Strange Days:part 515

Mental blocks are sometimes treated with drugs or diagnoses of various types. That approach s the luxury of those who can carry their issue to well paid professionals. If that luxury is out of one's grasp, the best thing is to realize that the block is mental, and that means you have to fight through it.

I thought I put up a post a day or so ago and now it is gone. Maybe I imagined it.

I have coolers and other things now, found that Target is best for cheap gear, WalMart's selection is wanting. Cheap is how we role in this realm.

Maybe I can get the massive mess, that is the manifestation of my mental block, under control in time for an almost on time departure. It is working on me and actually causes shallow breathing and internal panic. That is unacceptable. No way for a brave man to be. I'll retreat into a calming trance and down a ton of Cuban coffee and bull through it.

Half of the purpose of this trip is to force me to confront things which my self imposed stagnation has allowed to become unmanageable and unmanaged.

If you really begin dropping out of life in an unhealthy way at an early age, it can carry over for decades. For some it takes longer to confront the internal lies, regardless of who is at fault for them being there, than for others. Like always, I probably have everything I need and find it difficult to accept this. The rest is just confusing work. Organizing and de-trashing is very complex for someone like me.

boohoo. OK. Whining is over for now. Luckily I don't have a flood to deal with. Cleaning up after a house is flooded would be a real challenge. I could probably clean up someone else's mess, for pay. But my own, it is as if I am looking at an unfamiliar planet and haven't a clue what to do. That is obviously a mental issue which is internally based on completely wrong premises.

Burning Bridges/Squeezing the Most out of Last Minute Prep

*****Phantom post returned. Here it is*****


I'm working tomorrow but bringing an instruction sheet for the people who will do what I do in my absence. The won't do repair work, just the regular things when people come in and when they leave.

The housekeeper's son and his pal often help her and they do good work. Maybe 18 or 20 years old. My nine button is messed up so I could not numerically list the in between age. I refuse to spell it out on principle of some kind.

I've told people I'm going to be out of here, so I have to go. That's the burning bridges part. No real or long term metaphorical bridges will be burned. Even though the landlord has placed this estate on the market. It is not possible due to various rules and regs to split out the cabin part. Otherwise, I might attempt to find a way to buy it.

If they sell while I'm gone, they'll know how t reach me. For their sake, I hope the sell. For mine, I'd rather the didn't. It may be more important to them than to me so I can't wish too hard for no buyers. In this market, it is very very tough. Especially out here with SDGE decimating Alpine business with their construction, uncertainty over the Powerlink scam, etc. Values have dropped to about 50% of their value in just a few years, and few are selling even at that. Great time to buy in East County.

Cheapo camping hint--there is more available for good prices at Target in this area than at WalMart. I don't go very high end with this stuff. And Target is the only one with the affordable airmattress with pump included. Better prices on coolers too. The 5 day jobs were all too big at both places so I went for convenient size that was on sale, included a tiny baby cooler inside plus a 20 pack of Coke.

Still skeptical of the Mississippi festival but I will pay about the time I leave if all looks like it is still a go. There are bound to be a lot of mosquitos if the wind is out of the west there, I have sticks that you burn to keep them at bay.

It sure takes me forver to start on things like this. A normal person would have spent the last month chipping away at the things that need doing, like leaving the house organized, etc. Guess I lack in the normal department.

Premonitions

Ever feel like you ought to state a premonition, just in case? So, then, it will make sense if it al panned out? I have, but I think it is a bad idea.

Best just to take things as they come and forget such hocus pocus.

Still Wonder What Synthetic Oil Is Made Of

The say it is better, and maybe it is. If it is not regular oil made from crude, I wonder how it is made. Someone ma have told the answer but I didn't remember it. Probably did not really make sense to me at the time.

I'll be using synthetic oil for my not so synthetic journey. I got rid of my old oil at WalMart. It is hard to find places that will take it and not charge you for that. WalMart makes it known that they are the place to go for that. What gets me is that the want you to sign a sheet with you name, address, and signature.

I realized, from past experience, that they do not check ID, so this time I signed in as J Pastorius from Alpine. Next time I'll be Stephen Hawking, although I need to check to see if he uses the ph or a v. Eventually I'll use names like Spiro Agnew and Wally Cleaver.

Why do they need you to sign? It isn't as if they can determine which of the oil in the dump tank was mine. Probably they originally thought it would be a good source for mailing lists, but you can tell they are not making use of it. I gave no street address for J, as in Jocko, Pastorius.

The tour should begin in a few days. How it will proceed, and where it will take me are variable factors. Those things are just not carved in stone. We'll see what happens. As time goes on the importance of things have changed. What I thought was the purpose has changed. It makes more sense. Because it is personal to me, there is no need to justify the why and all that. Doing that kills the idea. It is clear there are matters to be worked out and lessons to be learned.

I look forward to finally getting this car unloaded because it has been packed with junk and work related paraphernalia for years. The things that will travel with me are mostly light weight and functional. I always bring some tools and items that would serve in case of emergency. Of course the machete will be on board. It is a useful tool and has been used in the past for cutting sticks or chopping brush to put under tires for traction or just as an accessory which makes the riffraff think I am too crazy to bother.

Maybe I'll wait until Texas to get a haircut. The only good haircut here is expensive and way over at the coast. I don't trust any of the fairly priced haircutters any more. I could cut hair better than them, but it is tough to effectively cut your own hair. The need has reached near crisis level. It is just not good style at the moment, and a man of my stature can't go around looking like the unwashed masses.

In the mean time I could slick it back with some synthetic oil.

These Guys Look Familiar

Imams kicked off Delta flight in Memphis.


When I worked at the airport, I had a few run-ins with people trying to create racial and ethnic incidents. I knew it and they knew it. I managed to keep things just under the boiling point. They egg you on and show utter disdain, as if you are a dirty dog. I think one even called me a dirty dog.

One of those guys looks like the one I caught one on one after an unnecessary bunch of trouble and insult. We exchanged words about how we really felt, both knowing the other could not substantiate any claim later. He'd lost whatever the battle was which was more public and in sight of video cameras. I won't say what I told him, but I think he left with the idea that I was as crazy as the craziest radical of his clan.


Speaking of clan, how is it less of an abuse of free speech when crowds gather in London to protest the death of their hero Osama, carrying signs that read, "Islam will dominate the world" than it is when Black Panthers or KKK do their insane rants? The outcry in the case of fanatics who support violent Islam is actually not that loud, partly because mind dead governments of the west and people who deny reality refuse to take these threats seriously. But up close, the mistrust is there. That's why passengers freak out easily, and a pilot who elects to fly a peaceful ship catches hell.


In this case, I don't know if the pilot was right or wrong, but it is his call and you are far safer not usurping the traditional authority of the pilot to make that call. My guess is that their behavior and disrespect of other passengers made them nervous. They are Americans and purposely wear the garb and play it up when they fly to spur on some incident which gives them the chance to cry that they are victims.

I don't really sympathize with them. They got their apologies and another flight, but it will not end there. CAIR is getting involved and on and on.

And I'm one who has questioned our policy in the Arab world and with Israel forever. But when people are trying to bully through playing victim and pervert our own laws to give themselves special privilege, I have no use for them. I've seen people show respect and make effort and I've seen the opposite. Knowing you are going to create discomfort and annoy, and purposely going that route is looking for special privilege. If the pilot found it unworkable then that is how it goes.

I swear I think I dealt with these clowns in the past. They behave as if they are going to spit on you.

They want to improve the bad image, dissipate alleged islamaphobia? Quick purposely fueling it. Quit being jerks, and do something about the stonings, beheadings, and human bombs who blow up for the glory of the prophet (pbuh). Speak up loudly and visibly when people get killed over friggin cartoons. Things like that would help.

Religious states, and absurdly catering to every religion is suicide. Let people do what they want on their own time but keep the state out of it. Wash your feet when you leave home, don't saddle the tax payer with your airport foot wash.

Intolerant groups always push the most tolerant of societies, and do all they can not to assimilate and to punish the host society for their own inflexibility and arrogance. These groups are the ones who ignore the values of the place where they elect to settle. All the while accusing everyone else of intolerance--only because they know the society under attack values tolerance. They don't. Many groups play this game. Their homelands would not yield one thousandth as much as most western european and the nothern two countries in north America do.

Mississippi Rising

They say the end of Beale street, which runs perpendicular to the Mississippi River, is getting a bit damp. I've been down there when the river was high but nothing like now, and it is nasty. It stinks and you feel the sticky, hot humid catfish droppings become one with the mist.

I hope it doesn't do too much damage. The casinos in Tunica are going to be in really tough straits I think. Floods, tornadoes, and hot weather on the way. Let's hope the Westboro cult doesn't go down to harass the people, telling them it is God punishing them for something to do with "fags". Sorry. I guess I could have gone a lifetime without giving mention to that group of psycho-cultists.

Anyway, at first I thought this would mess up the blues harp fest in Mississippi, but it looks to be far enough inland to be OK. Not so sure how some of the upper MS blues towns located on the river will fare.

Maybe I'll get there after all. If so, I am pretty sure I am going to have to do most of my TX and other visits between here and there on the back swing. Time will be too tight, and I hate to rush everything. It is a long way there, and I am a little apprehensive about the river crossing at Memphis. In case there is damage on the road in Arkansas, I need to have time to go another way.

We shall see. It could be I make Dallas for a day or two then go from there. But I may have to go straight there, continue on, then catch all the rest on the way back home, although I still feel like I have yet to find home. This is as close as I've got, and some people here do feel like family, so there is that. I know it puzzles them that I am so unsettled and nuts. It puzzles me.

What puzzles me about myself and my life is a lot, actually. On the other hand, I probably am more at peace than most in some ways.

I'm counting on being physically up to this endeavor, and hoping the adventure actually promotes a little better fitness and energy. I also am allowing the possibility that I decide I can't do it and turning around early. It could go either way.

Most likely, once I get rolling I won't want to stop.

Prediction

Current mysteries will remain mysteries, however, in time for the 2012 elections, intelligence gathered by whatever means during whatever went down in Pockeestohn will serve to ensure one or more very dramatic operations which will divert attention from the obvious inflation of the dollar and resulting restrictions on travel and lifestyle. Not to mention lack of long term job growth.

Don't assume I would have any different prediction if a mainstream Republican was at the helm while totalitarianism seems to loom large. I wouldn't.

The good news is that it is hard as hell to control so much from a central power base, manned by the relatively few, who consider it their duty to control the lives and interactions of others. We vote and they assume they are elite and above us. Hell, if people keep voting for the obvious choices, I guess they have a point.

I will say, that without being convinced of any story I hear, and having only one alternate possibility in mind (which I hope is true), the whole thing does not give me a good feeling. Maybe nothing is amiss, but it doesn't seem good at the moment. No facts to back that up, so I can't say my feeling has any validity.

Like when they caught Saddam, I was kind of happy. But when his hanging was on video I felt like we'd let these people drag us back a few centuries. Other incidents over the last decade have reinforced that observation. Since when did we cheer in the streets and demand to see bodies? I understand the reasons, but the reactions are suspect. What has lead up to all this is suspect, and I'm going back many decades with that reference. We've had beheadings on tape. Tell me we aren't dealing with some people stuck in a time warp back in the worst of the Medieval period.

Anyway, I predict there will be more unusual and momentous expeditions and they will provide a big bump in the polls. I seriously doubt it will backfire politically. That would be no big deal if I did not think it would distract from some serious domestic encroachment on lives like mine.

I'll survive and be happy and insist you buy my book whenever I'm done. The rest I cannot control, but I do take notice. If only I had such a keen sense of the dynamics of the market.

Secret Photo Found!! Speculation Can End [WARNING!! Graphic Image]

Not I, however, many people have been disturbed at not having visual evidence that Osama is now a corpse. Due to my secret connections to the White House, I was able to obtain a definitive photo.
Anything else you see was probably altered on a computer.
Personally, I gain no sense of well-being, closure or even financial security as a result of seeing this irrefutable evidence. Apparently many others feel this is needed in order to put calm and meaning into their lives.

I still have difficulty wondering why it happened now, given that he was persona non grata soon after he was the opposite, and even Clinton could have taken him out. But that is all hearsay. It could be that things are not as they seem. I'd bet on that, but what is actually true in that world, I haven't a clue, even though I am an insider.

Definitive proof of demise of OBL, straight from secret sources in the White House

All those books. Probably just secret hiding places for dope and guns.

Wow. I just noticed that he was carrying a man purse when he was nailed. Photos don't lie. Far be it from me to make assumptions based on that. Oh well, you know what they say; Don't ask, don't tell.

Once again, I take risks for the larger good. Another public service. My sense of community spirit prevented me from selling to the highest bidder. No, I do this out of my obligation to society.

The real question of the moment is , Who will now become the poster boy of our enemy? Who will be the face that justifies ignoring the pesky 4th amendment and whatever else is needed in our war against drugs, obesity, terror, and bullying?

Again, due to my inside track on such matters, I can supply the answer.

Ladies and gentlemen, quit that breathing easy and false sense of relief you experienced when Bin Laden was put down. Meet the New Face of the Enemy!

Hide if you can. Jaba wants to eat your children, and ruin everything. He also is known to disguise himself as an elderly American woman, a two year old child, or who knows what, so we must conduct our security accordingly. He is believed to hide bombs in body cavities, so be prepared to prove your innocence to help us fight this menace

Thinking Again: part N(2)X

Too bad I don't have mathematical symbols on this keyboard. Then I could use that summation symbol, show exponents and integrals. And maybe even remember what they mean.

It is difficult for me to maintain a sense of what I'm doing. On the one hand I care about being a good influence on people and life, in general. On the other, if I think I do have any influence, it worries me a lot. I doubt I can ever live up to a good opinion. I'm a slacker, I think. Not a reason for being hated or run out of town, but that should disqualify me from having the slightest influence.

Over the years I have done a good job at avoiding situations which could influence anyone. No one gets too close for too long. I live miles away and never have company. I wanted to change that, but my fear of company snuck back into my psyche somehow.

Nothing I would like better than to have things in order, regularly have people around, and behave like the philanthrope that I am. I'm also a philogynist.

Isn't it ridiculous that more people know what a misogynist is, than know what a philogynist is? I think more people love women than not, yet the term for the opposite is all you hear. That is because what you hear does not reflect the pulse and heart of humanity, but rather the lies of those who would, for some absurd reason, want to control humanity. More information is put out with intent to manipulate than intent to inform. I have sadly grown to be of that opinion.

Would you want to be the supreme ruler of the world? Not me, and I wouldn't want you or anyone else to hold that title. It is odd that some people would want that.

Of course I do want to be the supreme ruler of my own life. Even if I do not want to influence others in some scary way, I don't want my life to be their responsibility either.

That influence thing is a tough one. I don't mind being an influence if it means someone lives a great happy life and cures the ills of the world.

But what if, due to something involved with knowing me, a person moves to some city, then that place gets flooded or overrun with lava from the volcano, and the poor person perishes?
Then I'll feel like they shouldn't have met me.

Probably happens all the time. I wonder how many are now one with volcanic ash due to my existence. A sobering thought.

Not Reacting, Not Much of an Opinion

Well, Jim, what does this mean for the USA?

That is the sort of news babble over the Osama take out.
The damned circus just won't leave town. One dazzling display after another.

My only real reaction is that I would much rather the Navy's SEAL Team 6 never be under the impression that I am a threat. If that target ever landed on my back, I guess I'd get a bunch of term life insurance and try to make some people better off than they are now.

Other than that, I am stunned by the reactions. None of it struck me like it did the people on the left or those on the right. Really, what info do I actually have? It is very limited and what I do know makes little sense.

So, I am trying to get things in quick order for a launch into the beautiful countryside very soon. I'll be communing with the bears, sending Joel to moon, and be on a great adventure very very soon. I'm counting the days and have plenty to do to make it happen. I've had some unexpected work come up which is good and helps me get things moving.

One thing I do not look forward to is the higher humidity in the southeast. It is way too easy to get spoiled here in San Diego county. But I enjoy being on the road with only a partial idea of what will happen next. I hope I can get it all done, and still be able to take my time and pass through some places where I am a stranger.

No telling. I am looking forward to this continuation of my search for the meaning of life, or whatever that represents in my mind. It may be code.