Thinking is Not Always an Option

After awhile a person can become too tired to think.  Although I'm pretty sure it is due to lack of adrenaline because of depression, that is the state of affairs.

So, I'll hit a specialist who is highly recommended by my previous primary care giver, the veterinarian. If only he hadn't retired I could have had the blood tests I need all worked out.  Of course we have to translate the numbers into human terms, as the numbers for various things aren't quite the same in a healthy human and a healthy canine.

That is just daydreaming.   When your vet retires, you may as well kiss any reasonable, helpful, quick healthcare out the window.  On your own now and in many cases Mexico is a better bet.  Too bad they are a thug state that holds people hostage in jail.

When I'm feeling great  think why go anywhere?  When I'm feeling down but not symptomatic I think I'm imagining it and it is all just a manifestation of my worthlessness and because I'm doing it all wrong. But when I feel symptoms coming on, I'm glad I have this booked.  I'll get the money.  This outfit doesn't accept anything to do with "Covered California".  I do not have time for CA to decide whether to insure me or harass me, and I am no fan of any of this.  It makes it look like I applied in time.   You figure, if I have to buy it, I'd pay as much in two or three months as this episode will cost.

I can't be paying that all the time.  And the slowness and corruption in the free stuff may cost me as much in the long run.  Well, it hasn't been free.  But it has been lower cost for not being rich.

I'm not too sure how this phase is going to resolve itself.

When Did I Check Out?

Seriously, I'm not believing I'm here, so maybe I'm not.  This would make no sense to those who have normal brain waves and an understanding of civilization, and maybe even women.  I'm not convinced that women understand women.   Never has one given me useful, accurate advice on how to please and ingratiate myself with another woman.  You'd think those who are in no way candidates for a special friendship would give honest useful suggestions.  They may think they are.

I think they have no more clue than I do.  So much for lumping people into one category or behavior and thought based on condition of birth.  Maybe those who create "women and minority" specific quotas, programs, preferences, or limitations should learn something from this.

Be that as it may,  I've got bigger fish to fry.  Even though I don't even eat fish.  I don't skin cats either. Though it sometimes feels as if a cat has skinned me and a big fish then tossed me on the grill of life.

I knew getting back on the books with a part time job, letting the Obamacare lady put me up for California's health garbage, would be a mistake.  California is now sending me thinly veiled threats in the form of a questionaire.   "We know you did xyz through ACME credit Union.  And we know this, that and the other.  So tell us every minute detail of your activities for the last few years.

I can hear the WWII German accent, and see the guy with the monocle holding his cigarette funny, backwards to the way I would hold it.  In his other hand is a riding crop.  His arm is folded behind his back.  He's very good at keeping that monocle in place.  I'm thinking, if you already know so much, and were weird enough to state it, almost like an accusation, why are you again asking me for my social security number?

A number I specifically tried to refuse when they cornered us in our bogus auditorium science class in 7th grade.  They had TV monitors and taught science on TV.  Then there were one or two humans that also did science stuff live.  I recall that one woman did not seem happy.  Stressed out, and she wasn't bad looking really.  I hope she went on to better things and got unstressed.  Now I get it.  Then, I did not.

So, why would you suggest the bad security practice of writing the ss# on a form in the mail, when you already know it?

The state is a lot like television.  Especially the kind with canned laughter; laff tracks.  If you are away from it for awhile, minimizing contact, it seems dangerously insane, annoying, and over the top when you are again exposed to the madness.  The scariest thing of all is to realize that you are the odd man out.  You're considered the troubled and deranged entity.  And in so many ways, you know that is correct in your case.  But in so many other ways, it is in no way true.

Go along to get along.  People never tire of kings, thugs, charlatans, and mystics.   Trying to even address particular issues is pretty much a waste.

I'm think of moving to a state with no income tax.   I like it out here.  But I may not be able to survive this crazy ass state.  You have to be either illegal or pretty well to do.  Moreso than I am apparently.   Otherwise there is a growing and consistent attack upon your freedom and enjoyment.  I don't believe in class envy or class hatred or class worship.  The class thing is always a big hit.

The big class buzz-phrase among charlatans and tyrants is always "for the Middle Class".  CA has got something for the middle class.  Pain, harassment, and a few crumbs and tokens of revenge for imaginary transgressions.  The promise of power--get The Rich--,and a few tax expenditures buys the "middle class".  Government employees claim to be middle class.  The bigger that group, the more they need to hit the poor and the rich.  The connected rich don't care.  Unconnected and only sort of rich are under the bus with the rest of us.

If you aren't making enough to pay rent and eat, you don't think how important it is to get the state's approval for your sorry state of affairs.  This whole thing is really wrong but the right alternatives are in no way going to be embraced by the majority.  People want what they can get from the state, and trade principle for a pittance, or a personality flaw, like jealousy or resentment.   So, I would make no difference in defying the state in any way.  But unlike most employed by the state, I would not harm anyone just because someone tells me to, or because I can.   That is what separates many of us.

There are those who'll do just about anything to save a job, even one that pays very little.  I've seen it on many jobs.  And the larger the company the higher the incidence of the mercenary atmosphere.  No question that most in these companies lie as a matter of course, one way or another, and would have no problem killing someone if it would save their jobs, and they wouldn't get caught, and if all it took was pressing a button or other means to avoid dirty hands.

I'll answer them, later.   You are either a believer that most of what this country and state do is right, or else you are being robbed and cooperating because they will kick your ass and take your money anyway.   Whatever the case, you are not being patriotic as I've heard some claim.  Taking one for the team are you?  No pain no gain?   I think, if you believe you are better than those who do not fund what you fund but don't approve or condone, you are not being honest.

Some don't have much money. And if they aren't using much in the way of anything not covered by sales tax, gas tax and the like, why make it so they can't live without your help?   A lot of what California does and the ACA does is exactly that.

I should have known this would be a can of worms.  I guess I did know and figured now is better than never.

Even in some countries, (ones we foolishly think are more overbearing) they have nothing like our bizarre complicated tax codes and criminally thuggish tax departments harassing you.   I doubt anyone has such an absurd tax code and an agency run amok like we have.  I still cannot comprehend why states, and sometimes cities, think it is cool to tax income.

A Tale of the Policia

A long time ago I was sitting at a park table at ocean beach.  They have a nice green before you get to the sand of the beach.  Back then I smoked.  Sally(another that got away and her life improved at an exponential pace.  I'm the finishing school for women who go on to good lives.  Great for them.  It kind of sucks for me, but we make our own path for the most part.  Still irks me, no matter if I am to blame) and I were both smoking a cigarette.

Then a San Diego cop car comes flying up over the curb not very far away.  Maybe 17 1/2 feet.  He gets some kid of maybe 21 years old for smoking on the beach.  Where we were is off limits for smoking.  The cop made the kid stand in front of the car for thirty minutes.  The kid had to go use a bathroom, but the cop made him stand there.  He managed to hold it.  He was not a bad or impolite person.  The cop was being a bully.

The cop acted like the kid had robbed a bank.  He did more damage to the grass with his car.  The young guy did not throw the cigarette on the ground.  He would have shot the kid with a stun gun if he could have, at least that was his attitude. A very disrespectful bullying man.

When he finally let the kid go after writing him up for something he couldn't afford to pay, he sort of nodded to us with an arrogant, "..afternoon folks".    wouldn't swear to it but I think he called us "folks", as he flashed a creepy artificial smile.

We had figured out that it would be best to snuff out our smokes rather than risk getting shot or jailed by this lunatic.  Maybe he was a deranged anti-smoking zealot.

Unbelievable: this is a photo from the recruiting page of the SDPD web site.  Join up and wage war on the public. Yahoo!!!

It is no surprise that the San Diego police department has been weathering one bad cop scandal after another.  And what is a cop's reaction whenever the corruption and abuse of power catch up?   Aggrieved f-ing victim!   As if it is their inalienable right to abuse people.

I keep hoping the cop Sally and I watched is one of the ones who gets sacrificed to prove the department is cleaning itself up.  Expecting a little karma to play out now and then.

They seem to be sacrificing a cop a week on the altar-of-deadly-force-you-can-trust.  "Oh look, we protect and serve, and cull the bad apples!! (when there is no other choice but to throw one under the bus to satisfy the stupid public who resent harassment, being shot, whatever. Whiners)"

I don't even follow the police story closely.   I hear episodes, like a soap opera, on the radio news.

So, I wonder at a system that generates and tolerates bullying, and at people for allowing it.

And I wonder at myself for being an anachronism of a self sacrificing finishing school.

I get it, actually.  I've not made things easy for many years.  Maybe I wish I had.  I'm not real clear on that.  Regrets do no good.  People often find it difficult to take the course of least regret through life.
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On the other hand, I'd like to give a thumbs up to Venezuela; I see you are predictably happy and thriving as the policies of your late president continue to take hold.  You were smart, like us, and elected a guy who rates Castro as a god of justice and economic development.   Your guy was like Castro's mini me.  We envy you for that.   Our guy is more like mini-Michele, I think, and she's nobody's mini.

It Is An ill wind that blows no good

We've yet to see if this wind has blown good or what.   Winds up to 70mph near me.  I doubt that my place experienced that as it is a little more protected than the places where it hits its peak velocity.

Velocity sounds better than speed sometimes.  In reality speed is merely a quantity, whereas velocity actually includes speed an direction.  But in this venue, we don't care.

So, I get ready to go to work.  The power is off.  I come home.  The power is off.  The story is; SDGE first said it would be on by 9am, and kept changing.  Last word was "Maybe" by 11PM.  I have no power, I have no water.

I ended up in the lower basement room of a house on a hillside, so my basement room is really not basementy.   Today seemed pretty good.  A little sweat--no fireants under the skin.  So I was all pumped to come home, relax, take extra benedryl and maybe prednisone.  Wait a bit, then brave the shower.

So now I am here.  Great deal of privacy.  Other people are asleep 2 floors up.  I feel hints that it could rage on me, but also I feel better than yesterday, just tired and spacey.  I'm going to chance it.

Full shower with tea tree oil shampoo.  I saw that some have had mild relief from this.  There's a chance it will be ok.  I'm begging.  Better fortify, and slow down as much as  can.  Being paranoid and afraid is no good.  In a way, it truly is hydrophobia.  OK.

In just a few minutes this rabid dog will take on the enemy, and if all goes well, we will become friends once again.

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So far, so good.  Bizarre as t sounds, I did what some people recommended online.   Not a huge online community but there is presence.   Some found that coating themselves with olive oil/and/or coconut oil prior to the shower helps mitigate the raging attack.   So,  did that as well as the tea tree oil.    I made it so far.

Usually maybe within five minutes it starts up.  I've got plenty of anti histamine in me, plus very small dose of steroid.  And  survived a shower, even though the demon keeps hinting at efforts to wreak havoc.  But the defenses are too much for the evil one, and today we are OK.

At the very first I thought, "Oh good, it my have gone away forever".  Then after I felt the slightest tinge of the 'troubles'--ever watch that show, Haven--good--they have troubles---I thought, "Oh, that's why people could have this for years, it comes and goes.  OK."  Then it got worse, but not problematic, like a very faint shadow of the full blown deal.  Enough to let me know that it is being held back with little pills.

Better held back with little pills than to run wild bringing Hell to my door like a demonic caterer.   I'm fairly certain that I have traced this to a general cause.  It is technical--you wouldn't understand.
It is also somewhat generalized.  Maybe  can correct it myself, and maybe not.  One thing seems likely; I'll have time to try on my own well before I get anything beyond bandaids from the medical professionals.

Most people do not know about how it used to be.  This was before the HMO-referral for everything garbage came into being. We have made technical advances while creating systemic nightmares for those wishing to avail themselves of modern science and healing.

It's a miracle!  I took a shower successfully.   I wish you all could have joined me.  We could have had a big celebration.

 I had been just washing this and that, now and then, avoiding the full ramifications of aqueous immersion.  It had been five or seven days, I think.   Really?  More than three or four days positively.

The good thing is this doesn't get the face, or a couple of other places, just because that is how it works. Silver lining.

So, considering the outcome, and the fact I am n a very cool structure (probably the perfect place for my situation), I say this wind was not all that ill.  I can see the airport in the distance down below.  And I see the city beyond the bay.

Perhaps I Am Phobe

Rabies used to be associated with hydrophobia,  or maybe it was homophobia, heterophobia or islamaphobia.   I definitely suffer fro the latter.  Many overly gruesome and heavily uniformed religions trigger my aversion responses.

I'm most likely more rabid at this point as I have concluded the issue with which I am dealing, which is becoming impossible to live with, is probably a thing called aquagenic pruritis.   As dangerous as internet research can be, it can be useful.

And anymore, the Doctor, at your officially approved, government compliant black hole of health,  talks to you, leaves the room to go google what you discussed, then comes back with the search results.  They should loan the patient a computer so both of you can search.

 I say "black hole of health" because any health you had will get sucked out of you if you make many visits to a clinic or hospital.  You won't get better if it isn't a cut and dried circumstance like you're pregnant, or have a broken arm, or need to be sewed back together.

Aquagenic pruritis is not common but people do have it.  It leaves no marks unless you skin yourself alive to get at the sub-dermal horde of fire ants attacking you with crossbows, flamethrowers,  and shotguns full of tiny capsules of acid.  A monstrous army of nano soldiers who rape and pillage skin cells from the inside out.

After a shower it is so bad that grown men have been known to beg outloud for God to fix it.  They have been known to down every pill of any kind in hope of relief.  Grown men have paced back and forth for an hour, waiting for it to subside, and for all the pills to act.  Antihistamines sort of help, prednisone is best but it can take some time to fully mitigate the madness.

Cures are not likely as the aquagenic pruritis is probably a symptom of something else.  Maybe tiny creatures or bacteria.  Or renal failure or karma, or bad attitude and punishment from divine bullies.  All I know is that I may not get much medical help because they don't know, and it isn't on their quick list of things they can treat.   I'm rather disgusted with the whole medical setup.  But I have been for a long time.  And many of your favorite charities are just as disingenuous when it actually comes to true cures.

Perhaps we can all run around the block and wear T shirts proclaiming to the world that we are "doing our part" to find a cure for aquagenic pruritis.  Because we are sooo good and wonderful.  That'll fix it.

Personally I think something remotely akin to a unification theory for the body is the path to pursue.   Everything influences everything else, and it all has electrochemical signatures of some kind.  Things are wired in odd relationship.  That's why scratching an itch in one place sometimes soothes or annoys a nerve in another place on the body, seemingly unconnected to the first point.

This is a troubling time.  I'll have to figure out how to work things out.  If this can't be fixed at all, I will sign over the car, get rid of all my stuff and mess, and make a swift, invisible, clandestine exit.  It is that unworkable.

All the usual suggestions and thoughts have been addressed and considered; detergents, soaps, hot, cold, lotions, creams, foods.  They tested blood for food allergies and found none.  I'm fairly certain it is of internal origin.  Probably not enough of one thing or too much of another.

I may be rabid because when it comes to water in the form of shower and such,  I am increasingly afraid of it.  When I get the nerve I'll try what works for some, coating themselves with tea tree oil, extra virgin light olive oil, and/or coconut oil, and using tea tree oil shampoo all over, and making last of shower as hot as possible without scalding.   No nerve to try it yet.

The pain and inability to do anything with it has caused me to view showers like one might view a date with the whipping post.   When I wake up, all is well and I can't imagine ever having a problem.  Then a little activity reveals just a shadow of the pruritis letting me know that a little more will bring on the full rage of an attack.  So, I calmly do nothing and stay safe.

There is not way to write read, carry on a conversation or do anything but pace, roll round or slam against the wall when attacks occur.  And activity and showers bring on attack.

I was recording at a guy's house and it started up.  I had some prednisone and other stuff so I took that.  It was  minor attack but I could not do anything while it raged.  That was a close one.  Nothing like the way it is after a shower, or a walk up this hill.

I walked yesterday for first time in weeks. it was almost cold out. I felt OK.  I suffered for a long time after.  It took well over an hour for it to really abate.  The worst went on for about 30 minutes, and it went from more intolerable to a little less intolerable.  Finally it moved into tolerable range, without aftershock waves of attack after an hour or so.

I think a full juicing reboot, where you just take in fruit an vegetable juice for awhile will help.  Maybe it will balance whatever the underlying cause is.

Another Issue Obama Tackles--he said, she said gossip and nonsense

I won't argue the case that basketball is a squeaky annoying sport, peopled by far more than its share of criminals, women beaters and morons.  They are wealthy and have lots of sex, but love to grab any chance to cry that they are oppressed.

Many people in other industries and sports also enjoy that same little quirk of thinking they are the center of the universe.

So a sad character owns a team, scores a hot trophy girlfriend.  She apparently likes large black men who play, or have played, pro ball.  Apparently she likes to post pictures with them and even bring them to her older rich boyfriend's team's games.  This makes the old guy feel bad.

He complains to her, using the word "black" in describing the people she seems to use in her strange flaunting of her possible extra-curricular activities.  He's older, frumpier, and some version of white.  It seems he feels a bit intimidated.  I think everyone looking at this knows what is what, and reads the same thing out of it---he doesn't like his trophy chick making it so obvious that she gets her kicks with large black men--the stereotype is only annoying if you are an old white guy with a spirited, disrespectful, trophy girlfriend.

But it is absolutely the sort of thing the President of the United States must address.  Any time a guy complains because his concubine is screwing athletes of another race--(and in basketball that is the majority.  If they'd been all white, I'm sure he'd still complain, but he'd not call them black people)--it is imperative that the president help turn this into a racially divisive event and jump on a side without knowing all the facts, or any of them.  (If I had a concubine, she'd look like that.  If I had a son, he could be a player diddling the owner's trophy girl)

The president has many fantasy children, some are dead, like Trayvon, others are forbidden from playing football, but probably not basketball, and probably not forbidden from shagging the team owner's concubine.

Now Al Sharpton, criminal, racist, inciter of murder, ruiner of lives and careers, is in on the act.  This is absolute nonsense.

Here's some very shocking news.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE BLACK PEOPLE OR ANY OTHER KIND OF PEOPLE.  That is your right.  I dislike a certain element of New Jersey/New York culture.  Do not want to hang with those Snookie-the Situation types.  I've only seen those particular instances of that culture a few times. Enough is enough.  I liked Bernie Mac but not Bill Cosby so much.  Come with a battering ram to my door, Al Sharpton--bound to be some thought policing and ill gotten gain to be had!!

Does it not occur to anyone else that some sports team owner's comments to his flighty, but attractive, gold digging girlfriend, over her tendency to make a fool of him, is not national news or even significant?   You want to hear racism?  Monitor the conversations of all those weighing in on this frustrated cuckolded sugar daddy's rant.

Unbelievable that this made news and I know what this guy said to his chick.  Even more unbelievable that our president is so classless that he jumps on this opportunity to play demagogue and further encourage the false racial narrative and animosity.

It is a shameless political ploy.  More of the varying standards based on condition of birth.  If you want to complain about a group, be sure it is the group which the thought police allow you to mention in that way.

 A good rule of thumb on these matters: if coca charlatan Al Sharpton is jumping into the fray, odds are, half of what you will hear is a lie, and the other half is way out of context.  Al loves to lead witch hunts, and if you are anything other than black,  your rights and innocence are irrelevant.  Al needs a focus for his madness and someone to sick his idiotic followers on.  These antics have had dire results for innocent people.  Al has never even said, "oops, I was wrong", or "sorry about your life, career and whatever else I wrongly destroyed".

Maybe Putin will weigh in next.  This is incredibly bizarre.

No one seems to question what is up with the crazy girlfriend and recording this stuff.  Kind of like with Tiger.  He was awful yet the dozens of hookers and such grabbing a moment in the sun by violating his confidence were fine and dandy.   Standards seem to conveniently shift according to whom  is being served up for dinner at any particular time.   OK for Obama to lie, and even execute people.  He's not Bush, so it is alright.

Equality under the law can't exist when presidents treat private free speech as some awful crime.  It cannot exist whenever certain groups are given preference.  But liberty and freedom, equality under the law, mean nothing.  The goal is control and power.

How can people not see that the motive here was frustration that his girlfriend is throwing it in his face that she's into the other, younger, pro-athlete guys.  The race is really not the issue.  In his shoes most people would focus on common difference.  A guy can't even humiliate himself without being ruined over a PC faux pas.

It's a lose-lose, and now he'll either have to can the girlfriend or learn to enjoy her taunting actions and lifestyle. And be the easy prey of phony celebrities and tv people.  He's being slammed wrongly, I think.  Is everyone just pretending?   .

What Happened to the Cool Stuff?

One wheel motorcycle from 1930's, top speed over 90mph

So apartment babies could get some sun--baby cage

They crowned Miss Atomic Bomb in 1950

Just a holding cell, not a penitentiary

More Effective than Water Boarding

They probably already do this.  Snowden may have already included this in files made public.   If you wanted information from  reluctant sources, what you would do is give them some sort of allergy for no good reason.  They'll tell you anything you want to make it ease up, provided you did well in designing the allergy.

What really sucks is when you run around, searching out government agents and foreigners, throwing yourself in their path, "Ok, OK, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just make this attack go away."  Don't you hate it that not only are they not interested in any information you may have, they have no control over your condition.  Two strikes, easily.

Nothing to do but to refuse to spill the beans.  "You'll never make me tell you where the treasure is hidden, ten paces south of the old tree, then forty three miles, north, north east.  And you can't miss it".
So, I'll stand up in defiance of The Man.

Not OK, Not not OK

One thing clear about the medical process, trouble shooting is not part of it.  In my case they are buying time until whatever insurance attaches itself to me.

So, I go through hoping I can time showers and allergy dope, so that one counteracts the attack the other will surely precipitate.  It seems that the drying off is an issue for about 45 minutes or so.  Any activity that brings about even imperceptible degrees of perspiration could also be trouble.

The steroid run was very minimal dosage and not being continued.  Actually since I was unsuccessful at gaining insights through calls back to the clinic, I opted to avail myself of some prednisone a friend had laying around.

Then I stopped that, had another appointment and realized they are just trying to treat symptoms and the idea of finding the cause is something they won't consider.  At least not until they are sure some insurance is in play which will cover any number of tests.   Even then I get the impression that the motive is for everyone to feel like they are doing something, and that actual thought is not a trendy activity in the medical world.

The old long ago set up worked better for people like me, willing participants in the problem solving process, but not on board with "the doctor is God and knows all" attitude.    Or maybe not.  Unless a diagnosis was so simple a two year old could guess it blindfolded, I rarely sought professional attention.   had very little success with anything less clearcut ever, now that I think of it.

I can't solve this with so little information.  I think it ties n with my throat and stuff back in there.  If I knew a little more I could fix it.  I'm a very good trouble shooter in that I can use information from others familiar with a particular system, to then isolate the cause of the system's malfunction.  They have to be willing to work with me though. In an ego bound medical environment they can't be that open and honest---it defies all the codes of ego maintenance, and ego maintenance is their creed.

So, I'll keep taking the latest stuff.  I don't even know the name.  Some allergy med that has to be prescribed.   I think it is one that probably has TV ads with cartoon people rolling in the hay or skipping  through a meadow filled with wild flowers and weeds.  Everyone is happy in cartoon land because the protagonist takes a pill!

It has brought to my attention how far out of the mainstream I've wandered, and how sad I think various trends within the mainstream have become.  The clinic world demonstrates this.  It is good to have some of the advantages of medical knowledge and procedure.  It sucks to deal with the herd mentality and the culture which tends to believe medicating a symptom is as good as curing a problem.  Take a pill and go away.

The question regarding my access to guns was in the paperwork.  I didn't tell them how I bite  toast into gun shapes and point my finger like a gun.  I do it because I'm too old to get kicked out of school for such wicked behavior.

I was afraid to let on about depression.  I have the feeling they will punish you for certain answers.  It may not see like punishment to those who want to be swallowed into the system never to return.   The deal with depression is that, yes, I feel like a worthless whatever, but I make it a point to compensate for those things.  You just have to know that you live with  lying mind which is out to kill you.  You learn to replace the lie, or ignore it.   Doping it up may not be worth it to everyone.  But if you think the insurance companies and the post John Edwards medical landscape had moved us into a maddening one-size-fits-all paradigm, I believe that is nothing like the inflexible moronic approach to medicine we can expect from the ACA (obamacare).

They have me signing up for stuff I never actually asked for.  Entertaining.  People have been duped to such a degree that it angers them and they're hanging on for dear life to a team to cheer.  I'm still astounded that we allow the most vile of people and agencies to run our medical resources.

The Ahnold Treatment? Legally Draining Your Taxes

Part 1. The Belmondo is now on steroids. Perhaps we will be of big muscles soon

 Part 2 is... forgot. It is the one after the first one

This is important information for the medical case study.  We can hope for the best and wonder if we know the difference.

So, the Alpine clinic is nicer than the places whose doors I darkened in Memphis when I had the good insurance.  I arrived when they opened at 8:30, and they found me a spot at 10 A.M.  By the time I filled out an ocean of paperwork including listing my love life as "hopeful" when the asked about its status regarding active or not.

The never even asked me to take my clothes off.  I guess I wore underwear in vain.  And an unstained T shirt.  My friend in Ft Lauderdale had an eye issue one time and that perv doctor was trying to find reasons to get her shirt off.

In retrospect we should have beat him into unconsciousness and taken his money and perhaps his shoes.  And we should have told his wife.  But that is another story, and besides I was wanting the young ladies to abuse me.  This could be symptomatic of deeper issues. But that is another story for another time.

They suggested I talk to the insurance lady, so I did, at 1:30.  She let me in early.  I could not believe I didn't have to wait until 12:30 for a 10 o'clock appointment, and then the insurance lady was on the ball.  I'm only officially employed, part time, since Apr 1.  She felt like she'd spoken to e a day earlier than that, so I am in the awful system that people never ought to have let evolve to this point.  I'm talking even well prior to this health insurance scam, even prior to John Edwards ruining the lives of good, decent doctors through junk science.

Anyway, I qualify for YOU to pay almost all of my medical expenses.  Thank you.  I honestly don't think it is right.  I paid for the blood test the are doing prior to insurance lady stuff so I guess I saved you a couple of hundred there.  Sliding scale brought the visit down to thirty bucks.

I am desperate to get this problem relieved and in the height of the agitation probably would have traded this computer, or my car, even my didgerie do.  Still it goes against my beliefs.

I could care less if you are all neo-bolsheviks who cannot see that what you blame on "capitalism" or "the economy", 1% , etc.  is largely the result of government involvement and partnerships with private corporations while finding ways to avoid enforcing laws against force and fraud.  No doubt you disagree and find me extreme.

Extreme is the way people cling to variations of feudal monarchy and won't let go.  Whatever the case, I'm sorry for this set up.  I could probably pay for this medical adventure on a one time basis.  I cannot pay for insurance and afford to live, too.  So, you get to buy me insurance I would have done without, because I don't want to be on their list of insurance dodgers.  IT'S THE LAW.  And lots of people love it.  And they love it for the exact reason I do not like it--they get free stuff at YOUR expense.

At least you know I will only avail myself of the minimum, plus maybe a bag of the free California condoms in the lobby.  I'll fill them with water and throw them at cop cars from some overhead cliff.

It seriously troubles me.  I don't care if every deadbeat and undocumented fugitive is getting even more free stuff than I am.  It is a dumb way to do things and I think it is wrong.  Charity is not wrong, but forcing others to pay for it at gunpoint is wrong. When government gets into the business of charity, that is what you have.  And they bleed you dry to do it, so you have less ability to help people on your own.