More Ghosts of the Past and Present

Pipe organ in Charlotte, NC--31-year-old Zimmer & Sons pipe organ
Thought Scrib might like that. It's at St Patrick's Cathedral in the state of states, NC.

These are times that try men's souls. For the universally challenged, the word "men" in this case applies to any human, or, if you prefer, hu-being, with a soul. It is highly possible that most times are trying. Especially when people organize themselves such that they are ruled by select groups and individuals without limit.

Not my problem.

The times are not really what try my soul. My ability to adapt to them, maybe. In any case, you carry on as best you can, and depending on your basic internal constitution, refuse to give up the dreams. That is the tough part. Most dreams die on the mind's cutting room floor. Deemed unrealistic, impossible because they are my dreams, etc.; the reasons for aborting them number more than the stars in the sky. In my own case, history shows that the substance of the negating rationales is far less than the substance of the dream being squashed. But that is, of course, hindsight.

Some people claim that hindsight is 20/20. I disagree. It depends upon who is doing the analysis. Too often history as we know it is full of inaccuracies and false premise, therefore one may think he is able to spot the cause and effect which resulted in the reality of the time, yet he may be lost in fiction. Happens all the time. Political people and those who control them depend upon that fact.

I thought the Christmas season held no pressure and depressing demons for me. That may not be true. It seems the season of retrospection and worse, sometimes. My own code prevents me from embracing such realizations because I like the spirit of the thing, even if I curse myself for lack of family and wealth.

What I have concluded is that there is no way I would have ever been happy trying to participate in the corporate cultures to which I've been exposed. Not for any real length of time. Even in low level positions I often agonized for years over instances when I "just did my job" by following the company policy, following instructions from above, rather than following what I knew to be the right thing.

The result of that is always someone or some group being unnecessarily slighted, harmed, inconvenienced, or penalized in some way. You know it is wrong, but you "are just doing your job". Makes no damned sense.

Even though it put me in a vulnerable spot a time or two, I do not regret the times when I stood on my values and did not let a less than stellar salary buy my soul. I never felt bad about not leaving my conscience at the door when entering the work place, even though that is how you please the employer. My way was not something that cost them money in the long run. But it is surprising how far most places go in their efforts to save a dollar, and reinforce the serf status of underlings. They'll cost themselves thousands in the process.

Most larger firms are so tied in with government in one way or another that they lose all sense of reason in efforts to satisfy directives and obvious opportunities to earn political favor. It is rather sick, I think.

So, clearly, I do not belong in such places. Many have told me that is cutting off your nose to spite your face. I agree, but I am not cut out to do anything else. If they levied a small tax on all my neighbors in order to fill my pockets, I couldn't very well accept it. That is what separates some people from others in these matters. When the money trail is complex and less obvious, most people and businesses have no problem with it ending up in their pocket by that means. I envy them. They know how to get paid, and don't bother looking beyond the fact that it is legal. Legal, but not a truly voluntary transaction. Not always even really above board and honest.

Still, the ones I really admire are those who know how to get paid and manage it through eyes-wide-open voluntary trade. I hope I find such an endeavor that yields more than my current efforts do, before I am too tired and sullen to try.

This year's New Year's resolution: Avoid any and all New Year's Eve parties. I've never liked them. Amateur night. I'm in no mood for drunks. When I get grouchy like this, I just want to beat them with a 2x4.

Maybe that is because I was once in their shoes, but less as an amateur. I'm pretty sure people wanted to beat me with a 2x4 a time or two, and probably did. I just didn't feel it until a day or two later.

My Bad: Too Much Info

So, there I was at a little gathering of people at someone's house. I think I knew everyone there to some degree. Casual acquaintance degree, but they've always been rather nice and down to earth.

Then Mr X (not real name) made a huge mistake--he asked a couple of probing questions which hit the button which by passes the internal censor. It is not always the racy stuff that is best to censor before broadcasting. The boring, intricate intrigues of one's life are often the kind of thing you may compulsively want to get off your chest, but they should be buried deep within your psyche instead.

The poor guy. He asked, and I told, and told and told. We went through so many facets of the cotton dust saga that things came up which I'd long forgotten, or tried to. Mostly I was just trying to prove my point that when industry is in bed with government, and when government officials grandstand with talk of sticking it to the evil corporations and "special interests", chances are that the biggest players in that industry have actually written the script, even while crying the blues about it in the press.

That is actually how it works, and once you've been in the middle of it your view of the process will forever be tainted. And, of course, I desperately want the rest of America to see what I see. You can't always get what you want, and many times you should quit trying. Think of something else to want.

Once a story gets started, it is hard to cut it short and escape while not losing the point. I kept wishing I could disappear after every volume of prattle spewed. But no. I somehow found myself stuck in the next volume in the series instead.

Maybe it is because I know I am often perceived as a life long day laborer who plays harmonica now and then. In that regard I can't rule out that there is not some ego feeding motive that compels me to override good judgement in such circumstances.

My assessment of this latest instance of bizarre behavior is that I am somewhat sad and maybe a little fearful deep down. I am very tired of handiman day labor drudgery and I feel a little guilty for not having the gumption to roar-in the Helen Reddy sense of the word, except I am not woman, so we can leave off that part of the hear me roar scenario. Surely I could do something which is a little more mentally challenging, like run a cash register, or count bears in the wild.

Perhaps I can't do anything more satisfying. At least I see the results of my work. That hinge is no longer falling off the cabinet door, yippee. I did that.

Whatever is going on, it is a downer. And I am sick and tired of fighting it. Or not fighting it in the right way. The right way is to change things. Things would be my actions and efforts. Who wants to actually change what they do or don't do? Not me, that's for sure.

All this has left me down, and angry, almost aggressively angry. That is no way to win friends and influence people.

hulu movie review

For those of us TV challenged, who like to see movies, especially at times when the mind needs to be quieted through diversionary pursuit, Hulu.com is an easy place to go for free flicks. I was in just such a mood , as I often am, and found the movie Rock My World.

Peter O'Toole played a major role, so how bad could it be? Fortunately, no bad at all. Just the thing--a movie about a band and the crazy things that go on, and about regaining perspective when pride is at stake, as well as livelihood. The music was, fortunately, an irrelevant aspect of the film. The music itself was nothing to write home about. But it didn't matter. It's a fun and silly story. A good movie to watch to enjoy a brief escape from the less pleasant story that might be running through your mind. Depending upon who you are. If you are me, it was the ticket.

Some Hulu movies are worse than awful. Don't be fooled by what's on the first page of choices. Often the good ones get buried down the list. I think they up their position according to what is a recent add, and what gets the most play. There are plenty of teenagers or others with poor taste who also use the site.

So, in addition to Artois the Goat--a very original and clever movie, I'd say Rock My World has its place. Of course Artois is in a class somewhat by itself, and given a choice, one or the other, it would win out.

I hope this has been helpful.

And Here I Thought Only Insanity Visited

Happy days must surely be upon me. In my semi-hermitic world I often feel as if insanity is my only counsel. Fits of it seem to try to intrude upon my unending meditative, daydream existence. Or so I thought.

Recently, right here in this place I have been spoken to by the voice of sanity. At first I was somewhat frightened. I expected Sanity to scold me and point out my many flaws. Being who I am, I expected sanity to hold no patience for me. What does it want, I wondered. Is it going to throw back the veil and tell everyone of my many misjudgments and odd choices?

But that would probably be mistaking sanity for dogmatic judgmentalism. Probably a mistake.

As it turns out, even though I have no idea if I know sanity or not, sanity seems to know me well enough, and has been kind. If I'm not mistaken I think sanity led me to place the bungee cord on the garbage can lid in order to thwart the efforts of the litterbug raccoon. I did it, and it worked. Of course I refuse to admit I wouldn't have thought of it, yet without the voice of sanity it may have taken me years to do the simple, reasonable thing.

It does me good to think sanity considers me worthy of its voice. Perhaps sanity is not the stranger I thought. Could be one of those Christmas miracles. I am open to those and fully believe they are possible.

I'd Be Scrooge if I Could

If I were Scrooge I would get to fly through the night, and time, with oddly dressed ghosts. I'd also have money and power to bestow wonderful relief to friends in need, once I saw the error of my ways. Not a bad gig, when you think about it.

As it is, I doubt I will have the fun of flying through time and the night. Maybe I lead too much of an inconsequential life. Not that I haven't messed up and hurt people's feelings once or twice when I should have known better. But on the whole, nothing of major consequence is there.

My biggest woe at the moment is purely selfish--I misplaced or lost my trusty sunglasses--the prescription ones that take care of my eye condition--I have stigmata; more in one eye than the other. Oh where oh where can they be. I heard that having stigmata can be a miraculous thing and sometimes you get visited by priests and other experts. I'd prefer a benevolent opthamologist and optometrist.

Maybe I'll find them. The lenses are in terrible shape but better than nothing when you are on I-8 (THE Eight in California lingo) driving west at the end of the day. It can be a blinding situation, which is not good at 70 mph, or so. The scratched up stigmata glasses help a lot. Guess I'll have to make due with cheap sunglasses that are not help at all for stigmata of the eye.

I bought them the Christmas before my exodus from Memphis, specifically for the journey. When was that? Would that be three years ago? I should have fixed the date in my mind. I lost track and have to search for mental landmarks in time to put it together.

Those glasses have sentimental and intrinsic value, dammit.

So, woe is me. I can't be a rich SOB and fly through the sky until I become a rich wonderful person, and I have to suffer the sun with my stigmata uncompensated. And people in Haiti think they have it rough.

Many Things and Blue Sky

Just when I was trying to send the picture that I will then place here, I thought about those denial of service attacks on Mastercard and whatnot, supposedly in protest of the wikileaks guy being arrested. Or maybe in protest of people being pissed at him.

Some people approve, and some don't. That is not the issue I am addressing. Protests and what constitutes legitimately peaceful and what doesn't, how it relates to one's view of freedom, capitalism, totalitarianism and whatnot is the issue.

This is where many unions' tactics in the past have conditioned people to take the stand that if they believe in their cause, then all other values are suspended when dealing with the opposition.

I disagree with that approach. A cyber attack designed to crash a commercial website is not a peaceful protest. Imagine the millions who needed the service to work, who have zip to do with the wiki man or anything relating to him. It is wrong to harass strangers and disrupt innocent businesses because you don't like something. I think it is wrong to stop traffic, throw rocks, or do anything beyond letting your voice be heard and yourself be seen in protesting a decision by a company. For one thing, you do not know whose life you may screw up by doing things which impact people not connected to your issue. You may prevent a sick person from getting help in time, may cause someone down to his last dime to miss a non refundable flight to a circumstance of relief and hope--you just don't know and you do not have the right. Not morally.

It applies to the internet as well. Unless you are shutting down the IRS in this manner, you will have a hard time convincing me that attacking independent businesses in this way is peaceful protest. It is an abuse.

Other than that, the sky does exist. It is blue. Sure glad I had an ark already built. The two coyotes I had on board are already running amok, multiplying and tearing up rabbits.


Looks like one of my neighbors cut the corner on a blind curve once too often. It is pulled off to the side toward the bottom of the hill. That front tire is off the rim. Can't say this is a big surprise. Seems like that car is one of the usual ones which travels the wrong side of the road going way too fast, all the time. I'd love to race around on that hill, but I don't for just this reason.

SD State Aztecs beat Navy in the Poinsettia Bowl. I think that is the right Poin.
I took a shine to that team upon my arrival here because they always lost and seemed doomed forever, but they have a cool name and had heart. Now they are a real team and only lose weirdly--like the Chargers. When they lose it is like they are under a spell or curse because they lose in odd ways to riffraff. They must have taken my advice and conducted the proper ceremonies with the cheerleaders, as I instructed.

If they had done these rites slightly differently, we'd be having a bumper crop harvest next fall. As it is they beat the US Navy. That makes them a world super power---possibly The world's number one super power.

Need a Good Mud Wrestling Venue?

..come to Ballistic Mountain, especially up by Molly the Cat's house. He probably won't bother to fight you as the great outdoors hasn't held much appeal for him lately.

We've had non stop rain and mist for days. This may be the longest I've gone without seeing even a glimpse f the sun or even a sliver of blue sky since I arrived here.

The road up there is far narrower, with steeper hills than the unpaved road up to my place. There is more than one patch of thick gooey mud. No way you can stop on the downhill side in a couple of places. Try and you just slide.

My big concern is meeting someone coming the other way. Some complete idiots live a little past Molly's place, so if I was on the road going one way and one of them was going the other way, it is a sure bet that only one of us would be looking for traffic. In normal conditions they drive as if no one else could possibly be on the road.

There are some good people up here, and some people who are either always very drunk, naturally dimwitted to the extreme, suicidal, or brain damaged. Maybe all of the above. It's always the same ones who cut corners on the blind curves, escaping collision only by the vigilance of the other drivers.

I have made rude gestures more than once. Sometimes I forget to avoid such emotion. I hope my mean look is actually mean and scary, but I doubt it. Could be time to wave the machete out the window.

Tomorrow morning is last Molly feeding, providing his people's flight can get into the airport in all this foggy mess. It has been a hassle but kind of enjoyable. I usually hang around awhile to give him some quality time and convince him they will be back soon. He seems to appreciate it. Half the time I wonder if I got the needle in when shooting him up because other than the first time, when he tensed and had his ears back in anticipation, he has shown no notice whatsoever. I do it while he is busy eating. It's a very skinny needle.

Another Passing Thought

It makes zero sense for Subaru to advertise that if you buy a new 'ru, they will donate something like $250 to each of your five favorite charities. They call it "giving back". I call it grandstanding with my money and getting a deduction for tax purposes.

Wouldn't it make more sense to just drop the price by a thousand bucks? (they are playing on people who finance for long periods--only pennies a day more) I like the product but they sure do market to people who are not of my mindset. I do not believe that I take anything such that I need to make a scene and claim I am giving back. I do what I do. Hopefully, whether money is involved or not, my efforts are a benefit.

The best service to this community is the grocery store that is 8 instead of 11 miles or 20 miles away. Do they now need to "give back?". Their prices aren't any higher than stores in town. I think they have already "given to the community".

There are a lot of non-sensical buzz phrases going around lately. People think they are giving back if they do the civil thing and don't leave someone bleeding in a ditch by the side of the road. I mean that figuratively--and literally.

So, I have no plan to buy a new Subaru and when I do, I hope they just don't take it up front to begin with so there won't be that need to give back.

Passing Thought

While I was trying to navigate this place, I noticed that one of the links on the top of my page says, "report abuse". My first reaction was to click it so I could report the behavior of the El Cajon Highway patrol a year and a half ago, and thought maybe I coud turn someone in for abusing Workman's Comp.

I was wracking my brain for instances of abuse--against myself and others. Then I thought, "Does self abuse count?". I've been in the employ of what I consider abusive companies. Many of the people in high places where I've worked were abusive in their way. Many in low places were abusive as well. Of course, I was not the victim all the time. Usually, others were more the victim and I was an uncomfortable witness. There are times the victim prefers you stay out of it because a job may be on the line and a busy body can queer the deal.

So, I chose not to click it. If you ask me, strangers tempting you to report abuse is probably a trap. I bet that if you click on that and start shedding light on abusers that they will just abuse you for it. Like when you call the cops in Miami to report a safe in the alley behind La Carreta, across the wall from your hovel. By the time it was all over I wished I'd managed to get the thing open, or at least said nothing. They wasted my whole night, and I had far better prospects for my time, I can tell you.

That was abuse.

They may as well re-title the damned link, Pandora's Box--click this to unleash all hell on your life.

===========
another passing thought: if you are sending out a series of cards or letters and you don't check off the list of places to be targeted, you may end up wondering if you sent this one or that one. You won't know which ones, if any, were left out. Then again, it keeps life interesting and full of surprises when you hide the facts from yourself in this way.

It's been raining non stop for over a day in SOCAL!!

I suppose you know what this means; end days. Sky is falling, earth is sweating out its fever, new ice age, a good reason to make some extra laws and maybe levy a new tax or two, a perfect time to picket Hooters (or otherwise amuse ourselves with them)

The road up to Molly the Cat's house is even more rustic than the stretch up to my cabin. It is nice to have the subaru in such circumstances. Others have to take a running start at the muddy hill, and often have to give it a number of tries. I have no such issue.

Speaking of issues, who in their right mind would actually try to get laws enacted because they don't like a restaurant's way of doing business? If you don't like it--don't go there. I'm concerned that the NOW has caught a sort of group sickness, a contagious disorder of mind and emotion.

They want rules to ensure that people can't bring kids to Hooters. It gets old-this thing of strangers wanting to dictate the decisions of parents. Somehow I sense absolutely no sincerity in their affected concern for the tender little psyches of children.

WARNING******please blindfold your children or remove them from the room before viewing this image******



Oh, the humanity!!!
It is easy to see how these two women serving up Buffalo wings and fries could forever traumatize the youth of the nation. I think these terrible criminals hail from Tampa Florida--your town could be next!!!!



What is clear is that their basic premise is that it is wrong that some people are more attractive to most people than are others, and further, that it is a crime against humanity to in any way profit from this natural resource. If you accept that reasoning--that it is wrong for perceived beauty to be used in any way for gain or satisfaction--- then it must also be wrong for those born with intellectual talent to benefit from using their above average intelligence.

In fact, if one's natural physical advantages are off limits for exploitation in any way, then one's musical, artistic and athletic talents should also be off limits.

The case that Hooters is tacky could be made, but so could the case that many personal injury lawyers are shameless. Don't go there. Don't employ them. Or in the case of John Edwards types, get rid of judges who don't throw their cases out of court.

It appears to me that the National Organization of (alleged) Women has run out of real substantive issues and has to search for things they can twist which will give them power and notoriety while screwing with the lives of strangers. People would not work at Hooters unless they wanted the employment--some even like it. I've hardly ever gone in the place but the people I saw working there looked kind of cheerful. I'm sure that varies. Many work there because it was the best shot they had at making ends meet. All that is actually irrelevant.

Anything that acknowledges the attraction of most males toward females, and the fact that the initial draw is the way the female looks, is going to be under attack. It is simply how it works. Try as you may, I doubt you can train the "knee jerk" reaction of healthy hetero males toward good looking females out of the human race. And it has been being tried for awhile. We don't have a safer, more polite, or more moral society as a result. Just a lot more neurotic and confused.

There is a logic and simple natural inclination to what promotes attraction both of male toward female and vice versa. It is not bad. It's what it is, and often quite a thrill. No one wants to admit that females are attracted to males who project power and security. It is true. It is friggin nature and it makes sense.

Of course it pisses me off that the guy with the yacht and a billion dollars has more 20 somethings falling all over him than I ever had, but it is not all just cultural brain washing. It makes sense and I understand it. If you have wealth and power and are a fairly personable guy, of course you will do better than a nice guy who is destitute.

It's from the old days when someone had to protect against riffraff--back before tyrants cautioned against "taking the law into your own hands" concerning self defense. For the species to multiply you have to provide a safe environment for the baby machines. That is rather obvious. And you have to have some drive that induces you to set that machine into action and to keep it safe. That's why some women can take a guy's breath away just by looking so damned good. It happens. It is power.

That's not to say some women couldn't kick your butt into next week. Not too many who are 8 1/2 months pregnant would do so well at that, or want to.

I actually think what NOW is doing is far more demeaning to women than anything good looking women whose physicality helped get them the job are doing. NOW is accusing those women of being too dumb and weak to know how to take care of themselves. So they step in, not by request of those chicks, but often over their protests. Explain that.

Forcing the rest of humanity to make choices according to your mandates and prejudices is not my idea of liberation. NOW promotes oppression, as does every other outfit which seeks to curb liberty because they have decided they can run your life better than you or nature.