New Theory

If you find that you always feel like a fish out of water, avoid the desert. Go to the water. Then you may discover you are a fish in water. If that doesn't work, perhaps the identity should be reconsidered. You may not be a fish.

Cycles and Phases, reacting to nothing, and something

Ever notice how one minute you can do no wrong and you are treated like a king wherever you go, and the next everywhere you turn you see big signs that say, "YOU SUCK"? Well, I have.

It's the strangest thing. Plenty of it has got to be a manifestation created by my mind. It rarely seems that way at the time. Experience has taught me I have no clue what is really going on, especially when I am sure everyone in the world has suddenly decided I'm no good. That helps because I figure, when my mind is sharp enough, that the best thing to do is be silent and expect nothing.

I've heard that bit about how you should have no expectations, but that is impossible. Reducing them to a degree is useful but it would be stupid not to expect that water or your beverage of choice will quench your thirst. With no expectations what's the fuel for those hallucinations the guy stranded in the desert enjoys? No, you have to have some expectation. I expect gravity to be there. That's why I situate my chair with the legs on the floor and the horizontal flat part such that it is unobstructed above so as to accommodate my lazy ass.

OK. Another tangent. Happens a lot. Anyway, sometimes the world smiles with you, other times it takes stock of you and lets you know the truth, which seems like a sneering response to your every move. I think I know the best response.

Pretend life is smiling on you even when it doesn't seem like it. I'm talking to me here. More than likely you are better able to know true from false when it comes to such things. I'm better to err on the side that keep the spirits up. I don't have the stomach to be a proper pessimist. Besides, I've found things go better if I allow for that possibility to the point of slight expectation. It pays to be daunted if they don't go as desired.

You probably think this is just my way of saying I didn't win tickets to the funeral. No. I'm just thinking and I saw something that hit me in the way things do that make you yell F' You at the page. Had nothing to do with me, for cryin out loud. And there was something else I forgot. Anyway it was enough to momentarily leave me miffed, and ready to fight. Of course, I am only ready to fight when I think I could win, or when there is no chance it'll happen. Talk is cheap, and I'm all about cheap when it comes to things like that.

Another interesting thing is how possibilities and opportunities, and faith that I could latch on to one of them, increases in inverse proportion to my intake of news and media extravaganzas.

People and Such

The Fourth weekend was nicer than most of those in years past. Holidays are good landmarks for comparing the now to the then. I logged plenty of miles on The 8, I can tell you that. We had good things to do in SD then more good stuff on Balistic Mountain.

My bandmates had a little party with lots of food, and all of it good. I'm told the meat was excellent as well. One advantage of being a single man at this age is that everyone, especially, but not exclusively, the wives want to be sure you don't starve. My freezer and the rest of the refrigerator is loaded with tasty left overs. Most of it the type that is as good or better reheated. It warms the heart to have such kindness shown. People I have encountered in this part of CA are something special. It has been suggested that I am attracting this sort of person in my life now. There may be some truth to that.

I was reading some lyrics and short things I'd written several years ago. My outlook has changed considerably. This is good. I'm still just as rebellious but other aspects have undergone some smoothing out.

It was a lot fun playing at that party. As usual I was more nervous because of the small crowd than I would be in a large place playing for strangers. Every time it started to mess with me I mentally put things in perspective; "they don't care, they just want to enjoy, so try to do the same, you self centered nincompoop". So, I had fun.

The remarkable thing about the two guitar players is that they are always in tune. I think the one may have perfect pitch. The other is close. He subtly checks to see if he's in tune with K. I hardly ever see K fiddling with it. He's real quick getting a string to pitch. That's a rare gift. I've played with some really good players but few who have his ear.

That is another puzzle; ho do I land in those circumstances? I know very little and don't really do anything much. Must be that I try to play with passion and not step on the others. Not much else I can do. That's how it has always been.

OK. I'm trying one of those hyped up natural sleep aids. Extract of this or that. Maybe I'll take melatonin, too.

Insomnia is for people who like to get no sleep at night. It is making me crazy.

One of These Days, I'll Jump

People sometimes respond with disapproval when I mention my desire to learn hang gliding. I think the latest in that art is more like parasail. I haven't researched it much lately; that activity is not yet in the budget. I also would like an ultra light.

It is probably dangerous, but not as dangerous as driving or walking through many neighborhoods, right here in SoCal, and for sure in Memphis. Unlike strolling through gang country, if I bought the farm riding a kite, I'd be doing something that appeals to me.

The firefighters up at Mt Laguna were checking out this place I sometimes go. Some sort of fire abatement scouting I suppose. The place I like is a launch spot. The firemen told me only real experts fly off there. The number of memorial plaques embedded in the boulders is testament to that.

Those guys compete for distance and some have made it a very long way, like a hundred or so miles I think. They told me that these fliers carry a radio of some kind so people will know where to pick them up. I can see how this particular place would be ideal yet very treacherous. It has an expansive view of other mountains in the range and a very large open valley below.

Maybe if I find myself in more robust financial repair, I'll go where beginners learn and work my way up. I doubt a good rig is cheap. I'm kind of certain that if I had the gear, I'd go find a hill and jump regardless of prior instruction. I understand a little about flight and aerodynamics. And I watched the The Right Stuff, and that Wright Brothers movie. What more do you need?

Independence Day

No matter how it gets spun, once those guys signed the Declaration of Independence, it was on. They even included the word "honor" in their pledge. Sacred honor. I think the concept was more in vogue then than now.

I've seen accounts of what happened to those guys and it seems most lost everything they pledged, except their honor. I'm not of the school that thinks these were just rich guys getting richer. There are people who will forego fortune for honor and passion for a principle.

Like now, some were still a little more willing to restrict freedom than others. Those on the left of that day did not win. My version of left and right, since the published version is nonsense, would be left equals oppressive large government, and right equals minimal authority of the state. Today the right would rob certain rights and intrude in certain areas, while the left will steal and usurp what's left, and a good bit of what the right would take. Phonies, all. Misguided. The followers of these camps may be well meaning but I believe the movers and shakers of both are somewhat sinister.

The idea that the right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness is natural law, and not privilege granted to people by other people was not widely embraced by the world back then. I guess we've come full circle. Having such rights is not the same as being ensured success by the state. You can't have basic human rights if others enforce their view of lifestyle and private enterprise at the point of a gun.

The cool thing about having the document in its original form is that no one can dispute that it existed as written. They may find ways to misinterpret and all that, but anyone who cares can read and think for himself or herself. The absence of the universal pronoun and possessive, etc is still a pc move I lament.


If one were to write this afresh today, Homeland security would add that infidel to their ever growing list of domestic dissidents, which they often tag as potential terrorists or security threats.

"Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Another spiffy excerpt:
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
They said it, I didn't. And I mention no names.

The amazing thing is that they actually pulled it off. Many paid the price of incredible hardship, torture, death, loss of family, etc. This was a gutsy and bold move. By all rights they should have lost. But no.

Freedom is natural. The rest is unwarranted. That's all I'm saying. Maybe I'm somewhat rebellious by nature. Often, authority I've encountered was wielded by dogmatic morons.

So, have a good 4th, and for old times sake, just let your neighbor live as he/she chooses, and live your own life. Even if the miscreant dares ride down the road without a helmet or seatbelt, with a gay partner, eating food made from transfat; even if your neighbor is a Christian. It works both ways, and then some.

Hoping to Adopt the LocaL Cat

Here on Ballistic Mountain it is generally a bad idea to have an indoor-Outdoor cat. There are many dogs, judging by the barking heard. Sound travels a long way here. The dogs though are somewhat confined to whatever property they are defending. Fences don't do much to retain cats, and I wouldn't have one in-house only. Besides, my agreement here is no pets.
Nothing says I can't have a wild animal association. Making a house captive of it, or anything, is not my desire.

We saw a bobcat just down the dirt road that leads out of the hood on our way to cure the ills of the world by playing the Saturday benefit. I'm hoping it will cruise around my place and become my pal. I doubt I would ever try to pet it or pick it up, but I am not beyond talking to it. Maybe we can make a deal and it will play guard dog, shredding any intruders and keeping rabbits out of the neighbor's garden.

I don't know if it was male or female so a name would need to be neutral. You can never go wrong with Sparky. Calling it Bob would be too cliche.
Maybe I can bring it to me with the didgeridoo.

Movies That Make Me Cry

It could be that you have to experience some things in order to understand. Even if you only live a very small insignificant version of the experience with which you have deep empathy.

The first movie that ever made me cry was not Bambi--I never saw it. I'm pretty sure no one else in the theater had the same reaction. My first crying movie was Tucker.

I just watched a movie about the Wright Brothers and had a similar reaction. It was an interesting flick, and claimed to be true, not just based on true. They admitted to some license with a few characters but not the story.

Anyway what was pretty cool was that they actually found themselves in a race with a government funded project to do the same thing. They were up against people with impressive credentials and reputation. It did my heart good to see that they did it on their own without the grant.

Even back in 1900, graft, corruption and politics was killing spirits and thwarting reasonable advances. Watching it happen in the present but on a larger scale is somewhat nauseating. When I look at those speech impaired pompous twits pretend to know all about everything from auto design to climate control, I can not comprehend the gullibility of the public, or else the stupidity, but most likely jealousy and meanness. The latter accounts for the fact that we accept having a tyrannical agency like the IRS, and the general hatred and villainization of individuals who invent great things or build profitable businesses.

The biggest hurdle in bringing an idea to fruition is government and thieves. That's redundant. It takes so much effort and trial and error just to get a thing right, but that is nothing compared to battling the Tribe.

Now we are faced with a Cap and Raid bill which is guaranteed to help kill real innovation in true energy independence and screw with every average or below average income person in this land. You cannot raise the cost of everything and have it otherwise. Besides all the green mandates and initiatives from government are merely the dictates of GE and others who profit from bogus science and promotion of things they make. The bogus science leads to insisting on wind mills, for example, and GE makes the turbines, so forget any better designs finding an easy market. Locked out. That is just one example.

I was told that to do wind there is some law mandating a back up of natural gas. It provides a guaranteed market for oil companies who find they want to sell off the by product of their oil wells. On and on. Dimwits think penalizing them is the thing. The thing is to just let people live and tinker in peace.

Is it illegal, even now, to build your own still? Probably. I recall Ohio or some state coming down on a guy who produced his own fuel. They wanted to tax him under some fuel tax law.

If I believed legal means and writing and all that would do any good I'd be on it. This place is so far gone I think any effort you make just paints a target on you and there is no more due process. Just wait until some huge disaster, man made or natural, then there's a shot. In the mean time, I guess I'll just cry at inventor movies and find ways to enjoy life and avoid the insanity of the collective.

Things That Cross A Vagabond's Mind

For one thing, I have come to realize that I've been a vagabond in more than just the sense of moving here to there with ties either cut, forgotten or never formed. Odd, since that is probably the last thing I would have done, if I were me. I was raised and brainwashed to believe leaving is what you do, and that personal affection, and sentimentality are irrelevant. That is not my nature although you might never know it. People are made to form bonds. The world as we know it tends to stifle human nature to the point that it takes getting out of Dodge to feel any personal freedom. That's another thing people are designed to do, be free.

Herd instinct, tribal loyalty, illusory security, and things like that tend to be forces which engender inner conflict when it comes to individual freedom. That's why faulty logic is so easily used to promote restrictions and practices which actually penalize people for their intrinsic nature. Often, as we see more and more, people sign away their autonomy and rights willingly. If you have had experience trying to conform but just can't make yourself fit the prescribed mold, all the encroachments scare the hell out of you. Without ever doing anything morally off base or wrong, you can end up in hot water; just because you don't understand the set up. If you just don't fit, the only thing that is scarier than loneliness is authority.

I was remembering some incidents that happened when I was 19. In one sense I really was a jerk, as some others concluded. At the same time there was some misunderstanding and people who decided the haughty self righteousness of interfering in the business of others took precedence over the free will of their "friend". I was not really the only jerk. Just a guy who didn't know better. Either way, the whole thing was no good.

The event is not the crux of the matter so much. It is the realization of how lacking I was in certain aspects of my interpretation of the motives and actions of others. I'm glad that some of that has changed.

I had to be a social vagrant in order to come full circle. That's the sort of thing that crosses your mind if you are me. Probably some sort of effort to forgive myself for being here now, as I am, and for my many shortcomings. Acceptance is most likely a prerequisite for moving on in a healthy manner. That forgive yourself part can get a little weird I think. I'm not sure I did anything all that bad. Maybe hurt some feelings, but had there not been the busy bodies buzzing about, who knows? Two lives may have turned out drastically different. Mine sure may have. You never know though. Is normal good influence likely to overcome the influence of mescaline? Those were some screwed up times.

OK. These are screwed up times, but I'm not fooled by them now. My own world is a better place. Time goes much faster though.

From now on. That is all that's worth considering with any seriousness. If the past was flawed, then make different mistakes in the future. No need to repeat history.

Slowpoke Mountain and a few minutes of the benefit gig

Lately my cellular deal is running spotty and slow. I'm used to the old fashioned rabbit eared TV setup, with the new fascist HD box, cutting out, losing signal or just catching every other second or so of a broadcast, resulting in the people on TV talking halting gibberish. Once in awhile I can catch what they are saying. Sometimes it works well all the way until the climactic twist of the thriller movie so I am left wondering if the hero really perished in the explosion. It doesn't always make for happy endings, and certainly is not satisfying. Possibly an ugly metaphor for other aspects of my life.

I'm trying to upload a clip which includes some pieces of the benefit we played. It was fun, but I now see that I'm not performing very well. Just not up to snuff. I'll amp up the game next time. We are better than that when you consider the individual abilities. What I do can improve the whole and I'd feel more like I'm carrying my weight.

It's so different from what I thought it was I do. This is not out there, fly through subspace, music. No acid rock/jazz/blues to it. It is time I realize that that was illusion anyway, enhanced by the vitamins, vegetables, and beverages I included in my diet at the time. We are not on that diet and haven't been for awhile. It's a tough life.

So, I wanted to upload another video, yet to be made but this slowness is too much. Since it is a bit warm in the cabin tonight, I think my patience is thinner than usual. That means I have to get to work on my home made cooling device. It will be some kind of evaporative set up disguised as something else.
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OK. looks like the video uploaded
I honestly wonder why I play but I do it anyway. The thing is, if I'm going to do it, I need to raise the bar some. Maybe next time. If it is on video then I'll know if the next one is better. I cut out most of the worst

If I Were a Carpenter....

and you were a lady,
would you marry me anyway?
would you have my baby?

OK. I'd settle for no baby, and maybe not even the vows

No, I have no idea who you are. Just asking