Just to get one point out of the way, I am all for anyone who does a good job and upholds their induction oath for serving in the military. I do not think race should be an issue. I don't care if you are gay. Those things should not be used as an issue by the individual or the institution.
Reality is, we once drafted people for something they did not want to do. In the current climate that could happen and the gays fighting the present set up are removing the exemption for the many gays who wouldn't want to go. I do not really care. It is an interesting twist and I hope those same people will fight against a draft if it comes up.
That all relates to being a subject of the state as opposed to a free citizen to whom the state is accountable. The reason for a constitution is to limit powers of the the government, leaving most power to the individual and to localities--theoretically in the US.
Issues like marriage and abortion fool people into subjugation without seeing it. Rather than fight for gay marriage, I'd fight to keep the state out of marriage altogether. The only reason they are involved is for tax purposes and the tax system is insane, unintelligible, abusive and wrong. There are better, simpler ways which both bring in the dollars and leave people alone. It is about control over people. Someone makes money and secures power that way, but it is a corrupt setup.
That control is what allows a state to dictate those things. Otherwise people would work it out with various churches or whatever. The purpose of marriage was probably to make sure you didn't run off and leave the other and/or offspring in a lurch. Like most things involving big governments, it got more screwed up the more it became under the auspices of the tax man and his pals. There is nothing in the way our constitution was written which indicates there is any point in the feds being involved in it.
Republicans pretend to think parents should have control of their children, and the state should not seek ownership of them, as many current programs effectively seek to do. Yet they generally tend to think the state should take responsibility from conception by opposing leaving the choice of termination to the mother. Why they get so wound up, I am not sure. Until it is out and breathing, let her do what she wants, right or wrong. Anything else opens the door to micro management down the road of your children. It simply is not a case in which strangers, or the state ought to interfere. Have agencies offering alternatives if you like, but forget forcing and intimidating people. Have your own damned babies.
Democrats tend to think it is up to them to dictate how to raise children once they are here. From conception on there are political people who want to decide the fate of your brat. Now they want to decide what you feed the kid. I've noticed that what is pushed in the world of diet changes regularly.
When I was a kid, if the same sort of people had their way who like to dictate things now, I'd have been put in child services for not eating meat, not much milk, and rarely, white bread. Now they want to force the kids to eat pretty much how I was fed.
I find these things bizarre. I guess the reason state interference in marriage and birth is not fought is because people fear freedom. That accounts for a lot. The motivation behind that gets more complicated and tangled in egos as well as deep dark corruption. The useful puppets see narrow benefit from the intrusion on various rights depending upon their position. Economic or social freedom. Some people see a separation and think you can have one and not the other.
I see no real mass movement which actually is not afraid of freedom. They draw the line somewhere; abortion, interference abroad, generosity with the wealth of others, truly having no racial preference or barrier, you name it.
We've developed laws which favor one industry over another, certain groups over others, etc. Equal protection, equality under the law lost meaning. Maximum freedom requires it.
The fact that so much is going on and I know the information blasted out is largely false traps me as well. Just that I would sit here trying to put what I think I know in words regarding all these causes and oppression of the majority and of the government, implies that I am not seeing what is free and spending my time on that. There is real life and I'm falling into the trap of not getting the most out of it. That makes me a useful puppet as well. That is no good.
Besides it is like banging my head against a wall. I should talk about women and coyotes and what's for dinner.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
4-20 Yesterday, Today The Weather is Odd: Coincidence?
All across the country people smoked pot in public, sometimes making the air smokey on purpose without regard to climate consequences.
They all exhaled in unison in Boulder, as shown in the picture above. Where are the eco-police? What about the ban on tobacco in the open air in places like San Diego?
Or San Francisco. People were polluting the air by the Golden Gate Bridge. This has to be horrible for earth's fever.
I know it is affecting the weather because, here it is late April and it snowed within 20 miles of me. I drove through sleet on the way home, and past an electronic police sign on the highway which warned of winter storm conditions.
Now I know why. All them pot heads celebrating the annual day of civil disobedience in support of decriminalizing the lovely weed. The photo proves it. First that, then today, this.
If only people in this country would refuse to cooperate with some other things as well.
Somehow I suspect that many of these people are the same ones who want to control what you drive, ban smoking where it hurts no one, and believe that all things derived from oil are evil, etc. Probably big on the rights of bears to eat you up, too.
Well, I guess I am encouraged at any sort of rebellion at this point. I just wish the principle involved meant something.
Whatever they are, I think this picture is better evidence than any hockey stick that the weather in southern CA is the fault of hippie wannabes in Boulder and elsewhere, all blowing their hippie smoke in the sky at 4:20 Pm on 4/20.
Darn it. Where was I? I should have driven by the parks and campuses for closer investigation. I may have been able to trap enough of the smoke in my car to prevent this man made weather crisis. I could have been a hero.
What Are the Possibilities:accounting for morons in blogosphere
Either people cannot read or, if they can, they can't follow a thought, or I am unable to express a cogent clear thought in writing.
Besides being kind of funny, in an odd way, I thought the idea that doing away with don't ask don't tell sets a huge group of people up for the draft whenever it is reinstated (and I think that day will come) was a clever view of the situation.
It is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't. However there is enough acceptance at this point that gays can easily serve in the military, even though they have to keep the private life low key.
At the other blog which often mirrors this those who read and commented never even got what I was saying. They thought I was concerned with whether gays are soldiers or not. What idiots.
If someone can at least disagree with me based on what I say I'd appreciate it. Over there when someone disagrees, they totally ignore the content.
I guess that is why I sometimes tread that PC line, especially in the title. It is like the scuzzier of talk shows. They read enough to count for a sound byte, then they give their sage opinion, never knowing what the hell they are addressing.
It's a sad aspect of current day society. Knee jerk reactions and labels but not even the courtesy to listen or to read a thing through before attacking it.
Maybe it is KCL. It could be the site is loaded with nincompoops, or people who see themselves as victims so they lash out at anyone nervy enough to think out loud without skirting around all the things that we pretend aren't what they are.
Besides being kind of funny, in an odd way, I thought the idea that doing away with don't ask don't tell sets a huge group of people up for the draft whenever it is reinstated (and I think that day will come) was a clever view of the situation.
It is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't. However there is enough acceptance at this point that gays can easily serve in the military, even though they have to keep the private life low key.
At the other blog which often mirrors this those who read and commented never even got what I was saying. They thought I was concerned with whether gays are soldiers or not. What idiots.
If someone can at least disagree with me based on what I say I'd appreciate it. Over there when someone disagrees, they totally ignore the content.
I guess that is why I sometimes tread that PC line, especially in the title. It is like the scuzzier of talk shows. They read enough to count for a sound byte, then they give their sage opinion, never knowing what the hell they are addressing.
It's a sad aspect of current day society. Knee jerk reactions and labels but not even the courtesy to listen or to read a thing through before attacking it.
Maybe it is KCL. It could be the site is loaded with nincompoops, or people who see themselves as victims so they lash out at anyone nervy enough to think out loud without skirting around all the things that we pretend aren't what they are.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Militant Poofs are Crazy
Here's a case in which people think they are getting something special but it could be disaster: Doing away with Don't Ask- Don't Tell
If I was gay, I'd push to keep the status quo. Anyone who remembers the dark days of the draft ought to understand. They herded guys between 18 and 26 (I think) into the marines and army so they could then fight a limited war in Vietnam. Limited means we play by narrower rules than the enemy and put our own people in more danger than we should, while dragging out the entire operation for far too long.
Limited war means most us probably don't know with certainty and conviction what we are doing there and what we intend to accomplish. Many officers had plans which would have changed the course of that war, but politicians nixed all but the least effective. It was not a good thing. Kennedy and LBJ got that ball rolling. Nixon eventually said to hell with it and we had a messy withdrawal.
No matter what you think of that, being forced into the military according to how your birthdate was drawn in a lottery, or under any conditions, is not a pleasant thing if you had other plans for your life, and saw no pressing danger to your country which would motivate you to fight. In the old days if you proclaimed that you were gay, you weren't taken.
The draft changed many a life, even if you didn't get drafted. You were not the master of your life or future. No choice. If the war was a good idea, few could argue that the way it was conducted was a good plan. How can you send people into these things then limit your ability to succeed on purpose? Criminal.
Now you can serve if you are gay, but you'd also be able to avoid the draft if it went into effect right now. Arguing against this setup just puts you under the boot if they decide to go back to that involuntary servitude set up.
I don't care who serves, but if I were gay, and young enough to be in their crosshairs, I'd be careful about losing my emergency exit plan. Women could be in the same boat as well. It is good that anyone is free to pursue a chosen career, but the fewer people eligible for legal enslavement, the better.
You absolutely cannot trust the legitimacy of any police action or war, declared or not, that this government might initiate. I understand that gays want to be considered like everyone else, except that they want crimes against them to carry heavier penalties and such. Hate crime madness aside, I think they should take a good look at the present system which may discourage strutting their sexual preference in the military, yet it affords special treatment should forced service come about. Ad that is not a far fetched possibility.
Oh well. I just hate to see anyone unknowingly put themselves under any sort of involuntary servitude. And that's the other side of changing don't ask-don't tell.
Over the years my view of that whole thing changed. At first it was "when my country calls, I must answer". Now I believe that those doing the calling are self serving evil lunatics and they take advantage of the patriotism of the masses. They lie, and deceive in order to have citizens do their dirty work. If it comes to true defense the story may be different.
We've gone with these vague wars with unclear goals and definition for so long, I'm not sure the public would recognize a real threat worth fighting against. I'm not convinced totally that we are actually fighting crazy terrorists over there so we don't have to fight them here. We've armed most of our enemies over the years, before they became our enemies. The routine is flawed in my opinion.
Whatever. I thought gays were supposed to be brighter than average. Begging to be in the loop when the slave state comes down does not reflect much intelligence.
It may be a little simplistic, but if you look at it, democrats have been pushers of slavery, while republicans have been quick to put a patriotic spin on it. The Vietnam draft really ramped up under Kennedy and Johnson, and republicans at the time wanted to shoot those who didn't comply--an exaggeration, but for effect. Now they want forced community service and insurance purchase. I'm nt sure what republicans want. They sometimes say what makes sense then manage to do the opposite.
This is one case in which the cause may be opposite of what those fighting for it think. Unless they trust that they'd only be drafted for the noblest of purposes. I have no such trust in the powers that be.
If I was gay, I'd push to keep the status quo. Anyone who remembers the dark days of the draft ought to understand. They herded guys between 18 and 26 (I think) into the marines and army so they could then fight a limited war in Vietnam. Limited means we play by narrower rules than the enemy and put our own people in more danger than we should, while dragging out the entire operation for far too long.
Limited war means most us probably don't know with certainty and conviction what we are doing there and what we intend to accomplish. Many officers had plans which would have changed the course of that war, but politicians nixed all but the least effective. It was not a good thing. Kennedy and LBJ got that ball rolling. Nixon eventually said to hell with it and we had a messy withdrawal.
No matter what you think of that, being forced into the military according to how your birthdate was drawn in a lottery, or under any conditions, is not a pleasant thing if you had other plans for your life, and saw no pressing danger to your country which would motivate you to fight. In the old days if you proclaimed that you were gay, you weren't taken.
The draft changed many a life, even if you didn't get drafted. You were not the master of your life or future. No choice. If the war was a good idea, few could argue that the way it was conducted was a good plan. How can you send people into these things then limit your ability to succeed on purpose? Criminal.
Now you can serve if you are gay, but you'd also be able to avoid the draft if it went into effect right now. Arguing against this setup just puts you under the boot if they decide to go back to that involuntary servitude set up.
I don't care who serves, but if I were gay, and young enough to be in their crosshairs, I'd be careful about losing my emergency exit plan. Women could be in the same boat as well. It is good that anyone is free to pursue a chosen career, but the fewer people eligible for legal enslavement, the better.
You absolutely cannot trust the legitimacy of any police action or war, declared or not, that this government might initiate. I understand that gays want to be considered like everyone else, except that they want crimes against them to carry heavier penalties and such. Hate crime madness aside, I think they should take a good look at the present system which may discourage strutting their sexual preference in the military, yet it affords special treatment should forced service come about. Ad that is not a far fetched possibility.
Oh well. I just hate to see anyone unknowingly put themselves under any sort of involuntary servitude. And that's the other side of changing don't ask-don't tell.
Over the years my view of that whole thing changed. At first it was "when my country calls, I must answer". Now I believe that those doing the calling are self serving evil lunatics and they take advantage of the patriotism of the masses. They lie, and deceive in order to have citizens do their dirty work. If it comes to true defense the story may be different.
We've gone with these vague wars with unclear goals and definition for so long, I'm not sure the public would recognize a real threat worth fighting against. I'm not convinced totally that we are actually fighting crazy terrorists over there so we don't have to fight them here. We've armed most of our enemies over the years, before they became our enemies. The routine is flawed in my opinion.
Whatever. I thought gays were supposed to be brighter than average. Begging to be in the loop when the slave state comes down does not reflect much intelligence.
It may be a little simplistic, but if you look at it, democrats have been pushers of slavery, while republicans have been quick to put a patriotic spin on it. The Vietnam draft really ramped up under Kennedy and Johnson, and republicans at the time wanted to shoot those who didn't comply--an exaggeration, but for effect. Now they want forced community service and insurance purchase. I'm nt sure what republicans want. They sometimes say what makes sense then manage to do the opposite.
This is one case in which the cause may be opposite of what those fighting for it think. Unless they trust that they'd only be drafted for the noblest of purposes. I have no such trust in the powers that be.
Monday, April 19, 2010
My Kind of Cat
There have been two sightings of mountain lion(s)--it could be the same one--in my area in the last 10 days or so. One lady saw one "leap across the road" as she was driving on the paved road at the bottom of ballistic mountain, and some other people saw one cross the dirt road almost up to Ballistic Cabin (or Kabin, if you are into kamping lite, like myself)
Considering all the rabbits I see running around when I drive in at sundown, the eating should be good for all the local predators. I'm hoping to see a cougar vs coyote showdown in my backyard sometime. So far that hasn't happened. As swell as the coyotes are, I'll be on the side of the cat. If I am feeling particularly disconnected with reality when this event occurs, I'll jump down with my machete and help the cat. A pack of coyotes can be a troubling foe for any animal.
My brother has cautioned me several times not to think coyotes are safe to feed and pet. Such is the family's view of my level of common sense and general knowledge. I'll refrain from expressing my views about the mountain lion vs coyote scenario for that would surely elicit a lecture regarding the deadly nature of being eaten by wild animals with big teeth.
I've seen one bobcat since living here, and I hope to see a mountain lion, but not with any part of my body in its mouth or claws.
Cougars are less annoying than bears because they don't raid coolers looking for sandwiches and deviled eggs, while the park service lays down impossible rules for defending against them. Bears have all the rights. They are as smart and sneaky as lawyers. I have no idea how you can carry or eat any food without a bear sensing it. Because they know how to get into cars and coolers in CA and even know what containers likely yield food--even without their keen sense of smell, I'm reluctant to go places I'd like due to my fear of bears. Not to mention over aggressive squirrels.
The whole thing started when supposed animal lovers thought it would be cute to feed the furry creatures in the parks. Over the years it has become a huge problem, yet some people still do these stupid things. Now you have entitlement minded squirrels, bears, raccoons, and in Florida, alligators. No surprise that you have people in Florida dumb enough to feed gators. I knew plenty of that sort when I lived there.
Anyway, I think one should be able to have some sort of serious deterrent when venturing into the wilderness. Most of the things I'd suggest would never meet the approval of those who think "bears are people, too", or "they were here first, so we are trespassing on their land". Show me a single animal who gives a damn about what is yours and what is theirs unless certain ass kicking results from intrusion.
OK. So, mountain lions generally leave you alone. They don't steal much, they just attack or not. And even the forestry service advises you to fight them off or throw rocks if they appear aggressive and you can't easily get away. Don't turn your back or they might jump on you and sever your spinal cord with a single bite. That's how they do it. Let them bite your nose instead.
Bears, on the other hand, can be more complicated. There was a kid with a scout group who tossed a rock at a bear who was confronting him and his buddies. They were trying to shoo it away. the kid got in a lucky shot and it killed the bear---a one in a billion chance, I think. What happens? The kid got arrested!! he's probably still on probation. That was out west somewhere. Not sure if it was California. I wonder if they tacked on a little extra, labeling it a hate crime.
This has been a public service bulletin from Ballistic mountain.
I wonder if there is a connection between these sightings and the recent lack of coyote activity.
A Good Weekend
First I meet a guy who knew Norton Buffalo and was at his memorial gig which was a huge music fest sort of thing, almost, then there was the good time playing at the get together/party up here on Ballistic Mountain. That in itself makes a good weekend.
But today yielded a nice potted mint plant--long enough story. I like mint. And I had a conversation with my old band's bass player back in Tennessee. He wanted some info he could feed the new harp player. I feel like an indirect mentor. In digging up certain resources I realize that I am not that great. Even so, I pretty much know what I'm talking about when it comes to diatonic harmonica, and some about chromatic.
Half of this got lost in a snafu re connectivity so I am making up what is missing. It was hours ago that disaster struck so the thought has gone away.
Anyway, it was a good weekend. My old band in memphis is doing OK, according the the bass player, but he wanted me to send some info that might help my replacement do a little bit better. In looking up resources on line I had to face how little I actually know. I'm an anomaly. It just barely works for me, what I do and how I do it, but it is unlikely that the purists would approve. Normal harp players would look askance. I'm amazed that most players don't toss me out on my ear. I guess a little bit of good sense goes a long way.
I may not know or be able to do some of the things you ought to, but I know how to not step on the other players, and that is worth a bundle I'm finding. And I don't play the same lick over and over during a solo no matter what song is being done. That little bit of sensibility can make it look like you know something more. One of these days I will get the art of blues/jazz/country/ballistic acid harp down. In the mean time I hope they never see the really good players on youtube or elsewhere.
Probably since most harps want to be the front man, and I like the sound of music best in most cases when the harp is a back up item, that keeps me safe. You get a vocalist or guitar player annoyed if they think you want to take the main spot. I'm fortunately not in that mode. So, those with sense see that I am not a threat. Unfortunately many in my past never figured out I was just there to make them sound better. Ingrates and whatchamacallits. What a sad thing to be, too afraid to work toward the best overall product. Lot of that in entertainment; people who don't care about best, just as long as they can be up front.
That's whay I am in the business I am in, whatever that is.
It was a good weekend. I enjoyed the conversation with the old bass player and others today.
But today yielded a nice potted mint plant--long enough story. I like mint. And I had a conversation with my old band's bass player back in Tennessee. He wanted some info he could feed the new harp player. I feel like an indirect mentor. In digging up certain resources I realize that I am not that great. Even so, I pretty much know what I'm talking about when it comes to diatonic harmonica, and some about chromatic.
Half of this got lost in a snafu re connectivity so I am making up what is missing. It was hours ago that disaster struck so the thought has gone away.
Anyway, it was a good weekend. My old band in memphis is doing OK, according the the bass player, but he wanted me to send some info that might help my replacement do a little bit better. In looking up resources on line I had to face how little I actually know. I'm an anomaly. It just barely works for me, what I do and how I do it, but it is unlikely that the purists would approve. Normal harp players would look askance. I'm amazed that most players don't toss me out on my ear. I guess a little bit of good sense goes a long way.
I may not know or be able to do some of the things you ought to, but I know how to not step on the other players, and that is worth a bundle I'm finding. And I don't play the same lick over and over during a solo no matter what song is being done. That little bit of sensibility can make it look like you know something more. One of these days I will get the art of blues/jazz/country/ballistic acid harp down. In the mean time I hope they never see the really good players on youtube or elsewhere.
Probably since most harps want to be the front man, and I like the sound of music best in most cases when the harp is a back up item, that keeps me safe. You get a vocalist or guitar player annoyed if they think you want to take the main spot. I'm fortunately not in that mode. So, those with sense see that I am not a threat. Unfortunately many in my past never figured out I was just there to make them sound better. Ingrates and whatchamacallits. What a sad thing to be, too afraid to work toward the best overall product. Lot of that in entertainment; people who don't care about best, just as long as they can be up front.
That's whay I am in the business I am in, whatever that is.
It was a good weekend. I enjoyed the conversation with the old bass player and others today.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Magic of the Tour Remembered
Today was one that brought back that almost mystical faith which launched me on my quest for home when I left Memphis, embarking upon the Ballistic Tour in the now defunct tourmobile #1. For no reason that I can define, I knew as soon as the idea filtered into my sad and addled mind that the radical move into the unknown was the right thing.
Soon pieces began falling into place, even though I felt as if I was submerged in a vat of wet cement, barely able to move. As the pieces began to fit together that feeling of living in that viscous fog decreased bit by bit. People from my very distant past appeared out of nowhere and actually helped me plan the trip from across the country. Even the majority of sounds which entertained the journey were shipped to me by such people.
Much of the journey was uplifting; seeing relatives in Texas, doing wild repair work on buildings while there, and generally enjoying the company. Since everything was new because I had not been to the majority of places along the ever changing route, it gave the event a sort of magical ambiance. I did struggle a bit with loneliness, and some depressive regret for things long past, but I did my best to change the thinking and not allow this new life to be overwhelmed with free floating sadness. I no longer wanted to be a victim of my own emotions. That is a thing that takes conscious effort but it can be done.
So then I end up here, in the enchanted cottage at 3000 feet, which is nice, with a view I only half dared to hope I'd have when I landed. Then I end up with friends in this remote neighborhood who play music and wanted me to be a part of it. I've had enough work to pay the rent and live. And I can't even explain what I do. A lot of outdoor teak and some whatnot stuff as well.
I have had periods of time in the last year and a half in which I've come close to stagnation, depression, and generally unhealthy isolation. However that is the nature of my being, I think. the main thing is not to let that beast win. Avoid feeding it to the extent that I can. It is almost sacrilegious to get too down because I have been the recipient of a tremendous amount of trust, kindness, generosity, understanding and respect here. To let things go down the drain without a fight would be like not holding up my end. No way should one let his friends feel like they are wasting their good support and faith.
Anyway, the wheel always rolls back around and the fact that life is OK kind of washes through me, and I realize I may be where I need to be at this moment. I know I probably sound new agey or sappy, but that attitude has pulled me up from some very dark depths, and it is quite a contrast. When you finally feel good after being sick, it can be exciting. Same sort of thing.
Today my friends had a little get together up the mountain a bit. The weather was perfect so we were outside. they play music, sing, and make wonderful food. We had a smal PA set up on the deck and only maybe 12 or 15 people, including an 11 year old girl. If every person was like her, what a world it would be. She helped me pick up my harps when I spilled the harmonica box with about 10 or so flying off all over the place.
A guy, keyboard player and Juliard grad, who knew Norton Buffalo personally and was at his big send off memorial, was there. He was a very nice guy. Everyone had a blast. Another guy there joined with us on guitar and did some solo stuff. Once it thinned out, the few of us left went inside because they were getting mosquito bitten and everyone there was singing and playing music. It was an extraordinary thing. Not only that but the new guitar guy is involved in some cutting edge air conditioning stuff that really piqued my interest. It could be a little glimmer of something I might get into in some capacity.
Somehow, I left this get together feeling like I had again recaptured that unashamed happiness regardless of past loss, status or any of that. It is the state of mind I have to cultivate---just a live being enjoying being alive, without free floating guilt or self appraisal based on things beyond my control and not of my own values.
I was unbelievably nervous at first because I guess I was intimidated by the keyboard guy's credentials and talent. I got over it. It was cool to hear him playing a Dave Brubeck tune on a keyboard someone dug up. There are a lot of interesting people out here in CA. That guy lives in San Fran with a view of the Golden Gate bridge. He's been in the music biz in one capacity or another all his life. he and the host of the party went to high school together in the midwest. Keyboard was voted most talented---I saw the yearbook.
The lady of the house commented how she felt that the way this party worked out she was finally just enjoying the moment rather being too preoccupied or trying to control stuff too much to even notice and live right now.
There was some off color banter by these nuts regarding harmonica player and things I won't mention. Why they want to promote me that way when all the women there were married, I do not know. Maybe they have sisters who will hear these baseless rumors through the grape vine. I guess I didn't mind the attention. Most of the time if people subject you to good natured embarrassment, it because they consider you well entrenched in their family of friends.
It is almost shocking how much I learn about how you are supposed to behave and live from friends here in the SD area. I may have had some huge gaps in my understanding of some things related to interacting with people. Not like I can't get along or couldn't, but there are or were many areas of that in which I've been truly clueless. Lots of people don't recognize that aspect of me, and that leads to misunderstanding or some other disconnect.
I write this stuff down because I know I can cycle. I need to have a record of the times when I realistically felt optimistic, and happy, and knew life was taking turns for the better. My trick for the cycles has been to ride out the lows, attempting not to believe the extremely pessimistic thoughts, and to embrace the highs and pinpoint what aspects of the optimism can be defined. The cycles aren't so drastic that I think medication to level it would be useful. It is just the way life is and I am able to temper it. Most humans have ups and downs. The nature of them varies, but within certain limits, best to adjust to it without chemicals---at least in my case.
Alright, that is my Pollyana-esque gushing for today.
Soon pieces began falling into place, even though I felt as if I was submerged in a vat of wet cement, barely able to move. As the pieces began to fit together that feeling of living in that viscous fog decreased bit by bit. People from my very distant past appeared out of nowhere and actually helped me plan the trip from across the country. Even the majority of sounds which entertained the journey were shipped to me by such people.
Much of the journey was uplifting; seeing relatives in Texas, doing wild repair work on buildings while there, and generally enjoying the company. Since everything was new because I had not been to the majority of places along the ever changing route, it gave the event a sort of magical ambiance. I did struggle a bit with loneliness, and some depressive regret for things long past, but I did my best to change the thinking and not allow this new life to be overwhelmed with free floating sadness. I no longer wanted to be a victim of my own emotions. That is a thing that takes conscious effort but it can be done.
So then I end up here, in the enchanted cottage at 3000 feet, which is nice, with a view I only half dared to hope I'd have when I landed. Then I end up with friends in this remote neighborhood who play music and wanted me to be a part of it. I've had enough work to pay the rent and live. And I can't even explain what I do. A lot of outdoor teak and some whatnot stuff as well.
I have had periods of time in the last year and a half in which I've come close to stagnation, depression, and generally unhealthy isolation. However that is the nature of my being, I think. the main thing is not to let that beast win. Avoid feeding it to the extent that I can. It is almost sacrilegious to get too down because I have been the recipient of a tremendous amount of trust, kindness, generosity, understanding and respect here. To let things go down the drain without a fight would be like not holding up my end. No way should one let his friends feel like they are wasting their good support and faith.
Anyway, the wheel always rolls back around and the fact that life is OK kind of washes through me, and I realize I may be where I need to be at this moment. I know I probably sound new agey or sappy, but that attitude has pulled me up from some very dark depths, and it is quite a contrast. When you finally feel good after being sick, it can be exciting. Same sort of thing.
Today my friends had a little get together up the mountain a bit. The weather was perfect so we were outside. they play music, sing, and make wonderful food. We had a smal PA set up on the deck and only maybe 12 or 15 people, including an 11 year old girl. If every person was like her, what a world it would be. She helped me pick up my harps when I spilled the harmonica box with about 10 or so flying off all over the place.
A guy, keyboard player and Juliard grad, who knew Norton Buffalo personally and was at his big send off memorial, was there. He was a very nice guy. Everyone had a blast. Another guy there joined with us on guitar and did some solo stuff. Once it thinned out, the few of us left went inside because they were getting mosquito bitten and everyone there was singing and playing music. It was an extraordinary thing. Not only that but the new guitar guy is involved in some cutting edge air conditioning stuff that really piqued my interest. It could be a little glimmer of something I might get into in some capacity.
Somehow, I left this get together feeling like I had again recaptured that unashamed happiness regardless of past loss, status or any of that. It is the state of mind I have to cultivate---just a live being enjoying being alive, without free floating guilt or self appraisal based on things beyond my control and not of my own values.
I was unbelievably nervous at first because I guess I was intimidated by the keyboard guy's credentials and talent. I got over it. It was cool to hear him playing a Dave Brubeck tune on a keyboard someone dug up. There are a lot of interesting people out here in CA. That guy lives in San Fran with a view of the Golden Gate bridge. He's been in the music biz in one capacity or another all his life. he and the host of the party went to high school together in the midwest. Keyboard was voted most talented---I saw the yearbook.
The lady of the house commented how she felt that the way this party worked out she was finally just enjoying the moment rather being too preoccupied or trying to control stuff too much to even notice and live right now.
There was some off color banter by these nuts regarding harmonica player and things I won't mention. Why they want to promote me that way when all the women there were married, I do not know. Maybe they have sisters who will hear these baseless rumors through the grape vine. I guess I didn't mind the attention. Most of the time if people subject you to good natured embarrassment, it because they consider you well entrenched in their family of friends.
It is almost shocking how much I learn about how you are supposed to behave and live from friends here in the SD area. I may have had some huge gaps in my understanding of some things related to interacting with people. Not like I can't get along or couldn't, but there are or were many areas of that in which I've been truly clueless. Lots of people don't recognize that aspect of me, and that leads to misunderstanding or some other disconnect.
I write this stuff down because I know I can cycle. I need to have a record of the times when I realistically felt optimistic, and happy, and knew life was taking turns for the better. My trick for the cycles has been to ride out the lows, attempting not to believe the extremely pessimistic thoughts, and to embrace the highs and pinpoint what aspects of the optimism can be defined. The cycles aren't so drastic that I think medication to level it would be useful. It is just the way life is and I am able to temper it. Most humans have ups and downs. The nature of them varies, but within certain limits, best to adjust to it without chemicals---at least in my case.
Alright, that is my Pollyana-esque gushing for today.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Understanding Those Who Promote Complexity
Often in the past when discussing philosophy of civilization with family and others I find myself accused of being simplistic and paranoid. It all seems very clear to me; the momentum of things appears to result in limited freedom, more official oversight of inoffensive lives, and an obstacle to just getting by.
What I came to believe--my theory--regarding the support these people have for convoluted rules, economic meddling and all the rest--is that A) they managed to grow up and enter adult life in a somewhat mainstream way, degrees, consistent employment in a profession, money B) they pride themselves on their general knowledge and grasp of esoteric specialized details. C) they love to reinforce their view of their intelligence by being able to grasp detailed and complicated rules and their rationalizations. D) they feel relieved that it does not benefit them to stand against the powers that be E)they rationalize their abhorrence of general principle under the guise of being "realists".
This results in these people looking at the big picture as something to be managed. They cannot resist. Their minds busily weigh through the matters of life and how it can all be best managed. The assumption is that those who have fallen off the mainstream track, those who do not have MBAs or better, or some other appropriate documentation on the wall, are not qualified to know what is best for themselves, and that they are obviously lesser beings who would not understand the intricate aspects of life, viewed as a game with the resulting strategies which are required to play it correctly.
Matters of principle based on the belief that the ideal system maintains order while preserving maximum individual freedom are seen as rigid unrealistic ideology which only the lesser intellects would embrace. It is a subtle trap. If you do not grasp every detail of why protracted wars are fought, or why the money is controlled as it is, then you have no right to say these things are the result of a government functioning beyond its proper powers.
They have such a low opinion of the most downtrodden that they are resigned to the notion that certain groups will forever have to be kept by government benevolence. As long as they have enough for cable and booze, maybe drugs, then they'll be pacified and help support the status quo.
It is a very real elitist view. Since that mentality spills over into every day life, I find contact with such people disheartening. I'm nt of the elite. My walls bear little evidence of an approved life path. The humanitarian award is merely a testament to how the heart outweighed the intellect. I should have made money from the disaster. What must I have been thinking?
The interesting thing is that without a definition of what constitutes lesser, the philosophy would be no fun. I consider it a misplaced form of competition, and in the end an obstacle to climbing out of the rut in which some of us have landed.
I believe that, subconsciously, many of those who have reached a safe point, through worthy accomplishment, do not want to see others achieve that level of security or accomplishment through less orthodox means, or really, by any means. It's the syndrome I remember when people who got their license at 16 were then all for raising the age when they were 18 or so. They did not mind the benefit of a looser structure but felt self satisfied in adding the hoops through which those behind them had to jump.
Probably, if my life had not been so systematically obliterated in a myriad of ways, I would not care if the system was morally lacking or not. Just as long as I had my world in such order that I could gloat. Pride in success is good and right. I find it gets twisted when it turns into an intellectual rationalization for narrowing the opportunities available to others. Hence you get the system in which there are plenty of opportunities--through government grants, official approvals, etc.
Some of us do not want such subsidy and oversight. I guess we get what we deserve for our resistance to reality, Comrade.
*****Remind me to tell you about the hitchhiker I picked up--75 year old man with $5 in his pocket and the gallon of water I gave him--possibly headed to Miami--he's not sure. He said he had to get away from his seedy neighborhood to avoid getting depressed. He has faith it will work out OK.
What I came to believe--my theory--regarding the support these people have for convoluted rules, economic meddling and all the rest--is that A) they managed to grow up and enter adult life in a somewhat mainstream way, degrees, consistent employment in a profession, money B) they pride themselves on their general knowledge and grasp of esoteric specialized details. C) they love to reinforce their view of their intelligence by being able to grasp detailed and complicated rules and their rationalizations. D) they feel relieved that it does not benefit them to stand against the powers that be E)they rationalize their abhorrence of general principle under the guise of being "realists".
This results in these people looking at the big picture as something to be managed. They cannot resist. Their minds busily weigh through the matters of life and how it can all be best managed. The assumption is that those who have fallen off the mainstream track, those who do not have MBAs or better, or some other appropriate documentation on the wall, are not qualified to know what is best for themselves, and that they are obviously lesser beings who would not understand the intricate aspects of life, viewed as a game with the resulting strategies which are required to play it correctly.
Matters of principle based on the belief that the ideal system maintains order while preserving maximum individual freedom are seen as rigid unrealistic ideology which only the lesser intellects would embrace. It is a subtle trap. If you do not grasp every detail of why protracted wars are fought, or why the money is controlled as it is, then you have no right to say these things are the result of a government functioning beyond its proper powers.
They have such a low opinion of the most downtrodden that they are resigned to the notion that certain groups will forever have to be kept by government benevolence. As long as they have enough for cable and booze, maybe drugs, then they'll be pacified and help support the status quo.
It is a very real elitist view. Since that mentality spills over into every day life, I find contact with such people disheartening. I'm nt of the elite. My walls bear little evidence of an approved life path. The humanitarian award is merely a testament to how the heart outweighed the intellect. I should have made money from the disaster. What must I have been thinking?
The interesting thing is that without a definition of what constitutes lesser, the philosophy would be no fun. I consider it a misplaced form of competition, and in the end an obstacle to climbing out of the rut in which some of us have landed.
I believe that, subconsciously, many of those who have reached a safe point, through worthy accomplishment, do not want to see others achieve that level of security or accomplishment through less orthodox means, or really, by any means. It's the syndrome I remember when people who got their license at 16 were then all for raising the age when they were 18 or so. They did not mind the benefit of a looser structure but felt self satisfied in adding the hoops through which those behind them had to jump.
Probably, if my life had not been so systematically obliterated in a myriad of ways, I would not care if the system was morally lacking or not. Just as long as I had my world in such order that I could gloat. Pride in success is good and right. I find it gets twisted when it turns into an intellectual rationalization for narrowing the opportunities available to others. Hence you get the system in which there are plenty of opportunities--through government grants, official approvals, etc.
Some of us do not want such subsidy and oversight. I guess we get what we deserve for our resistance to reality, Comrade.
*****Remind me to tell you about the hitchhiker I picked up--75 year old man with $5 in his pocket and the gallon of water I gave him--possibly headed to Miami--he's not sure. He said he had to get away from his seedy neighborhood to avoid getting depressed. He has faith it will work out OK.
War On Obesity Seen In Night Sky
Wally O Sausagowski was convicted of being problematically fat. Government officials sent him into shallow orbit around the earth. His re-entry was witnessed across the midwest. Although the official spin is that they have not yet made a determination on the identity of this fireball, and they have implied it was meteor related, an insider in the Department of Obesity and Poor Genetics, who asked to remain anonymous, confirmed that this was in fact Mr. Sausagowski burning up as he re-entered the atmosphere.
Don't say I did not warn you.
If you are not a string bean I suggest not wearing horizontal stripes, bikinis or speedos. Get some elevator shoes to enhance your height, and avoid face to face contact with government officials, census workers, or overactive neighborhood watch personnel.
Don't say I did not warn you.
If you are not a string bean I suggest not wearing horizontal stripes, bikinis or speedos. Get some elevator shoes to enhance your height, and avoid face to face contact with government officials, census workers, or overactive neighborhood watch personnel.
War on Fat People
They call it the cause to reduce childhood obesity.
Do not be fooled. If you are fat you are at risk. THEY are going to get you. THEY are at war with you. You have had it. You can still complain about being discriminated against because you are big and FAT, but that won't last. Soon, they will force you into special clinics where they will perform liposuction on you and use the gooky fat to power AirForce 1.
They will tax your extra pounds as calculated from that chart which tells you how much you should weigh at a given height, regardless of natural body type. You are going to be a Big FAT cash cow for THEM.
Do not be fooled. If you are fat you are at risk. THEY are going to get you. THEY are at war with you. You have had it. You can still complain about being discriminated against because you are big and FAT, but that won't last. Soon, they will force you into special clinics where they will perform liposuction on you and use the gooky fat to power AirForce 1.
They will tax your extra pounds as calculated from that chart which tells you how much you should weigh at a given height, regardless of natural body type. You are going to be a Big FAT cash cow for THEM.
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About Me
- John0 Juanderlust
- Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
- Like spring on a summer's day
