That Terrible Thing; the mind

Many pathways in the mind are so well traveled that they form an indelible groove which, seemingly, cannot be changed. It’s as if an entire array of stimuli all go to the same roundabout, and instead of taking any number of roads out which make sense, they all get off at the one which ends with some inner voice announcing, “You ain’t right, Son, an’ you ain’t never gonna be neither”. On a good day, it adds, “But no need to worry none, cause nothin’ you do gonna make no never mind no how, so relax.” The voice is not a grammar specialist.

In many cases the well worn grooves help people be more productive and balanced. Maybe they make you get up early every day of your life, or prevent you from getting sloshed and ending up with that very disgusting person. The one you would never normally even consider, in the Biblical sense, without barfing. Or you never let things get unorganized to the point of total chaos. Things like that.

My well worn grooves seem to lead to the grammatically impaired guy who says the things described above. I know better. Knowing better and forcing the thoughts to take another exit from the roundabout are two different things.

Blind, or not so blind, faith tends to provide the most relief. Not faith of the variety that people tell you how to have. It is different and no one can tell you exactly how to do it, or what to have faith in. Except that it is all OK. The details aren’t someone else’s to provide. So, if that crazy well guy(who cut power to your cottage, without notice, and parked in your driveway) asks accusingly, “YOU A CHRISTUN?”, I wouldn’t assume he has much to offer other than a quick contrast to show you that you aren’t as crazy as some folk.

The main thing is that the roads in the mind most traveled can often lead to reactions and conclusions which are at odds with your desires and needs, and which make no sense in the context at hand. Situationally inapropriate and irrelevant. It happens all the time. It can be the result of the famous “baggage” people allegedly carry, things ingrained in you at an early age or who knows what. Doesn’t matter. Those habitual grooves can be life inhibiting and depressing, not to mention costly on many levels. Very annoying.

I don’t know how to effectively counter this syndrome. Faith is the best I can do on that. What that means is probably something only the individual can half way know.

If I Could Explain, I Probably Wouldn't

Since I can’t explain it, the question is moot. What a dumb sounding word. It’s the one that fits, though, so there you have it.

My horizons broaden. Must be something in my horoscope.

Another great and adventurous week to add to all the other good weeks this year has offered. It amazes me.

You almost kicked my tennis butt into next week, however I remain the greater 212th place champion. The nerve of those school kids, playing sports after school, hogging the court instead of showing initiative by holding up liquor stores, 7-11s, and tourists. Serious trouble there.

I’ve got a piece of the Douglas fir, just in case.

It was a very close call in the enchanted forest, as night fell and the bread crumbs disappeared. I thought trolls would be making trouble and asking difficult riddles. They did make mischief with the signs. Good thing I have an inner compass that is as reliable as a sun dial in Seattle or who knows what might have happened. Glad I could rescue you. Just doing my job.

I’m pretty sure Bogart actually Bogarts in Key Largo. I didn’t catch it in CasaBlanca.

That Save the Children guy accosted me again but remembered me from last week. I promised to check out their web site. They pay those people to do that, but I don’t think they pay much. He was into it so what can you do. Anyone that cheerful and concerned at the same time can’t be faking it, I don’t think.

I hope you got the message on the little square of paper closest to where you keep your brain at night. It was as comfortable a flight as I’ve ever had, except I wouldn’t have minded if it got put off a week or 3, dontcha know, I tell you what..

I do tell you what—if you think a squirrel can kick your butt (and they can. I know first hand), those raccoons could tear a person into such little pieces they’d never be able to put it back together. Not like the wood cube. More like a jigsaw puzzle but with no picture to go with.

My blue bag from the 80s will last until 2012, minimum. Nice repair work assures this. I know the people at the airport were all wishing they had a cool suitcase that gets bigger and smaller and can fit in the overhead or be easy to identify if some interloper doesn’t have the only other one like it in existence. Was that guy my doppelganger?

Slept like a baby. Probably one who makes a racket.

That’s life, and now back to work. Yes, I have work. Not everyone does. I can’t believe it.

Never was Casa Blanca so enjoyable, even though Boggie did not Bogart in that one.

Summertime Blues

Maybe if the DMV hadn't made me three months younger I'd feel differently. Probably just a matter of maturity, or lack thereof.

Tomorrow is a day of much work so I hope the energy is there. Good thing they are the kind of jobs I like. The result is visible and easy to define. Time is short, since in just a couple of days it's off to see my friend who never ceases to confound amuse and astound. Hell if I know. It will be good. Let's hope it is cold enough that no AC is required. At least the plane has that essential element.

Universal health care? Forget it. What about universal Air Conditioning? Better yet, I guess I could save up and buy my own. Landlord would not be keen on the idea, no doubt. Maybe I could be real ambitious and just buy a place with AC. Or live in my car and leave the engine and air running 24/7. Maybe not. Oh yea. I can make my own version of a swamp cooler, except it will be art as well. I forgot. That was supposed to be done by now--been too hot to work on it.

The coast does not have this issue to the same degree. The heat that is. The lack of air conditioners is as widespread there, even in the nicest areas. And I wonder why they say people are nuts out here. At least we have something in common. I like them but I have to do something about this resistance to real climate control. They think they can control the weather but won't control the temp in a building, which is a proven possibility. I don't get it.

Crisis Upon Crisis

One of the great things about growing up when I did is that I went several years after I was old enough to be somewhat conscious without hearing the word “crisis”. My TV is picking up one station tonight. I thought I’d see what was up while I ate a late dinner. It was a very similar meal to the one I filmed for the pilot of the hit series, “What Do Hermits Eat?”. You can rent it for free on youtube under the harpofly collection.

So, ignoramus that I am, I learned that I was totally unaware of our ongoing epidemic, this long term healthcare CRISIS—OBESITY. Oh my God, we’re not dying of starvation, we are losing self esteem and years off our lives because “Americans are in a crisis’, an obesity crisis. They used the word several times. Actually they used the word “obesity” several times, and the word “crisis”. Like they say, never let a crisis go to waste.

Americans are eating themselves out of their clothes. They are violating every law of fat control. One day we'll all just roll off the planet, or maybe influence its spin and balance and all hell will break loose. And it will be ALL OUR FAULT for being F A T.

I’m pretty sure I am not the only one who sees green energy in all this (alternative energy source at any rate)
Under present philosophy, your weight is the business of all of us, and SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!! Time is running out!!! Time is always running out when it comes to crises I hadn’t bothered to notice until the smarmy news person sincerely, and with great concern, narrates a heart wrenching documentary piece on the subject. Did you know you may be overweight? Yep. And we aren’t going to stand for it.

Since, as I already said in my belabored way, your weight is our business, I am pretty sure that rather than putting people in prison for not meeting body fat index specs, they will do mandatory liposuction and run power plants off of the fat they gather. It is my suspicion that the point of entry may not be the choice of the offending field of harvest. It really shouldn’t matter because we’ve been taking it there for awhile, and it is obvious much of America likes it. Or thinks so. Some are beginning to wonder what they welcomed. Even those who were once fooled by the Republican machine.

Many of them have come around finally to the realization that their party was merely a stepping stone to this insane new democratic party; the haven of elitists who think they have the right to tell you whose opinions you may hear, and what car to drive, manufacture, wreck, and that’s just a grain of sand on the beach of things these idiots and charlatans desire to control.

Was it Boxer or some other moron I heard claiming that Che is the one who kicked out Batista (the rich) in Cuba, then they searched high and low for a great leader and discovered Fidel Castro? The dimwit doesn’t even have the story remotely straight. What is it with these people and butchers of humanity? Just because both parties have supported dictators and terrorists does not make it sane or right. But the continual, and recently increased, whitewash of complete thugs and tyrants is alarming.

I expect that out of Sean Penn and people like that. They are clueless and go off half baked in reaction to what they see as neo-Puritans who would limit their artistic expression. Stupidly they play into the hands of those who would totally control such expression. I hear talk from political elites these days which sounds like a push to rationalize the censoring of free thought and criticism of those in power. They feel the critics don’t analyze these things as they should so they think a neutral party, like themselves, should decide what is OK and what is balanced.

If I wanted balance I’d spend more time listening to Air America. It is hard to do. They take up the first hour in hypothetical visions of what those they call right wing idiots do and don’t do. Did you know that none of the people who express opposition to the health care debacle have passports? That’s right. I heard it on Air America. Further, almost no one in Kansas or other heartland states travels. No one in a so-called red state anyway. They also have no education, and do not think for themselves. Unlike people in NY and LA, and of course, Chicago. I’m not making this up. That’s what they said.

Air America spends so much time calling everyone idiots, except themselves, that they rarely get to the point of demonstrating what is right about their view, and wrong with the opposition. It is often hard to get a clear idea what their view is, except they are for whatever involves the most government control, unless it deals with immigration or the military–unless of course that involves sending troops where Obama wants to send them. I try, but I can’t listen to Air A. without wishing someone would punch them. That’s because I am one of the ignorant fools who doesn’t like much control placed over my life. I do have a passport. I don’t think that makes me smart.

I’m sure there are no offices issuing passports in Kansas or Oklahoma. Very hateful people on Air America. But they say the strategy for Cuban style revolution–communistic type socialism–is to avoid arguing principle but to personalize the argument then attack the face you put to it. It is nothing new. What is new is the history being spouted in Congress regarding Castro, Chavez, Stalin, Kennedy, and the monetary system.

With my appreciation of this administrations policies, I suppose I should be carrying a bible I can’t read in one hand and a gun in the other, as I yell at my wife/sister to cook me some grub—according to Mike Malloy, and this Fuquit Elliott in San Diego. An entirely different definition of freedom, I think. Somehow they have the idea that we had freedom and it didn’t work. To them freedom is the freedom to have things and services you want without stressing over it. Of course they assume some enlightened group like themselves would handle all these things. Elitists and stubborn as hell. I sense a great deal of hatred for anyone who succeeds in a substantial field like manufacturing or oil. And an even greater hatred for those who want to be left the chance to sink or swim on their own.

This was not what I was going to write. oops
the end

It Always Comes Back To The Blues

I've no idea why that is. Even though I'm not really a blues player, in a technical sense. I guess I am in another sense. It's an emotional thing, when the opportunity arises, and that is real blues. It is not that great to feel it, but that is jst the way it is.

The theme carries further than playing stupid blues harmonica. I always think my limited playing ability is stupid, even though I do pretty much kick ass, and I'm no copy cat.

What it really comes back to, and this definitely has some blues to it, is what once was said about me by a close relative; "He's blablabla...IF you can get past THAT". I understand the That, and I'm not sure I can get past it. That one couldn't. I guess in the past I'd managed to cover or compensate or something.
Truthfully, I don't expect anyone to get past THAT. I can't help it. I'm not that different from anyone else except a little less involved in ways.
Anyway, it will never bother me again. And I will never be so dumb as I was the time I was monumentally dumb in the most expensive way.

Mostly I figure I will survive, despite that fact that I know damaged goods, and it r us. That is sad to me. I am pretty sure I’ll never be hitting on all cylinders because one or two are just gone. Make the best of what there is. Can’t think of a better goal. I also can’t quite figure out what that means, or how to do it.

I’m angry tonight. I was thinking of the old staff I had when I first entered the Memphis scene at the airport. What a lying stealing bunch of people, including my boss. Thieves over me, and thieves under me; liars all, and the sorriest group of workers I’ve ever seen. I guess I did do some good. At what cost to me, I wonder. I did have a few of them convinced I would only put up with so much on the job–pc policies and modern corporate double talk protects the dishonest and incompetent–so I let a few know I was ready to surprise them in the parking lot with a ball bat, and that I had nothing to lose so I did not care about consequences. I half believed it myself. Never had to do it.

That was hell.

This is not, but the THAT thing bugs me to this day. Sometimes I hate relatives and wish they would shut up.

Too Hot, Too Cold

Would there still be Santa Ana winds if Davey Crockett and those guys had won at the Alamo?

We're not actually experiencing those winds at the moment. The heat is here anyway. Geez, it is hot hot hot. A dry heat, of course, which is even worse in the land of fires and idiots who make it harder to prevent or extinguish fires. What idiots?

Let's start with threat #1---your basic "undocumented" camper, traveling by foot. Due to the fact that, contrary to popular belief, third world cultures generally see the world as their trash can, any garbage either goes into the fire or just gets left where its usefulness died. This culture also sees the world as their campsite. If it means the tiny campfire grows to the point of boiling the oceans, oh well, must be God's will. I'm not concluding anything here, except it is another case of uninvolved Americans bearing the brunt of problems caused by other elements. And the cure is usually to make it even tougher for the people who aren't the cause. Same as airport security.

Other idiots would be those who protect the environment but threatening the environment. It appears their real goal is to make life hell for humans whenever possible. So, we don't have adequate fire breaks because that might mean cutting out some protected species, which are abundant in the area. This of course means less defense against out of control fire, which means more protected species get burned out. Environmentalists are happy because there are humans who get screwed over, lose property, and if all goes well, die a horrible death.

Environmentalists, in the sense of those who spike trees and promote junk science and forest fires, appear to have as their main driving force an irrational disdain for their own species. Any time man is caused pain they are happy, or at least completely without compassion. Man eaten by bear---enviro says--bears were here first, he provoked the bear by appearing tasty. He deserved it.
I've actually heard very similar statements. IDIOTS. They are the enemy of the human race so why not treat them like any active enemy? You know, jail them, provide special diet, then after awhile let them back out to spike some more trees or bomb research scientists.

Oh, there are the corrupt energy leeches, power company monopoly people who risk people and property while pretending the opposite. That story has many tangents, like tentacles of a giant squid. So, never mind.

All this nonsense is due to the heat. I don't give a damn what happens to the environment or to those who have made the goddamn earth and it's feelings their religion. I don't care. It is hot and I want to ignore other things.

In other dimensions there is a chill wind blowing, but that does nothing to alleviate the heat. If I ever build anything it will have air conditioning. No one on the west coast thinks they need it, so they will swelter and pretend. It is somehow a matter of principle; "I live in Paradise, so I do not need AC."

There is an odd sort of stubborn streak that runs through the culture. That may be what makes it fertile ground for idealists. I mean, look, people are still clinging to the same philosophy even though they have a bankrupt state. Odd that they can't trace the path from solvency to insolvency and see that it may be in direct proportion to the implementation of their plans.

Nice people, nuts when it comes to air conditioning. I love AC. Some people do not.

Chill winds, I do not like in the figurative sense. Odd, because I often do like them in the literal sense. I expect to be riding one whenever I take my last breath. A chill wind, thousands of feet up. just flying along holding an umbrella.

People, even though I am one, scare the piss out of me. I don't know why. They just do. Better they seem, spookier they become. Almost by definition. Good thing I am not vulnerable to any of that. I'm really not. I learned how stupid it can be to be stupid, so I won't be That kind of stupid any more.
Goddamitt!!! this farging heat

Go West, and Be Barely Legal; almost jail bait

There's no turning back now. I am officially a citizen of the land of fruits and nuts, a west coaster. I'm thinking the likelihood of ever living east of the Mississippi again is very slim. From the time I was 6, when I first visited northern CA, I never intended to remain east, yet I did for several lifetimes over a period of more years than makes sense.

The coolest thing is that California, in all their wisdom, has declared me younger than I would have guessed. By moving here, I became a few months my old self's junior. What a country!! You show up, allow the HP to abuse and make fun of you, then they say, "Hey, welcome. You are no longer 102. You are only 98!" I guess a place built by miners, criminals and whores, and made famous by surfers and Hollywood whores (be he man or woman) is bound to have some fun customs.

What a great capper to the day. Certain insights and resolutions were achieved on my pilgimage to the higher altitude sanctuary, great feelings of gratitude for the people in my life washed through me as if I am some sappy sap, and then I find out I am aging in reverse. Not only that but I am bound for another adventure to the north next week. Thank you Southwest for those getaway fares.

How could I not want to go for another visit ASAP? This is another of those windows in time which seems filled with good life. This is a very good moment.

wow looking closely, I see they put a halo on my head. Caleeforneeya thinks I'm either a saint or an angel. What luck.

I am beginning to realize that much of my life was spent not feeling like it was OK to enjoy the moment at hand without an "if" or "but" in the inner dialog. "This is great, if it doesn't blow up and we all die". "This would be a perfect day, but it could blow up and they send me the bill, and we all die." That sort of thing.

Often it had to do with "Yea, I'm doing OK, but it would really be OK if I could just do some grandiose or half way normal thing and get this job or that money and not be a dolt any more".

No one can entertain such thinking habitually without spiraling downward, becoming chronically drunk and/or drugged, or both, and maybe worse. It takes some sicko strength to survive yourself if you set your mind toward self destruction and denial of living life. Or wacky luck. Maybe both.

I believe it is important to learn to appreciate what you have right now, and where you are. Maybe I just fell into hell so many times that all this is such a contrast that I appreciate it more. I don't think I feel the need to sabotage it. That is something it has taken me all my adult life to learn to avoid.

Obviously one doesn't feel this up for long if he is isolated and feeling lonely. I don't feel very alone, between friends and friend it seems I'm becoming emotionally whole. Who would think it possible? That's rhetorical so don't feel compelled to answer or despair that I didn't make it multiple choice.

All I know is that there is more to life than meets the eye, and a lot of what meets the eye is good.

Ted K, an example to us all

What a shame that Teddy has moved on to that gangland wonderland in the sky. Or somewhere. He was my favorite example when looking to flesh out an illustration of the corrupt, elitist, sociopathic career elected official. Who better filled the bill? Maybe they'll send another Bush along.

The idea that "we need Camelot" or any other imaginary royal dynasty in America is as idiotic as any idea ever. However I have heard people say that on TV with that tone of affected intellectualism accompanied by their best pensive furrowed brow, also an affectation.

We've really sunk low when the Lyin' of the Senate gets treated to unbelievably shameless eulogies attributing to him every virtue he did not have. To think someone who came from gangster riches, never really had a job, and did not need one, actually has a grip on normal life and is dedicated to making things better for the downtrodden, is to think blindly and falsely.

Every single move the man made was designed to solidify, if not create, a voter block. All about power. I'm sure he did something in his life that was not involved with a lie or covering a lie. I'm just not sure what.

Some think he stood for equality. I think not. For one thing, he has done as much as anyone to keep an entire group of citizens in ignorance, and believing that entitlement is the same as opportunity. The New Orleans debacle was as much due to having more faith in an all powerful government-god as it was the failure of government on every level; city, state and national. Local procedures which had been discussed and modeled in mock emergency exercises were not followed. It just went on from there. The point is, due to the tactics employed by Ted and company, people honestly thought doing nothing was their job and that the world would somehow pluck them out of the depths.

Living below sea level may have never entered anyone's mind as far as having a ready plan B in case sea level became the norm in the place. I blame Ted as much as anyone for the bizarre reaction of the people. I've live through too many hurricanes to buy the rhetoric spouted by other elitists like Sean Penn or demagogues like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

There's no question that the aftermath is rife with double dealing and skullduggery. But that does not change some of the elemental problems which were created by pretending to promote rights while promoting special case, ward of the state mentality. It is all about votes. Free people do not vote in a block unless it is to achieve more freedom. That is different from voting to get special treatment in various ways. When people don't know how the country is supposed to be set up they assume you just come up with ideas and can do anything without restriction. Like, "wow, solar energy is a great idea, let's subsidize it with other taxpayers' money!!". That is actually far from constitutional, in spirit.

But Ted was an icon, a lion, when it came to shredding and mauling the basis of this country. He is applauded for it by others who see nothing wrong with being in an elected office for many decades, using power and wealth to ensure that excessive duration, using power and wealth to skirt the laws against manslaughter, being a drunken miscreant, abusing the less powerful, and having no conscience. Obviously he was a great example to others who hope to remain in power until their brains fry.

Political dynasties are an abomination in this country. Our Constitution was written to avoid such abuse. It's number one purpose was to limit power of government, and of individuals who would seek to make a profession of controlling and spending the money of others. Monarchy was a dirty word.

Ted cared about your health care? Then why did he not fight to let elected officials get their own, or be subjected to the same BS he wanted to foist on the rest of us? Because it never was about you and your health. It was and is about power.

One of my Ted stories happened to a friend who was walking on a sidewalk in NYC. My friend is a small guy, maybe 5'3". Ted's limo pulled up and Ted stumbled out, oblivious to the pedestrian traffic, bulldozing into my friend. He said nothing as the body guards slammed my friend down on the hood of the car cussing him out for touching the senator. I have more of those but I think it demonstrates how much those people think of the downtrodden, or even just normal people who can't get away with murder and rape. (since Ted cared so much about polarizing based on race or ethnicity--my friend is Hispanic)

It's OK, though. We have evolved into a country run not only by a number of oligarchies forming one all powerful one, but a country controlled by elitists who truly think the rest of us cannot think for ourselves or function properly without their oversight and total control. People sucker for anything. That's the lesson in that. The worst part is that the idea that the alternative or opposite approach is to be found in the Republican party is believed by most of the citizens, and non citizen voters.

That is a big lie and a very difficult one for people to see. The only choice is not necessarily between dumb and dumber; or intrusive and rape. To think so is to play right into the trap the professional tax vampires and elitists have so cleverly set. Somehow the old team loyalty thing, and habit, as well as family allegiances tend to make it tough to face the truth and can the idea that these two evil institutions aren't both enemies of liberty and the constitutional republic.

And that is the legacy of the Lyin Liberal of the senate; proof that people will believe anything as long as you throw them a crumb or two, while picking their pockets and stealing their souls.

Don't worry that the Lyin' is gone from the senate. That Lyin spirit lives on and will be with us for a long time.

I'll miss you Ted. Few of your colleagues so clearly illustrate the abuse this country takes for granted, and which threatens our freedom, and as a result, our prosperity. Some come close, but they don't have that Camelot dynasty thing going

A Strange Life--or just a strange person living normally?

There you have it, the crux of my inner confusion. See, when you aren’t sure of the basic premise, reasoning further only leads to suspect conclusions.

Frequently I find myself in the most unusual circumstances, given the actual effort expended and likelihood of of such things. They tend to be horizon broadening and fun, and way beyond my pay grade, yet somehow quite natural. It baffles me.

Another possibility is the alien theory; either that I’m an alien who just landed here, or that they abduct me whenever the want which is plenty.

Maybe it is just a matter of contrasts. Extreme contrasts in life can make the new seem suspect, like it was just a figment of imagination. Maybe that is why I had the unpleasant cop adventure when my car was trashed–just to demonstrate how positive most interactions actually have been since I launched the Tour. Whatever the case, it is a mindblowing adventure. The styles of life, people, places and thinking I’ve stumbled into here in CA do tend to amaze me. All that serves to make me wonder how I could have ever been so darkly secluded in Memphis.

It has to be the contrast at work. I start to think that I’m not used to the socializing and respect, but given the course of the last year, it is becoming more the rule than exception. That doesn’t stop it from being surprising every time a new and unusual, horizon broadening twist of fate presents itself.

No matter how it is viewed, I still don’t get it. Although, much of it is what I consciously asked for on some level. Only I did not know exactly what it would be like in reality. How can you know what you don’t know but hope to experience?

So, it was another one of those weekends. Extraordinary. Maybe it is good I don’t have the pattern and stability I sometimes crave, or lament. It allows for enough flexibility to experience things that broaden my view of life and its possibilities. Whatever the truth, it appears that my outlook on a lot has definitely undergone some changes. I’m glad of that.

At least I was able to keep my word, which involved a frying pan. The details are unimportant, except that some non stick pans look like plain metal, but they aren’t. That can lead one to damage the coating, resulting in God only knows what.

Another area of living, I did not do as well with, but that will work out. Still, there is a degree of honor involved, and that’s what needs to be considered. Health, and nervousness, and any number of other factors could play a role, but the part about maintaining the integrity, keeping the word, that is most important.

It would take very little to convince me I’ve landed on a new planet. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m merely nuts.

snap out of it

All things good going on and I'm wanting to fight ghosts. That is no good.
Can't say something reasonable and positive then don't say anything. I caught myself feeding the wrong things and that is not smart. I cannot afford that luxury.
So another hour and half sleep and then I'll make an early early day of it. This has been a peculiar day.

Maybe she's right about the influence of sunspots. Something is amiss and I'll be glad to put this day behind me. It was too peculiar and nothing went as planned.