It Used to Flow

Part of the trouble is that I'm fading fast.  No spark, no one to take care of or visa versa.   The drive is in park.  So, I can't write or do much else of an optional nature.  Don't care.

The other part gives rise to my new rule; never let friends or anyone else know this blog is here.

YOUR FEEDBACK, SUGGESTIONS, AND CRITIQUES ARE NOT REQUESTED!!!
Not if any of it is negative or mocking.  I'm that sensitive, to a point.

Yes, I am that closed minded and, more importantly, that easily influenced and discouraged.
Comments are different than complaints and back seat navigation of my thoughts and words.  And despair.

If you don't like this then change the page.  It is not for the liking.  It is for my sanity, which hangs by a very thin thread.   I cannot put those I know, who disapprove, and the occasional stalking lunatic, out of my mind long enough to enjoy just writing what comes to mind, like I used to do.

Something has to change.  If I were to die now, my last words would probably be, "I'm sorry".   My new goal is to be able to offer my brother, at least, something better than that.  I doubt I'll ever achieve that.  I want to feel something other than sorrow and regret for screwing up what should be a good enough life.

On the positive side I have not nearly as much to legitimately regret as the late Ted Kennedy, or the last two or three presidents.  Or any of the evil idiots who successfully fool the population and keep people stupid, drunk and angry based on their tribe.  And who dial in murders in one form or another.

Even so, I can't shake it.  I'm one who should have married young---someone very loyal and patient.  I'm the type who probably needed a good woman's influence the whole time.  I had it a time or two, but I compulsively screw up good things.  I guess I should blame them for allowing me to get away.

OK.  So we come to the undeniable conclusion that I am the victim here, and there is a woman, or more, to blame.

By the way, some women's studies departments, and hard core feminists** insist on spelling woman or women, "womyn".  For real.   I had no idea.

**I believe lesbian (not that there is anything wrong with that, of course) may be a more suitable word, or proud purveyors of misandry,  those with acute androphobia.
Really?   To avoid using the words "man" and "men" we misspell women or woman in a brave new way to celebrate mother nature or spontaneous conception or anything that includes womyn and not those evil,...I can't bring myself to say the word.   Let's just call that segment of humynity "the outies"  Innie is good.  Outie is no good.

No wonder the ultra militant feminists are so angry.   Try talking about hu-beings without the letter combination "m a n" or "m e n".   Even "person" is a patriarchal term, obviously rooted in a disrespect for, possibly even a hatred of, womyns.
Hu-being and per-being shall henceforth replace "human", barf, and "person", spit, barf.

Womyn may be old news to most.  I guess I thought they were joking until now.

Of course I am still fond of the spelling, "wimmin".  Or better yet, "wimmins".

Exorcise Me of Self Doubt, or something

Over the past several days an idea has been rolling around in my mind.  The concept evolved to the point where I felt I had a great idea for something that would be great on stage---bigger the theater, the better---or on screen.  It could easily work as a movie.

Here's the problem:  the idea is going to take a lot of work and thought from tat to finish.  I don't know yet how to best do it.

I see it as a little bit different than anything I've seen, but it incorporates music in an integral way, without really being a musical.  I see the fist one as a big overview of the character path and time span.  Then there should be two more; one which covers the more current setting, and another for a specific era in the past.

But that is not the real problem.  The real problem is that a soon as I get close to writing it down and working it out, a wave of self-doubt washes over me in a way that I can physically feel; a quick fleeting roller-coaster stomach.  And I suddenly forget my enthusiasm and confidence, and I think, "I can't do this.".  

I think that is the wrong way to feel if you're going to get anything done.  I know it is good, and I know that if I can get it out and staged how I see it, people are going to like it.  Enough people I should say.

That doesn't seem to dissolve that debilitating doubt and lack of whatever it is.  But I may have to just pursue this anyway.

Crazy people, one in particular, are really screwing up the little music scene I've been frequenting.  The upside is that it provides great material were one inclined to write stories, in whatever form.

Drowning in Elitist Rulers' Nonsense

If you see nothing insulting, annoying, or otherwise amiss with the 1st lady wasting time and tax dollars by jetting around the country telling us to drink water, and then backing up the suggestion with unsubstantiated claims about the benefits, I doubt we'd hit it off.

I'm seriously taken aback that any news outfits or anyone else goes along with this.  Seeing Michele on the screen talking to me as if I am a child, or someone who has to be told how to quench my thirst, what to eat, that I'm fat, etc. brings back that old sick feeling I always get when government people intrude on life and play guardian cop to every aspect of existence.  This sickening attitude and philosophy first cast a shadow on my happy life the day I entered public school.

I still think my 1st grade teacher, Mrs Marshall, should have been removed from teaching and sentenced to some time at hard labor for her unwarranted abuses of children.  I'll bet some of the kids were ruined for life.  Other than 1st grade being a total waste, I suppose I escaped the worst of it.   It did serve to illustrate what vermin often survive on the public dollar while abusing the innocent.

I wish the tradition of mouthy first spouses pushing some lame cause in the name of some imaginary greater good would die.  That is a dumb, insulting, elitist practice which has no place among free people.  You want an elitist patriarchal or matriarchal authority, fine, go to China or Cuba.  It gives me the creeps big time.

I'm not sure what is going on here, but it looks as if Michele is encouraging children to perform odd acts upon her, and she is liking it, a lot.

Is this not child abuse?  Is FLOTUS a child molester?   Is tax money paying for her to terrorize children and other innocents?  I don't know, but this picture does make one wonder.

And by wondering,  perhaps  I have committed some sort of heresy and/or blasphemy against the religion of Obama worship and authoritarian state worship, which could easily land me on a homeland security list of evil doers who prefer to mind their own business rather than turn it over to wannabe despots.  

It goes without saying that the deeply devout would label me racist, as they do anyone who is not a true believer.

Kings and queens seem to be making a comeback.  I'm not on board with that, at all.

Oh well.  I'm hardly on board with anything.  This has been a trying and illogical life and I doubt I'll ever fix it.

Just Crazy Enough...

Here we are at another gathering at the ranch in Harbison Canyon.  About 15 min from ballisticMountain.  This was Sunday.

Greg is the guy standing.  He brought the harp amp that is now my favorite.  Another crazy guy who falls between the cracks.  Must be a lot of us.  We certainly do not think alike, but there is a commonality and acceptance of the fact that they aren't always right, like me.

In any case, It wouldn't surprise me to see this guy get famous.

Luddites Never Go Away--Like Miami Cock Roaches

OK.  I think this excerpt from an article best demonstrates why I find it impossible not to be a radical rebel who refuses to defer to the views of those who are often allegedly more intelligent and educated than I am.

Unlike one friend I know, I do not think education guarantees sanity, integrity, intelligence.   In short, credentials do not ensure right thinking or pure motive.

Here is a clear illustration of the sort of thinking that has sent me into boil-over mode all my life.  It has oozed its way through public school systems since before my time, and into news reports, churches and everywhere else that dumb ass, misanthropes find a platform to decry the condition of being human.

How dare we try to go fast, build things that don't leak in the rain, etc.  I'm so sick of people who think it makes them sound smart to belittle and criticize human achievement, I wish I could blast  a hearty F*** You to them every morning across the land.  Just a little dose of reality to begin their day.  A little dose of what they offer on a grand scale.

 Andrea Saul, spokesperson for NCAR, added that, “The sound barrier is there for a reason.  It is high time that we understand the cumulative effects of breaking it.”
(is andrea hinting that she is basing her self-promoting mission upon a creationist view that things like "sound barriers" are put there by some intelligent authority?  Is she saying God put up the sound barrier for some reason and we gonna pay pay pay for violating that thing?
Someone is paying money for this rudderless dreamboat to dream up another excuse to unpleasantly harass the human species)

So now the people who love regulation and power want to study and spin the ills of super-sonic travel speeds.  

Is it that this happens when nominally intelligent people get jealous and frustrated because they cannot invent, create, and innovate, yet some of their peers can?   I think the hatred of human endeavor and mastery over the environment stem from small minded, shallow, self serving greed for acclaim and power.

If they can't make something that goes fast or is useful, they'll attack those who can.  

We pay for this shit. 

I'm not one who defers to "people a lot smarter than me", and I wonder what the hell those who do are thinking.  Smart and right only coincide on good days.  Ted Bundy was probably smarter than you, too.  Maybe you need to find another model and excuse for refusing to recognize evil bullshit.   Just saying, "smarter people than I" blablabla may not hold any water.

You wait.  These miserable excuses for human beings will soon propose a sonic tax to somehow return things to their pristine condition, which of course is the normal static state of nature.  

I think idiots like the newly formed sonic police remind me of work-jerks and too many teachers from my public school incarceration days.  I truly hate them, yet they are running the world.  Michele and Barack are both of that public school nitwit mentality.  So is Boner, McCain, etc.  And half my friends and relatives, to one degree or another.  It is difficult for me not to literally explode when I see this stuff or hear friends and relatives spout this collectivist, misanthropic, oppressive, freedom killing nonsense.  

It is all they've known.  All anyone has seen in my lifetime.  Still, I'm disappointed because I would have given them credit for being strong enough and clear enough to stand up and say, 
"this sucks. It is bullshit--to state it politely. These wannabe regulators and hall monitors do not deserve a dime of my money.  Go to hell you envious, greedy Luddites!".

But my friends and relatives just can't see that far.  They see far enough to do well under the status quo, hence motive for maintaining it.  Or they don't do well but like to have the usual things to blame, subtly laid out for them by powers that be, and rather than think, "Oh, I screwed up."  they'd rather have some other thing to blame, even if fictitious. 

I may have screwed up a perfectly bizarre and good life, but I sure as hell do not sell out in ways most of my more successful peers do.  And that is too bad, all the way around.

There is nothing wrong with someone studying anything they choose.  But when you see this kind of idiotic language, and the public dime funds it, and you get the idea that legislation is the goal, then it is usually the same old screw you for trying treatment that non governmental entities get for trying.

What word even describes this arrogant, pompous interloper?

Piers Morgan        ✔ @piersmorgan

The Wash Navy Yard shooter had 3 guns including AR-15 assault rifle - same killing machine used at Aurora and Sandy Hook.

(a shotgun and 2 pistols are almost an AR-15, and AR-15s are scary, evil and the cause of all trouble because I say so)

Quick, let's bask in the glow of a tragedy while we can use it for our own purposes.  This is an example of Pier M's make-it-up-they'll-never-know school of journalism.

Someone pays that annoying Brit good money to be an ass.

Well, it's 1, 2, 3, what're we fightin for....

What difference does it make?  Blabla bla.  And a shout out to Che, just to rankle the sensibilities of my NC friend, a passionately misguided soul.  Che was trash. Enough about that.  Because he became a highly marketed logo, I point out his murderous history.  Pol Pot is not relevant to our hemisphere,  or Cuban friends in Miami, yet Joel invariably bristles as he lambasts me for mentioning Che rather than Pol Pot- if I must complain about murderers.  According to him I should talk about PolPot instead.  I don't get it.

I'm so thrilled that the current democrat administration has proven that they are no less likely than Republicans to put our military into situations which are lose-lose scenarios which end badly and cost plenty in terms of life and money.  I told my misguided relatives that Obama would not blink at the death of others as long as it served his narcissistic lust for power.  That was when he was running for his first term.

Judging from the lead up, response, and reaction to the Benghazi debacle, I'd say that American lives are not all that important to many running the show in DC.  Although the whole mess may have threads which tie various troubles, then and now, together.

There can never be good outcomes when allying with, or trying to impose stability on, religious states, or states which are nominally secular but are run by religious lunatics.  It is insanity.  And they wear it like a badge.  This did not happen over night.

Enough of that.  You probably think the UN is a holy, honest, well-meaning organization dedicated to promoting world peace.  So, let us just part ways there and discuss other things.

I need a new tent.  Mine was caught in a dust-devil/twister which ripped up the stakes, lifted the tent up ten feet or so, and carried it a hundred yards, sometimes spinning in the air, sometimes bouncing and dragging across the rocky ground.

Inside the tent were an air mattress, pumps, lanterns, batteries, etc.  Those items were unharmed.  The tent suffered holes and tears.  If only I'd been inside to experience the fun.  I was east of here at an undisclosed location.

To Kelty's credit, the tent remained remarkably intact.  It maintained its shape and the poles held true.
So, I need a good bargain on a stout tent.  I got sick of Coleman's fiberglass poles not being as durable a I'd like so I switched to the Kelty because it had metal poles and I liked the set up and design better, and it was on sale for dirt cheap.

Maybe I'll just buy a few cheap-o tents and expect only one or two uses from each.

By the way, I would not risk my life, or that of anyone I did not despise more than I presently despise anyone, for any action in Syria or any of the other lunatic countries in that region.   There is no clear and simple good guy or bad guy there.  Bomb anything and you are no doubt bombing both.

Pipelines, Russia, and various interests may play a role, but that does not make it a good idea.  Out of mid-east forever is my wish.  Get the oil here, and quit foreign aid to any country.

Those are stupid things to consider.  My tent quest is of far more importance and makes a hell of a lot more sense.

update:  I decided a backup tent would be a good plan.  Get a decent but inexpensive Coleman and wait for the killer deal on a higher quality unit for my Christmas road trip to FL.  Big year.

addendum: I think this is an addendum.   In any case, the whole tent thing has become a deal of judging how and if age is messing with me.  When I get to the point that I can't do it, I'll worry.  Most of my life I couldn't imagine sleeping in a tent on purpose.  I never had a good experience sleeping in a tent until just before I left Memphis, at the Bean Blossom Blue Festival in Indiana.  That was my trial run for the great escape.

I should follow that further.  Maybe I will later

They Call it a Ranch

But I see no ranch animals, just a couple of very polite, people loving dogs.  It is unusual, strange, magnificent and a bit of a junk yard.  The stage acoustics are superb, thanks to the parabolic roof and back--old satellite dishes.  It is like having good monitors, plus the sound comes out clear and balanced when you are in, or on the other side of the pool which is in front of the stage.

Spontaneous gatherings like this do occur.  It is not far from my dwelling.

Dan owns the ranch, which has it's own brand, which is related to the name, which for unknown reasons I am withholding.

Cliff, me, and dog with name I forgot.  Athena or Snapdragon, maybe.   I should say, "Cliff, Sputnik the dog, and I."  I need an editor and an internal filter, though I sometimes manage to stifle my reactions and thoughts before I speak.    

that is not the ranch name you see there. one of Dan's inside jokes I think

Dan is one intelligent old guy.  And wild as the wind

I didn't play much that day.  My heart has not been in it, so nothing sounds right to me.  Plus, I am tired of playing things that do nothing for me.  There is a lot of that, although I like playing when it is with Cliff.

Watch Out For That Which Seems Inferior And Unacceptable

The biggest trouble with being older is not that being a certain age has to be bad, unpleasant, or morph one into a diminished life form.  People who have health issues often bemoan "growing old".  In their case, who can argue?

In some cases, I think people get what they expect, and they don't like it.  But all that is irrelevant.

The trouble with too many trips around the block is that you see things first hand, not through the spin of textbooks, politicians, and those who do not gain from shining the light on the truth.

It was interesting, witnessing the Cuban influx of the sixties.  Being in school may have been a good place to gain some insight.  At least in my schools, the Cuban refugees were not bullied or shunned.  I think most kids thought they were cool because they "escaped" the oppression (and firing squads) of Castro and Che.  Escaping the grip of The Man has a universal, maybe even primal, charm and allure.

[Yes Joel, I mentioned Che.  Because his victims touched people I knew.  I heard the stories from engineers working night shift at 7-11, from doctors sharing a 3 bedroom house with 2 other families so they could save and make their handbag business grow.  Which it did to the point where all of them thrived.  So, never again claim I should redirect from Che to Pol Pot.  One has no bearing on the other. Not an either or situation.
I have knowledge of what Cubans of that day had to say.  Also, I was in Havana just 7 or 8 months after Castro took over, and I was old enough to remember it well.  It was very bizarre and tense.  Great place, geographically.  Only there for an afternoon.  Seemed like only a day or two]

The stories of children being encouraged to tell if their parents had "radical" beliefs which threatened the Revolution, which is a never ending thing, were met in America with disbelief and sympathy for the poor people who weren't free of such madness, like us.

And organizing kids into these snotty little community brigades to push the government's policies and power seemed far too wild to be true.

Now, here we are.  In the name of National Security our policies are becoming somewhat analogous to policies in the name of the Revolution in Cuba.  And the carrot of promises to take care of everyone keeps enough people suckered in that the bureaucrats and military can pretty well crush the rest without much effort.  That may be the best argument for lifting the embargo--freeing up trade could shed light on things.  But we look upon that regime as thieves of property.   People want restitution.  And our own people are largely numb to the reality, so it's a wash.

Anyway, it has crept up on us while radicals complained of the direction we've headed, while the majority, for reasons from greed to guilt to peer pressure to whatever, think they are safer and more secure if a tight grip is kept on all human activity.  I'm one of those radical types.  I'd think my view, in this country, would be mainstream.  Not so.  I'll survive.  At least if they don't send drone strikes to take out insurance scofflaws.

There are kooks who take what is true, then spin it suit their own agenda.  I don't like it, but I may agree with them to a point.  Usually their reasoning starts off sound, then they go off on a crazy conclusion.

The Cuban model is fun for those with some power.  Not so much for everyone else.  The contest for young people to produce propaganda videos to encourage other young people to embrace the health care exchanges scheme is just one example that the mentality of our nation is nothing like it was.  The contrast between our life and what we considered the horror stories of the Cuban condition is no longer so stark and clear.

No way did most people think we'd be spying on one another and pumping out government advertisements for government programs.  But those same people fell for the "Law and order" bit which allowed the war on drugs to weaken the search limitations intended in the fourth amendment to the constitution.  And so on.  Much of it was in the works long before that.

Nothing irks me more than simple-minded, kiss-ass youth propaganda produced by little self righteous, conformist creeps.

It takes a form of discipline, I think, to resist the temptation to force others to do as you wish.   Give people power, especially if they can rationalize some self righteous excuse, and they will get all up in your business.  Imagine if politicians could make laws because they think you are too fat?  oops.  I guess they do.  That's right, Michele O's big first lady crusade is to deal with obesity.  This is not even a joke.

Seriously, I think half the Cubans who escaped to Miami would have turned back if things in the USA were as they are now.  "Take my chances with obesity, insurance and PC police, or with the Cuban army and firing squads?   Got a coin I can toss?"

It is almost kinder if such control and abuse of power happens all at once.  That way more people say hell no, then fight or/and leave.  We wouldn't let the refugees organize here and go take back the island.  Various agencies managed to infiltrate and break up the groups which were training out in the Everglades.  Part of some deal Kennedy made.

The upside of American neo-bolshevism is that it will necessarily make for some bizarre and interesting times.  People get mad if I don't blame "corporations" for the whole crony capitalism thing.  Anytime you release the proper limits on government, you open the door to what we have.  Government- Corporate partnerships.  Many shameless bastards in government tout "government-business partnerships" as something holy and good.  Unbelievable.   That means some businesses get to pull the strings which most hinder their competition while they play that righteous community spirit card as they roll in the hay with bureaucrats and politicians.

Treading on Thin Ice

You have got to be kidding me.  Although it may not be very funny, I do believe it is perfectly legal for a clown to wear a Marilyn Monroe mask, George Bush mask, Obama mask, etc.

The response of many to rodeo-clown-gate has been over the top.  I, personally, do not like any political antics at public events.  So, almost never am I up for public political parody.  You couldn't get away from it when Bush was president.  The outspoken people who were all about vile personal attack during the Bush era are the speech and thought nazis of the Obama era.

Then and now, personal nonsense substitutes for substantive reasoning.

It is a tradition to lampoon public officials in countries where the government cannot abridge free speech.  That limit is specifically there so the government cannot stifle criticism or expressions of discontent.   It needs to be done regularly so we can see where we stand in keeping government at bay in its lust to usurp basic rights and stifle opposition.  Like testing boards as you cross a wooden bridge--maybe the one to the 21t century that Bill Clinton built.

When organizations play shill, and useful idiots leap at the opportunity to play victim on behalf of an oppressive government, it gets kind of creepy.

The National Association for the Advancement of Cerebral Paralysis thinks wearing an Obama mask is a hate crime.  Because Obama is black.   I'm not sure if DOJ and other jackboot agencies took heed but NAACP is calling for all sorts of probes into this rodeo clown's life; to ferret out civil rights violations or maybe a dislike of blacks.  The head of NAACP in Missouri thinks discrimination, as in I don't like you, is illegal.  Well, only if it is a black person being parodied and not being admired.  That woman is clearly so steeped in racism, and her job depends upon controversy-real or not--that she has thrown basic logic and reason out the window.   Facts be damned!!!  I'm a victim.  Because I say so.

You do not have to go far to find people in NAACP who dislike whites, and who make statements which affirm that preference.  Not a crime in my mind.  It is not even a crime when black comedians stereotype and lampoon whites.  It is crime to lampoon the president if he is black and you aren't.

Actually, if a black criticizes or makes fun of Obama, he is obviously not black inside.  How can a black think independently and be black?  That seems to be the way some people believe.  Idiots.  How much credence would any white be given who used that argument and bully tactics on whites?   Those who try are hard to find and have no audience.  Not so the bully blacks who demand that all blacks think the same.  They have the support of Chris Matthews and other horses' asses who think so little of blacks that it makes sense to them that independent thinking would get you shunned in "the black community".  I live in the rabbit and coyote community.

The absolute absurdity of the reasoning is sad.  I can see objecting to something, but don't pretend it is a federal crime.  It is not.

I do not like most of that type of parody, but so what?  This hyper sensitivity to imagined horrors is nothing but a grab for power and attention.  It is also a clear affront to free speech.

People pretend because everyone fears the racist label, or the Uncle Tom label.  Too bad they don't fear the pretending moron label more.

Sometimes I don't like white people or black people.  Everyone has the right to like or dislike anyone or any group.  At least in my view.   It is what you do with these preferences that matters.  I do not count making jokes or avoiding those you dislike as anything that calls for governmental scrutiny.   Not in a free country.  Or a sane one.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Here's a surprise:  I think it is a waste of time and money sending Jesse, Jr. to jail.  Why not make him ineligible for any government job, elected office, grant, or contract, and work out some kind of restitution plan.  He spent money that wasn't his, he can spend it back, even if he has to work a minimum wage job and pay $10 per week.  In the private market, I'm guessing his skill set is not in great demand.

He was dealt a very light sentence, relative to what he could have received.   I am not big on sending people to jail when the crime is not a violent one. Focussing on restitution and amends makes far more sense.  The US is way too cage crazy. Lock 'em up!!!  It is rarely a worthwhile solution.

The public loses because it costs more to keep people in jail than many of us make in a year.  The victims lose because their losses are rarely recouped.  And the perp loses because he is now living in the world of prison, which means the riffraff make the rules, more or less.  Unlikely that the perp won't be just as defective upon release.

The other way, if they don't cooperate with the restitution plan, just drop them off in gangland with a toy gun, and unpopular colors for that region. e.g., red bandana in the 'hood that only accepts blue.

Anyway, I am not a fan of the Jacksons or their tendency to use racial extortion tactics and double standards, but I would not have sent them to prison.  It will do no one a shred of good, and it is expensive.    I hate the prison set up so much, I wouldn't even send people I don't like up the river.
===================================

A friend had a swamp cooler stored away.  She traded it to me for some work on a bench.  It only uses about 80 watts, and works wonders.  These things rely on fresh air because, otherwise the air inside becomes too humid for any cooling to occur.    Work it right and it makes things very nice.  I could not believe how nice and cool it was inside on this 90 deg., sunny day.

And I don't feel guilty, because I'm using no more power than I was pre-swamp cooler.   If it is hot and humid, you are out of luck.  It is rarely very humid here when it is hot.  Forget using one of these east of the Mississippi, or even close to that far east.  One of the blessings of the west---there is so much desert and the humidity is low enough for evaporative cooling to mean something.

Trans-Financial 2

In a sudden moment of clarity, I realized that not only am I a rich man locked in a poor man's life, but I'm also a sugar daddy on the inside.

I think I have a right to be what I am.  I don't even have to discuss the obvious path to such an end.  Isn't it bizarre what comes to mind?