Getting Short, as we used to say

At one of my old jobs, in NC, when someone was approaching vacation they said they were getting shorter and shorter.  I guess until they disappeared.  OK.  You had to be there.

I'm looking forward to this trip.  And now I get word that Vagabond lady is due in town and may want some company.  I can't imagine that he'd want my company if she knew me well.  I'm no fun; don't drink, hate uppity restaurants, am in no way able to pay for much, oh geez, the list goes on.

I no longer hate myself for my various diversion from the norm, like being a non-carnivore who doesn't care if you hunt or eat your cat.  A long a the cat is not a friend of mine.  In that case I'd object.

What I foresee is possibly the next source of unpleasant rejection, rendered in kind and glowing praise. That does make the "get lost" pill easier to swallow.  I have avoided being available for so long I am not sure if I have the guts for the gamble any more.  Nothing beyond casual seems possible to me, yet experience shows that is not the best thing, or how my stupid mind and heart work.  I'm too something.  Whatever it is, it leads me to analyze these things with a view toward the long haul.

And that means I run away if I detect a possible end to that which never really got started or was wholly owned on my part.  But it might be a lack of goal management which landed me here.  One is supposed to eliminate expectations if one cares to be happy.  Easy to  say.  I expect to end up feeling even more isolated.  But I'll see what happens.  Need to change my viewpoint, I can see that.  About a 40% chance that I will.

Cuteness can go a long way, but only so far.  Good start.  At least the next imagined assailant to crush my heart is easy on the eyes.  The all are, actually.  All those who couldn't just tell me I know nothing and therefore need to remain under their guidance, despite my protests.  How were they to know I was malleable?

In another week I'll have been a non-drinker for 27 years.  I can screw up a dot.  How I managed to drink for any period of time, I do not know.  I'm good at many things.  Living well and drinking are not among them.

Finally. Or at least, momentarily

After experiencing all the ups and downs of dealing with ISP issues, which included violent temper tantrums and passive, bland thoughtless acceptance, I am connected, I think.  This could be a fluke.

My situation in connectivity to the inter tubular net is somewhat different than most.  You can't get any cable related service out here, and it seems that any affordable satellite option is not good or limits data to low relatively low levels.

I've been running a cellular modem of over five years, beginning shortly before I left the racially obnoxious and hostile town of Memphis.  I don't think I could ever voluntarily live in such place again. I spent a lot of time in places where the majority of people hate you if you aren't their race, and they hate you if you are of the same race but think for yourself and aren't a bitter bigot.  Everyone has their tale of injustice.  Those tales do not justify violence, proud stupidity, rape, robbery and torture which sadists who suffer from perpetual victim mentality commit, with alarming frequency, without media attention or concern from fake "civil rights" activists.

Who cares?   The dumb ass victims in our country can't seem to peel back the layers to see that the very authorities to whom they appeal for relief are the same ones that, through not doing the job right, and with honor and integrity, enabled the injustice, theft, harassment and dead end culture which just keeps on building resentment, anger, and a hatred of well thought out reason, logic, and productive behavior.   Much is built on half-truth.  Much on total fiction.  The big pretense.

Anyway, I had so many things I wanted to write when the connection was down, but didn't feel like writing in a word program so I could paste later. I think it depresses me to use the computer when I don't have the option of going online.  That is bad.  Maybe everything depresses me.  I worry about that.  When it comes in a wave and you have no idea why you can't stop the tears, you are probably screwed and should paddle out to sea and disappear.

My car is set for my trip. My household is not, yet.  My hair is turning grayer every day, except for a clump at the very front.  I don't think old bothers me so much.  I just don't like becoming that much uglier.

How am I ever going to bite my tongue when seeing family?  We've got more than one misguided obama worshipping Bolshevik in the crowd.  My brother will take the opposite side no matter what I say, and I do poorly in debate, even if I am armed with all the facts and logic is on my side.  I just fold in that circumstance.  One of the main things that sends people like my kin over to the dark side is that they assume that republicans are the opposite of democrats, and the republicans' religiosity, and goof ball approach to selling themselves drives otherwise intelligent people into democratland.

They actually believe that the democrat party is less the plaything of evil billionaires and corporate cronyism, and corruption, in general, than the republican party.  How can they be such dupes?   I don't know.  Maybe they only look as far as is convenient in conducting research.  Maybe they don't want Bill Maher to make fun of them or call them names, so they giggle with the cool kids, leaving critical thinking and investigation to the pros, like John Stewart.  A defensive posture to dodge being bullied or ridiculed.

And since people are lazy, it all works out.  You got your two teams, and people to tell you what to think on both benches.  You don't have to do anything but nod and laugh on cue.  Don't bother to verify.

So, I'm headed into a hotbed of ignorant commies.  Until such policies come back to bite them, they are all for authoritarian, state involvement in your affairs.

I won't argue.  In my family, I always lose no matter how weak the opposing points. I just kind of wither under the ridicule.  Of course when I have been proved right, any disagreements with my views on the matter in question are flatly denied; and once again I'm the idiot making it all up.

Maybe I will never come back once I get on the road.  Right now I don't care if I do or not.  I'm angry and seething.  A slow, self destructive boil.  I'm in a solitary kind of life and I'm not sure I can change it.   Things that get in the way, I won't change. Not going to drink.  Can't convert to carnivorism.  Nothing worse than dealing with drunks.  Well, maybe dealing with me is worse.   Apparently.

I'm so angry.  If you think I am not mad at you then you were never close to me in that way.  I'm mad all the way back to the beginning of time.  Why?  Because I offered too much respect, demanded too little, and believed the lies and the liars--almost everyone.

That's it.  I'm an angry nobody, heading south to see various friends and my goddam red guard. little red book carrying, koolaid drinking, bolshevik relatives.   Maybe they just do that because it is cool.  Few of them were automatically cool, like me.  Just born that way, so I don't share their fears of not being cool. I don't care.


======online or no, the s still tends not to register so the above may have many errors which I missed.  I'm angry and not in the mod to read it.  Other letters, too, tend to get lost.  Keyboard has about had it.

Masonry Chisel Defined

You probably already know this, but a masonry chisel is a metal stake which you hold so you can beat your knuckles with a hammer.  Particularly the base knuckles of thumb and index finger--the ones adjacent to the palm.

Every once in awhile I missed my hand and hit the chisel.

Another tip, agreeing to replace one ceramic tile that is in a field of tile, floor or wall, is something one should never ever do.

You think you are surgically extracting that thing.  Maybe so, until the slightest influence screws up the bordering tile.

Myth Buster

I'm one who stereotypes certain automobile drivers.  Dodge Ram truck=tailgate, etc.

I was on my way back from the DelMar area thinking about how the least popular option on BMWs must be the turn signal package.  And there is an expected attitude of snobbery and/or rudeness. I was at a stop light and a beautiful, brand new looking, BMW sports car pulled up next to me.

It was fairly heavy traffic, but moving along -well under the speed limit.  Usually people weaving in and out of that drive erratically, cut in rudely, all that.

This BMW guy not only used his turn signals but he managed to work his way ahead smoothly, and considerately.   The guy had to be the best driver I've seen in ages.  I was impressed.  He was not behaving according to my script.  I don't know where to go from here.

Grateful Thoughts

I quit drinking before the beer snob was a common character around town.  All it takes is seeing some beer snob comments to know that in today's bar scene, I'd either quickly get beaten to death, or arrested for starting fights.  

The Epitome of the Strawman Argument

That is when you argue as if someone said something he did not. Often it starts with a real quote, then goes off into arguing with imaginary constructs which do not strictly (or loosely) follow the thought in dispute.

Another blogger took great umbrage at my position against government involvement in abortion. I never said I condone or like abortion. But I don't believe government needs to control anyone or anything who/that was formed and still dwells inside of someone else.

The "across the board" suggestion below does not constitute a valid argument.

The insulting, superior, zealot tone does get under my skin. And some of your conclusions are patently absurd.

Here's the post:

http://wrdeatr.blogspot.com/2013/10/mtm-variation.html

I'm pasting it below, or go to the link above.

No need to address the psychoanalysis.

It is a straw man argument and an attack based on a strawman psychological work-up.

Your use of propaganda technique is masterful.

Parts quoted from my post are in italics. It's a call and response set up. My quote, then the comment.

Here it is:
"No matter how abhorrent you find it, taking up the anti-abortion crusade is somewhat suicidal, but it takes foresight to realize this."
* Takes even more foresight to recognize that when millions of babies are aborted, there's a collective suicide happening right there.
I don't think suicide is the right word.  

"If your example is worth much, then others may be influenced to do it your way. Forced behavior is not always the best approach."*

Let's apply that principle across the board, shall we? Let's no longer stigmatize, prosecute or punish murderers, rapists, pedophiles, crooked IRS agents, lying presidents, etc. Let those who don't believe in those behaviors simply "provide a good example."

Wow, have you noticed how well that works in the history of man? So effectively that the abusers end up slaughtering off (either literally or in some slightly less terminal way, i.e. no promotion; or firing; or blackballing; or gulaging, etc.) those who provide the good example.

Which is why we have so many abusers of various stripes in power on various levels, all the way from your office supervisor to the guy in the Black House. "Might makes right." Survival of the most vicious. SOB's rule.

Darwinism at its "best."

And hey, speaking of which, if we start presuming we know whose life is worthy of being allowed to come to term and whose is not, that opens the door to all kinds of arbitrary weeding out, doesn't it? All those who, say, are libertarians: all their unborn infants would be forcibly terminated (assuming they hadn't already done us the favor of voluntarily annihilating their offspring in the womb). We can't, after all, tolerate a bunch of seditionists proliferating (no pun intended) and opposing our Nanny State agenda, can we. Man must after all maintain his glorious ascent up the evolutionary ladder (Teilhardism, our salvation, amen).

Perhaps there exists a concealed explanation for certain people's insistence that abortion should not be outlawed, a deep-structure motivation if you will: might they harbor a subconscious wish that their mother had aborted them? Might their "laissez-faireism" in regards to prenatal infanticide actually constitute a camouflaged retroactive death wish?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*It's conceivable that this sort of "rationale" might come across a smidgeon less disingenuous if those who advocate it weren't the types whose promiscuity is so often at fault for the abortion being deemed "necessary" in the first place

.OK.  If we now decide to represent the rights of the unborn (we, being people in which the unborn does not dwell), let's arrest women for child abuse if their habits and diets are not deemed the most healthy and optimal for the unborn child.  Should obese or frail women be cited for failure to provide the ideal home for the unborn?  Maybe it is not our business.  You can make it yours.   I wouldn't voluntarily spend any money to control people regarding their misguided, or not misguided, conception and fetus management.   

.

Typecast

I've only been in two plays that I recall, once in kindergarten, and once in fifth grade.

First I was the grasshopper in the Grasshopper and the Ants fable--out of touch with reality loafer

Then I was Patrick Henry, shouting, "...give me liberty or give me death!!!"--a hard core rebel against intrusive authority

Both times, I believe I was type cast.   I think I see how the two personalities in the same person could create issues.  I also see how they relate in a convoluted sense.

Partly due to being older, and partly due to natural sentiment I was more at home being Patrick Henry.  No fake emotion there.

Buttered Toast does Ben Harpers Steal My Kisses

I wonder if Joel knows all these guys.  Pretty sure I knew the father and other relatives of one.  Those crazy people helped me learn to jam.  I like this video a lot.  I may have been in that exact place up to who knows what at about that age--maybe 3 or 4 years older.  There are things I liked about the south.
Other things from that era are not so good--pain regret blablabla

The Thinning Thread

I'm a man in the wrong time, and I have no idea what is the right time.  I do know I have no fondness or yearning for the past.  Many baby boomers wish they could still be gathering in large crowds pretending to be non-conformists, blaming their parents for everything from earthquakes to starving people in far away lands, and for their own pain, failure, and general angst.

I purely despise my own generation in many ways, but there has probably never been a generation consisting of mostly sane people who weren't after what wasn't theirs.  "The greatest generation" consisted of many total jerks, and they produced the baby boomer, so they obviously did a poor job of parenting, on the whole.  Of course, wars screw people up. How could they not?  War is mass murder, even if there is no better choice.  So they come home, often pissed off that you didn't have to go to war.  No matter that you are their kids, and only 3 or 4 years old.  It' still your fault.  That was the WWII bunch.  VietNam, and most since, are so bizarre that people come back just trying to stay sane, often tying to rationalize that the war they were in made sense and was worth it.

Anyway I am the defective one, not the dumb ass baby boomers..  If I wasn't so used to feeling worthless, the way I've been feeling and thinking lately would probably alarm me.  I am like a good car with no fuel.

"Hey John, how come you never go anywhere with that car?  What a waste."  I do hear similar words, although the car was a figurative reference here.  More accurate would be, "Hey John, what is wrong with you?  You ought to be happy and thriving. What a jerk you are".  I do not know.

I do know that I am stalked by free floating sadness.  I wish I could shoot it or run it over.  It doesn't take much to see where that line of thought leads.

The ways out of this are clear, on the surface, but not so easy to execute.  Constant work of any kind is the best cure, I'm sure.  But I am compulsively stupid and I freeze in place.  Seeing idiots screw with the world and get paid to do it is momentarily motivating.  I'm smarter than most of them.  Or I once was.  And I do usually feel bad when I am doing wok that leads nowhere, and there is nothing tangible to show for it.  At least some menial work allows for immediate observable results, but if it is the same thing over and over, I get restless.  I'm always restless.

If I wasn't such an idiot...

But I am all I have.  My goal is to make it to Christmas, see my kin, and let them believe I am just the happy go lucky eccentric uncle, and whatever, who does no harm and maybe brings a laugh or two.  It will take all the energy I can muster not to just issue some loud apology for being defective and a failure and a waste of life, then hide from them forever more.

Too bad because I very much admire and love them all.  But I know the truth, and they are unwilling to acknowledge it, being somewhat polite people.  I'm not sure I can do it this year, even though I may not get another chance at everyone together, and never again in the Keys.

So goddamned maddening.   I'm losing the battle.  And I still do not know why I have this sadness war.  It has been there most of my life.  I'll see how things are in January.  Then I'll decide what to do.  For now I think I'll go pick a fight with a mountain lion.

I really am an angsty lamer.  However, I was born with an abundance of spirit.  They weren't able to completely kill it, try as they did.  Pretty close though, since "they" managed to hardwire their propaganda into my brain.  No wonder I hate authority.

Lesus H Rice!

For those who trust anything with an official stamp, and who crave the opportunity to be the serf, what you gonna do when the holy seers prove to be less than divinely inspired?  Or when they simply prove incompetent?

The Vatican had to recall a commemorative coin because they misspelled Jesus.  They claim to be the insiders when it comes to Hay Seuss---an assertion which has never really influenced me.  I think they are much like all power centers; more about the power and control than anything else.

Be it the pope or our own wannabe kings, like Obama, I simply don't buy most of what they are selling, even when they use the "buy or die" sales pitch.

They put Lesus instead of Jesus on the coin.  I think they should have said nothing and just sold the trinkets, despite the bad editing and quality control.   Soon people would be naming the darlings of their litters Lesus.  I'm surprised it didn't say Lexus.

On the other hand, there are people who actually believe Obama and people like Harry Reid are honest, sincere, and "on their side".  That means lots of people will fall for anything and that means a person ought to be able to sell them anything and get rich.

Until they get all Goddy on me, and start up about abortion, some of the most reviled of "the radical right" make far more sense to me than those being parroted by mindless musicians and Hollywood nutcases.  Usually those people are a little too willing to allow a bloated, bully government to continue grabbing power (for our own good--the greater good), but I'm a minimalist when it comes to functions of government.  Many things work out. More don't.

Something is wrong with people if they trust government agents with guns more than they trust themselves.   Maybe they've never seen abusive law enforcement or military, and so they assume the stuff that is shown on the news and is all over the internet documenting official abuse is all edited to make the Man look bad.

I've both seen and felt first hand abuse from the Man.  I don't trust any of them with guns any more than I would random people in the public.  This is what happens when the rights of the individual are continually sacrificed to make way for some elitist's view of "the greater good".  I am fine with my neighbors being armed to the teeth if they choose. On Ballistic Mountain we have lots of ex-military, military, and strange yahoos.  They are armed and dangerous.

People just like to screw with people who pose no threat.  It is a sick form of power greed.

The Bloods and Crips wouldn't stand a chance up here.   I'm glad they are packing heat.  How often do good people go shooting others?  Yet those who don't see the real threats think that restrictive gun laws make for safety.  Didn't work in England or Chicago.

And this brings me back to abortion.   I don't like it, but it is not for me to decide.  Just leave it alone.  I don't think the state has that right, any more than they have the right to raise your child against your wishes.  However, a huge number of people who get abortions regularly are idiots and fools, and we should encourage them to not multiply, and maybe even let them kill their genetically disadvantaged kids that made it out of the oven.  Just leave them to it.  We will all benefit.

So, I do believe that in maybe 50% or more of the abortion cases, a great service is being done for the greater good.  Why would we want the worst of our kind to multiply?

And the other cases often involve circumstances which are none of our business, and those people shouldn't have to prove anything to an ever intrusive state and society.  If you want to be free, you can't force people to do it your way when they aren't treading on your natural rights.

In short, nominating yourself as arbiter of the rights of the "unborn" is beyond your legitimate authority over strangers.  And it is a mistake which further opens the door to controls which could put a damper on your day.  No matter how abhorrent you find it, taking up the anti-abortion crusade is somewhat suicidal, but it takes foresight to realize this.

Maybe think about the ridiculous wars which have no clear objective, often fought against those we've armed.  You think sending a dedicated member of our defense forces in to get blown up is somehow more reasonable than leaving pregnant women to handle things as they choose?  I don't.

If you go noodling in to control unborn people in the name of protecting "the rights of the unborn", what is to stop you from thinking you can decide everything for that child all the way to adulthood?  Don't abort if you don't want.  But please, butt out otherwise.

I wish I had the words to express what harm you do by making this a cause.  My failure to articulate what I know and feel does not make the case for your strident concern for the decisions of others.  Leave it alone.  If your example is worth much, then others may be influenced to do it your way. Forced behavior is not always the best approach. Rarely, if ever.

I think bragging about charitable acts and donations is wrong.  But I wouldn't picket, harass and silence by force the Jerry Lewises, and others who pat themselves on the back for alleged benevolence.  But I am not a fan of charity as a big business, or as something subject to government approval, which it is thanks to our insane tax code and the abusive corrupt outfit that enforces it.  Let others do it their way if you expect the same freedom of choice in your own life.

Disagreement with the Man is a riskier business than I recall it being in the past.  If you make too much noise, they'll deplete your resources in a hurry.  Forget expecting  those who make and enforce laws to abide by them themselves.  Looking for the truth?  Ask, and ye shall receive---but you may not like what you get.

That tactic is the one now in vogue among the powers that be in DC.  Disagree in a big way?  Sick the IRS on them.  Question us?  We can't give info or answers--national security.  And the why of it is a secret, regardless of the what. Sorry, we can't tell you, but we are the most transparent administration yet.  Odd that so many still can't see through it.

How dare you question the Papa or the president.  WWLD What would Lesus Do?  My Lesus would smite them all with the jawbone of an ass.  It is only fitting.