in the future. No need to repeat history.

Slowpoke Mountain and a few minutes of the benefit gig

Lately my cellular deal is running spotty and slow. I'm used to the old fashioned rabbit eared TV setup, with the new fascist HD box, cutting out, losing signal or just catching every other second or so of a broadcast, resulting in the people on TV talking halting gibberish. Once in awhile I can catch what they are saying. Sometimes it works well all the way until the climactic twist of the thriller movie so I am left wondering if the hero really perished in the explosion. It doesn't always make for happy endings, and certainly is not satisfying. Possibly an ugly metaphor for other aspects of my life.

I'm trying to upload a clip which includes some pieces of the benefit we played. It was fun, but I now see that I'm not performing very well. Just not up to snuff. I'll amp up the game next time. We are better than that when you consider the individual abilities. What I do can improve the whole and I'd feel more like I'm carrying my weight.

It's so different from what I thought it was I do. This is not out there, fly through subspace, music. No acid rock/jazz/blues to it. It is time I realize that that was illusion anyway, enhanced by the vitamins, vegetables, and beverages I included in my diet at the time. We are not on that diet and haven't been for awhile. It's a tough life.

So, I wanted to upload another video, yet to be made but this slowness is too much. Since it is a bit warm in the cabin tonight, I think my patience is thinner than usual. That means I have to get to work on my home made cooling device. It will be some kind of evaporative set up disguised as something else.
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OK. looks like the video uploaded
I honestly wonder why I play but I do it anyway. The thing is, if I'm going to do it, I need to raise the bar some. Maybe next time. If it is on video then I'll know if the next one is better. I cut out most of the worst

If I Were a Carpenter....

and you were a lady,
would you marry me anyway?
would you have my baby?

OK. I'd settle for no baby, and maybe not even the vows

No, I have no idea who you are. Just asking

Strange Days and Jumper Cables in the road

The latest good stuff, according to traffic reports, were box springs and jumper cables somewhere on the local highway. Probably THE 805 or THE 163. That's all the goodies THE Juan0 once again missed retrieving.

News is probably a misnomer these days, and many which preceded these days. I could give examples of boondoggles which only affect the minority, so even those in the majority who are aware of the evil don't really care. That is the danger when power is not limited. Minor groups get screwed and plundered constantly. The danger to those who make a practice of always being middle of the road, go-along-so-you-don't-look-odd, types is that sooner or later you find yourself in the subgroup of the day to be raided. The whole thing comes down to limiting the power of anything or anyone to dictate or steal from the individual. It constantly baffles me why that is not grasped by the bulk of the literate public.

Maybe it is because most people have a rather low price on their scruples, and their scruples are fluid. Then there are the ones who enjoy the feeling that comes with doing the thinking for the masses. I know people like that. They have such a high opinion of their intellect and vision that they see no problem with others being forced to comply with their designs.

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What a week when Ed McMahon (?), Michael Jackson, and Farah all check out. I'm glad Ed doesn't have to hassle with creditors or tax people any more. I'm sorry Farah's cancer couldn't be cured or go away. I liked her.
Michael, it is hard to think anything of validity except that he was an extraordinary performer. The guy was phenomenal. I know people think his alleged crimes were as certain as OJ's involvement in the demise of those slain, but I am not so sure. I kind of figure he was strange enough that he may not have actually been guilty of sexual misconduct with minors---just a very odd compulsion to love them like you would a puppy. I really don't believe he was a pedophile.

OK. I wasn't privy to court documents or weekend sleep overs at Neverland. I just think he was searching for his lost inner child or something. Either way, it was a painful saga. And I hardly ever paid attention. Some exposure to the scene was almost unavoidable. It is not uncommon for people of such extraordinary talent to be way out there--full tilt bonkers. But I guess it is uncommon for people to be that talented, so what was it I was talking about? Obviously I do not know what I'm talking about.

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Saturday we play for the people running around a track to cure cancer. I've never been in a famous or big money making group but playing benefits here and there has convinced me that most bands that play charity gigs do so for the exposure as much as anything. I know they often pretend to be selfless and giving but they play because they are asked and it rarely hurts the chance for future paying gigs. Many do play for causes they hope to promote or help. Not meaning to detract from that. Just saying, that's all.

I have this idea that the purest form of generosity or charity does not bring attention or accolades to one's self. I'll go out on a limb and say it is one thing that bugged me about Jerry. He was as self serving as any, and I believe he got or gets a cut of the Labor Day proceeds. If I did not know first hand how he left kids at the Greensboro Cerebral Palsy school in tears with his sarcastic, callous rudeness, maybe I'd have another view. Be that as it may, the organization does supply some resources for people needing it. I'll leave Jerry loving to the French.
Is he still alive? If not, well, rest in peace. If he is, rest in peace. Quietly.

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Every day, when I drive home there is a point about five miles or so before I get here where I go around a curve and the big vista suddenly appears. I have to think, every time, I lucked out pretty well. I like it. Still, I feel not quite home, but not quite not home. It does seem kind of natural to be here though. Being near the megapolis, yet out in a rural setting was what I wanted, and it is what I like. I'm especially impressed with some of my local friends' attitudes toward building permits when they've done additions or renovations. Just a shred of common sense and freedom goes a long way toward warming my heart these days.

If it weren't such a risk to own anything in CA, and maybe elsewhere, I'd be tempted to figure a way on a cabin I saw advertised on 2 acres not far away. The way they are taxing and regulating here, plus the big powerlink electric company scams makes me fear the hassles may outweigh any benefit. You need a bunch of money coming in from reliable sources to deal with that. Hell, what if I was just making the bills and putting food on the table then they force me to buy health insurance or sign up with the feds? The forced part worries me. I'm not geared for forced anything. Especially all the little plans hidden in various bills to ensure you are in the data bank more solidly than I'd like. Biometric national ID things and all that. Not just the stuff of conspiracy theories any more.
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Whatever the noise being put out by mesmerizing media of all kinds, there are some good things to work on. Things which do not involve involuntary contributions from strangers, yet would be beneficial to people. I have to shake my head at the new infomercials cropping up telling you how you can get a piece of the trillions in bailout money. They've had those that tell you how to get government money (involuntary contributions from citizens) for all kinds of crazy things. What a bunch of whores. And I thought I was an easy slut.
Some tax money goes to uses that I find just dandy. In most cases it is only a drop in the bucket compared to what they take from the same people they then help, directly or indirectly.
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This Saturday gig should be OK. It is in the afternoon and we almost know our set. I still screw up. They want to use me to fill some of the time by playing on a blues progression with the guitars, then having the guitars stop and let me just do my free form thing I make up as I go. Hopefully no REAL harmonica players will be there to jeer. One thing in my favor is that I have a somewhat unique style, so it isn't like I'm trying to be a Little Walter clone. There are an abundance of those, many of them very good. There are even a few Lee Oskar semi clones, and at least one I've seen is sensational in his own right, clone or no. I love that style, but I do what comes naturally to me. That is all I really can do. I probably cheat off of Willie Nelson's guy, Mickey Raphael, and off of Fingers Taylor, Buffet's ex harp player, more than anyone. But that's a secret.
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It's now over a year since I left Memphis not knowing where I'd wind up. The decision to change everything and to do it in this way is one that I do not regret. My darkest times now are like a blinding light compared to the normal state I was in for a long time before I left.

News According To Me, Dear PETA, Why Misfits Fear Pure Democracy

In the news:
A governor goes on a walkabout. Comes back bragging about chicks. Doesn't have sense enough to ponder out loud, "..well it depends upon what 'is' is".
It pains me to see how dumb the best of republicans are. Clinton or Obama could have done the same thing and managed to make Chris Matthews wet himself, in the Biblical sense, and would somehow end up being called courageous by the major news freaks.
Instead the guy starts crying and talking about God. For someone with a few good ideas he sure appears to be brain dead. Definitely a self destructive goof.
That scenario has been repeated many times. I don't get it. While Barney, Nancy and the gang rape the country, trash the limiting guidelines and some of that crowd blatantly uses the position for personal gain, there is no outcry at all. Maybe it is because they display the attitude of, "who you gonna believe---me or your own eyes?". And they don't ever back off and admit, "Yes, we make money by stealing your rights and freedom, oh, and of course, your money". If they were republicans they'd crack at the first hint of criticism or investigation.

I heard this South Carolina guy is stimulus scam resistant, as we all should be. It's a bill involving more money than anyone can imagine, and those passing it never even read it---only the part that put some stupid project in their state. A lot of "giving a man a fish" not much teaching him how---which means it won't create any lasting prosperity as revealed so far. Of course, when I'm in debt, pulling money out of one pocket, throwing p[art of it out the window, then putting what's left in the other pocket never helped much.
Another one being bandied about is the cap and trade deal. Again it has so many pages and hidden special interest perks that few will read it. The advertised concept is absolutely insane.

Global warming is again upon us. The next fews months will be warmer in this country than anything we've experienced all year.
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Dear PETA

I'm not even a carnivore but many of the creatures in nature are. Flies will eat you if you sit still long enough, not breathing. Somehow I suspect the emotional aspect born of your hatred of your own species clouds the reasoning. Obama finally does something I understand and applaud and you go off on Buddha talk.

Did you never see the Helstrom Chronicles? Insects will take over the earth and function as one body and mind in many ways. Kind of like the dream of ultra statist, collectivist proponents.

You want to talk about killing innocent creatures? Talk to the coyotes that terrorize poor little vegetarian rabbits, or the lions that nail those pretty bouncing deer-like things. Lions don't even eat all of it. They don't make fur coats or shoes with what's left. Senseless killing. They could raid bean and peanut farms for their protein if they really cared.

No species on earth promotes the welfare of another species unless there is some angle that betters their own chance of survival. Except for humans. We've come to the point where we will endanger ourselves or others even if the benefit to some other species is dubious. Junk science rules the day over and over.

Insects are not endangered. As a matter of fact they are so abundant and resistant to all that comes their way, they are likely to win the world one day. They spread disease and they are annoying.

I like animals as much as anyone, in some cases probably more; some animals can communicate with me telepathically. Mammals dislike flies. That is a universal truth. I heard it from the cat's, dog's and horse's mouth.

Why can't you and others that want something to fight become freedom fighters? You know, fight for the right of people to mind their own business, travel here and there, and swat flies in peace?

Sincerely
Non carnivore in favor of ranching hunting and shooting those who'd shoot you for a dollar

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last topic will wait until another time.

It is really beautiful out here these days. West coast scenery is large. East coast scenery is different. The ability to be mobile is a blessing. Those who are putting that under serious threat, if you follow what and how they are doing it, ought be cast into the sea far off-shore, or maybe in the waters of some other country.

Insects are Not People, Too

And they are not innocent.

The End

You Want Drama?

Most likely I am out of touch with humanity because I lack the ability to properly relate heartache and pain. Either you come off as a whiner, or transparently shallow. People like it if you have the right kind of pain, which I don't always have.
Proper drama and heartache may be needed to gain me entrance into the human race. If crows perching on the roof of the deck, screeching for no reason at 6:00 am is not drama, then I don't know what is.

I chased them off but then they flew back at me at eye level as if they were going to attack, then veered off. I was trying to nail them with my slingshot. I was so groggy, and the rising sun was so blinding, that I fired with the bands twisted up, hitting the ceiling and railing with the projectiles. They got the hint so my better shots were too late. The filthy creeps were out of range.

This is war. Me vs the crows.

Distracted? PROBABLY A Sign of Geneyuss

There was this excursion I was planning in a month. Just a few days somewhere else. I thought I'd make mischief if at all possible or maybe actually be of some unknown benefit.
Anyway, so I book this cheapo flight. Southwest has good rates if you start looking early. All was just great. Confirmation done and sent in email, the money and days looked right, yippee.

A week or so later I look at the itinerary because I was only guessing when telling people when I planned to invade. Holy smoke, I'd booked some completely different city that I have no wish to visit. Maybe it was the trackpad dragola syndrome or maybe, maybe I was not firing on all cylinders. It is not like me not to double check 18 times when making the reservation and checking the confirmation again. I am losing that obsessive compulsiveness which has not always been beneficial but makes for decent enough work. To my mind, my behavior has never been extreme, but it has been a bit irksome to those who habitually leap before they look and never look back.

That makes this event a good sign. I should have checked things sooner but at least I didn't overdo it.

Did you know that if you clean a tile floor real well, then manage to drop an entire frying pan full of half cooked hash browns on it, that you can scoop them back into the pan and finish cooking them without any resulting gritty taste? Another good reason to keep the floor clean, avoid linoleum or carpet in the kitchen (the pan would have burned the hell out of linoleum), be good with a trowel. A spatula is really just like a trowel, and if you are good, you can pick up only the desired items.

In these bizarre times, a hash brown saved is a hash brown earned, and that's good for the earth.

Once was Lost

Once? That's a joke. I've been lost, figuratively and literally, more times than I could begin to remember or count. The cool thing is when that troubling condition lifts, even if it is only imaginary. It is largely a state of mind, at least in the figurative case. When I'm lost in a geographic sense, I know it is only a matter of time before I get my bearings. After all, the world is round so sooner or later I'll come around to point zero.

Maybe the other works that way too. I think it is mostly a matter of outlook and certain beliefs. And probably a mixture of effort as well. Anyway, I just eased out of a heavy fog of unknown origin. Once it starts the mind kind react in a way that feeds the problem, or creates one. No doubt it is tiring and annoying to friends. I often wonder why no one has shot me yet. But, then again, I do have a few redeeming qualities, and I am sincere, for the most part. They fry in court if they shot me. But I'd never press charges. Only if a stranger or disliked acquaintance shot me, not a friend. I better not make that known or they might lock and load next time.

Anyway, my musician friends say we're invited to a musicians only hooplah event that will include a lot of good bands and musicians from the area. Hours and hours of non stop music, including us playing a few songs. It's so invitation only, I can't even invite friends. No room is one reason I think. The venue is a private residence out here somewhere. A large place but with all the players, it would fill up. I think there will be maybe a hundred or so. Who knows? Reportedly it is great exposure to the SD music world. So, I look forward to this. I've got lots to look forward to in the next couple of months.

I keep having this urge to go back down to FL to make sure all our work is good and holding up. That was a very unusual experience. I don't know what it was that made it so. It was purely productive and harmonious. I guess my only difficulty was not being able to contemplate what was next for me and I found that somewhat troubling. Sounds like self made angst. Most is when it comes down to it. Most of mine, I should say.

In some ways I think I have learned more since arriving out here than I've learned in many years. Much of it the sort of thing I probably should have learned by the time I was 18 but just didn't. I can't really fault myself for that, but it probably caused some inconvenience to myself and others. I just didn't get it. Inconvenience to others does bother me, though.

They may be trying to tax the air and anything else they can think of here, but it is still a remarkable area. I'm still impressed with the whole shebang.

Depressive Guilt

Sometimes I feel guilty for getting a little depressed. Regardless of the mess I have made of my life here and there, I am still treated with affection and friendship to a much higher degree than I would expect. And my real problems are minimal. There is a chronic, nagging frustration that most people can't separate logic from emotion, and don't mind their own business. But that is just the way it is. By "mind their own business" I mean they are all for enforcing their ideas of how you should raise your children, live your life, ride your bike, etc. I find that morally repugnant, and somewhat scary.

Whatever the little annoyances, depression leaves me guilt ridden, both because I am depressed yet have plenty to be grateful for, and because of the regrets that might bring me down. So, after analyzing this quandary, I decided to absolve myself of guilt and see what I can do about dropping the depression. That stuff is like duct tape. Tough to shake it loose. Picture Curly, Moe, and Larry hanging wallpaper. Maybe you can't do that. If you've seen it you know what I mean. The wall paper symbolizes the depression, in case that wasn't clear. They end up papering themselves and hijinks ensue.

I've finally hit that point in life where it becomes true and obvious that the older I get, the less I know. I remember people saying that to me when I was younger. What an idiot, I'd think. I know more as time goes on. It is one of those things that holds in certain contexts but not across the board. Mostly it has to do with what is worth fighting. Maybe all my passionate opinions are garbage and have nothing to do with live humans. Hard to believe that could be true. I'm way too far ahead of my time for that one to hold water. I saw current events coming before most people were born, maybe even me.

Grammar be damned. That's to account for much of the foregoing.

IDEA: How about a new snack, Grammar Crackers? Little cookies with grammar rules and definitions stamped on them. Maybe they'd have to be large enough to hold adequate information, or else they could use abbreviations and netspeak.
Would that defeat the purpose? If they are tasty enough, no one would care. It could improve the speech and writing habits of an entire nation.

With thoughts like that it baffles the mind that I'm not a gazzillionaire.