Didn't take Al Long

Sharpton

I deleted the rest which described his antics in response to Zimmerman not being stoned to death.

I realized it was not a fun read.  Really, look at the record, and the name Sharpton is enough to tell the story.   What a sleaze bag hypocrite.

There are times when people put themselves is troublesome places, but that isn't illegal.  Of all the people who do that I'd think Al would get it.  Mayhem follows him like a dog on a leash.

Send people up the river for being stupid and we'd have more people off the streets than running free.  Memphis and a few other places would be ghost towns.

Unbelievable.

Mob rule.  Self righteous acting thugs.  Life is full of things that don't go how you want them to and there are plenty of situations which end badly. There is not always a way to legitimately punish and take out frustrations on people.

It is that way to protect everyone from taking out their hate and prejudice on those who aren't malicious criminals, but find themselves in a scrape.   To guard against sending someone up who is not deserving.
No lessons learned from all the people released on charges of rape and murder, after years inside, due to  new DNA technology?   Maybe there was reasonable doubt but those juries didn't think that was enough. Too many people are idiots.  

That doesn't stop the mob from roaming the streets looking for someone to lynch.  With Al Sharpton and Jesse pretending to be holy victims as they feed their egos leading the mob.

The Big Pretense; part 7122013//warning foul language, and bad mood

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.   Wait, the man behind the curtain today is a kangaroo!   That's because we are being exposed, and over-exposed, to judicial theater.  Trial by media, public opinion, and racial hatred.   Kangaroo court hopping all across the USA.  A case which ought not be at the forefront of SoCal news, considering it is in Sanford, Florida, and does not involve skinning people alive, mass murder, or even alleged hate crimes.

It is the epitome of pretense when a hispanic man, with some black blood, is labeled white because it gives those who trade on raising ethnic anger levels something to work with.    All of a sudden, a situation that no one witnessed is used to divide up camps and draw battle lines.

Everyone knows that if racial characteristics of the parties involved were different, we wouldn't be aware of the killing.  Just like the girl who got raped, skinned, tortured in NC some time ago, and the couple in TN not so long ago.  Jesse?  No word from him.  Al?  nothing---guess there was no way to incite the murder of a shop owner or frame some crackas for a rape they did not commit.

I'm so sick of people in this country being cowardly, ignorant and afraid to tell the truth when it comes to all this tribal bullshit.

I have no idea if Zimmerman should be put away or not.  I haven't seen, and don't want to, all the info on the incident.   I'm not going to watch a trial which I do not think should be televised, involving a case which has zero to do with me, mine, or a clear cut issue.  Oh, but Obama didn't know shit about it yet he had to pander and incite anger by weighing in with that comment about how if he had a son, he'd look like Trayvon.   If I had a son, he'd probably look like me.   Or a chicken...

The President has no business mouthing off like that. It is harmful and unprofessional, and shows a disregard for due process.  That is lynch mob mentality.  What a fuckwit.

If Barack had a son, he might look like his crazy ass white mother.

I used to think maybe he was a likable yet misguided guy.  Now I think he's hardcore corrupt and self-serving.   Not sure that he's any more vile than they rest, just better at screwing up the freedom of people disinterested in anything the state has to offer in the way of unearned cash,. contracts, useless job, whatnot.

He's an arrogant sociopath.  But then he's in the right field for that, and the right town.  If it serves his purpose, he thinks nothing of fueling the fires of hatred, not caring who or what is right.  Does it promote his power?  Then he's down with that.

I don't care how many mindless short sighted devotees the guy has.  Numbers do not make something or someone right.  That's what their idea of democracy looks like--numbers and might make right.  People really are dumb, in the aggregate.

But, because the big O made it clear he is happy to choose a side in this fight,--which ought to be a trial which attempts to discover truth---every hapless liberal and democrat have spent the last several months rationalizing why this guy they don't know should be fried for a crime they did not witness.  It has become part of the huffpost talking points and every fanatic idiot who loves a Big Brother state,  and Nancy Pelosi, is all invested in this trial and making it a racial nightmare.

The racial aspect is fiction.  NBC doctored the 911 recording to make it sound racial.  And the brilliant witness said creepy ass cracka is not a racial phrase, so there we have it. Nothing else hints at racial bias.

We pretend that it is OK, and not really racist, if black people talk that way.  After all, don't all white people carry lots of guilt even though a very tiny percentage of us have ancestors who had any connection at all to slavery, other than maybe dying in the civil war.  Probably more of us have ancestors that were slaves than slave owners, considering the romans and different groups did a lot of that.  They'd nab Druids and such.  Christians for awhile.  That thought eases my guilt.

Stupid people think that the way to make it all right is to just assign the rights to abuse people based on race from one race to another.  Pretty much that is what guilty white masochists are attempting.  They are arrogant enough to believe they have that power.  They would probably deny it, but actions and The Record tell the tale.

You can't end racial tensions by saying, "hey we were not nice, so why don't you give white people a ration of abuse, one way or another, but of course I'm to be excluded because I say things like "dog whistle" to alert you to secret racist phrases like,  'I disagree with him'."

Unbelievable.  Psychopathic, and sociopathic behavior is now the norm.  Pretend long enough and that is how it goes.

On the other side, conservative pundits are lining up behind Zimmerman--once an Obama supporter (wonder if he still is).  Geez, they are doing just what the dems are doing but they aren't crying for blood. I think they are making such a deal in order to cause further strife should the morons and party animals decide to riot.   Then if someone isn't treated like a prince while rioting, they'll riot over that and Al will come down and act indignant and we can all be fucking victims.

Jesus H etc.!!!  I get it that for some reason the dems and Al are all excited because they can pull a form of extortion using all these threats about rioting, and those who never met a black person but carry 17 tons of white guilt can get some relief.  Chris Matthews will be in heaven giving insane reasons why the riots are so justified and how it is the result of all the dog whistles.    I think he believes that black people won't hurt him if he calls everyone a racist and shows clear signs of wanting to be Obama's sex slave and bitch.

The only thing worse than self appointed racial leaders like Jesse are whites who try to hijack trumped up racial outrage.  Such phonies.

It is so obviously political, and, in a country of presumed innocence, rule of law, protection of rights, this situation is wrong and dangerous.  Allowing trials to be a media circus. and allowing insane political agendas to drive it in the first place will not result in a better country.

It would be so easy to be in the wrong place at the wrong time,  and find yourself in big trouble, on the news, and on the receiving end of Al Sharpton's sociopathic propaganda.

Maybe no one in the media has ever been sucker punched, blind sided and knocked down.  I have, and I can tell you, you don't think to yourself, "Am I in real danger here?  Just what degree of defense or force is warranted?"   You pick up anything--a brick, a knife, a vile of acid, anything--and do what you can to get free.  If you can take an eye out, you do.  It is fast.

I do not know if that was the case, but I have seen nothing to prove otherwise, and don't believe they've mentioned that there was proof.  In the USA that means you cannot be sent up the river.  Well, it used to be that they at least talked a good game.  Now we just put it on tv and choose sides.

OJ gets off.  No riots.  Why didn't white people riot and decry the lopsided black on white crime situation?   If Zimmerman gets off, we all expect riots.  Explain the rationale.

It is all the big pretense.  We'll pretend the majority, or a very high percentage, of blacks do not hate whites and aren't racist.

Really must suck for those who don't live their lives seeking racial conflict and violence.  But why keep pretending?  Something is wrong when everyone knows a white guy like me would probably be dead or very much the worse for wear were I to go to almost any predominately black neighborhood.

The reverse is not even close to the same risk.  Everyone knows it, yet we pretend it is some other way, or the guilty dolts, who are the real racists, make excuses to avoid holding certain people accountable for their behavior.

I never was one who insisted that OJ was guilty.  I wasn't there, and refused to watch that trial circus.

There have been too many people harmed by these kangaroo courts designed to further some political agenda or other corruption.  All the Johnny Sutton prosecutions of border patrol and such, Lt Behenna, etc.  Those were done to please assholes in other countries; dickhead mexican officials,in Sutton's cases, and the taliban or some other insane superstitious muslim nutcases in Behenna's case as well a others.   No telling how many such cases there have been.  It only screws up the lives of a few who don't deserve it.  No big deal.

That's how we roll.  "Oh, please don't riot.  We'll ignore the law, logic and procedure just to appease you and to pretend that your punk ass posturing and threats somehow constitute a reasonable approach. And we'll apologize too.  Just tell us what for."

The hell of it is, if Martin had shot Zimmerman, with or without cause, we'd never have heard of it.  If he'd buggered him at gunpoint then dismembered him while he was still alive, we'd have heard nothing. This pretend bullshit is dangerous and wrong.  You don't have to have a real strong moral fiber to know that.  Unless you've become so good at pretending that you believe your own bullshit, and that which we keep being fed.

OK.  In case you don't know; typical dumbass democrats, you are for Zimmerman getting strung up.  Typical dumbass republicans, you are for acquittal.  All you need to know is that.  Screw the fact that you weren't there, have no dog in the fight, or other reason to be involved.  It is your duty as a mindless sheep to follow your team.  Otherwise you won't be cool.

I am so amazed that people don't see the big con being played by everyone who controls those with badges and gun, or controlling those who control.  And if they do they get pissed off at me for my rebellious attitude toward the process of totalitarianism, fascism, etc., which is what we have created here.  It is probably a type of fascim--corporate-government partnership.  Never ever buy the benign lies and smile if they are accompanied by talk of business and government partnering.  It is bullshit.

I'll explain why another time.  If you can't see it, I suppose talking to you is a waste of time anyway.  F-off, comrade


Not much is real

It is demonstrably composed mostly of pretense


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Even a Stopped Clock is Right Twice a Day

Among the handful of people who did or said the right thing at the right time, and helped stave off either my demise or entry into another dimension--possibly a delusional one--Joel holds a unique spot because he continues to harass me and convince me I'm nuts.

And he's helped me in several scrapes, the nature of which vary greatly.  Not always obvious when I'm in a scrape.  Don't think it is not used as ammo from time to time.   Then again, maybe it useful to be reminded of how the road's been traveled.  There is progress, but that is after lots of opposite of progress.

The advantage here is that there are times when he is right, because I am sometimes nuts.  It always makes me think.  He may not use the word "nuts', but it boils down to the same thing.

Recently we had a conversation and he expressed a little skepticism regarding why I would be down.  There is no good reason.  That actually helps because even though I can't see it now, I know I could see that there are no compelling reasons for my lowest points during our conversation.  So, I know myself well enough to know that I am not viewing reality with a constructive attitude.   I'm wondering if it isn't an inner sense of place that is the problem.

I'm not so sure the place is of a geographical nature.

Where I work can be interesting.  Take the Hollywood actress; mostly B movie parts and rap-booty videos.  She's good looking, and apparently clueless.  She's really a concubine of sorts but thinks she's the number one girl of the faithful guy who owns the place.  He lets her and her entourage stay there on his dime when they want.  He's elsewhere.  Last week he was there with someone else.  She was elsewhere.

Booty lady's entourage consists of her mother and a few friends, and maybe somebody's kids.  Among the friends we have an allegedly homeless man who is some sort of in-law.  She says she brings him and the occasionally one of his colleagues because "they'd never get to know this kind of luxury", and it's her "way of giving back".

She has the house manager buy car loads of groceries and booze, all on the "john's" dime.  She and her mother then load up all that's left over---which is most of it---and cart it back to L.A.  She is paying for nothing, yet she uses that obnoxious phrase, "giving back", as if she's a saint.  Give back to what?  Uncle Waldo because you robbed him as child?

I guess he's a help when they load up coolers full of food and beer for the ride home.  I think they schedule visits when groceries run out.  They give back to their pantries and refrigerators.

And it is most charitable of them to give Uncle Waldo a lift.  Who knows, they may make him pitch in for gas.

That group leaves the place like a tornado hit.  Always expect the most unlikely things to get broken.  This time they broke the ping pong table, and some piece of a shower head set-up.  In these cases, as in most, the breaks are of a nature that leave how it broke a tricky mystery.  I can usually fix whatever it is, but I cannot always solve the mystery of how or why it was broken.

The table is a very solid attempt at making a fold-up ping pong table durable and idiot proof.  This residence is where I would test any new design to see if it can survive energetic morons.  Finally, the morons beat the table.  I will say it withstood some really stellar dimwits until now.  I can probably make it whole again.  Don't think I can make it Booty-actress proof.

The political person with whom these people rub shoulders very likely thinks spending the money of others is his way of giving back, too.  No wonder I'm down.  What seems fine to most people doesn't sit well with me.  But being Don Quixote is not the route I hope to take.  I didn't like him or his putsy friend.  Right as they may have been--about who knows what.

So, when is one exercising courage, doing the right thing, and when does one cross the line into tilting at windmills?   If the Revolution had been lost, would Washington and Jefferson and the like been seen as wild idealists without sight of reality?  I like them better than Quixote and Toto, or whatever his odd friend was called.

It is interesting that reality of the way things are, and what is right often collide.  At times those who stand on what is right are considered brave and courageous, and at times they are thought to be lunatics.  In both scenarios hindsight often, but certainly not always, renders the initial judgement wrong.

See? It gives you nothing solid to go on.  The whole deal is a self-doubt factory for those who care what is right, and about the well-being of people in general.  And who often find society a confusing place.
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Mt Laguna's on fire.  It is not that far and I go there all the time.  This is not good.

Phoning it In

So, a guy I haven't seen in about a year called me to ask if I'd play a block party in Poway.  That was today--Sat 7-6.  Or 6-7 if you are foreign.

He's a good guitar player/singer, and has a mandolin player that is a cut above the norm for mandolin player I've seen around.  But they play the kind of songs which do not have the most predictable of patterns, and I guess they draw only from the list of tunes I've never played.  Many of them I've never heard.

This was a good size neighborhood block party.  We were the first group, then they had another, more plugged in band.  I waited around a bit to see if maybe it would be a sit-in opportunity but decided it wasn't.

We played an hour and a half, and never once played anything that I knew or anything real loose.  It was a challenge but I think I filled some space, keeping the sense of what was going on.  The mandolin guy is a good person to play with.  That communication is there, and he's a versatile player.

I guess it went OK.  I hit the end of the regular saturday open mic/jam, which was at a new venue.  It was OK.  Mostly I just tried to go somewhere I wasn't.  Never works but it helps, maybe.

The most exciting thing was that I wasn't expecting to play because I was way late and not on the list.  They put me on anyway and when they were telling me to come up I didn't realize the case was unlatched. Twenty two harmonicas all over the floor.  I do have two C harps in the case, so there are actually only twenty one unique harps.  Several minor key tunings.

That was the excitement even though I think I did well in Poway.  Probably I am a little less enthused playing thing I would not choose for me if I could be doing whatever music I like best.  And I'm not sure what it is I'm after.

Maybe I'll cross paths with a drummer I met who seems conversant with world and caribbean influences.  I like a lot of that foreign stuff, even if some of them foreigners don't speak English.  I had a discussion with that guy and something could come of it.  In the world of musicians I encounter, though, it never pays to assume the outcome of anything, regardless what is said.

Musicians who don't have to wear a tux to play are generally unreliable, moody, and subject to odd behavior.  That is most likely why some people think I'm a musician---I have all the character trappings, even if my musical ability has fairly severe limits.  And I'm the guy who never attempts to put on "the look", and frankly am put off by those who do.   They look like musicians and I am squirrelly like one.

Then there are actual real deal musicians and I can't say more about that.

Another Idea

If we take the word "lonely" out of the dictionary, then there is no way I can be that.  A lone wolf howlin at the moon.  A romantic notion which is no fun at all.  Highly over rated.

I guess it beats being shacked up with a power hungry psychopath, or pathological liar, or whatsername. Or someone who likes what she thinks I ought to be, or could be, but not so much who I am.

So Hot

Man, I'm sweating like a creepy ass cracka on trial for self defense.   East county is a good 20 deg.F warmer than Pt. Loma on the bay, and the ocean.  And they are most likely freaking out because it is hitting 80.

Speaking of creepy ass crackas, what is that all about?   There are far more definitively racial murders which barely see a minute's time in the media.  The most egregious of these with which I'm familiar unfortunately involve the creepy ass crackas being raped, dismembered, tortured and killed by Blacks.  Even then, I say forget the hate crime, just enforce the laws against the crime. period.

But quit pretending.  And quit appeasing by setting up a de facto double standard which everyone pretends is not there.  That is not the way to mutual and universal respect.  

I can always tell when Mexican related BS is in the political discourse.  People who work at the resort or for landscape, etc. give me the evil eye because I do the work they won't do.  Or, in some cases, the work they think is reserved only for people from their tribe.  I just don't look all that Mexican.  And I don't look undocumented or like I'm a dreamer--whatever that means.

It's a chip on the shoulder thing.  Once they know me they have a hard time being quite so angry at me, but I can see that some of them try.

Maybe those who tell me most people are not very bright are correct.  I doubt I'd like Zimmerman very well, but it seems obvious that the only reason he's in this circus is because Al, Jesse, and others who jump on any trumped up racial bandwagon threatened riots.  It is not a good thing.  At this point it has little to do with reality, only how to pacify extortionists.

  I wasn't there.  Neither were the race professionals.  I don't think they realized George was genetically all kinds of races, with even some African blood, when they first got the lynch mob rolling.  If you haven't lived down there or in cities which include a majority of people that see nothing but race, then you probably buy all the pap you hear, and think anyone who calls them on it is a racist.

The answer is not appeasement and it is not to put more people in prison.  The answer is to make laws apply evenly, be sparing in the writing of those laws, and base it on truth.  We do not have equal enforcement or treatment under our laws.  Depending on the laws, you can be targeted if you are Black, or targeted if White or any other irrelevant factor based on tribe and politically correct non-sense.

And in conclusion, I think that is why we, as Americans, are experiencing a big heat wave, and why I'm sure that it is all the fault of technology.  and creepy ass crackas.

Damned, that phrase just brought images of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Lindsay Graham and some others to my mind.  Got to admit it, there are some creepy ass crackas around.  I do not know how to similarly label creepy ass ??? like Sharpton, Jackson, those guys I stood off pretending a harmonica was a gun in Greensboro,  Louis Farrakhan, etc.  If you be creepy enough, you are probably rich and sucking tax money or extorting normal people through non-universal laws--laws that aim to favor one group over another, explicitly.

The heat wears me down mentally.  I'm liable to just turn myself in to some law agency I despise and tell them I'm about to lose it, and that I'd consider suicide by cop,  except I really do have such a low opinion of the police structure and the vast majority of its employees that I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction.   Really, one huge drawback to suicide by cop is that too many of them might enjoy it, provided they didn't get too hassled in the investigation.

Trudging On In Spite of Anti-Me: Coping Method

This new me phase really is a new ball game.  Although I can feel as blue as night, I am less overwhelmed by things that most people don't find so daunting.  Even when in the doldrums, like lately, I've continued to find projects and do work.

In the midst of doing these things, my mind is occupied with trying to work out better solutions or just getting it done.  The big difference is that I'm not stuck in so much second guessing that it takes me forever to start the task, whatever it may be.

The inexplicable barrier which causes me to almost fear getting started has plagued me for eons.  It could often be a case of over analyzing some simple thing forever.  I'm not sure.  Maybe I worry I don't know what I'm doing, it won't be good enough, or I imagine the task and lose sight of where and how to start and keep going.  Whatever it is, I'm not as much affected by it these days.

Part of it is that I'm doing things that I know the landlord would like to see done.  When all else fails, do something for someone else that neither demands nor expects it.  They are out of town, so having the goal of doing certain things before their return helps.

Then I am able to transfer that ambition, every now and then, to things I know I should want done for myself.  When it comes to my stuff, I do not have the same emotion and drive.  The transfer of momentum works for awhile.  Even though my own matters seem numbing and evoke no passion, switching into that lane while I'm on a roll results in a little progress.

All that may sound silly, but I think it is good to know in case a person has similar glitches and built in barriers to making the most of the ability and resources at hand.  How do you know you are intelligent if you don't use it to any obviously constructive purpose?  So, I put little weight on raw intellect.  It pays not to be dumb as a rock, which some people are.  No intelligence can be mitigated by a good heart, I guess.  Wasted intellect is just a waste, and not a very uplifting condition.

The important thing is probably a combination of process and end product.  Ends rarely justify means.  If the means aren't honorable, that is no good.  If the means involve force against the innocent, no good.  That is why I am opposed to big protests which stop traffic and damage property.  You have no right to impede the mobility of strangers just because you have a cause.

Anyway, there is a lot to be said for enjoying the process whatever the ends.

So, work, both that which pays and that which is done because it needs doing, is a good key to not letting the blues negatively impact your efforts to live.  There is satisfaction in seeing a job completed well, even if it is a small job.  Plus it slides you through time so you don't cuss yourself all day for being you.
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Think I'll go play at Lestats on Monday.  I played that once with the Orange Pickers.  This time a friend said he was going with a lady named M**** and that she would like "talented backup".  I found her on his facebook friends list.  I don't think I've ever heard her.  From photos of her on her page I can safely say I'm on board.  What a knock out.  Heck yea I'll back you up.  Is that shallow?

I find that I have no prejudice against pretty people.   I like it that some people are highly attractive.  Some people aren't so attractive and I do not hold that against them.  There are some relatively homely women who become plenty attractive once you get to know them.  But I wouldn't discriminate against beautiful just in case it makes less beautiful feel bad.   When beautiful is not nice or really dull then the looks aren't enough.

That's the way it is; how we've evolved.  I feel I have to give a big explanation and an implied apology for saying someone is stunning to look at.  It does not please me that I've been so conditioned that I'd do such a thing.

This one is probably way too young and not into whatever I am.  I still have some sense.  I talk a big game but rarely act on it, and almost never in a premeditated manner.

What a world. Only one I know.

When it comes down to it, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about.
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I vs I

There are times when I'm so blue, I don't know what to do.

But the new me is still alive.  Things get done on a more regular basis and in a more timely fashion.

But there is that Anti-Me that still thrives inside.  That's the one that often gets hold of moods and says, "You got nothing going on, and there is no happy or sad, just the exhausting state of being.  I have an idea!  Why not take a lethal dose of some pleasant opiate and drive off the edge of the Grand Canyon?"

I guess it is like matter and anti-matter.  Or something.

I know that anti-me mostly tells lies, and there are people who would get very angry at its general assessment of me and my life.  It is probably because of how I feel about those people that I continually make the effort to ignore the harsh inner critic and go through the motions of doing something constructive, like sanding things.  I can do mindless work while having a running battle between myself and anti-me.

You're a loser.
So?  You're annoying.
Wonder if you have any fun or pain when you're dead.
I think life is supposed to be both those things.
If you were good enough at it to even know.  You are the lousiest at living life of everyone in your family for maybe six generations.  Or more.
Maybe I'd be better at it if you weren't part of me.  I hate Anti-Me.
Too bad, because I'm never going away.  And I only have one mission--destroy you in any way I can.
You suck.
Racist.

I don't think throwing out a word like "racist" works when the dispute is in my mind between me and anti-me.

It isn't two personalities.  But it is a battle which involves somehow distorting the truth, or hiding it from myself.  Lots of people do that--lie to themselves and believe the lies.

Could be worse.  I could be someone who is really evil and a waste,  like those irs people, or Harry Reid.

The hell of it is, it is not like I can control how that internal destructor entity makes me feel.  Physically and to a large degree, mentally.  I just tell myself, "OK, you feel like you are trying to walk through quick sand.  You aren't.  Just try to do whatever it is at hand without injuring yourself or others."  Then I drive off or do whatever it is even though I feel like my head has been injected with cotton balls and wet socks.

Eventually it passes.  Unfortunately, so do the times when I experience moments of freedom from that constant weight.  Actually the best temporary fix is some sort of stimulant like amphetamines.  But it is no good long term, so I don't bother.  Besides my primary care physician is a retired veterinarian and they don't prescribe things like that.

No matter what, the organizing gains will not be reversed.  I will not backslide.  It is actually my deep, yet misunderstood, love for friends and family that prevents me from following a path of certain, imminent doom.

People don't get why I don't throw out I love you every ten seconds.  It probably means more to me than to them, but they don't believe that.  Guess that means I have great affection for some true dimwits.

Actions.  I've heard plenty of I love you as the soundtrack to some of my most devastating sorrows, defeats and betrayals in life.

I love you, sorry I can't pull your bleeding body out of the ditch.  Running late, you understand. See ya!  Luv yoo!  XXOO F***  Off

Save it.

An example of the odd detachment that comes with this sort of thing is how I approached dinner tonight.  I knew I should eat but couldn't say if I was hungry or not.  I considered what I had eaten and when, today.  I did eat some kind of breakfast.  I should have been very hungry hours ago.  So, I forced myself to fix something that I would fix if I were happy, hungry and on top of things.  It was good enough---everything I fix is.  But it held no enjoyment.  I can feel that my stomach is full.  I ate because that is probably what people do.  I often copy what it is people allegedly do to stay alive.  Basics, like eat, breathe, seek water.

Those things rarely feel natural.  It would be natural to eat once then have it out of the way forever.  Wash once, etc.  It feels like ritual more than necessity.  But reaon tells me these things are necessities.

And that is the blues.
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Generally Speaking, out loud thinking, trust issues

Maybe I am missing something.  I'm sure the minute details of various constructs and rules elude me, and/or cause me to glaze over.  I focus more on what I consider to be principle.  Often the details beg the question of whether a particular entity has right and justification to even address the matter at hand.

I think it was Nancy Pelosi who recently stated that we need to find the balance between privacy and security, indicating that people like her would be the ones suited to decide just how intrusive the state should be.  After all, if you have done nothing wrong, why resent unwarranted surveillance, search, seizure, whatever it takes?

If you are one who buys that line, welcome to the plantation.   You may even work your way up to trustee.  You can help us prevent escapes and make sure everyone does what he is told.  And you are off my Christmas list.   Allah willing, we must draw the line somewhere.

OK, so in order to be safe and secure, we need to accept being monitored for out of the way language, calls to the wrong people, just a general documentation of such things.   Not like a full blown wire tap.  Unless it is deemed useful by whomever is authorized by the state to deem.  Trust the government that is allegedly of the people to do the right thing.

Give them power to be the custodian of your privacy.  But don't tell anyone if you discover they are spying on citizens, political friends and enemies.  Their job is to monitor the public, and no citizens have a right to monitor the activities of the state.

Bottom line; the citizenry is not to be trusted, and they must regularly prove their innocence at road blocks, by the nature of their calls not being considered out of line, and in many other ways, but any part of government, even secret courts and agencies, is to be allowed full discretion over how much they monitor the public.  Public= potential criminals who can't be trusted to conduct their own affairs without state guidance.  Government= trustworthy and always functioning ethically, honorably and with the highest regard for our well-being.

As usual, I think Nancy either has her head up her ass, or is not a person of integrity.  I suspect she has a personal motive.  In the details we find many questionable links between Nancy and what she pushes.  Usually some cronies and family in the mix.  But why go into politics if not to get rich?

 Blaming Bush won't work even though I think Bush 1 and Bush 2 are firmly in the camp of an elite ruling class with way too much involvement in the citizen's life.  And way too much involvement in the affairs of other countries.  The school of thought that America's duty is to bring democracy to the world is a crock in so many ways.

For one thing, we are not a democracy.  It's a fine point but jut plain democracy is a dangerous thing.  It subjects the individual to the whims of the majority.  Washington warned of the error of getting entangled in the affairs of other nations, particularly in the matter of involving ourselves and taking sides in their disputes.  No one is really dumb enough, who has the power, to believe that spreading democracy bunk.  But they'll say it anyway because it sounds better than singing the praises of chaos, fear, and subjugation.

It's a trip keeping abreast of some things.  It reminds me of a woman who was caught cheating, and then went on the offensive claiming the person pointing out the facts had a sick mind.  That's the show these days.  It so obviously is not working, but people are still clinging to their team the best they can.  Ignoring the obvious is tough to do forever.

Clearly, I do not trust every time they claim some intrusive measure is for national security.  Arm people, then fight them, then arm someone else and wonder why armed lunatics are haunting you, Oh yea, be sure to only arm full tilt psycho nutjobs.

Perhaps I'm a sucker for edgy soap operas.  Like the British version (original) of Shameless.  The writing of that show is phenomenal sometimes.  They have different writers, all good, but I have a couple of favorites.   I have to go back and find her name.  She wrote some episodes that were as good as anything ever.

We've got some demented writers scripting the "big picture" these days.  It makes for a roller coaster of a soap sometimes, like these times.

Current events bring to mind one phrase from a lengthier passage in a Shakespearean play. Mid Summer's Night Dream, I think/ Probably wrong.  They line ends with "...a tale told by an idiot."  That says it all.   Forget making sense of it.  Just appreciate it and enjoy life.  And women should all be easy and go for old guys who have no money.

Well W brought back the jeans I loaned her due to unusual circumstances at a party full of rednecks and psycho banshee-women a couple of weeks ago.   I have no idea why I like her, but I do a little.  I don't like how she handles a lot of things, she has more of a victim outlook on life than makes sense.

Some people think life is some sadistic master.  Life happens to you, according to that school of thought.  I think life just is, and since I'm alive I'm part of life.  Pain is not inflicted upon me by life.  True, I wouldn't feel it if I weren't alive.

It really is surprising how long it can take to come to certain realizations.  I imagine there are those, like my nephews, who achieve that kind of awareness fairly early in life.  It has taken me quite a bit more time.  But that is my nature.  Some things I'm on top of and way ahead of the game, but some things perpetually elude my understanding though they be basic and simple.


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BallisticTour's Day Off

For the first tine in awhile I hit the saturday open mic.  Cliff was there and it worked out well.  I'm still fond of the Suzuki Pro Master C harp I discovered in a recently unpacked box.  Maybe it was the one with the one black shoe and a router table.

Much of the time I don't have my eyes open so I don't see what people are doing and how they react.  I've started looking around more.  Narcissist that I am,  I kind of like it when I see people holding up their phones, video recording.  Or when they just take your picture.  I always wonder where it ends up.

Maybe some of them are domestic spies or private investigators.  They obviously are not Hollywood scouts or I'd be in a beach front mansion by now, wearing a smoking jacket and an ascot out on the veranda, smoking some sort of cigarette in a long cigarette holder.  But no.  I've heard nothing.

So, I guess those people are government spooks, messing with the enemy--people who mind their own business and don't want anything from them.

We did not play as long as I would have liked, but it felt good.  Whether I was as free and on it as it seemed is doubtful, but you never know.  PR-wise, this was probably a good thing.  Don't satiate them if they like you. Leave them wanting a little more.

It may be time to shop the studios.  A number of musicians have wondered why I haven't already done that.  Wasn't in the mood.  Am now the new me, by accident I think. Wasn't playing that well.  Lazy.

Actually, I'm reluctant to involve myself in any effort which requires dealing with overly groovy, hip people and music people in general.  Playing in settings in which there are no expectations is one thing, actually trying to work with musicians in most project oriented situations, like recording, is another.

Lately I'm more interested in other pursuits and ideas.  Of course, life and playing music are not mutually exclusive.  At least in theory.