Sitting Bull's revenge

Ever think the revenge of the red man might be cigarettes?   I guess it is ok to say red man.  God only knows.

I was thinking about it because I cannot understand why I have a desire to murder myself with smoke.  It is not only the nicotine that is craved, but the harsh feel of the smoke which is undoubtedly the sensation of throat tissue undergoing abusive irritation.  Like ripping fingernails into an open sore that tends to itch.  No good can come of it.

So why would anyone be compelled to such self mutilation?  It goes good with coffee, must be the definitive answer.  Chicks do not tend to dig it, so there isn't that.

Seriously, this thing of having an addictive personality and physiology is not as cool as I'm sure everyone thinks.  It's like having a free pass on a railway that only travels between here and hell, and you hop on because you want out of the house, and it is the only option.  Or something.

This is the first time I've suspended the smoking habit and actually noticed that I felt better in any way. Previously, I couldn't tell much difference in physical feeling of well being.  This time I feel a physical improvement to a small degree.  Enough to notice, and I've not done without for long.

I blame it on Hiawatha and the gang.  Probably my own ancestors, since I have high cheek bones like that Indian princess from Harvard who is now a senator, Running Compost aka Liz Warren.  So my own people may be getting revenge on my other people, and the war was waged in me.  "Smoke and die, you white devil!!!"  "Live free and don't smoke.  Let pale face with forked tongue die like dog, not you".

This is what wannabes don't get; life is full of conflict and confusion for the truly multi-cultural.  And the wannabe hucksters actually make it worse with their white guilt, and support of ethnic and racial jingoism.  All these internal factions drinking the kool aid and warring with one another as a result.  Stop it!! I say.  You are driving parts of me to smoke and die badly.

But not today.

So, when waxing poetic and lamenting the abused perfection of the native American, (of which I am one--born here and raised here through no fault of my own) rest easy knowing that an effective long term curse did, and does still, plague the evil pale intruders.  And many of their not so pale brethren.

Was this an intentional plot?  Could they have known the many directions in which this would pull the multi-cultural generations of the future?  Like me.  They launched a scheme which is dividing my spirit and awakening the Jones within.  The ready-rolled jones.

I'll try not to be their puppet by refusing to do what they want me to do.  They want me to smoke so I won't.  I'll blow smokeless air in their face.

I can get nicotine any time I want, from a lozenge.  But I tell you, nicotine is a small part of this conspiracy.  Obama smokes.  That indicates that the American Indians aka Native Americans have him right where they want him.  They own him.  He's their bitch.

That's what I'm trying to avoid, especially now that I've uncovered their dastardly plan.

Income Inequality

Oh my God!!  Not everyone's income is equal.  Thankfully, Obama and the latest NYC annoyance are "fighting" to solve this problem.  That sort is always "fighting for you".  They don't mean it.  They aren't actually fighting.

They are making conspicuous rules and directives to please large blocks of morons who vote, while including inconspicuous perks for companies and interests which fund campaigns and help keep them in power and luxury.  You'd think they were out on a battlefield somewhere slaying dragons to hear them talk.  No.  They are cruising in limos and jets and doing "important" stuff that we're to common to comprehend.

One thing on which you can depend:  when wealthy people in government pretend to care that people are not all rich, another sliver of honest opportunity is about to go out the window, chances to scam the system are going to increase, and crony capitalists(that part is really a misnomer) are preparing for a windfall of one type or another.

It is a waste of time to discuss minimum wage laws with the hard core.  It doesn't work, won't work, and can't work.  If every bit of wealth is centrally controlled, and the population so under the thumb, dumb, or drugged that no private initiative is possible, then you may have a shot for success.  But you have to be able to make everyone do exactly the right amount of work, according to ability, as well.  And you have to be a damned good planner.

Otherwise, forcing a minimum wage merely inflates the money, and sometimes contributes to contraction of an economy due to less hiring and other reductions in business expansion.  Eventually the new minimum wage is worth the same or less than the old one.  If you are lucky, technology advances allow one to survive with little wealth. Mostly it is another front for power grabbing by forcing more dependence upon lovely government programs which enrich the cronies through contracts and blatant theft--like the outfit which produced the healthcare website.

I refuse to call it obamacare--too orwellian, patriarchal, and totalitarian in it implications.  Besides, he has no idea what is in it, only who it benefits in terms of paying off those who put him in office and keep him there.

One reason I want to find a way to make money is so my income will not be equal to what it is now.  We seek greater numbers in that realm.

I've worked more than one job which paid people according to job title and time of employment.  No exceptions.  Both union and non-union.  And I can say this without even a shadow of a doubt,  in those situations the problem was that there wasn't MORE INCOME INEQUALITY.   Many, often most, of the workers were worth about half what they were paid, while the rest were worth their pay, or double or triple what they were paid.

But they couldn't pay by merit.  That wouldn't be fair. And what about the over paid worker's kids, and child support?  The slackers tend to multiply as if they haven't a clue how it happens.  Too lazy to figure out the fine points of birth control I think.  Not the people that need to be multiplying, that's for sure.  But I'm definitely not in favor of some official agency making that decision.

The problem is created because government does not do its job--protect against force and fraud, maximize individual freedom.  It cannot do that while maintaining "business-government partnerships".  Such alliances merely allow elect firms and organizations to avail themselves of tax money while ruining competition.  Not that complicated, and they do it in plain sight.

Corporations, as such are not evil or bad.  When they write laws, own politicians, start wars and generally usurp the military and police for their own ends, then you have what we have now. I consider modern trade unions, as well, to be modern corporations which employ a very similar scheme.  They are even more transparent but people have an emotional attachment that causes them to ignore the scams, the violence, and outright thuggery.  It is always justified with "what about that evil thing...", never addressing the real problems.

So, income inequality is nonsense when being touted as some new issue by a guy who is OK with the IRS enforcing the buy or die insurance scam.   He's just pandering, trying cement further ignorant voting blocks for the democratic party, while those who oppose him are suckered into the republican party, and the real infrastructure of oppression, and un-constitutional madness continues to grow.

Whenever they had power to do it, I didn't see republicans reshaping foreign policy into what it should be.  They did not can the IRS or many other agencies which have no business existing in the federal government.  Democrats clearly believe socialism and centrally controlled wealth works.  They don't like to be called socialists, usually, but that is pretty much where it is.  They also love to think that condition of birth amounts to varying degrees of virtue and philosophy.  Politics of race, genitalia, and ethnicity.  I don't get it, but they do.

So, at least I know what they represent.  I despise that plan, but that is the way it goes.

Republicans on the other hand, baffle me.   They claim a variety of economic suggestions that often sound right, yet they are not that different from democrats on foreign policy or being intrusive.  And they go along with the snowball from hell spending and power grabbing of the central government.  Enough get all religious that the the group has been painted with the zealot image.

Too many diversion issues in the republican world, and too easily bullied.  Benghazi actually was an atrocity and a scandal, but republicans are so easily bullied that now it is used in the press by dem puppets as a joke on those NOT in power to cement the position of the party who committed the lies and negligence in this case.

It doesn't help that some New Jersey issue comes up and the reaction is "what about Benghazi?"  That's like Obama blaming Bush for his crony motivated stimulus, ill fated foreign policy and polar bears drowning.  I don't care about new jersey.  I care about the USA and have a vote on that.

They will not win that way.  Or maybe so, and then we'll have the same over reaching police state we have now with a little different twist.

The news is trying to pretend that Chris Christie was the big hope of those who don't want Hillary--another Obama, except allegedly white and female.  

AS if Christie is significantly any different or less self serving and corrupt than the democrats who hold power now? Hillary may be less of a race demagogue than Obama and Holder, and so may Christie.  She serves the politics of birth condition--being female.  That's the difference.  He's fat and male.  She's less fat and female.  Not much choice, except I think she's more experienced in being ruthless and corrupt, but he could have held his own.  Substantively they aren't much different.  They just pander a little differently.

Someone in power must have feared Christie.  They are frying him early.

Oh yea.  Income inequality.  If you let those whose policies have done much to contribute to opportunity inequality convince you that idiots should get paid more, and that it is not they who made the corrupt obscenely wealthy, then embrace the results of your foolishness, again.  How many half assed wars have to be waged, how many unqualified people put in schools and jobs ahead of the more qualified, how many crazy economic bubbles must burst leaving people broke with wiped out savings, how much pretense can people take before they admit this nonsense of the last hundred years ha been a progression of lies and doesn't work?

Never happen.  Good enough for Woodie Guthrie, by God, must be the right way to think.  Lots of fine people mean well, and have charisma, brains, and they are good in bed.  That doesn't mean they aren't a little misguided when it comes to law, order, international conduct and the public purse.

Some of the misguided have no brains or charisma, and are a celebrated blight on humanity.  I won't mention names, but I hope they never leave N. Korea.  Somewhere along the way ugly became chic and insanity grew to be dubbed genius.
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I Like the Attitude

and I like the idea that this picture might annoy hand wringing, white supremacist, PC police cadets.  They think they are so much better than everyone else that they have to defend and protect those they see as victim by condition of birth for not being like themselves (whether the group wants their condescending protection or not) even from things like this mascot, which the Seminoles officially support and endorse. 

This guy expresses my feelings on a number of fronts...screw it, this is war!

Can't Shake It

The "unproductive lives" discussion just won't go away.  Worse still, I can't argue with the basic premise which defines me as a waste of space.  I try to have little hopes of something or someone to help make that view fade away, but the somethings or someones are not going to materialize, and I know it.  That makes me angry, almost to the point of rage.

No point in being mad about it.  It is how life is.  Not everyone has sense enough to make sense of it, which usually requires ignoring the views of peers, authority, and pop culture, while pretending otherwise.

Things are different, and I'm glad, and I'm disappointed I can't make it all more different.  As much as I decry the practiced stupidity of various cultures we are supposed to embrace, celebrate, or even respect,    I hope never again to hear people patting themselves on the back for being superior.  Some of those people are real creeps.  But they must be productive, they have a creepy wife, kids, and career.

Maybe it is time to give up, but often the time not to give up is when it seems the thing to do.  Alone in paradise is not the smart way to get the most out of the experience.  I doubt it will change.

One relative's view of what constitutes productive and not productive carries a lot of weight with me, I guess.  Even though I think it is a flawed and arrogant view, only now allowed full expression because both his kids are finally married with offspring, and both have great jobs-careers--that they like.  And each has a house.  Now we can pronounce our true views without condemning our own.  I am not "our own" anymore.

Be careful about protecting those who don't even know you are looking out for them, and who never asked your protection.  You'll realize you sacrificed yourself to create your own most influential detractor, and no one but you will ever realize it.  An you'll never live long enough to change it, because it is etched too deeply in every thought path and cell in your body.

This is a challenging time, once again.  If I were on the outside looking in, I'd say, "What an idiot!", so I guess I must know better, and can do just fine acting another way, reacting other than how I always do.   You live, you die, and it is as if you were never here.  My overall footprint is like that of a ninja.  The ninja of existence.

Never believe anything.  That is the best chance.

A Milestone of Sorts

Time will tell why this feels like a turning point.  I hope the change sticks.  Everyone goes on trips, but I seem to make a bigger deal of them, even though I fail to plan much.

Still, for me this was a borderline spiritual experience.  Those come and go, too.

What a shocker when I arrived home.  I forgot about all the work I did prior to departure.  The place looked shockingly neat and inviting.  Now I recall that being my goal. I didn't want walking in the door to be depressing and tiring.

Not the most hideous structures ever built, but even so, windmill farms tend to screw up the landscape.   There are better ways to get power without screwing up large tracts of land 

I really have my work cut out for me if I am going to ... can't think of how to say it without saying too much.  Whatnot.   That covers it.

There were guitar hangers on the wall when I moved here, so that is covered.

The hospitality extended in both Mississippi and Texas was more than I'd expect, and it set the bar high for me if I am ever a host.

My cousins apparently raised extraordinary children while I was inommunicado, or otherwise not paying attention.  They are gown up now with their own families.  I tried to impress upon them that we share blood.  We are genetically linked to some degree.  Hopefully I can claim some of their awesomeness by pulling the blood relative card.  And they are Texans on top of it all.

I wonder at some people who can't wait to get home "to their own bed."  I can think of beds or bed other than my own I'd rather occupy.

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Just Some Stuff

Hanging for the night in Benson, AZ.   My old friend, El Gato Loco, drove up from Sierra Vista for conversation and supper.  I must have been hungry.  For once in my life I may have beat the house on an all you can eat buffet.

My educational trip is nearly at a close.  I was in a hurry to get home, but now I'd like to turn around and do it all again.  Efforts to improve diction and grammar have paid off; so far, no more "check english" lights have illuminated.

in this part of New Mexico, they cultivate groves of dead trees.  They produce more dead fruit than any other place in the country.  It is what drives the economy in boom towns such as Deming

It really does appear to me that Texas by and large contains the highest percentage of civilized and pleasant people of any state between California and Florida, inclusive.  Sure, the Mexicans in Dallas shoot guns in the air, disregarding gravitational consequences, but most of them will at least return a greeting.  Culturally, Texans have some advantages over the rest of us.  Doesn't mean they aren't crazy too.  All cultures and populations appear to be somewhat psychotic.

And they generally drive better in Texas.  That is hard to deny if you drive from state to state, and the path carries you through Texas. Unless, of course, you are one of those who has no clue what lanes ae for, compulsively speed up when being passed, and/or compulsively slow down and pace a car or truck you are supposed to be passing.  You know who you are.

That being said, if you must top for the night, avoid Pecos.  Lodging costs a fortune and the place smells like oil.  It is not pleasant.

What I learned on this journey: I can avoiding reacting when being cut to the quick as only family can do, I can still feel things I haven't felt that give me a glimmer of hope.  That will likely lea to disappointment and rejection, but at least I know.  Babies can keep people entertained for hours without trying.  The government may be piking the water in Louisiana with LSD or other psychedelic additives.

The neighborhood of my youth has turned into a tropical paradise.  It looks the way naive activists picture a rain forest.  Quite impressive.  S.Florida is one rude place, but the Keys are still petty good and must never be lumped in with Broward and Dade county culture.

I still prefer Miami to Ft. Lauderdale.  The Quality Inn in Live Oak is a good place with the nicest desk lady in Florida.   Friends along the way are more tolerant of me than I would be.  Southern hospitality is alive and thriving.  I guess I mostly experienced it with a Texas influence, even outside that state.

In general, I was troubled or confused or stunned or surprised, yet was treated as if I had value, especially en route to and from the target destination.  There, I was treated as well as could be hoped, considering I've lived a useless, unproductive life.  Even there, certain infidels appeared unaware of my glaring deficiencies.

Already I have work lined up for Monday.  Money would be good.  I have stories to write.  Already I wonder if my pursuit of Trouble Lady is hopeless.  I'm most likely too pedestrian.  Lack of fortune, title, acceptable degree, etc. has been an embarrassment to a couple of flame in the past.  I'll not tolerate that again.  One can sense these things.  I'd have scored the degrees while they were in reach and money available for it had I known.   Who knew it would queer the deal on woo.   To be snobbed, when once I was the snob.  It is just wrong.  But, you snooze, you lose.

It may not happen, the thing of not fitting the status required, but I suspect it will.  Only this time, I do not care in the same way.  And I am more prepared should a suitable candidate actually want the fabled "nice guy" who would be dedicated, true and a hopeless sap.

One fact of life is that, as much as you hear females bemoan the alleged scarcity of nice guys, I have observed very few who actually want one.  Rare is the woman who could spot a nice guy, even if he bit her in the butt.  What can you do...

I need a kayak, particularly a hobie with mirage drive.  It is the perfect thing for the legs without screwing up knees and feet.  It is a healthy item, but too costly.  One day, we'll figure it out.

It must be the approaching the end of the trip blues.  When I get home, I'll start working on guitar, and continue streamlining and organizing my life's junk.  I may not see the group I drove down to see for quite some time, if ever.  If I manage to make significant money, I may visit, but not stay with them.  I guess I'm enthused and shattered at the same time.  It happens.

So, maybe it is time to do it on my terms and quit letting myself be defined by those whose definitions are no fun.

Imaginary Family...or are they?

So, I was conducted in the cousin-mobiles (they suspiciously switched cars at some point) to the GQ couple's house in a nearby town; where everyone is clean, polite, well to do, and, oddly, youth doesn't appear to be wasted on the young---they seem to use it well.

The GQ couple has two GQ children, ages 13 and 10.  OK, 10 1/2.   If you know nicer, more gentle and polite children of that age, I'm certain you are lying.  A girl and a boy.   The cool thing is that we are blood relatives, not too distantly diluted.

I have a calendar with their picture on it, and who in SD county can prove that Mrs. GQ is not my daughter, and the sweet children not my favorite grandchildren?  Who wouldn't sympathize with me because her mother, my late wife, died in an unfortunate lab accident while on the verge of discovering a sure fire cure for the common cold?

I lost her when Mrs GQ was only three years old.  We made it through and have always been close.  It wasn't always easy protecting her from the bitter truth that the fatal explosion was undoubtedly not an accident.  Believe me, many of the outfits which peddle remedies for cold symptoms do not want a cure to emerge.   And they have plenty of political clout.  Tragic.

When you are raising a child under such circumstances you find courage you never knew was in you.  Anything to protect the child and ensure that she thrives.  I'm so proud of the woman she's become.  A forty year old mother of two who looks to be a healthy twenty five.  Her husband is clearly her soul mate.  And no one could ask for better parents.  Her mom must be very gratified.  I can feel her joy in the after life.

Those kids are encouraging me to find someone special, and maybe I will.  My late sweetheart, Willowanne, would kick my butt for waiting so long.  She was always the pragmatic one, and sincerely concerned for my happiness and well being.

I try not to brag on my daughter's family too much.  It only makes others feel inferior.  What a joy, though, to visit, to have the grandkids jump for joy when I enter the room.  They've all won so many awards for everything from science projects to tennis tournaments to saving lives back in the big flood of '07 that a separate room is required to hold all the plaques, diplomas, trophies and certificates.

Great way to start the new year.  I'll take their advice when I return home.

It's Diverse and Multi-cultural!!! Yay

My cousin lives in a neighborhood with all the flavor and benefits of multi-culturalism.   We are, of course, tolerant because all cultures are equal, except the one we won't mention.

The vibrancy of diversity is clearly evident on New Year's eve in some cities.  It is tradition, allegedly, in some people's old countries to fire guns into the air at midnight on New Year's eve for some reason.  Maybe they are trying to kill either the old year or the new, or both.  Perhaps they think they can shoot out a star as one would a street light.

They seemed OK during the day.  But at midnight, it was like urban warfare.   The one on this side fires off a few rounds.  Pretty soon the one on the other side fires off a few rounds plus some.  The the one in back fires.  Then one of the others fires a clearly more powerful weapon.  "My gun is bigger, therefore better and much more macho."

I need to get the paper to see if anyone reaped the benefit of a falling bullet.  This is a big city.  But then so is Miami and many fine folks there have been known to do the same thing.  I'm thinking maybe a titanium hat business could thrive on such holidays in these cities.

Apparently it is a Latin American thing.  It may be that gravity is taught to about the same extent in their schools as logic and history are taught in ours.  So many immigrants have the advantage of not having to clutter their mind with any of those things if they get here at the right age.  All in the timing.

For some reason I found myself shocked as multiple rounds were rapid fired into the air.  I thought anyone would be aware that death to innocents could result.  And that anyone would categorize that as a thing to be avoided.

I think they believe the bullets go way up into the sky and the saints catch them, turn them into gold, and if they are very good little muchachos then sometime in the new year their patron saints will put gold nuggets under their pillows.  It never happens but that can be explained because they haven't been good enough.  They failed to do confession right.

Miserable sinners full of Catholic guilt.  "Maybe next year if I give los santos 40 bullets instead of 20 they will bless me with gold under my pillow."   I'm good at reading the thoughts of such people.

So, what are they doing today?  Raking leaves.  Ay, dios mio, if only these leaves had been raked, maybe I would have been blessed for the new year.  I think it was an act of penance.  Maybe next year will be better and finally I get the gold under the pillow. Never mind no one knows of anyone who has had such fortune first hand.  But there are stories and rumors of pious peasants in far away towns who were blessed.  And this is how we all benefit from embracing the facets of the culture which made the third world what it is today.

Over Half Way Home

There may be a word for it.  It may even be one of the many new mental illnesses they've created, or signs of domestic terrorism, like disagreeing with the police state buy body government.  It seems I am at home everywhere, and nowhere.  Nowhere is really home, but at the same time many places are.

I don't care.  It has little to do with anything.  I made it to Dallas on time and without problem.  The cool thing is that I took the high road through Louisiana.  Far better than I-10 (thee 10 in California speak).  Not only that but I made it into Texas before stopping for the night.  Rightly or wrongly I feel better in Texas than Louisiana.
To a point.

Now I am in no hurry to get home, part of the time.  This was an unusual trip and when I get home I have to figure out how to make more money, keep an eye out for cheap flights to S.Florida, while somehow managing to manipulate someone special through subliminal assault.  Otherwise why worry with flying back?

Gotta go.  I'm in cousin land. Off for Mexican food.

Florida is a little off beat

So, I meet my friend in Panama City Beach and follow him into the high rise complex in which he lives.  It appears to be a complicated place with inconveniently located parking garages and various security measures in place.

We take one of the elevators to the 8th floor, punch in the secret door code that opens the door, and enter the apartment.  "What are these papers doing on the floor?", he asks as he darts into the master bedroom.  "Someone has been in my apartment!!".

The balcony runs the length of the bedroom and adjacent living room, a floor to ceiling wall on either side.  The curtain in the bedroom by the glass door is pulled back and draped over a chair.  The door i closed.  His laptop is in plain view.  I commented that they didn't take the computer.

He sees nothing missing.

So, he goes down to the lobby/command center of the complex.  Mystery solved.  The police had been in his place!  It seems a neighbor woman had edged around the wall and was somehow perched on the outside of his balcony rail on the two inches of slab that extends outside the railing threatening to jump.

It is a long way down and does not look like landing would be soft.  The cops had entered his place disrupting the drapes, knocked a stack of papers off the kitchen counter, snatched the woman so she didn't off herself making a big mess down below, and left without any notification or calling card or anything.

Jump! Jump!

Jump! Jump!

View off in the distance

It is good they nabbed the chick--she could have fallen on an innocent child or other unsuspecting soul. It is bad that no one from the building or the cop factory left any word that they were there.  Weird all the way around.  Apparently my friend's neighbors are an upper middle aged couple who argue a lot.  She must have run out of things to say in their ongoing angry debate.

Par for the course in this part of the country.  Possibly the result of mosquitoes or swamp gas.

If the nothing else the human race is very adept at weirdness and self destruction.  I wonder why.

I'm out of here tomorrow.  I think my marketing plan, or plan of attack, may be having the intended effect on my target, the enigmatic RR.  That could be a cool thing.  The 3000 mile issue is one I will have to resolve, should my efforts truly be fruitful.  For various reasons time is on my side, but not enough time to be a slacker.

I want to smoke, but I have not done so for almost ten days.   I'm a few hours short of that.  I'm pretty sure that 13 days is the mark that ends the worst of it.  Plus there are those lozenges which ease the impulse.  It helps having the sort of reason that motivates me.  Few things do.

No matter what anyone says, I think there is more to life than meets the eye, even though I can neither define nor explain it.  This trip has much of that so far.