Buttered Toast does Ben Harpers Steal My Kisses

I wonder if Joel knows all these guys.  Pretty sure I knew the father and other relatives of one.  Those crazy people helped me learn to jam.  I like this video a lot.  I may have been in that exact place up to who knows what at about that age--maybe 3 or 4 years older.  There are things I liked about the south.
Other things from that era are not so good--pain regret blablabla

The Thinning Thread

I'm a man in the wrong time, and I have no idea what is the right time.  I do know I have no fondness or yearning for the past.  Many baby boomers wish they could still be gathering in large crowds pretending to be non-conformists, blaming their parents for everything from earthquakes to starving people in far away lands, and for their own pain, failure, and general angst.

I purely despise my own generation in many ways, but there has probably never been a generation consisting of mostly sane people who weren't after what wasn't theirs.  "The greatest generation" consisted of many total jerks, and they produced the baby boomer, so they obviously did a poor job of parenting, on the whole.  Of course, wars screw people up. How could they not?  War is mass murder, even if there is no better choice.  So they come home, often pissed off that you didn't have to go to war.  No matter that you are their kids, and only 3 or 4 years old.  It' still your fault.  That was the WWII bunch.  VietNam, and most since, are so bizarre that people come back just trying to stay sane, often tying to rationalize that the war they were in made sense and was worth it.

Anyway I am the defective one, not the dumb ass baby boomers..  If I wasn't so used to feeling worthless, the way I've been feeling and thinking lately would probably alarm me.  I am like a good car with no fuel.

"Hey John, how come you never go anywhere with that car?  What a waste."  I do hear similar words, although the car was a figurative reference here.  More accurate would be, "Hey John, what is wrong with you?  You ought to be happy and thriving. What a jerk you are".  I do not know.

I do know that I am stalked by free floating sadness.  I wish I could shoot it or run it over.  It doesn't take much to see where that line of thought leads.

The ways out of this are clear, on the surface, but not so easy to execute.  Constant work of any kind is the best cure, I'm sure.  But I am compulsively stupid and I freeze in place.  Seeing idiots screw with the world and get paid to do it is momentarily motivating.  I'm smarter than most of them.  Or I once was.  And I do usually feel bad when I am doing wok that leads nowhere, and there is nothing tangible to show for it.  At least some menial work allows for immediate observable results, but if it is the same thing over and over, I get restless.  I'm always restless.

If I wasn't such an idiot...

But I am all I have.  My goal is to make it to Christmas, see my kin, and let them believe I am just the happy go lucky eccentric uncle, and whatever, who does no harm and maybe brings a laugh or two.  It will take all the energy I can muster not to just issue some loud apology for being defective and a failure and a waste of life, then hide from them forever more.

Too bad because I very much admire and love them all.  But I know the truth, and they are unwilling to acknowledge it, being somewhat polite people.  I'm not sure I can do it this year, even though I may not get another chance at everyone together, and never again in the Keys.

So goddamned maddening.   I'm losing the battle.  And I still do not know why I have this sadness war.  It has been there most of my life.  I'll see how things are in January.  Then I'll decide what to do.  For now I think I'll go pick a fight with a mountain lion.

I really am an angsty lamer.  However, I was born with an abundance of spirit.  They weren't able to completely kill it, try as they did.  Pretty close though, since "they" managed to hardwire their propaganda into my brain.  No wonder I hate authority.

Lesus H Rice!

For those who trust anything with an official stamp, and who crave the opportunity to be the serf, what you gonna do when the holy seers prove to be less than divinely inspired?  Or when they simply prove incompetent?

The Vatican had to recall a commemorative coin because they misspelled Jesus.  They claim to be the insiders when it comes to Hay Seuss---an assertion which has never really influenced me.  I think they are much like all power centers; more about the power and control than anything else.

Be it the pope or our own wannabe kings, like Obama, I simply don't buy most of what they are selling, even when they use the "buy or die" sales pitch.

They put Lesus instead of Jesus on the coin.  I think they should have said nothing and just sold the trinkets, despite the bad editing and quality control.   Soon people would be naming the darlings of their litters Lesus.  I'm surprised it didn't say Lexus.

On the other hand, there are people who actually believe Obama and people like Harry Reid are honest, sincere, and "on their side".  That means lots of people will fall for anything and that means a person ought to be able to sell them anything and get rich.

Until they get all Goddy on me, and start up about abortion, some of the most reviled of "the radical right" make far more sense to me than those being parroted by mindless musicians and Hollywood nutcases.  Usually those people are a little too willing to allow a bloated, bully government to continue grabbing power (for our own good--the greater good), but I'm a minimalist when it comes to functions of government.  Many things work out. More don't.

Something is wrong with people if they trust government agents with guns more than they trust themselves.   Maybe they've never seen abusive law enforcement or military, and so they assume the stuff that is shown on the news and is all over the internet documenting official abuse is all edited to make the Man look bad.

I've both seen and felt first hand abuse from the Man.  I don't trust any of them with guns any more than I would random people in the public.  This is what happens when the rights of the individual are continually sacrificed to make way for some elitist's view of "the greater good".  I am fine with my neighbors being armed to the teeth if they choose. On Ballistic Mountain we have lots of ex-military, military, and strange yahoos.  They are armed and dangerous.

People just like to screw with people who pose no threat.  It is a sick form of power greed.

The Bloods and Crips wouldn't stand a chance up here.   I'm glad they are packing heat.  How often do good people go shooting others?  Yet those who don't see the real threats think that restrictive gun laws make for safety.  Didn't work in England or Chicago.

And this brings me back to abortion.   I don't like it, but it is not for me to decide.  Just leave it alone.  I don't think the state has that right, any more than they have the right to raise your child against your wishes.  However, a huge number of people who get abortions regularly are idiots and fools, and we should encourage them to not multiply, and maybe even let them kill their genetically disadvantaged kids that made it out of the oven.  Just leave them to it.  We will all benefit.

So, I do believe that in maybe 50% or more of the abortion cases, a great service is being done for the greater good.  Why would we want the worst of our kind to multiply?

And the other cases often involve circumstances which are none of our business, and those people shouldn't have to prove anything to an ever intrusive state and society.  If you want to be free, you can't force people to do it your way when they aren't treading on your natural rights.

In short, nominating yourself as arbiter of the rights of the "unborn" is beyond your legitimate authority over strangers.  And it is a mistake which further opens the door to controls which could put a damper on your day.  No matter how abhorrent you find it, taking up the anti-abortion crusade is somewhat suicidal, but it takes foresight to realize this.

Maybe think about the ridiculous wars which have no clear objective, often fought against those we've armed.  You think sending a dedicated member of our defense forces in to get blown up is somehow more reasonable than leaving pregnant women to handle things as they choose?  I don't.

If you go noodling in to control unborn people in the name of protecting "the rights of the unborn", what is to stop you from thinking you can decide everything for that child all the way to adulthood?  Don't abort if you don't want.  But please, butt out otherwise.

I wish I had the words to express what harm you do by making this a cause.  My failure to articulate what I know and feel does not make the case for your strident concern for the decisions of others.  Leave it alone.  If your example is worth much, then others may be influenced to do it your way. Forced behavior is not always the best approach. Rarely, if ever.

I think bragging about charitable acts and donations is wrong.  But I wouldn't picket, harass and silence by force the Jerry Lewises, and others who pat themselves on the back for alleged benevolence.  But I am not a fan of charity as a big business, or as something subject to government approval, which it is thanks to our insane tax code and the abusive corrupt outfit that enforces it.  Let others do it their way if you expect the same freedom of choice in your own life.

Disagreement with the Man is a riskier business than I recall it being in the past.  If you make too much noise, they'll deplete your resources in a hurry.  Forget expecting  those who make and enforce laws to abide by them themselves.  Looking for the truth?  Ask, and ye shall receive---but you may not like what you get.

That tactic is the one now in vogue among the powers that be in DC.  Disagree in a big way?  Sick the IRS on them.  Question us?  We can't give info or answers--national security.  And the why of it is a secret, regardless of the what. Sorry, we can't tell you, but we are the most transparent administration yet.  Odd that so many still can't see through it.

How dare you question the Papa or the president.  WWLD What would Lesus Do?  My Lesus would smite them all with the jawbone of an ass.  It is only fitting.

Smartest Guy In The Room

Aside from the movie of similar title, that phrase often irked me.  Until now, I hadn't defined why.

For one thing, often the smartest guy in the room is a female, even if I don't know what constitutes being the smartest in a given room at a specific point in time.

Do some people look around a room, sizing everyone up to decide who is the smartest?  I wonder how many people in the room think, "Hmm.  I'll bet I'm the smartest guy in the room".  Even a female can have this thought without violating any PC mandates, I think.

I've noticed that different people have moments of clarity and inspiration at different times.  Some more than others.

So, even if the group is the same, at different times different people will rise to the position of Smartest Guy in the Room.  Or SGR.  Although a very small percentage will achieve the title regularly.

Nice Gathering

So, a friend who is more the target than I, of the previously mentioned drama, had a little jam at his house Sunday afternoon and evening.  It wasn't a jam like the kind where I learned to play with others, but it was a nice deal.  He invited people pretty much last minute and excluded the known drama purveyor.

Consequently,  no drama.
=======DRAMA UPDATE: the purveyor viewed the fb page of the guy who took these pics and left the classy comment, "Fuck this".  If you attended then of course it is about she who was not included.  It's like Mother Mary married to Satan, except the other way around.  
We are not talking children here.  
Welcome to the world of aging baby boomers, especially those who yearn to eternally protest, with or without a cogent cause, and be forever misunderstood flower children who've "got something to say".

I still want that amp he has.  He used the fact that the amp would be set up as bait in the invitation.  I like it when people think I do what I do well enough that they feel a need to coax me to show up.

He lives pretty much rent free in a house on a hill on the edge of El Cajon.  You can see a long way from certain spots up there.  It is closer to me than most of the places where people go to play.

I live somewhere over that ridge

someone else took the pics. i lifted them from fb

Point of interest--the mandolin player had a band back in the day which opened for the Moody Blues and some other very big names of that era.   Mandolin is a relatively new thing to him, an he rocks it.  The depth of talented musicians and songwriters in the San Diego area is surprising. 

Delayed Cognition

I saw an interesting quote somewhere, but I do not recall where.   Maybe on facebook or in a Mark Steyn essay.

What happens in these cases is that I take in some info, but I don't really process it until later.   Often, I remember things better an hour later than I do right after the event or reading.

This particular quote, which I am probably paraphrasing said, it is too late to hope for a perfect past.  That made sense to me, and is quite fitting in my case.  In other words, "Get over it."
=============================================

People are strange.  The east county open mic, backyard player circuit seems riddled with drama.  Actually only one or two create the tension, and then the enablers and instigators jump in to fuel the flames.  I've found that when people drink, and they are the type that become psychotic and/or total jerks, they'll zero in on you if you don't watch out.  It is the women who are often the most difficult.

Very odd dynamic. I attempted to avoid certain people because the encounters were always the same.  My boundaries get violated, I react, however diplomatically.  Boundary jumper goes off in drunken histrionics, maybe hiding in the forest until dark because I, or someone else, or "they" am/is/are a big meany.

OK. So, I dodge the encounters, so now other drama ensues.  Very hard to ignore, but that is all there is to do.

Friends usually know your tender points, but friends don't throw those things up to put you on the spot, embarrass you, or just make you feel bad in a social setting.  It is too bad when you encounter that behavior.  Especially if the boundary jumper's husband really is a friend.  But can't seem to go anywhere without toting the loose cannon along.

If there is issue with one then you have to avoid both.  Anything else doesn't work and seems inconsiderate.  Why be used as a vehicle for madness which only makes your friend's life less pleasant?

I tried every tactic I could think of but nothing worked for long.    You'd be surprised how many different ways there are to ask, "Do you still beat you wife?", in a public place.

Antidepressants and alcohol do not combine to enhance one's sanity or rational behavior.   Rationalizing, that combination will enhance.

A Relative Self-Esteem Trick

If you ever think to yourself,  "I'm really pretty flaky and maybe even stupid", just go to the comments section under news stories.  It matters not what outfit published the story, could be the mighty Marxist militia or the Son's of Anarchy, or Republicans Galore, or Democratic Extravaganza.  Commenter quality won't vary much.

In no time you'll be thinking, "There are legions of nitwits out there who make me look like a genius!".   Avoid giving in to the next thought, which is, "Oh my God.  Those people can vote."

What's even weirder is to consider that many of those comments are fake; shills for one interest or another.  Maybe each does a parody of the other side.  If so, many succeed well in looking bad and hurting their own arguments.

Hints of Santa Ana winds for next couple of days.  Not good due to fire hazard.  Relative humidity in single digits at times.  That is just wrong.

Living Well is Best Revenge, I guess

This is what proves that my brother and some other people I know are smarter than I am.  Many had some early motivating influence--bullies, who knows.

The significant thing is that they decided the best revenge is success in creating a good, happy life.  This was actually told to me by one such person.  Building the good life requires enough cognizance of reality to avoid the losing, non-essential battles.

What I tend to do is tilt at windmills.  I know it.  I don't like it. But I find it hard to give it up permanently.  I'll quit doing it for years at a time--if we look back far enough.  This neither seems like a time to jump on any bandwagons of cooperation with the nonsense, nor railing against it.

The question of importance is whether I am doing what I can to improve my world.  Obviously not.   How stupid is that?  Then again, I am not alone.  This is no comfort, but true nonetheless.

Is it just me? [charity thugs]

It's one thing if a checkout person offers to sell you fries, or a lighter, or ice for the beer and a cooler for the ice.

But asking me if I want to donate to the charity of the merchant's choice seems weird.  Of course, the job of asking rude questions is assigned to the cashier, so all I can politely do is say no.

The outfits with a charity money can at the checkout counter could be just disguising a tip jar.  In Miami, growing up, the first time I heard of unicef was from kids that made fake unicef collection cans and went around on Halloween, just like the regular ones did.  They made lots of money.

Now I realize that those kids may be the people running the big shows now.

If I want to do something of a charitable nature, I will.  I'm thinking of collecting for UNICEF this Halloween.  You can send checks or cash.

New Hampshire Still Looks Good, bring on global warming

Being one of those dangerous radicals that DHS demonizes, the free state project is of interest to me.  But that is in New Hampshire, a state with a climate much different that we experience in Southern California.

It does look like a good place for insurance fugitives and for those who'd rather live privately rather than under the wing and supervision of more agencies than I can count.  I'm not sure if I'd off myself rather than be a ward of the state, but I would not rule it out.  Cali is great if you are looking for a system to play.  Not so much if you are me, as far as the expense, rules and regs.  People in east SD county are friendlier than most everywhere else I've been in this state.  That surprises me.

But it is such a nice stretch of real estate.  Amazing that people manage to screw it up.  And they do it through government for the most part.  That is probably a fact of life and human nature that I need to learn to accept.  Running around thinking "don't tread on me" won't fix it.

I'll bet when I do all I can to improve my own world, I will feel better and not so cynically depressed.  Although stupidity, corruption and forced collectivism will probably always annoy me.

Speaking of annoyances, here are a couple of items that can trigger long expletive filled outbursts, if I let my self control lapse.

The first is a pic of just one of the many combat style vehicles landing in police and sheriff departments around the country.  Are they planning a war on the public?  I'd not mind them renting a few if they planned to take out Bloods, Crips, Latin Kings, Hell's Angels and all other gangs, but they aren't likely to take time out from harassing peaceful people to do anything so worthwhile.

The second random pisser would be the three stooges pictured below.  No need to embellish too much on that.  I'm glad to see they aren't all getting along.  These privileged creeps are set for life on the public dime.  Why?   No elected official should be provided a pension and benefits.  They take.  They do not serve.  I hate it when they pretend that their "public service" is some high calling.  Self righteous bastards!  They even exempt themselves from laws they inflict on others, while playing to the most stupid of sentiments to get votes, because people are dumb enough, or greedy enough to go along with it.

I know I'm not cool, and if I had any audience, really cool creeps I'd like to punch, like Bill Maher, would call me names and present half true jokes at my expense.  I don't care.  I'm tired of the big pretense and the pressure to go along with nonsense.  The picture above is a small sampling of the sociopaths who control the guns and money.  I only know a little first hand info about those who control these sociopaths.  Or at least the one in the middle.  Some of the puppeteering is obvious from a distance, anyway.  You don't have to have an inside view to sense it.

My God!  If the holy government "shuts down"(another misleading, half true political phrase), the panda cam at the San Diego zoo will go offline!!!   I know I feel good paying federal tax because I can't live without the panda cam.  Or the various insane wars in the mid east.  If my money isn't supporting arming people who stone women to death and turn the weapons on us eventually, I feel like I'm being ripped off.

Come here!  I want to chop your head from your infidel body.  

zippidy do dah....we stone you if you smoke the cigar, we stone you if you dare to drive the car, we stone you if you tell of the rape,  we stone you if you go on a date,   Do not feel so all alone, every body (I mean uppity female and infidel) must get stoned!

If things that get shut down are termed "non-essential", why do those things exist?   The trouble is, being the cesspool of insanity and deception that it is, the federal government mislabels some things as non-essential, and others as essential.  Too bad. If they labelled correctly, I'd be cheering shutdown.

Why does government do anything that's non-essential?  Never mind.  That category covers about 87.6% of everything they do. Maybe as much as 93.2%.  What the hell.  As long as we can stay in a perpetual state of undeclared war, who can complain?

I'm praying the north warms up due to man's activities so that New Hampshire will enjoy a more temperate climate.  Then I'll try that for awhile before I'm too old to be a vagabond.

I hope someone reading this is really buying the bullshit being put out about healthcare, foreign affairs, obesity, and all the rest, so I can piss you off and accuse you of being a nincompoop and a danger to all that is worthwhile in our species.
the end

update: forget last part.  After viewing some facebook discussions, I see that a huge number of people buy all the bs.  I was going to get some koolaid but I see it has all been consumed.  Frustrating.  This snowball is still barreling downhill and there is no hope of it stopping or reversing direction.