Older I get, The More Authority Worship Makes Me Sick

I have learned to ease up a bit on Facebook, aka The Devil.

Sometimes a friend or two, whom I like, posts some total bullshit from one of their collectivist, statist, bolshevik left wing insanity sites which just sends me over the edge.  I know that to say that the idea that Obama or anyone else should have control over my health wages, etc. is absurd would bring a horde of O-bots down upon me; what about Bush? You must be Bill O'Reilly! Oh you can't handle a black president, eh, racist?  You hate women! blablablabla...you know it is true.

So I will put it here.
This is the latest manipulation of statistics and gushing worship of the would be king by would be subjects who have no clue the difference between right, privilege, opportunity or entitlement.

the facebook version also says, "Thank You Obama!"  and "I love it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is president!"  Barf.  You   must be kidding.  

I could see loving to wake up in the morning and have a job, an erection, a wife, all your limbs, kids, etc., but you love it because some narcissistic puppet is president?  Why?  You are nuts.  You think he wakes up in any way happy for you?  No, he wakes up with the same thought you have, "I'm so glad I'm president.  I can do anything I want,  and fly all over in a big jet and play golf with Tiger.  Hang with Beyonce, do selfies with the Danish chick and go on Letterman whenever I like.

No idea where they get these stats.  As far as consumer confidence, I am  a consumer and I had no confidence in this neo-bolshevik dickhead in Jan 2009 and none now.  

I am not making more money now, but all my expenses have gone up.  I have no more love of this statist narcissist than I did for the bolshevik-lite crowd he replaced.  

They both administered a bailout which managed to redistribute wealth from the taxpaying public to a select group of companies and billionaires.  No one even knows where much of the money went, which they acknowledged at the time.  In that regard, they are transparent--they have no respect for the public--"we'll pass it and then you can see what the law demands of you"

If you think the same outfit that brought you the draft in the 60's, the war on drugs (i.e., war on the 4th amendment), the TSA, lack of protection against force and fraud, declining quality of eduction with more dollars spent, an incredibly high incarceration rate, the NSA and more regulations than anyone can imagine, is the best source for your well being and happiness, then we live in alternate universes.

They won't even protect some people close to the border from foreign invasion.  There are ranchers in AZ who aren't safe in places on their own land because of invading, rude, and violent people trespassing from Mexico, and if they take matters into their own hands, they get fried by this government. 

These authority worshipping zealots seem to believe in nobility, and seek a human to worship.  I am just not made for that and would have been fine with others praying to puppets had they left me alone.  

The healthcare debacle is not an improvement in my case.  It is an intrusion.  I'm not being left to live in peace.  They are the government and they are here to help, ready or not.

Forced dependence is the result for some of us unless we say, No, and throw up our middle finger, which is what I must do, because it is right.  Otherwise I would cost you money, and  I do not want your ill gotten gains and your bullshit intrusion into my affairs.  the end

Then again, I may work the system for all it is worth like most people.  

How many are not either on government contract or government paycheck or subsidy in one form or another?  I'd say a majority are on some form of tax money.   And that is why the snowball just keeps on growing.  

Principles are easily erased with money.  It doesn't take much.  If someone wants to pay you a few hundred for a hammer, what do you care if they took the money from other citizens at gunpoint?  Just doing your f'ing job!

It would be OK, but many individuals are wrongly steamrolled, persecuted, killed, ruined in one way or another, because of the "greater good", "just doing my job", misguided regulation, "oops, wrong address given to the SWAT team", etc.  

When government is God, and people can't resist intruding on the lives of others, limits are not placed and enforced, and it gets out of control like now, and it only gets worse as long as people keep suckering for little perceived gains which pique their greed.  And perceived penalties to others which satiate their envy.

East County under siege?

The reason I didn't take a picture is because I did not want to end up being another in the growing number of people shot, tazed, maimed and murdered by police for no good reason.  They were all dressed up and hell if I was going to be their date to the prom.

As I was driving through Lakeside, on the way to Rancho Santa Fe, I noticed a brand new armored personnel carrier beside me with a sheriff logo on it.  Behind that was some kind of war vehicle, and assault car that looked like a tank with wheels.  It said "POLICE" in gigantic letters.

I know the front one was a personnel carrier because it was loaded with grinning cops all decked out with military style flak jackets and paraphernalia hanging off everywhere, with mean looking rifles and such. The mini tank behind them, being a tank, you couldn't see inside.

unable to find photos of identical vehicles, but close

Unless the sheriff and police plan to declare war on the locals, they really have no need for military assault vehicles and all the ultra special forces gadgets.  Having them causes  certain type of person to want to use them, in the worst way.  That certain type of person pretty much fits the profile of 99% of police people.  This means they will invent excuses and do what police all over the country have been doing--indulge in overkill, which is often fatal, an unnecessarily so.

The typical cop support claim--"these men and women risk it all every time they go to work".  I would say citizens risk their lives every time they allow these Rambo wannabes to go to work.  I don't have the stats but I'm pretty sure more people get dead by cop than cops get dead by civilians.  And I think that holds if you rule out the terminally rowdy and clear undoctored cases of a cop acting in self defense.  They claim a lot of self defense when someone looked lethal, or they were threatened with  wallet, unresponsive deaf people, TV remotes, and the like.

yeehaw!!!

War on drugs, war on "terra", and now I guess the veil has dropped and it is just a war on us.

I B Belmondo part uno

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Maybe Later the Movie Will be Made

Complain complain.  That's all you do.  And if it isn't you then it is me.  I can't ignore my defective nature.  It is what allows me to be a pauper while those who are no smarter are billionaires, or just people who look at me and complain that what I think do or say is stupid.

I'm horrible at argument and debate, so they almost always win, even if they are wrong and clearly not smarter or even better.

I don't have some of the luxuries that may suit others, like anger, opium, active and/or festering resentment(we're the 99%), etc.  It could be that all that is an illusion.   I'm not too sure what to do or think.

If I'm in the right place at the right time I will make the movie trailer.  In the movie I cover almost all topics, large and small.  All things will be put in perspective.  It will be the movie that tells you where the rabbit ate the cabbage; that means it will be a big dose of reality.  Not "as I see it", but as it is.

I've been in the mood to make the film maybe fifteen times in the last three days, but never in the mood when resources at hand permitted the endeavor.  That is the obstacle.  If ever I'm in the right place at the right time, I intend to let you have it, and tell you what for on video.  You'll be sorry you ever doubted, you godless heathens and naysayers and intolerant carnivores.

This is going to be the film that sets it straight.  It'll be all 21st century wisdom, except, unlike everything else that boasts of being this century and cutting edge, it will be true and worthwhile.

If anyone ever had a question about anything, now would be the time to ask, because all questions which cross our credenza will be answered like never before, and not necessarily in that order.  I'm sure you see what  mean.  Also, now is the time, while asking and answering is still legal.   Don't laugh.  Kids get suspended from school for pointing their fingers like figurative guns.

Why would anyone who could possibly home school or get their kid in a sane private school ever go anywhere near public school?  Bunch of union brainwashed thugs with degrees, if you are lucky.  But I thought that when I was in school.

OK. All will be answered if enough questions occur to me and if I am able to hold the enthusiasm and belief in life for more than five minutes at a time.

It Ain't Easy, but why not?

Most of the confusion and stress in life, at least for me, comes with being maladapted to see how to thrive under the structure of things, as I see it.  And it may be that I never quite see it clearly.

I think the root of most inner trouble is the inability to identify assets and organize those to best purpose.  It is common to amplify fear and loathing, look at all that which is not there.  Lack of money, motivation, plan, peace, etc.  That is really stupid.  It is like not going anywhere because you don't have an airplane.  Never mind you have feet or a bicycle or a car.

Finding lack is not so difficult.  Unless you plan to find  way to supply that lack, it is really useless to occupy the mind with it.  But for some reason that is how minds like mine work if one is not careful.  Perhaps many of these seeds get planted for various reasons to do with marketing, jealousy, or other external human frailties, that tend to prey on one's internal weaknesses.

Alright.  I'm glad we had this discussion.  We'll continue on, understanding it is about the love and a trust that it is OK to be alive, even if not experiencing it however it looks like people are supposed to experience it according to movies and public service ads and government edicts.

Funny how much better things work out on this plane when I keep part of me in a sort of dream place, the one that requires some trust and faith.  That must be what is meant by keeping your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground.

But really, most little sayings like that don't make a lot of sense.  They sound good.  I see crazy things all the time circulating the internet which are supposed to be profound or soothing, but they make no sense.  Especially the ones that feed the egos of those who are constantly in denial about jumping boundaries and stepping on the toes of others.

There are things circulating that try to paint obnoxious lunatics as free spirits and full of life.  They are pushy and insane, and I can forget I have my own things to do if I let it get to me or pay much attention to such trivia.

I'm pretty sure it will be OK.  I'm equally sure I can't get away with marking time and hiding out for much longer.  I'm like a guy building a house who has everything he needs right there, but he just sits and stares hoping for rain so he has an excuse not to confront the starting point.

But I am tough, so I can overcome the things in me that are so inhibiting and fatalistic.

I have to say, that Sunday jam over at Greg's was something else.  Really good players.  And everyone was working well with everyone else.  Went through a great amp.  Maybe I should make that a habit--the amp.

But I still think  ought to be more selective about when and where I play, focussing more on other things.  Priorities and avoiding rationale for escaping my reality.  Better just do not think.  Do it or don't and shut up.

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There's Blues and then There's Blues

It always puzzled me when I'd play music, probably some sort of blues, with people who seemed to be approximating what they thought it felt like.  But then, they were thinking in terms of other "cool" guitar players or old time blues men.  I never was.

I've never been the greatest player, but  suspect I've often been the most heartfelt, tormented, passionate soul in the group.  I don't say that as necessarily a self congratulatory remark.  That is no assurance that the sound is going to be pleasing or move others.  It can move others right on out of the room to get away from the racket.

I played to get that feeling out, and go into that place where time stands still and I'm floating in the scream or whatever emotion.  It is suspended animation.  That was why I played.  Now, I'm not sure. I am more aware of good, bad and little technical things, and what everyone else ought to do, according to my taste and vision.  It used to be 100% feel and not much else.  I always had sense about not stepping on others for the most part.  Maybe I lay back too much. Maybe not.  The emotional outlet is still the deal, though.

From all the poking prodding, mri,  brain waves, etc. that were done and analyzed on me, it is clear that I probably have an electrical or chemical oddity that messes with my mood or aspect somehow.  I can be fine and almost happy in thoughts, but feel that thing you feel if you are sad and grieving.  It comes and it goes, and lately it has been a little more dynamic than usual.  Whatever usual is.

I know from experience that I do not want the miracle medicines for add, depression, narcolepsy or any other epsy.  I'm sorry I do know from experience, but glad I finally decided I'd rather deal with the fog and other such things than side effects and whatever.  It may be tougher to conform in certain ways but I'm convinced creativity is improved, and, if I can quit fighting my nature, I'll likely find my happy niche.  Or not.  Probably.  But I may die first and that will be that.

The trick, though, and the reason I mention this at all, is to find ways to mitigate these spells of sudden physical grief which leave you in a puddle of meaningless tears and blank, numb, frozen inaction.  I'm finding a couple of ingredients which seem essential and effective.  One is that I have to just go with the flow of that sense that there is something more at play in life than meets the eye.

The hip deal for academics and young know-it-alls is to accuse those who believe in a power beyond themselves and what is visible as having an imaginary friend.  So be it.  When you've been to hell more than once and ridden different trains to get there, who cares what anyone thinks.  Being laughed at sure beats that rotten dark despair that some things bring.

Some people visit hell through depression or sadness, despair and that sort of thing, just because of upbringing, environment and/or genetics and physical chemistry.  Alcohol and other substances can amplify and compound the problems to the point that they are still a tangled mess even when all those substances are long gone.

So, the trick is to find a way to believe in something, but don't expect burning bushes or seventy two virgins to come knocking at your door.  Just expect the right thing, and look for whatever that may be.  And the easiest way to do that is to put yourself in a place where you might be useful to someone else.  They need not know it.  You know when you can possibly boost the morale of another or help raise a barn or whatever it is humans do.  I avoid the conspicuous look-at-me kind of thing because I find it a little annoying and in some cases it kills the value in my mind.

Sorry.  If I really think I am doing something to cure cancer or help patients, I will do it directly one way or another. I will not wear the tee shirt and run around the block.  Fine with me if you do that, but I have had friends who directly did things which actually aided the science, developed better study methods, etc.  To describe the disgust one major player had with the big charities racket, and his horror stories regarding government involvement and the cancer society would only make you doubt the veracity of my story, or make you cynical.

I don't want to do that. If you want to walk up and down stairs and be on tv and get everyone to pay you a dollar a mile, go for it.  I am simply not wired that way.  But I think that anyone who knows me well would be fairly certain that they could call me at three in the morning from anywhere, if they needed help, and know that I would do anything in my power to help them avoid whatever disaster is at hand, even if it wipes me out.  Just don't give me a tee shirt that says I'm oh so altruistic, blablabla.

I'm not altruistic or wonderful.  I just hate to see people suffer, and I know what it is like to be in a bind. And when I can be somewhat helpful, I forget that I am in a fog and fearful of my life, sad and whatever else.  It even helps me find the humor in my own frailty and can result in a big belly laugh at my expense.  God, it feels so good when I'm talking to a confidant and we can laugh at me and my condition.  I'm very funny in some ways.  So are my friends, on good days.

They are funny because they are navigating with a muddy compass, too.  Maybe we don't share the same radical brain waves or whatever, but we still share enough of the same madness that communion is possible on various levels. That is what makes some people more suitable friends than others.

So, if you are plagued by sadness, give me a call or send me a check.  Or give people a call or visit that will be happy you thought of them.  Any contact helps.  That kind interaction with others helps the most.

Avoid people who are usually uncomfortable with you calling if you are in a possibly fragile frame of mind.  Those are hit or miss.  Wait until it won't send you into  dive or hurt your feelings if you feel like contact is an intrusion.

 You never know when you make them feel worse or better if you make contact.  And if you're battling overpowering blues yourself, you can be the worse for the effort.  There are other ways to have contact with people, and people you can be sure like hearing from you.

It is apparently a long term war, this sort of thing.  Of course it is all due to being abused and neglected by women.  I may have trouble proving that, but I enjoy putting that label on the cause anyway.  Probably because I'd love to think some wonderful woman could make me well.  But it does not work that way.  Behave in the way that is healthiest, and right--in every sense--and then maybe all that will work out.  I'm counting on it.

I'm also well aware that this phase of the ballistic tour is somewhat of a blind leap of faith from day to day, but far better than it was 6 or 7 years ago.  It depends upon how you look at things what kind of reaction you have.  I do not want to panic or go nuts any more than I can help, so I don't focus too hard on the grim aspect of my reality.  There are many things in the plus column, some of which can't be taught or bought, so that is fortunate.

The universe and all the gods and angels like me in spite of myself.  I don't think they really like everyone even though I've seen that on bumper stickers.  Probably, if you really do have some purity of heart and aren't unusually mean, they'll like you OK.  I find it tough to believe any good force likes sadists and jerks and people who tailgate in rainy weather.
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So, that is the trick.  Just quietly be in the company one way or another of someone who can use it or gives a damn or in whose presence you tend to behave like you aren't sad and lost.  They'll never have to know it is therapy and they are keeping you from jumping off a high cliff.

That is the way of it.  Make it about someone else and it will bring a little relief and even clarity.  And don't worry if you are feeling a bit mystic or spiritual and all that. Keep it a secret unless there is good reason not to.  Otherwise you do no one any good and you could lose it anyhow.

I know what I'm saying. Remember--I'm the harp player of choice for the Mormons and the Lutherans--even dead Lutherans.  And I am not officially sanctioned by or a member of any religion.  Just a peripatetic holy blues harp man.

President Obama & VP Biden Show Us How; seriously? WTF?

I could not make this stuff up.

And there are scores of other equally condescending, waste of tax money videos which seem designed to encourage and reinforce the idea of an elite ruling class in some sort of gigantic national schoolyard.

These people are the boss of the military, can drop massively destructive bombs, can order people to send radio controlled aircraft around the world to kill selected individuals.   Oops, except sometimes random nobodies get wasted in the process.



This is probably the sort of thing that separates certain types of people.  I remember the same kind of attitude split when I was in public school, long ago.  There are those who immediately find this kind of thing (given the context, the fact that these are tax paid nutcases, etc.) extraordinarily offensive and not the stuff of truly free society.  And there are those who think this is as cool and holy and wonderful as bringing their religion to remote tribes of people who were happy until they met you.



Let's run around the Whitehouse, being sure to keep the big O in front, and then make a big damned deal  of drinking a glass of water so Michele doesn't get mad.  Holy whatever!!  MO was not elected.  The US  spent over 600 billion dollars more than it took in last year---and they cheered because they have been spending an even higher amount than that compared to what they take in.   Yippee, we're only sinking 97% as fast as we were last year!



So, trillions in debt. Excited because they didn't add to the debt as much as they have been.  And priorities are for the pres and vp to run around to encourage the rest of us to "move" because we are too dumb to know better?  We all want her majesty to be happy.



This is really sick, but I think people either see it as such or they never will.  I want a cigarette.



Oh.  I know what the rebuttal is likely to be:  What about Bush?  They aren't republicans. If you are offended, then you are racist.

OK. I'm racist against goddam cartoon people who extort money.



Unbelievable.  There seems to be a class of people who see themselves as so elite and wonderful, and everyone else as so extremely stupid and inept, that they feel it their duty as humanitarians to instruct the rest of us on how to live, eat, travel, think, and feel, and, if necessary, force us to conform to their idea of how we should conduct our lives.



Often these nannies holding guns to our heads do none of what they demand from us.



Seriously embarrassing.  Even pointing at Bush won't somehow make this video less of an embarrassment.  All we need is shirtless Putin to join them, but he would have run it three times and still beat them to the waiting glass of water.  What if he then seduced Michele?  That would have maybe been worth whatever the cost of this rubbish was.



yikes.

Change is Kind of Constant but maybe Not Linear

Does something someone says or does ever throw a switch inside causing you to finally lose patience and think, "That's it.  I need to cut that non-friend loose."?   That recently happened with me.  As I've warned before, facebook is the devil, but did I listen?   Maybe not.

Mostly it was just used as a minor music connection and people would tag me in pictures playing here and there.  My vanity enjoyed that well enough.

Then with the Christmas trip I thought maybe I could hold the interest of someone in particular and kind of have a safety net of people knowing where I was.  And I got sucked into the things where you want to rant or give opinions.  I tried to resist but I can only handle so many half truths, so much talk of how anyone who thinks Obama or democrats are problematic is clearly racist, or how Cuba is Utopia, etc.   I get emotionally charged when facing the rationale thrown out there to justify a totalitarian trend in this country.  I'm that way.

But  don't think I'm going to win hearts and minds on facebook.  The problem with social media is that it promotes a short attention span, bad grammar, and it is not a good place for serious matters because you need a picture and some short bit of propaganda technique in action to push the point and hold the reader's interest for more than 5 seconds.  Invariably a half truth.

It is how the Daily Show works.  Invariably something is left out or something, like maybe political prisoners in Cuba or Constitution, etc. is ignored.  They are as expert at appearing to cover bases while herding the crowd as any outfit going.  I don't always disagree, but even then the humor is interwoven with purely misleading propaganda.

OK. So, facebook is the devil and  got ticked off because of a minor comment or two by a couple of people who were on thin ice for committing a kind of offense that I'd warned before would kill any friendship.

Anyone pretending to be my friend that either pushes me to drink and/or tries to make me into the momentary freak of the crowd because I do not drink, to boost themselves or for whatever motive is someone  do not need to appease.  I've rarely dealt with it.  Most people get such boundaries and have sense enough to know I had to quit for a reason.  But even if I did not or I never drank, it is a screw them kind of deal, really.

So I got a little irked, yanked the ill-named "friend" classification and delivered a rant in two different places and decided to nix the music scene for awhile.  I'll play in June since the Copper Creek group up here on ballistic mountain is slated to play a big event a radio station is doing at the winery up the mountain.

This is a change, but I realize I've been marking time and maybe I am not feeling it.  It is not paying and I need to work on other things, materially, spiritually, creatively, you-name-it-ly.   But change is hard and even though I am healthier cutting certain people out of my life, even if they will badmouth and sneer--or especially because they will.   It is always hard not to try to soothe such personal dynamics so that everyone likes me, but really, how lame is that?  I would not dream of maintaining your respect an affection if I ignored boundaries and made light of something that could be life or death to you.

Even so, I guess it bothers me slightly, because I am such a humanitarian.  A philanthrope.
ORIGIN mid 18th cent.: from Greek philanthrōpos, from philein ‘to love’ + anthrōpos‘human being.’  That's right, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

This is all part of change.  The no smoking is a good tangible symbol of some changes going on.  If I'm not careful I won't fit into my pants and being the no-pants guy running around will be another tangible change indicator. Let us just not let that happen.  Can't be buying clothes right now.  Or getting arrested for being weird.

I can't tell you how often I still have sudden almost overpowering craving to smoke.  Like just now.  
No wonder.  Yikes, look at the time.   I have a chance to look into some buy and sell situation tomorrow.  May learn something that leads somewhere.  Or just learn something.  It is a neat opportunity in any case.   I like to broaden my horizons.  

Rain in Southern California

It doesn't rain much in SoCal,  and this year it has been even dryer than normal.   So, everyone is all excited about the storm scheduled to roll in on Friday.   Of course they worry about flash flooding and, in some places, I guess houses will slide down hills.

I've never understood that aspect of CA living (among many others).  If houses fell off the hill a decade ago in a big rain storm, why wouldn't you put it back in some other way?  Up more in the L.A. area where the beautiful but dumb as a rock cultural icons and political and environmental gurus live they seem to have more incidence of houses sliding downhill repeatedly.

Check it out.  This is a news picture of rain near me.  A file photo they used in proclaiming the "big storm" coming up.   Notice that the second vehicle is about four inches off the bumper of the first?  That is how they drive when it rains, and they actually tend to speed up if possible.  Then they'll wonder why so many accidents and traffic jams result.  I've seen dumber drivers--Memphis---but I've never seen a more bizarre and predictable pattern of behavior.  In areas of sparse precipitation, the road is extra slippery when it does rain.  Should be fun.    The article with the pic makes no note of the pick up truck on that car's butt.  Because it seems normal to hard core locals.  If possible, ride in the back seat of the car ahead.

It will flash flood in my area, but not right where I live.  Just the road below and the one leading to my place.  I often wondered what it would be like if this cabin slipped off the pilings on the north end and slid down the hill.  I think if I avoided the broken glass it would be a fun time.  The aftermath would be dismal, but who worries about consequences?

If I'd ever learned to realistically consider consequences prior to acting I'd most likely be in another state with a beautiful family, or at least a loving, sexy wife who wasn't out to destroy me--mind body and spirit.  Or maybe I'd be dead because I got hit by a speeding, out of control, bus while I was living in bliss, wisely taking consequences into consideration before making significant decisions or giving in to feel-good impulses.

This brings up the question, would I rather have had the thoughtful, full life, with the sexy love machine and good choices, but get killed by a speeding bus ten years or so ago, or would I rather keep living and have the path I took?   Do I even need to answer that?   Given the choice I'd even pay the bus driver just to show there are no hard feelings.

It is wrong, I'm sure, and God will hate me for this, but I am not pleased with my mistakes, or even grateful I lived through those which should have killed me.   I'm not inclined to cultivate this view because it does seem wrong or blasphemous or something.  Who wants to piss off "the man upstairs" and get smote with the jawbone of an ass?   Those things happen, so I hear.

My mother warned me.  I can't say she didn't.  She did not do much in the way of explaining an alternative path to the one she warned against.  But I may not have been listening.

With great luck the big storm will wash us away.  They say it is a set of circumstances, not seen since 1983, which includes favorable tornado conditions.  What a miracle, to disappear in a tornado in the rain in Southern California.  Rarest of rare conditions, and a complete win-win.   The cool thing would be that my place would be blown away or washed away, so no mess left for others.

No More Wake Up Calls. I Can't Afford It

The perpetual screw up is forever fielding wake up calls.   I hate wake up calls.  They always bring stark reality into focus and that is not what I want to see.  The reality is always the same.  The warnings always the same.

Wake up!!  You need more money because you may die or have health issues.
Wake up!!  You need more money so you can at least find a gold digger and pretend she gives a damn. Otherwise you will have to settle for being a solo vegetarian loser; no one wants you without a big payoff.
Wake Up!!! You need more money because the goddam Check Engine light came on at night, on the mountain, on the way home from playing with the local group for the first time in months.   Like all bands I've ever been part of they ignore my advice about the name.  There are other Copper Creeks so I do not approve of labeling the group such a thing.  Old news, done deal.

I want to name it "I Probably Need Money Because That Check Engine Light Might Mean I have to Pay Money".  Or maybe just call it Check Engine Light.

Haven't seen any other groups with that name.  I checked on line and there are other west coast Copper Creeks.  Same issue in Memphis.  Tons of bands with the same name as that band.  But it wasn't Copper Creek.

This group listens most of the time, so I can't complain.  I'm just really annoyed at this check engine madness.  I'm not feeling optimistic about things in general.   My faith in everything tends to wane.   I'm thinking that anyone with any sense would not love me.  So don't be talking for Jesus and them.  The rest of everyone only pretends sometimes because it is such a fun sadistic game.   Most people I get emotionally attached to,  are cruel sadists.  They deny it, I'm pretty sure.  Deny if they want, that changes nothing.

Check Engine Light.  You have no idea the string of senseless adjectives and expletives I am putting in front of those words in my mind.   I'd kick and punch it if I could.

Some of us hang by a thread and we always have.  Some of them have all the answers, but don't live in my skin so maybe they don't really know it all.  Maybe they do.  It should be very easy being me.  It is not easy or hard.  It mostly makes no sense.  At one time it made even less.

One little light can send me into a raging spiral diving straight into the dirt.  That doesn't make a lot of sense does it?  And those who can only imagine their own condition and have no ability to extrapolate from experience to conclude they do not know it all, have quippy, maddening wisdom at times like this.  But there are times when those things do not really fit the moment.  More sadist fun, I guess.

Never let them know they fazed you.  And soon enough you are back in the flow of things, provided that stupid Check Engine Light issue gets resolved or goes away for another 2 months.

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