****the following may contain subliminal messages****
(no need to look for those because if you find them, then they aren't subliminal, they are obvious or whatever the opposite is)
++++Of course I could be making all that up++++or not
So, there I am listening to HER call me Pollyanna. OK. I owned up. Anger and frustration can lead to obsessive resentment and the cells of the body will react by turning on me. If it takes being Pollyanna to avoid that and the resultant dark days and bad result, then sign me up.
Those of us with a glimmer of foresight often look stupid until the tale unfolds a bit further. I have faith, and when I don't I try to regain it. That got me out of Memphis, into the fold of caring friends and led to some fascinating and pleasant experiences. Life is better. Memphis is really a euphemism for my own self made hell. Well, yea, OK, I guess it was self made, so no need to cast stones.
Anyway, my expert friend informs me I have more recourse and good arguments to pursue the liability matter with good chance of the right result. A bogus, dishonest and clearly tainted HP report is not the end all in this game. I'm glad I did what I could to try to let the anger go away, although it still is a bit sickening to think how many people are unjustly inconvenienced by authorities on a daily basis.
If a company can make another pay thousands of dollars, merely by doing a little investigation, then perhaps we can yet prevail. How lucky is it that I happen to play music with someone who knows the business, and the laws which apply to it? Good thing, because all I could think of was how unfortunate that I wasn't clearly able to nail these guys for prejudice, disrespect, lying and attempted humiliation. They'll get theirs. Those who have assaulted me with unreasonable authority or dishonesty in the past have all reaped what they sowed, and I did nothing. Life somehow handled it, if I kept my cool.
As long as there are steps to take, as much as I don't enjoy dealing with it, I can feel positive and like I'm doing the right thing while gaining some education. The education seems to cover multiple levels of existence in some cases.
Like the Sunshine super, I could have tripped out easy, but I'm changing my ways.
As much as anything, I do not enjoy preoccupation with these little dramas and setbacks. My anger is no fun for me or anyone around me. The logistics of positive action, rescuing myself in this game of chess, do interest me, and I enjoy it when I can see possibilities with proper outcomes. I like stories with happy endings, especially if I am one of the main characters. Sometimes you think you know the best plot line, but more than not, the best course is different than anticipated and the only influence one really has is to keep a good attitude and a pure heart.
There we go with that Pollyanna thing again. Truth is like that, very uncool if you don't really understand cool. Or the fact that there is more to life than meets the eye, and once in awhile you get a glimpse of things you can't describe or explain. Yet you understand it anyway. That is not really as meaningless a concept as it may sound to the uninitiated.
I have a feeling that the next few weeks or so will be full of surprises. I hope they are good. Right now so many things fall into the "I don't know" category that I feel as if I'm on a new planet. I know some of how I will earn rent, and some of what may come but far less than usual, which is not a whole lot. That is what makes my most mundane of days an adventure if I choose to ride it out with the good attitude, and a pure heart.
CA HP of El Cajon are still morons, but that's just the way it is--an obstacle to be avoided. Bump in the road and all that.
Monday, August 10, 2009
El Cajon, CA H.P.:idiocy of the Right and Left in action
Most of what has been presented as debate on issues in this country for the last fifty or a hundred years has been couched on either side with false premises. The most glaring of which would be that the activity being discussed is rightly the business of government in a free, constitutionally limited republic.
Just that description is too complex for most people to follow, especially since they are taught bizarre concepts about democracy, and a worship of the word without analysis.
I'm mad enough right now to jump off the mountain. Frustrated and angry.
The police report from the demise of the Blue Subaru finally reached completion. The officers who were at the scene playing bully and jokester, rather than allowing me to explain what happened or using their own eyes and brains to properly assess the situation, not only lied blatantly regarding my statements, and other matters, but they still listed the wrong point of impact and made up a few extra erroneous details.
If only I were of certain ethnic groups. I would be sure it was racial and I would go to the ACLU and others to fry these bastards. I'm fairly certain that the fac t I had TN plates and license tainted the issue. The were just ignorant enough and small minded enough to assume I was a backwoods hick, and that playing bully would be a blast. The second part they managed, to a point.
I'll find out how to dispute this, but it may not be easy. Idiots in this country have given over so much power to the police and to the state that truth and the obvious mean nothing. Idiotic right wing voices still go around praising the boys in blue as if their job is actually to deter violent crimes and keep good people safe so they can enjoy freedom. It is not, and they are not encouraged to protect the good from the bad. They are encouraged to exert control and to pick your pocket when possible.
The big myth is that they only harass Mexicans, Blacks, and the like. I know they do that, but the real line of demarkation is not racial, it is power. They harass whomever they think cannot or will not fight back. The idea that if you are behaving yourself and following the dumbass rules exempts you is, at best, overly optimistic.
Not all cops are that way, but what do you expect when such power is given and an individual is guilty before proving innocence? And how can you fight them when they lie and cover for one another? Too much power, too many laws, and a very bad management model which is based on an "us vs them" mentality can turn a marginally good cop into a sadistic bastard. I've witnessed the transformation myself in friends who took that job.
On one side you have these idiots who want to fine you for breathing because you put out CO2, and on the other idiots who think because someone in uniform is doing it, then he is right noble and the cause, war or beating with the night stick must be for the good country. Morons. Abuse of citizens and heavy handed police tactics are an abomination whether instigated by draconian social nonsense, a la Obama, or insane wars, a la Kennedy, Johnson, or Bush1&2. Admittedly, they are abusing the military in many cases and those people are sworn to obey and protect the Constitution. It poses a real dilemma for the most erudite and dedicated because most of the last many wars were in no way really protecting country or constitution. The right wants to pretend otherwise because the idiots on the left focussed so much hate against the military itself in years past. Neither is honestly concerned with how a free people should be able to live. It is sick.
Anyway, now I find out that the El Cajon, California Highway Patrol group has a reputation for being complete morons and never miss a chance to be a pain in the ass. Why I had to find out first hand, I do not know.
The thing that is both frustrating and scary is that they can lie, be as abrasive or abusive as they like, and you are at their mercy. It goes on everywhere, to be sure; some places more than others. But it is wrong and never should have been allowed to evolve to this point. Police states suck. Hasn't anyone ever seen the old WW2 movies and old films about life in Nazi Germany? Let alone the USSR. We are there and have been from one angle or another for a long time.
We gave up rights regarding being detained, searched, etc. in the name of the war on drugs, then the war on terror. Both are pretty much bullshit as far as actual efforts to deal with those matters. Much more zeal goes toward controlling and harassing innocent citizens than into stopping drug gangs or eliminating lunatic terrorists. But you always have the moron who claims he doesn't mind because he has nothing to hide. Wait until it hits home and he is the victim of lying police or insane government regs.
I'm pissed. They lied outright and got the report all wrong. Not a matter of opinion. Lies are lies. I'm pissed at all those who welcomed the police state with open arms. That includes the blind rightists who think anything with a flag on it is ok and that makes you patriotic, as well as the dumbass leftists who think they know best how everyone should live their lives, raise their children, and what car you should drive. Neither group believes in live and let live to the greatest possible peaceful extent. No, you gotta wear a goddamed helmet or something, or God forbid don't even dream of not having that baby. IDIOTS.
The only way life works is when you accept the limit that you have to let others take actions you may not agree with, but to do otherwise opens the door for your own choices to be dictated to you. Neither so-called side gets it. They are the same. They only believe in limits when it suits them. No comprehension of guiding principles. And it makes me sick. I'm thinking a hollow tree that is miles from everywhere may be about all that's left. Of course you have figure a way to make campfires without smoke because they'll come in helicopters and charge offsets or find other ways to ruin your day.
I've had it. You can keep your Pelosis Obamas Bushs Cheneys Kennedys Bidens Reids, etc. Don't get me going on Arnold. In the past I thought it a low blow to talk of his forebears having some nazi connection. Now, like all hard core socialists I see he is in lockstep with our modern version of that philosophy. People don't comprehend how nazis and USSR communists, too, belched speeches of compromise and sacrifice and the better good, while screwing people over. People forget how popular Hitler, Stalin, and others were. The true ugliness was no so apparent until it was too late--at least for the millions and millions killed or made miserable by such states.
The trick is to make sure most people are not too uncomfortable while they are being sold into slavery. That way they go willingly, looking at people like me as lunatic rabble rousers and trouble makers. It's the old slow boil of the frog syndrome.
Damned I am pissed
Just that description is too complex for most people to follow, especially since they are taught bizarre concepts about democracy, and a worship of the word without analysis.
I'm mad enough right now to jump off the mountain. Frustrated and angry.
The police report from the demise of the Blue Subaru finally reached completion. The officers who were at the scene playing bully and jokester, rather than allowing me to explain what happened or using their own eyes and brains to properly assess the situation, not only lied blatantly regarding my statements, and other matters, but they still listed the wrong point of impact and made up a few extra erroneous details.
If only I were of certain ethnic groups. I would be sure it was racial and I would go to the ACLU and others to fry these bastards. I'm fairly certain that the fac t I had TN plates and license tainted the issue. The were just ignorant enough and small minded enough to assume I was a backwoods hick, and that playing bully would be a blast. The second part they managed, to a point.
I'll find out how to dispute this, but it may not be easy. Idiots in this country have given over so much power to the police and to the state that truth and the obvious mean nothing. Idiotic right wing voices still go around praising the boys in blue as if their job is actually to deter violent crimes and keep good people safe so they can enjoy freedom. It is not, and they are not encouraged to protect the good from the bad. They are encouraged to exert control and to pick your pocket when possible.
The big myth is that they only harass Mexicans, Blacks, and the like. I know they do that, but the real line of demarkation is not racial, it is power. They harass whomever they think cannot or will not fight back. The idea that if you are behaving yourself and following the dumbass rules exempts you is, at best, overly optimistic.
Not all cops are that way, but what do you expect when such power is given and an individual is guilty before proving innocence? And how can you fight them when they lie and cover for one another? Too much power, too many laws, and a very bad management model which is based on an "us vs them" mentality can turn a marginally good cop into a sadistic bastard. I've witnessed the transformation myself in friends who took that job.
On one side you have these idiots who want to fine you for breathing because you put out CO2, and on the other idiots who think because someone in uniform is doing it, then he is right noble and the cause, war or beating with the night stick must be for the good country. Morons. Abuse of citizens and heavy handed police tactics are an abomination whether instigated by draconian social nonsense, a la Obama, or insane wars, a la Kennedy, Johnson, or Bush1&2. Admittedly, they are abusing the military in many cases and those people are sworn to obey and protect the Constitution. It poses a real dilemma for the most erudite and dedicated because most of the last many wars were in no way really protecting country or constitution. The right wants to pretend otherwise because the idiots on the left focussed so much hate against the military itself in years past. Neither is honestly concerned with how a free people should be able to live. It is sick.
Anyway, now I find out that the El Cajon, California Highway Patrol group has a reputation for being complete morons and never miss a chance to be a pain in the ass. Why I had to find out first hand, I do not know.
The thing that is both frustrating and scary is that they can lie, be as abrasive or abusive as they like, and you are at their mercy. It goes on everywhere, to be sure; some places more than others. But it is wrong and never should have been allowed to evolve to this point. Police states suck. Hasn't anyone ever seen the old WW2 movies and old films about life in Nazi Germany? Let alone the USSR. We are there and have been from one angle or another for a long time.
We gave up rights regarding being detained, searched, etc. in the name of the war on drugs, then the war on terror. Both are pretty much bullshit as far as actual efforts to deal with those matters. Much more zeal goes toward controlling and harassing innocent citizens than into stopping drug gangs or eliminating lunatic terrorists. But you always have the moron who claims he doesn't mind because he has nothing to hide. Wait until it hits home and he is the victim of lying police or insane government regs.
I'm pissed. They lied outright and got the report all wrong. Not a matter of opinion. Lies are lies. I'm pissed at all those who welcomed the police state with open arms. That includes the blind rightists who think anything with a flag on it is ok and that makes you patriotic, as well as the dumbass leftists who think they know best how everyone should live their lives, raise their children, and what car you should drive. Neither group believes in live and let live to the greatest possible peaceful extent. No, you gotta wear a goddamed helmet or something, or God forbid don't even dream of not having that baby. IDIOTS.
The only way life works is when you accept the limit that you have to let others take actions you may not agree with, but to do otherwise opens the door for your own choices to be dictated to you. Neither so-called side gets it. They are the same. They only believe in limits when it suits them. No comprehension of guiding principles. And it makes me sick. I'm thinking a hollow tree that is miles from everywhere may be about all that's left. Of course you have figure a way to make campfires without smoke because they'll come in helicopters and charge offsets or find other ways to ruin your day.
I've had it. You can keep your Pelosis Obamas Bushs Cheneys Kennedys Bidens Reids, etc. Don't get me going on Arnold. In the past I thought it a low blow to talk of his forebears having some nazi connection. Now, like all hard core socialists I see he is in lockstep with our modern version of that philosophy. People don't comprehend how nazis and USSR communists, too, belched speeches of compromise and sacrifice and the better good, while screwing people over. People forget how popular Hitler, Stalin, and others were. The true ugliness was no so apparent until it was too late--at least for the millions and millions killed or made miserable by such states.
The trick is to make sure most people are not too uncomfortable while they are being sold into slavery. That way they go willingly, looking at people like me as lunatic rabble rousers and trouble makers. It's the old slow boil of the frog syndrome.
Damned I am pissed
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Good Fear, Bad Fear
Some of the best things in life are accompanied by a little dose of fear. It is what makes it exciting and releases all those chemicals and hormones inside. The electric eye lock, anticipation before a performance, getting the job, etc.
If that is true then the assertion that all we have to fear is fear itself, is not entirely true. Of course one with my views would have tended to fear the power of the man speaking more than the fear to which he was referring.
Bad fear, now, that is a horse of a different color. That's the stuff that drags you down if left unchecked. It is an interesting twist how fear of the unknown can be channeled into the good or the bad category depending upon how neurotic a person is. I know people who can turn finding a pot of gold into another example of how the universe is abusive.
There are times when I think I am oblivious to certain fears I ought to indulge. I know I have knee jerk reaction which are borne of fears that aren't to be indulged and which are kind of silly. Going to a stranger's house for dinner is a biggie. I'll know someone who is on the inside track with the people, that person invites me, and then I freak. I'm getting better but the first reaction is flight; flee for your life!
That one would surprise even my family. My brother has the idea that I am comfortable in all social circumstances with all people. Surprising considering my time in hermetically sealed hermitdom. When you are incommunicado for long periods, people get to write whatever script they choose, if they are inclined to account for your time.
Fear of returning to dark times and super isolation is a good fear, as long as you don't overdo it.
What a remarkable year and some. Today is absolutely perfect here on Ballistic Mountain. Light breeze, maybe 70F, pale blue sky, just incredible. Just a hint of something in the air. If I were back east, down south, I'd be sure it was the first breath of autumn. There is always a day toward the end of summer when you get that first little breath, then it continues to be summer for another month, but not as hot as before, in general. This feels a lot like that but I know the climate is different and we'll have some hot days to come in Sept.
========================================
Another turn of events found me at a front row table for the San Diego pops symphony doing a show last night. It had a Broadway theme. What a surprise. The singers that were featured were unbelievable. They are hotshots on Broadway and I can see why. Not many cities could have such an event under the stars on the waterfront at the edge of downtown. If the weather didn't screw it up, the ignorant sub human citizens would. Sorry, but I've lived too many places where the riffraff abounds and they have only outward resemblance to anything human. Their minds are something less noble.
You find a few cities out west which have the ability to conduct nice events without much trouble. I like the Caribbean as far as thoughts of hitting islands and the look of the water, but I like the Pacific coast for a place to be. I'm still pinching myself to be sure I'm really here, and happy. The abundance of misguided greenery and laws are scary, but even with that there is more freedom in some ways.
If that is true then the assertion that all we have to fear is fear itself, is not entirely true. Of course one with my views would have tended to fear the power of the man speaking more than the fear to which he was referring.
Bad fear, now, that is a horse of a different color. That's the stuff that drags you down if left unchecked. It is an interesting twist how fear of the unknown can be channeled into the good or the bad category depending upon how neurotic a person is. I know people who can turn finding a pot of gold into another example of how the universe is abusive.
There are times when I think I am oblivious to certain fears I ought to indulge. I know I have knee jerk reaction which are borne of fears that aren't to be indulged and which are kind of silly. Going to a stranger's house for dinner is a biggie. I'll know someone who is on the inside track with the people, that person invites me, and then I freak. I'm getting better but the first reaction is flight; flee for your life!
That one would surprise even my family. My brother has the idea that I am comfortable in all social circumstances with all people. Surprising considering my time in hermetically sealed hermitdom. When you are incommunicado for long periods, people get to write whatever script they choose, if they are inclined to account for your time.
Fear of returning to dark times and super isolation is a good fear, as long as you don't overdo it.
What a remarkable year and some. Today is absolutely perfect here on Ballistic Mountain. Light breeze, maybe 70F, pale blue sky, just incredible. Just a hint of something in the air. If I were back east, down south, I'd be sure it was the first breath of autumn. There is always a day toward the end of summer when you get that first little breath, then it continues to be summer for another month, but not as hot as before, in general. This feels a lot like that but I know the climate is different and we'll have some hot days to come in Sept.
========================================
Another turn of events found me at a front row table for the San Diego pops symphony doing a show last night. It had a Broadway theme. What a surprise. The singers that were featured were unbelievable. They are hotshots on Broadway and I can see why. Not many cities could have such an event under the stars on the waterfront at the edge of downtown. If the weather didn't screw it up, the ignorant sub human citizens would. Sorry, but I've lived too many places where the riffraff abounds and they have only outward resemblance to anything human. Their minds are something less noble.
You find a few cities out west which have the ability to conduct nice events without much trouble. I like the Caribbean as far as thoughts of hitting islands and the look of the water, but I like the Pacific coast for a place to be. I'm still pinching myself to be sure I'm really here, and happy. The abundance of misguided greenery and laws are scary, but even with that there is more freedom in some ways.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Must Be the Season of the Witch, again
I mean that in the most positive possible sense.
It is just that so many changes are in the air, some I can identify, and some I only sense. When things change with my friends, they influence my life. That is new, and I'm all for it. Often that leaves a space for me to fill which somehow serves a good purpose for them. When the status quo gets shaken, it is always accompanied by a tinge of fear of the unknown, even if excitement over leaving a negative aspect behind is there too.
I'm soon to become an official card carrying Californian, which is no real big deal, but it has connotations. West is where I am now, and with both feet. No more keeping one toe in TN, just in case. At my age many people think nothing is new and they are able to glide on, resting on the fruits of there continual efforts and such of the past. My life did not work out that way.
I'm beginning to wonder if it really was possible for it to have been secure and solid and filled with an abundance of offspring as I had hoped. Turning point after turning point keeps appearing in the path. The relief is that more and more I can worry about things in other people's lives instead of just hanging in my own vacuum. One thing I have plenty of is "me time". Some people crave that. Be careful what you wish for. At least set some conditions or you might find yourself in solitary confinement.
If I were to try to tell my own future, I guess I would have to be vague and say there may be a bit of travel involved, and government work is unlikely.
It is just that so many changes are in the air, some I can identify, and some I only sense. When things change with my friends, they influence my life. That is new, and I'm all for it. Often that leaves a space for me to fill which somehow serves a good purpose for them. When the status quo gets shaken, it is always accompanied by a tinge of fear of the unknown, even if excitement over leaving a negative aspect behind is there too.
I'm soon to become an official card carrying Californian, which is no real big deal, but it has connotations. West is where I am now, and with both feet. No more keeping one toe in TN, just in case. At my age many people think nothing is new and they are able to glide on, resting on the fruits of there continual efforts and such of the past. My life did not work out that way.
I'm beginning to wonder if it really was possible for it to have been secure and solid and filled with an abundance of offspring as I had hoped. Turning point after turning point keeps appearing in the path. The relief is that more and more I can worry about things in other people's lives instead of just hanging in my own vacuum. One thing I have plenty of is "me time". Some people crave that. Be careful what you wish for. At least set some conditions or you might find yourself in solitary confinement.
If I were to try to tell my own future, I guess I would have to be vague and say there may be a bit of travel involved, and government work is unlikely.
How It Feels to Play
Now I remember the only reason I ever started playing with bands, or at all. It was purely an effort to release something that I have never been able to release, or express. It comes and goes, that unquantifiable thing. I guess it is some sort of inner scream wanting to affirm existence. Crazy.
Most likely that is one scream that will never be heard.
When it doesn't matter, it seems to go away rather than burn.
I used to feel like I'd just explode into bloody bits if I couldn't let that scream out.
Playing was usually a physical thing, tied more to how it felt than how it sounded, although if I am not in the right key or those I'm playing with are out of tune, even one string, I can't do it.
Given that I was never able to spontaneously combust, there were moments when it was almost like an out of body experience in which I was hearing what I played as if I was standing or floating outside of myself. The playing would just happen as I rode some wave completely independent of the mechanics of making the sounds. That hasn't happened in awhile. I know the missing ingredient which seems to enable floating through the air on the melody but it is not something you can buy.
Either it comes to you or not.
That state of being I described is always what is being chased, and the hope of experiencing it, and hopefully with an audience of millions, is the main reason I bother. I honestly do not understand it, but that's how it feels.
I think I'll shut up for awhile.
Most likely that is one scream that will never be heard.
When it doesn't matter, it seems to go away rather than burn.
I used to feel like I'd just explode into bloody bits if I couldn't let that scream out.
Playing was usually a physical thing, tied more to how it felt than how it sounded, although if I am not in the right key or those I'm playing with are out of tune, even one string, I can't do it.
Given that I was never able to spontaneously combust, there were moments when it was almost like an out of body experience in which I was hearing what I played as if I was standing or floating outside of myself. The playing would just happen as I rode some wave completely independent of the mechanics of making the sounds. That hasn't happened in awhile. I know the missing ingredient which seems to enable floating through the air on the melody but it is not something you can buy.
Either it comes to you or not.
That state of being I described is always what is being chased, and the hope of experiencing it, and hopefully with an audience of millions, is the main reason I bother. I honestly do not understand it, but that's how it feels.
I think I'll shut up for awhile.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
That Terrible Thing Known as THE MIND
It is better to argue with one's mind than to let it go where angels fear to tread. Angels know what they are doing. And I know what happens when the mind has its own way. Calming that baby down is an art. If anyone can do it I can. After all, it is my mind. Nominally, in any case.
I can't help but wonder. Indulging the wonder should be reigned in to a moderate level. That I can do.
Why is it that when things are relatively far better than at points in the recent past I find myself thinking I should not believe it? Probably because everything in my life hangs precariously. Security is not my strongest asset, in a worldly sense, anyway.
Then again, if it is OK at this moment--it being life--it is only logical to accept it as is and forget what I don't and can't know. Maybe you get back what you put out, and keeping the good stuff going out is the thing to do. That is controllable.
I can't help but wonder. Indulging the wonder should be reigned in to a moderate level. That I can do.
Why is it that when things are relatively far better than at points in the recent past I find myself thinking I should not believe it? Probably because everything in my life hangs precariously. Security is not my strongest asset, in a worldly sense, anyway.
Then again, if it is OK at this moment--it being life--it is only logical to accept it as is and forget what I don't and can't know. Maybe you get back what you put out, and keeping the good stuff going out is the thing to do. That is controllable.
Emotionally Speaking
Emotions can be a pain. They can wash over you, leaving you high and silly, but then what? What a pain. I like to know what to do with stuff. Feelings are for chicks and talk show hosts. Tough guys like me don't need feelings.
How do I feel? Who gives a damn? If I start delving into that, it can only lead to trouble. Passion and not much else are all you need. Whatever it is that enables one to prevail against great odds is good.
Yet, I tend to wax sentimental these days because of the fortunate things in my life. Both from the standpoint of how things happen but also who is involved. That's part of breaking away from long term isolation and a dirth of friendship. I do not blame that totally on the people that were around at the time, but I did notice that many of them urged me toward things which would clearly be to my detriment. So, I isolated the majority of the time and tried to work from the inside out to either dissolve, or discover the cause, of the self defeating feelings and actions.
Maybe a little of both was accomplished. There are things in life that take forever to get absolutely right. Progress is good enough.
================
One thing that hits an emotional nerve is the talk of continuing the buyout of clunkers by the government.
It never ceases to amaze me how people, who have no idea what it is like to be broke and trying to get on your feet, claim to be helping the poor and downtrodden while they are pulling the rug out from under them.
They are using tax money to get affordable, disposable cars off the market. They end up in the shredder. It is allegedly a green initiative. The result is denying those of no means a means of mobility.
Encouraging debt if the person is lucky enough to qualify is another aspect of this. It is so far outside the realm of constitutional limits originally placed on the federal government that I cannot believe it is happening.
Most of what is happening is being railroaded through on some cult of personality with principle and ultimate freedom getting crushed. We have been under the grip of an oligarchy, at best, and outright dictatorship, at worst. It is abundantly clear to anyone who is not taken in by the wish to worship rock stars, or any other human being.
It is far from clear to those who enjoy the aspect of the cult hero and those who simply rebel against most of the voices of the alleged opposition. Sometimes I wish Republicans would shut up because they are so bad at reasonably stating opposition to the prevailing powers, and they invariably lose sight of pure principle themselves. That leaves people thinking you have to pick cool guy tyranny or doltish half truths. Too bad.
Opposition to what is happening is encouraging. The idea that it gets attached to the Bush idea of government is a shame. I opposed Bush on some things, particularly the creation of Homeland Security. It is not what makes us safer, unless you consider caging and corralling innocent citizens a good idea. I'm speaking in a broad sense there, not about the camps some claim exist---I have no clue if those do or don't exist.
I get emotional over the continued assault on free thought and free speech. Shades of early Cuba under Castro and Che are too evident for comfort.
==========================
Mostly I get emotional when I see how life has smiled on me the past year or so. Despite all, I have experienced friendships and activities beyond any hopes or expectations. I feel like friggin Polliana. How did that chick spell her name, anyway?
How do I feel? Who gives a damn? If I start delving into that, it can only lead to trouble. Passion and not much else are all you need. Whatever it is that enables one to prevail against great odds is good.
Yet, I tend to wax sentimental these days because of the fortunate things in my life. Both from the standpoint of how things happen but also who is involved. That's part of breaking away from long term isolation and a dirth of friendship. I do not blame that totally on the people that were around at the time, but I did notice that many of them urged me toward things which would clearly be to my detriment. So, I isolated the majority of the time and tried to work from the inside out to either dissolve, or discover the cause, of the self defeating feelings and actions.
Maybe a little of both was accomplished. There are things in life that take forever to get absolutely right. Progress is good enough.
================
One thing that hits an emotional nerve is the talk of continuing the buyout of clunkers by the government.
It never ceases to amaze me how people, who have no idea what it is like to be broke and trying to get on your feet, claim to be helping the poor and downtrodden while they are pulling the rug out from under them.
They are using tax money to get affordable, disposable cars off the market. They end up in the shredder. It is allegedly a green initiative. The result is denying those of no means a means of mobility.
Encouraging debt if the person is lucky enough to qualify is another aspect of this. It is so far outside the realm of constitutional limits originally placed on the federal government that I cannot believe it is happening.
Most of what is happening is being railroaded through on some cult of personality with principle and ultimate freedom getting crushed. We have been under the grip of an oligarchy, at best, and outright dictatorship, at worst. It is abundantly clear to anyone who is not taken in by the wish to worship rock stars, or any other human being.
It is far from clear to those who enjoy the aspect of the cult hero and those who simply rebel against most of the voices of the alleged opposition. Sometimes I wish Republicans would shut up because they are so bad at reasonably stating opposition to the prevailing powers, and they invariably lose sight of pure principle themselves. That leaves people thinking you have to pick cool guy tyranny or doltish half truths. Too bad.
Opposition to what is happening is encouraging. The idea that it gets attached to the Bush idea of government is a shame. I opposed Bush on some things, particularly the creation of Homeland Security. It is not what makes us safer, unless you consider caging and corralling innocent citizens a good idea. I'm speaking in a broad sense there, not about the camps some claim exist---I have no clue if those do or don't exist.
I get emotional over the continued assault on free thought and free speech. Shades of early Cuba under Castro and Che are too evident for comfort.
==========================
Mostly I get emotional when I see how life has smiled on me the past year or so. Despite all, I have experienced friendships and activities beyond any hopes or expectations. I feel like friggin Polliana. How did that chick spell her name, anyway?
Monday, August 3, 2009
YES!!! There is a God!! or something
The latest adventure which took in Vegas, of all places (you can have a great time there without gambling a dime if you know where to go) and a point north was as surreal and amazing as I could stand. These are most definitely the good old days.
My nephews figured in, briefly, to this excursion, and they seemed as happy and together as I've seen them. N2 was especially at his best ever, think. That is saying a lot because in the past I somewhat envied the balance and solidity that both seemed to possess in a quantity I'm not sure I'd ever achieved. And they were and are merely young punk, runny nosed kids, relatively speaking.
At the age of N1, I was recovering from two or three car wrecks in fewer month's time, found myself with no roof of my own begging a couch at the home for wayward musicians, and my mode of transport was my two tired feet. To see them building good relationships with nice women, in which mutual respect seems apparent, as well as doing OK on the financial front is a joy to me. One of us in my family per couple of generations is plenty enough to travel the sort of path I stumbled down.
I hope when they reach my age that they feel as content and happy as I do today. The future is uncertain, of course. Otherwise it wouldn't really be the future. Right now is quite an extraordinary thing. I just feel fortunate and I don't feel the need to place conditions on that feeling.
If I could explain the part of this adventure which entailed the northern-most exposure to myself, I might put it down here. All I know will be one of those landmarks by which I measure time and file memories. Some things defy explanation. It may be that certain experiences are of a nature which touch a part of the spirit too far inside to be verbalized or quantified. Efforts to do so just screw it up.
I will say that everyone from the two Ns to new people I met struck me as delightfully extraordinary, and my life was awash with one pleasant surprise after another. It is quite a gift when I come out the other side feeling like being me is OK, and I needn't lament the fact that I couldn't change the essence of that even if I tired.
That lament does sometimes haunt me. Not that I want to be what I'm not, just that I sometimes wonder if that dooms me to a destiny which precludes aspects that I'd rather it include. Regardless of what is down the road, I believe now that I am not doomed to that unless I chose to be.
On a musical note, I saw my favorite jazz harp player do a good show which included some spontaneous jamming. He pulled another harmonica wizard on stage and they blended like harp payers never do. usually when two or more harp players jam it is worse than listening to ice cream truck music. That is actually some version of affected CALLIOPE music.
Calliope was my new word for the weekend. I had no idea what it was but some smartass threw it out in a sentence as if any fool would know. Not to wane too far into the negative, but calliope music sucks. Apparently it was originally produced with steam passing through variously pitch train whistles. If that won't scare the cows off the track, nothing will.
So, what did I learn this trip?
That the ice cream truck music I despise is canned calliope music, that the Brick is a pretty cool tavern, that I have a good shot of thriving among the living, that I need supervision to properly tie my shoes or tape tin foil around a T shirt, and that there is sometimes blissful mercy on me from the powers that be.
My nephews figured in, briefly, to this excursion, and they seemed as happy and together as I've seen them. N2 was especially at his best ever, think. That is saying a lot because in the past I somewhat envied the balance and solidity that both seemed to possess in a quantity I'm not sure I'd ever achieved. And they were and are merely young punk, runny nosed kids, relatively speaking.
At the age of N1, I was recovering from two or three car wrecks in fewer month's time, found myself with no roof of my own begging a couch at the home for wayward musicians, and my mode of transport was my two tired feet. To see them building good relationships with nice women, in which mutual respect seems apparent, as well as doing OK on the financial front is a joy to me. One of us in my family per couple of generations is plenty enough to travel the sort of path I stumbled down.
I hope when they reach my age that they feel as content and happy as I do today. The future is uncertain, of course. Otherwise it wouldn't really be the future. Right now is quite an extraordinary thing. I just feel fortunate and I don't feel the need to place conditions on that feeling.
If I could explain the part of this adventure which entailed the northern-most exposure to myself, I might put it down here. All I know will be one of those landmarks by which I measure time and file memories. Some things defy explanation. It may be that certain experiences are of a nature which touch a part of the spirit too far inside to be verbalized or quantified. Efforts to do so just screw it up.
I will say that everyone from the two Ns to new people I met struck me as delightfully extraordinary, and my life was awash with one pleasant surprise after another. It is quite a gift when I come out the other side feeling like being me is OK, and I needn't lament the fact that I couldn't change the essence of that even if I tired.
That lament does sometimes haunt me. Not that I want to be what I'm not, just that I sometimes wonder if that dooms me to a destiny which precludes aspects that I'd rather it include. Regardless of what is down the road, I believe now that I am not doomed to that unless I chose to be.
On a musical note, I saw my favorite jazz harp player do a good show which included some spontaneous jamming. He pulled another harmonica wizard on stage and they blended like harp payers never do. usually when two or more harp players jam it is worse than listening to ice cream truck music. That is actually some version of affected CALLIOPE music.
Calliope was my new word for the weekend. I had no idea what it was but some smartass threw it out in a sentence as if any fool would know. Not to wane too far into the negative, but calliope music sucks. Apparently it was originally produced with steam passing through variously pitch train whistles. If that won't scare the cows off the track, nothing will.
So, what did I learn this trip?
That the ice cream truck music I despise is canned calliope music, that the Brick is a pretty cool tavern, that I have a good shot of thriving among the living, that I need supervision to properly tie my shoes or tape tin foil around a T shirt, and that there is sometimes blissful mercy on me from the powers that be.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
This Dimension May Be Different than That One, But It is OK
Life seems so much like some kind of a dream, especially this past year, and right now. I like Seattle better than I did last year and it's about 150F in the afternoon.
I'm really impressed with N2's house which will be undergoing renovation for a long time, but is comfortable and feels right anyway. And his girlfriend who seems absolutely perfect for him. N1 is well and in good wit and his fiance is ready for the next phase. I enjoy them all. I even had my own friend meet them as we strolled the streets looking for weeds in the yards of others, and people to mug.
What an incredibly great trip this has been, starting this past Tuesday. I think it is still rolling well.
I see that the ins company was true to their word and has mailed the check already. Now fingers are crossed that I don't have to go to the supreme court for the deductible. Sherlock Holmes would see the value of my case instantly. Maybe even Larry Curly and Moe would get it. I expect the rest of officialdom, as it applies to me to do the right thing, even if it pains them to do what's right.
These are interesting days, and I like it.
I'm really impressed with N2's house which will be undergoing renovation for a long time, but is comfortable and feels right anyway. And his girlfriend who seems absolutely perfect for him. N1 is well and in good wit and his fiance is ready for the next phase. I enjoy them all. I even had my own friend meet them as we strolled the streets looking for weeds in the yards of others, and people to mug.
What an incredibly great trip this has been, starting this past Tuesday. I think it is still rolling well.
I see that the ins company was true to their word and has mailed the check already. Now fingers are crossed that I don't have to go to the supreme court for the deductible. Sherlock Holmes would see the value of my case instantly. Maybe even Larry Curly and Moe would get it. I expect the rest of officialdom, as it applies to me to do the right thing, even if it pains them to do what's right.
These are interesting days, and I like it.
Among the Living
This idea occurred to me recently, as I was deep in the throes of buyer's remorse, even though the new car drives and handles splendidly, --the idea came to me that in spite of thinking, "why didn't I take the money and run to the first high quality disposable car?", that it was all OK and life is just that way. OK the idea I never got to was that I am living life, whereas for years I felt as if I was stuck on the river bank never able to jump in and float along. That is what I told my friend, who pretended I was making sense.
So, I'm tempted to yell into my cell phone as I pace around, "I'M AT THE AIRPORT. NO, NO, NO, I WON'T PAY A PENNY MORE THAN 6 MILLION FIVE, DAMMITT!! YOU PEOPLE WANT MY BUSINESS YA GOTTA STEP UP TO THE PLATE.
TELL LEW TO SCREW OFF. AND DON'T CALL ME BACK UNTIL YOU GET REAL.
I'LL TALK to BRAD AND ANGIE LATER--
WHAT THEY THINK I'M ON CALL 24/7?
OK YEA, SELL OUT AT FORTY TWO SIX.
YA, YA YEP YA.
OK, HAVE THE LIMO WAITING IN VANCOUVER.
OK, GOTTA GO, YOU BORE ME"
Oddly at 7 or so in the A.M. in Las Vegas, not too many loud talking cell phone quackers (the guys who talk so it sounds like they are quacking, as they try to get the edgy bass thing going and sound eastern, urbane and hostilely business-like.
Geez I look up innocently and Ms g cup straight across the way, well my god, why don't you rent advertising ? She guarantees no one will miss them by her methods of display. More effective than little ad signs on the wall.
OK. Good she is on an earlier flight and now boarding. Seriously, I am as fond of the hoo ha concept as anyone, but I think it is a little better to have a slight choice in the matter. Don't stick those babies in the faces of strangers then bitch about men not looking at your eyes. It becomes almost uncomfortable trying to look elsewhere so you don't feed the problem. Subtle people can be appreciated much more thoroughly and subtly. That's a bit of wisdom you should teach your kids. Or your parents, if they are dense.
So, I am leaving Vegas, pronounced, VAY gus. Who would have dreamed I'd be here, after a day or two cruising the strip, pronounced THE STRIP, seeing an amazing show, riding the roller coaster from Hell, and not even flying home? Yep, I'm on my way to see the wizard. Sorceress is more fitting. I won't elaborate, except I am happy as something happy, to be going. One adventure after another.
The couple of days here were great. I was with friends, and someone's birthday was involved. It was one of the more wholesome Vegas trips ever, most likely. And I have to say, I like it that way. Getting drunk, gambling and making friends with the girls on the cards nice seedy gentlemen were passing out on the sidewalk, is not my idea of a good time. Maybe when I didn't know better that could all sound like fun.
It looks to me like a drunk could lose his money in a big hurry here. Mostly, people were just like normal people. Everyone in customer service is a cut above. People seemed friendly helpful and glad to be doing the job. Must pay well.
It's a fluke, like most of my life, that I was included on this venture. No fluke that I am flying out to see Ms ?. Although I have no idea when or how the plan was formed. I woke up one day and it seemed like this was in the plans for awhile. Life has really been great since I decided to change it for the better, and realized I had the chance to hit the road west.
So, I'm tempted to yell into my cell phone as I pace around, "I'M AT THE AIRPORT. NO, NO, NO, I WON'T PAY A PENNY MORE THAN 6 MILLION FIVE, DAMMITT!! YOU PEOPLE WANT MY BUSINESS YA GOTTA STEP UP TO THE PLATE.
TELL LEW TO SCREW OFF. AND DON'T CALL ME BACK UNTIL YOU GET REAL.
I'LL TALK to BRAD AND ANGIE LATER--
WHAT THEY THINK I'M ON CALL 24/7?
OK YEA, SELL OUT AT FORTY TWO SIX.
YA, YA YEP YA.
OK, HAVE THE LIMO WAITING IN VANCOUVER.
OK, GOTTA GO, YOU BORE ME"
Oddly at 7 or so in the A.M. in Las Vegas, not too many loud talking cell phone quackers (the guys who talk so it sounds like they are quacking, as they try to get the edgy bass thing going and sound eastern, urbane and hostilely business-like.
Geez I look up innocently and Ms g cup straight across the way, well my god, why don't you rent advertising ? She guarantees no one will miss them by her methods of display. More effective than little ad signs on the wall.
OK. Good she is on an earlier flight and now boarding. Seriously, I am as fond of the hoo ha concept as anyone, but I think it is a little better to have a slight choice in the matter. Don't stick those babies in the faces of strangers then bitch about men not looking at your eyes. It becomes almost uncomfortable trying to look elsewhere so you don't feed the problem. Subtle people can be appreciated much more thoroughly and subtly. That's a bit of wisdom you should teach your kids. Or your parents, if they are dense.
So, I am leaving Vegas, pronounced, VAY gus. Who would have dreamed I'd be here, after a day or two cruising the strip, pronounced THE STRIP, seeing an amazing show, riding the roller coaster from Hell, and not even flying home? Yep, I'm on my way to see the wizard. Sorceress is more fitting. I won't elaborate, except I am happy as something happy, to be going. One adventure after another.
The couple of days here were great. I was with friends, and someone's birthday was involved. It was one of the more wholesome Vegas trips ever, most likely. And I have to say, I like it that way. Getting drunk, gambling and making friends with the girls on the cards nice seedy gentlemen were passing out on the sidewalk, is not my idea of a good time. Maybe when I didn't know better that could all sound like fun.
It looks to me like a drunk could lose his money in a big hurry here. Mostly, people were just like normal people. Everyone in customer service is a cut above. People seemed friendly helpful and glad to be doing the job. Must pay well.
It's a fluke, like most of my life, that I was included on this venture. No fluke that I am flying out to see Ms ?. Although I have no idea when or how the plan was formed. I woke up one day and it seemed like this was in the plans for awhile. Life has really been great since I decided to change it for the better, and realized I had the chance to hit the road west.
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About Me
- John0 Juanderlust
- Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
- Like spring on a summer's day
