Oh my god. Ever wonder about those guys you may have seen in weird news reports who don't wash for years at a time? I think know what motivates that sort of negligence. They may suffer from what is ailing me.
Every time I take a shower now, afterward horrible itching of arms torso and sometimes legs occurs. Scratching is no good. Screaming helps, but not much, as does pounding on the walls and throwing things. It s that maddening, although I did not actually throw things or scream much. Just a few loud expletives.
I try to relax and slow everything down.
Even though had taken a Zirtec earlier, it raged just now. I finally took a benedryl even though the other is supposed to be a 24 hour fix. First time I tried that one. No good. I think that is what the Z one is called.
I did claretin a couple of days ago. It was sort of OK.
For two days I put off going in to the Alpine clinic which I think may be minimal on red tape. I'm not sure any medical place can be basic and not insane and still be legal.
This is the sort of thing you cannot live with. On your own with no relief you offer yourself a shark bait or buzzard food at the the bottom of a high drop off.
All is well if do nothing even slightly active, and if I stay away from the shower. After shower is the very worst. It is a sure thing that trouble and the inside out itches will attack.
I've seen some similar symptoms described but always the people had it from preteen years into 20s or 30s, and I saw no comment from anyone older. I think it is because they all jump off cruise ships or out of planes without a chute before they get any older.
I have seen discussion of relieving symptoms, but no talk of real cause or cure. However one person I discussed this with thought it could be adrenal gland related, and suggested getting a medrol pack, I think it is called. It is a round of drug you take for a specified number of days. It is supposed to get the adrenalin running better. Is that what it is called--that packet of pills you take? Medrol pack or ybe hydogoblinosophine pack. Must be one of the two.
Yay. Must be the benedryl. Irritation finally subsided. I cannot think of anything new that would set this off...except I haven't been smoking. That is the only obvious change. I can't start back, I'm too used to not burning my clothes and not smelling like wet ashes.
If I find out that this is related to chem trails, the NSA, CIA, or RFID chips, I am not going to be pleased.
edit--time has passed
wtf is going on. Now it attacking with a vengeance. Popped another benedryl and don't dare tke anything else, but I may add claritin to the ix if it doesn't end. Already I'm pushing it. This is unreal, unholy, unfair, unbearable. Whoever came up with this design must not have known or cared what an annoyance certain types of pain and bizarre sensations can be. Got to be a better way.
FAAHHHHHCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%^&*)_
edit-more time has passed
Finally, it eased up some. The benedryl makes me feel weird but anything to reduce the symptoms. Tomorrow morning I go in. Uh oh, it is wanting to flare. I have to sit in one position not leaning back against anything. If I am going to sleep I have to lay down or prop up. What would Jesus do? One can only wonder. What would Vladimir Putin do? Yes, I see now. Given the resources I'd invade a country and start war just to distract myself. We are onto something.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Ian Belmondo - Take Me To The Tropics
This was about a year go. I was always out of breath trying to sing, but I seemed healthier than today.
One day this song will be right. I've never been able to get the rhythm and such like I like it but it s nice that people want to play it.
posted because Scott of lowandslow/flight plan blog indicated he liked the music videos much better than my whining and commentary
One day this song will be right. I've never been able to get the rhythm and such like I like it but it s nice that people want to play it.
posted because Scott of lowandslow/flight plan blog indicated he liked the music videos much better than my whining and commentary
Who I Played With Saturday Morning
Trevor McSpadden - Better Off Alone
This guy invited me to play a roadside farmer's market thing Saturday based on my reputation. He's definitely professional and, like many native Texans, one very nice person. His wife is very cool--a knockout--and their baby is one happy girl. I told him he was richer than most. I think he may know that.
He said he liked my style of play an such. I was about his age a long time ago. Oh well.
It is still murder not smoking. That was my number one hobby for the last many years. I'm using my self-loathing to keep away from them, "suffer, you dumb bastard!!!" Try as I might, I've never been one of those than understood the concept of "loving yourself" for more than a few seconds at time. Maybe I just don't get what it means and I really do feel whatever they are talking about with such concepts. I doubt it. It's OK. I trick myself, with occasional success, into temporary sanity.
In some ways I guess I do OK. It comes and goes. Loving you is a far easier concept. I can't be loving you and hating me too much at the same time. See?
This guy invited me to play a roadside farmer's market thing Saturday based on my reputation. He's definitely professional and, like many native Texans, one very nice person. His wife is very cool--a knockout--and their baby is one happy girl. I told him he was richer than most. I think he may know that.
He said he liked my style of play an such. I was about his age a long time ago. Oh well.
It is still murder not smoking. That was my number one hobby for the last many years. I'm using my self-loathing to keep away from them, "suffer, you dumb bastard!!!" Try as I might, I've never been one of those than understood the concept of "loving yourself" for more than a few seconds at time. Maybe I just don't get what it means and I really do feel whatever they are talking about with such concepts. I doubt it. It's OK. I trick myself, with occasional success, into temporary sanity.
In some ways I guess I do OK. It comes and goes. Loving you is a far easier concept. I can't be loving you and hating me too much at the same time. See?
ScoffLaw by Default
On radio news, they said people were waiting in long lines to sign up for some kind of government mandated healthcare arrangement. How come I didn't know such place existed?
That is my defense: I didn't know where to go, and my computer froze every time I went to a health hazard site. I still find it a sad statement about America that we call a law, largely written by a congressional aid of some kind, who had worked for one of the largest insurance firms, "Obamacare", naming it after a politician who did not write the law, either did not know what it was or voluntarily lied about it, and who is not God, king, or the source of the money paying for anyone's medical costs.
The absolutely shameless way that people on right and left personalize a government program and law, almost deifying their savior or enemy, as the case may be, leaves me hungering for a climate controlled cave in the wilderness, replete with all amenities, yet off the grid, off the radar and far away from anyone who believes in forced communalism, charity at gunpoint.
I'm eligible for any number of subsidies and medi this and that. Who knew? My issue is that it turns my stomach and I may seriously prefer an early death to participating. I am undecided about that.
In the mean time, I will go to the Alpine clinic to see why I am having attacks which swell the tongue and rage from within like red ants biting from the inside, then they go away with enough allergy stuff.
I'm pretty sure if I quit being so tired I can work it out through massive green juice intake and bio-feedback. Or something.
Probably lack of cigarettes.
So, where were these people waiting in line? The insurance companies left standing must be doing well.
Many people point to european countries and Canada claiming "Oh look, Utopia!!!". We used to point and say, "Geez, those poor suckers are under the thumb, glad we know how to be free!!" Yippee, we surpassed their stupidity yet we still feel unsophisticated and want to follow their example.
Our increasing paranoia and trouble is always met with more of the same ultra-statism that got us here. The fact that the corporate-governmental enmeshment is fueled by regulatory agencies, and is only allowed to thrive under the erroneous idea that government is the best bet to run all things, totally eludes most public discourse. Emotional attachments prevent reason.
I see people who are opposed to every war we are ever in, so it seems, yet they thank every person in uniform for their service. If you were opposed to a war, do you thank those who fight it? I'm beginning to wonder. Defense does keep us free. Using the military domestically against our own does not. If fighting wars with no defined purpose or conclusion in remote parts of the world keeps us free, how it does this must be classified information. I've not heard consistent justification even from those supporting various wars. I've heard no good reason that we've trained and armed lunatics, who are later labelled enemies.
Emotionally, I want to say, hell yea, go team, thank you for your service. USA! But logically I think my country and my military has been hijacked by evil doers and by flawed philosophy. Long ago this happened. We were never perfectly free or of consistent values, but we had a good chance.
Peer pressure, laziness, concerted efforts to obliterate the essence of the philosophy of freedom, greed, and envy have all served to bring us here, standing in line somewhere to buy government mandated insurance, required to cover things we may not want or conceivably ever need, from officially specified sources, or else we will get punished. WTF?
I've always been in between. I really did not like the culture of youth that did everything to please the public school teachers and establishment. They knew to say what pleased, gave reports on how much they loved the U.N., cheated at sports, were junior governmental units to the max. Then there were the badass kids, being tough and giving the establishment kids a hard time. Bullies and bully entourage types. They were unkind and I did not like them for that.
In many ways, nothing has changed, except the statists have more power than ever, there is more stress than ever an the tyranny brigade demands even more power while the fools all around cheer. Crazy, the gangsta types and the ones who love government like the Obamabots all pretty much support the same party and the same programs. To me it makes sense; I consider both groups bullies and ill mannered people who intrude into the lives of others uninvited.
How am I supposed to become apolitical if I have to keep up with all these mandates and buy-or-die political schemes?
That is my defense: I didn't know where to go, and my computer froze every time I went to a health hazard site. I still find it a sad statement about America that we call a law, largely written by a congressional aid of some kind, who had worked for one of the largest insurance firms, "Obamacare", naming it after a politician who did not write the law, either did not know what it was or voluntarily lied about it, and who is not God, king, or the source of the money paying for anyone's medical costs.
The absolutely shameless way that people on right and left personalize a government program and law, almost deifying their savior or enemy, as the case may be, leaves me hungering for a climate controlled cave in the wilderness, replete with all amenities, yet off the grid, off the radar and far away from anyone who believes in forced communalism, charity at gunpoint.
I'm eligible for any number of subsidies and medi this and that. Who knew? My issue is that it turns my stomach and I may seriously prefer an early death to participating. I am undecided about that.
In the mean time, I will go to the Alpine clinic to see why I am having attacks which swell the tongue and rage from within like red ants biting from the inside, then they go away with enough allergy stuff.
I'm pretty sure if I quit being so tired I can work it out through massive green juice intake and bio-feedback. Or something.
Probably lack of cigarettes.
So, where were these people waiting in line? The insurance companies left standing must be doing well.
Many people point to european countries and Canada claiming "Oh look, Utopia!!!". We used to point and say, "Geez, those poor suckers are under the thumb, glad we know how to be free!!" Yippee, we surpassed their stupidity yet we still feel unsophisticated and want to follow their example.
Our increasing paranoia and trouble is always met with more of the same ultra-statism that got us here. The fact that the corporate-governmental enmeshment is fueled by regulatory agencies, and is only allowed to thrive under the erroneous idea that government is the best bet to run all things, totally eludes most public discourse. Emotional attachments prevent reason.
I see people who are opposed to every war we are ever in, so it seems, yet they thank every person in uniform for their service. If you were opposed to a war, do you thank those who fight it? I'm beginning to wonder. Defense does keep us free. Using the military domestically against our own does not. If fighting wars with no defined purpose or conclusion in remote parts of the world keeps us free, how it does this must be classified information. I've not heard consistent justification even from those supporting various wars. I've heard no good reason that we've trained and armed lunatics, who are later labelled enemies.
Emotionally, I want to say, hell yea, go team, thank you for your service. USA! But logically I think my country and my military has been hijacked by evil doers and by flawed philosophy. Long ago this happened. We were never perfectly free or of consistent values, but we had a good chance.
Peer pressure, laziness, concerted efforts to obliterate the essence of the philosophy of freedom, greed, and envy have all served to bring us here, standing in line somewhere to buy government mandated insurance, required to cover things we may not want or conceivably ever need, from officially specified sources, or else we will get punished. WTF?
I've always been in between. I really did not like the culture of youth that did everything to please the public school teachers and establishment. They knew to say what pleased, gave reports on how much they loved the U.N., cheated at sports, were junior governmental units to the max. Then there were the badass kids, being tough and giving the establishment kids a hard time. Bullies and bully entourage types. They were unkind and I did not like them for that.
In many ways, nothing has changed, except the statists have more power than ever, there is more stress than ever an the tyranny brigade demands even more power while the fools all around cheer. Crazy, the gangsta types and the ones who love government like the Obamabots all pretty much support the same party and the same programs. To me it makes sense; I consider both groups bullies and ill mannered people who intrude into the lives of others uninvited.
How am I supposed to become apolitical if I have to keep up with all these mandates and buy-or-die political schemes?
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Somehow I Doubt George Washington, or even Jesus Would Be Down With It
I thought it was some kind of bizarre joke, or maybe a viral rumor. Something along the lines of gerbil play or the Venus Butterfly. I was wrong.
It wasn't fiction. But before I get to that, am I the only one who thinks that many, maybe most, activities which come under the umbrella of "raising awareness" are pure nonsense? Cancer awareness? Is there anyone who is unaware of cancer?
So, it is true; there are hundreds of guys taking selfies on instagram or somewhere wearing only a sock. One sock. They called it cocks in socks I think. To raise awareness for testicular cancer. Come on.
It just seems a little off kilter. Somehow I can't fathom Geronimo or even Leonardo Da Vinci swinging a tubesock to raise awareness. I could be wrong, I guess.
Oh it is a good cause!!! Great. Do socks cure cancer? These guys just get off on doing the photos and all that. The "raising awareness" and "good cause" gibberish is feel good bunk. You want an excuse to indulge exhibitionist desires and pretend it is some selfless act of courage.
I don't care if people do these things. It is the rubbish they coat it in while trying to promote it to the public and grab attention that I find disingenuous and annoying. We do so much pretending.
Own up! You like running around wearing only a sock. Admit it and go on.
Every now and then the "look at me, I'm saving the world by running across the Baja naked" sort of boast needs to be called out for the weak excuse it is.
If you like running around with a sock tied around your junk, just say so. Don't pretend you are doing it because you are a martyr saving the nuts of mankind.
File this under WTF. They say the only constant is change. I'd say the constant is the rate of increase of change. It has been accelerating over time. Zaniness must work on a formula. Maybe deltaZ=(cT)^3. T is time and c is the crazy constant, maybe 4.20 or something. So in a year zaniness will change by 4.20 to the 3rd power. Or so.
I don't know. Work it out yourself if you want; don't expect me to be your sock puppet. However, under the right circumstances with the right person or people, I could be talked into who knows what...
It wasn't fiction. But before I get to that, am I the only one who thinks that many, maybe most, activities which come under the umbrella of "raising awareness" are pure nonsense? Cancer awareness? Is there anyone who is unaware of cancer?
So, it is true; there are hundreds of guys taking selfies on instagram or somewhere wearing only a sock. One sock. They called it cocks in socks I think. To raise awareness for testicular cancer. Come on.
It just seems a little off kilter. Somehow I can't fathom Geronimo or even Leonardo Da Vinci swinging a tubesock to raise awareness. I could be wrong, I guess.
Oh it is a good cause!!! Great. Do socks cure cancer? These guys just get off on doing the photos and all that. The "raising awareness" and "good cause" gibberish is feel good bunk. You want an excuse to indulge exhibitionist desires and pretend it is some selfless act of courage.
I don't care if people do these things. It is the rubbish they coat it in while trying to promote it to the public and grab attention that I find disingenuous and annoying. We do so much pretending.
Own up! You like running around wearing only a sock. Admit it and go on.
Every now and then the "look at me, I'm saving the world by running across the Baja naked" sort of boast needs to be called out for the weak excuse it is.
If you like running around with a sock tied around your junk, just say so. Don't pretend you are doing it because you are a martyr saving the nuts of mankind.
File this under WTF. They say the only constant is change. I'd say the constant is the rate of increase of change. It has been accelerating over time. Zaniness must work on a formula. Maybe deltaZ=(cT)^3. T is time and c is the crazy constant, maybe 4.20 or something. So in a year zaniness will change by 4.20 to the 3rd power. Or so.
I don't know. Work it out yourself if you want; don't expect me to be your sock puppet. However, under the right circumstances with the right person or people, I could be talked into who knows what...
Friday, March 21, 2014
Older I get, The More Authority Worship Makes Me Sick
I have learned to ease up a bit on Facebook, aka The Devil.
Sometimes a friend or two, whom I like, posts some total bullshit from one of their collectivist, statist, bolshevik left wing insanity sites which just sends me over the edge. I know that to say that the idea that Obama or anyone else should have control over my health wages, etc. is absurd would bring a horde of O-bots down upon me; what about Bush? You must be Bill O'Reilly! Oh you can't handle a black president, eh, racist? You hate women! blablablabla...you know it is true.
So I will put it here.
This is the latest manipulation of statistics and gushing worship of the would be king by would be subjects who have no clue the difference between right, privilege, opportunity or entitlement.
the facebook version also says, "Thank You Obama!" and "I love it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is president!" Barf. You must be kidding.
Sometimes a friend or two, whom I like, posts some total bullshit from one of their collectivist, statist, bolshevik left wing insanity sites which just sends me over the edge. I know that to say that the idea that Obama or anyone else should have control over my health wages, etc. is absurd would bring a horde of O-bots down upon me; what about Bush? You must be Bill O'Reilly! Oh you can't handle a black president, eh, racist? You hate women! blablablabla...you know it is true.
So I will put it here.
This is the latest manipulation of statistics and gushing worship of the would be king by would be subjects who have no clue the difference between right, privilege, opportunity or entitlement.
the facebook version also says, "Thank You Obama!" and "I love it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is president!" Barf. You must be kidding.
I could see loving to wake up in the morning and have a job, an erection, a wife, all your limbs, kids, etc., but you love it because some narcissistic puppet is president? Why? You are nuts. You think he wakes up in any way happy for you? No, he wakes up with the same thought you have, "I'm so glad I'm president. I can do anything I want, and fly all over in a big jet and play golf with Tiger. Hang with Beyonce, do selfies with the Danish chick and go on Letterman whenever I like.
No idea where they get these stats. As far as consumer confidence, I am a consumer and I had no confidence in this neo-bolshevik dickhead in Jan 2009 and none now.
I am not making more money now, but all my expenses have gone up. I have no more love of this statist narcissist than I did for the bolshevik-lite crowd he replaced.
They both administered a bailout which managed to redistribute wealth from the taxpaying public to a select group of companies and billionaires. No one even knows where much of the money went, which they acknowledged at the time. In that regard, they are transparent--they have no respect for the public--"we'll pass it and then you can see what the law demands of you"
If you think the same outfit that brought you the draft in the 60's, the war on drugs (i.e., war on the 4th amendment), the TSA, lack of protection against force and fraud, declining quality of eduction with more dollars spent, an incredibly high incarceration rate, the NSA and more regulations than anyone can imagine, is the best source for your well being and happiness, then we live in alternate universes.
They won't even protect some people close to the border from foreign invasion. There are ranchers in AZ who aren't safe in places on their own land because of invading, rude, and violent people trespassing from Mexico, and if they take matters into their own hands, they get fried by this government.
These authority worshipping zealots seem to believe in nobility, and seek a human to worship. I am just not made for that and would have been fine with others praying to puppets had they left me alone.
The healthcare debacle is not an improvement in my case. It is an intrusion. I'm not being left to live in peace. They are the government and they are here to help, ready or not.
Forced dependence is the result for some of us unless we say, No, and throw up our middle finger, which is what I must do, because it is right. Otherwise I would cost you money, and I do not want your ill gotten gains and your bullshit intrusion into my affairs. the end
Then again, I may work the system for all it is worth like most people.
How many are not either on government contract or government paycheck or subsidy in one form or another? I'd say a majority are on some form of tax money. And that is why the snowball just keeps on growing.
Principles are easily erased with money. It doesn't take much. If someone wants to pay you a few hundred for a hammer, what do you care if they took the money from other citizens at gunpoint? Just doing your f'ing job!
It would be OK, but many individuals are wrongly steamrolled, persecuted, killed, ruined in one way or another, because of the "greater good", "just doing my job", misguided regulation, "oops, wrong address given to the SWAT team", etc.
When government is God, and people can't resist intruding on the lives of others, limits are not placed and enforced, and it gets out of control like now, and it only gets worse as long as people keep suckering for little perceived gains which pique their greed. And perceived penalties to others which satiate their envy.
East County under siege?
The reason I didn't take a picture is because I did not want to end up being another in the growing number of people shot, tazed, maimed and murdered by police for no good reason. They were all dressed up and hell if I was going to be their date to the prom.
As I was driving through Lakeside, on the way to Rancho Santa Fe, I noticed a brand new armored personnel carrier beside me with a sheriff logo on it. Behind that was some kind of war vehicle, and assault car that looked like a tank with wheels. It said "POLICE" in gigantic letters.
I know the front one was a personnel carrier because it was loaded with grinning cops all decked out with military style flak jackets and paraphernalia hanging off everywhere, with mean looking rifles and such. The mini tank behind them, being a tank, you couldn't see inside.
unable to find photos of identical vehicles, but close
Unless the sheriff and police plan to declare war on the locals, they really have no need for military assault vehicles and all the ultra special forces gadgets. Having them causes certain type of person to want to use them, in the worst way. That certain type of person pretty much fits the profile of 99% of police people. This means they will invent excuses and do what police all over the country have been doing--indulge in overkill, which is often fatal, an unnecessarily so.
The typical cop support claim--"these men and women risk it all every time they go to work". I would say citizens risk their lives every time they allow these Rambo wannabes to go to work. I don't have the stats but I'm pretty sure more people get dead by cop than cops get dead by civilians. And I think that holds if you rule out the terminally rowdy and clear undoctored cases of a cop acting in self defense. They claim a lot of self defense when someone looked lethal, or they were threatened with wallet, unresponsive deaf people, TV remotes, and the like.
yeehaw!!!
War on drugs, war on "terra", and now I guess the veil has dropped and it is just a war on us.
As I was driving through Lakeside, on the way to Rancho Santa Fe, I noticed a brand new armored personnel carrier beside me with a sheriff logo on it. Behind that was some kind of war vehicle, and assault car that looked like a tank with wheels. It said "POLICE" in gigantic letters.
I know the front one was a personnel carrier because it was loaded with grinning cops all decked out with military style flak jackets and paraphernalia hanging off everywhere, with mean looking rifles and such. The mini tank behind them, being a tank, you couldn't see inside.
unable to find photos of identical vehicles, but close
Unless the sheriff and police plan to declare war on the locals, they really have no need for military assault vehicles and all the ultra special forces gadgets. Having them causes certain type of person to want to use them, in the worst way. That certain type of person pretty much fits the profile of 99% of police people. This means they will invent excuses and do what police all over the country have been doing--indulge in overkill, which is often fatal, an unnecessarily so.
The typical cop support claim--"these men and women risk it all every time they go to work". I would say citizens risk their lives every time they allow these Rambo wannabes to go to work. I don't have the stats but I'm pretty sure more people get dead by cop than cops get dead by civilians. And I think that holds if you rule out the terminally rowdy and clear undoctored cases of a cop acting in self defense. They claim a lot of self defense when someone looked lethal, or they were threatened with wallet, unresponsive deaf people, TV remotes, and the like.
yeehaw!!!War on drugs, war on "terra", and now I guess the veil has dropped and it is just a war on us.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Maybe Later the Movie Will be Made
Complain complain. That's all you do. And if it isn't you then it is me. I can't ignore my defective nature. It is what allows me to be a pauper while those who are no smarter are billionaires, or just people who look at me and complain that what I think do or say is stupid.
I'm horrible at argument and debate, so they almost always win, even if they are wrong and clearly not smarter or even better.
I don't have some of the luxuries that may suit others, like anger, opium, active and/or festering resentment(we're the 99%), etc. It could be that all that is an illusion. I'm not too sure what to do or think.
If I'm in the right place at the right time I will make the movie trailer. In the movie I cover almost all topics, large and small. All things will be put in perspective. It will be the movie that tells you where the rabbit ate the cabbage; that means it will be a big dose of reality. Not "as I see it", but as it is.
I've been in the mood to make the film maybe fifteen times in the last three days, but never in the mood when resources at hand permitted the endeavor. That is the obstacle. If ever I'm in the right place at the right time, I intend to let you have it, and tell you what for on video. You'll be sorry you ever doubted, you godless heathens and naysayers and intolerant carnivores.
This is going to be the film that sets it straight. It'll be all 21st century wisdom, except, unlike everything else that boasts of being this century and cutting edge, it will be true and worthwhile.
If anyone ever had a question about anything, now would be the time to ask, because all questions which cross our credenza will be answered like never before, and not necessarily in that order. I'm sure you see what mean. Also, now is the time, while asking and answering is still legal. Don't laugh. Kids get suspended from school for pointing their fingers like figurative guns.
Why would anyone who could possibly home school or get their kid in a sane private school ever go anywhere near public school? Bunch of union brainwashed thugs with degrees, if you are lucky. But I thought that when I was in school.
OK. All will be answered if enough questions occur to me and if I am able to hold the enthusiasm and belief in life for more than five minutes at a time.
I'm horrible at argument and debate, so they almost always win, even if they are wrong and clearly not smarter or even better.
I don't have some of the luxuries that may suit others, like anger, opium, active and/or festering resentment(we're the 99%), etc. It could be that all that is an illusion. I'm not too sure what to do or think.
If I'm in the right place at the right time I will make the movie trailer. In the movie I cover almost all topics, large and small. All things will be put in perspective. It will be the movie that tells you where the rabbit ate the cabbage; that means it will be a big dose of reality. Not "as I see it", but as it is.
I've been in the mood to make the film maybe fifteen times in the last three days, but never in the mood when resources at hand permitted the endeavor. That is the obstacle. If ever I'm in the right place at the right time, I intend to let you have it, and tell you what for on video. You'll be sorry you ever doubted, you godless heathens and naysayers and intolerant carnivores.
This is going to be the film that sets it straight. It'll be all 21st century wisdom, except, unlike everything else that boasts of being this century and cutting edge, it will be true and worthwhile.
If anyone ever had a question about anything, now would be the time to ask, because all questions which cross our credenza will be answered like never before, and not necessarily in that order. I'm sure you see what mean. Also, now is the time, while asking and answering is still legal. Don't laugh. Kids get suspended from school for pointing their fingers like figurative guns.
Why would anyone who could possibly home school or get their kid in a sane private school ever go anywhere near public school? Bunch of union brainwashed thugs with degrees, if you are lucky. But I thought that when I was in school.
OK. All will be answered if enough questions occur to me and if I am able to hold the enthusiasm and belief in life for more than five minutes at a time.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
It Ain't Easy, but why not?
Most of the confusion and stress in life, at least for me, comes with being maladapted to see how to thrive under the structure of things, as I see it. And it may be that I never quite see it clearly.
I think the root of most inner trouble is the inability to identify assets and organize those to best purpose. It is common to amplify fear and loathing, look at all that which is not there. Lack of money, motivation, plan, peace, etc. That is really stupid. It is like not going anywhere because you don't have an airplane. Never mind you have feet or a bicycle or a car.
Finding lack is not so difficult. Unless you plan to find way to supply that lack, it is really useless to occupy the mind with it. But for some reason that is how minds like mine work if one is not careful. Perhaps many of these seeds get planted for various reasons to do with marketing, jealousy, or other external human frailties, that tend to prey on one's internal weaknesses.
Alright. I'm glad we had this discussion. We'll continue on, understanding it is about the love and a trust that it is OK to be alive, even if not experiencing it however it looks like people are supposed to experience it according to movies and public service ads and government edicts.
Funny how much better things work out on this plane when I keep part of me in a sort of dream place, the one that requires some trust and faith. That must be what is meant by keeping your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground.
But really, most little sayings like that don't make a lot of sense. They sound good. I see crazy things all the time circulating the internet which are supposed to be profound or soothing, but they make no sense. Especially the ones that feed the egos of those who are constantly in denial about jumping boundaries and stepping on the toes of others.
There are things circulating that try to paint obnoxious lunatics as free spirits and full of life. They are pushy and insane, and I can forget I have my own things to do if I let it get to me or pay much attention to such trivia.
I'm pretty sure it will be OK. I'm equally sure I can't get away with marking time and hiding out for much longer. I'm like a guy building a house who has everything he needs right there, but he just sits and stares hoping for rain so he has an excuse not to confront the starting point.
But I am tough, so I can overcome the things in me that are so inhibiting and fatalistic.
I have to say, that Sunday jam over at Greg's was something else. Really good players. And everyone was working well with everyone else. Went through a great amp. Maybe I should make that a habit--the amp.
But I still think ought to be more selective about when and where I play, focussing more on other things. Priorities and avoiding rationale for escaping my reality. Better just do not think. Do it or don't and shut up.
.
I think the root of most inner trouble is the inability to identify assets and organize those to best purpose. It is common to amplify fear and loathing, look at all that which is not there. Lack of money, motivation, plan, peace, etc. That is really stupid. It is like not going anywhere because you don't have an airplane. Never mind you have feet or a bicycle or a car.
Finding lack is not so difficult. Unless you plan to find way to supply that lack, it is really useless to occupy the mind with it. But for some reason that is how minds like mine work if one is not careful. Perhaps many of these seeds get planted for various reasons to do with marketing, jealousy, or other external human frailties, that tend to prey on one's internal weaknesses.
Alright. I'm glad we had this discussion. We'll continue on, understanding it is about the love and a trust that it is OK to be alive, even if not experiencing it however it looks like people are supposed to experience it according to movies and public service ads and government edicts.
Funny how much better things work out on this plane when I keep part of me in a sort of dream place, the one that requires some trust and faith. That must be what is meant by keeping your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground.
But really, most little sayings like that don't make a lot of sense. They sound good. I see crazy things all the time circulating the internet which are supposed to be profound or soothing, but they make no sense. Especially the ones that feed the egos of those who are constantly in denial about jumping boundaries and stepping on the toes of others.
There are things circulating that try to paint obnoxious lunatics as free spirits and full of life. They are pushy and insane, and I can forget I have my own things to do if I let it get to me or pay much attention to such trivia.
I'm pretty sure it will be OK. I'm equally sure I can't get away with marking time and hiding out for much longer. I'm like a guy building a house who has everything he needs right there, but he just sits and stares hoping for rain so he has an excuse not to confront the starting point.
But I am tough, so I can overcome the things in me that are so inhibiting and fatalistic.
I have to say, that Sunday jam over at Greg's was something else. Really good players. And everyone was working well with everyone else. Went through a great amp. Maybe I should make that a habit--the amp.
But I still think ought to be more selective about when and where I play, focussing more on other things. Priorities and avoiding rationale for escaping my reality. Better just do not think. Do it or don't and shut up.
.
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About Me
- John0 Juanderlust
- Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
- Like spring on a summer's day
