Still Hydrophobic

It will probably take awhile to get any further tests done due to low funds, and the insane bureaucracy of everything medical.  But what do you expect?   People have been treating doctors like priests for a long time.  "Give it to me straight, Doc, how long have I got?"  If I were a doctor I might say, "Three seconds" and toss the patient out the window.

Seriously, Doc does not know how long you'll live unless you're obviously taking your final breaths.  Why you bother at that point, who knows.  But the medical profession did not have a stable enough collective ego not to feed this impression of God-like knowledge and vision of the future.

Just like lawyers, they make it a point to create  language of their own, heavily steeped in Latin, with touches of sanskrit thrown in in the form of take home flyers about your unknown, incurable, highly expensive disease.   If they can't fix it, they'll just pretend you only have symptoms they understand.

Since doctors know all, you convince yourself you are crazy, and try to avoid any situation which will shine a light on your difficulty.  You hide with your trouble accepting the less than helpful diagnosis and pills offered by your Doctor/Priest.

For awhile there, beginning in the 70's and maybe earlier, healthcare and diseases became the fastest growing hobby in America.  People loved comparing their batteries of hourly and daily pills.  They loved the regular visits, the attention, the delicious morbidity of their defects.   Pretty exciting stuff.  And something to provide extra structure, and for some, a regular day off of work.  Or maybe full enough disability.  No work, but time to go boating or hiking or drinking all day.

Healthcare hobbyists.  They thrive on the experience.  I can see that.  No one has better drugs than the healthcare industry.  And you ether go through them to get it or they throw you in jail if you go to the unregulated marketplace.

"Doctors orders".   Really?  Come here doll, I'm a Doctor and I have an order or two you need to obey.

My conclusion is that people are incredibly gullible and scared to death of looking stupid.  So when the Doctor says you have aquibaillesiuatrababolitis conundrum and must pay big money regularly to monitor the condition, but we can't actually cure it, and you are to only drink liquids from the left side of glass containers from now on, by golly you do it.

Your kid is not a brat.  Your child is addhd, ocd, dls, rtc, etc.  And most likely asthmatic, and suffering from ptsd due to a difficult birth.  Obviously some people legitimately experience these conditions, but there is far more money in it if we diagnose based on loose subjective, unmeasurable, anecdotal criteria to broaden the market.  We can now sell our drugs and services to 20% or so, rather than the 1% or 2% that scientific tests and diagnosis would provide.

It is a win win win.  We get business, your child becomes more manageable through chemistry, and you have something other than yourself or your child's obnoxivity to blame.  The schools are happy because now your kid conforms to their aberrant one-size-fits-all authoritarian propaganda palace.
Everyone is happy.  Sort of.

Lately being angrily down on religion, other than islam, is a highly popular thing.  But the medical and political worlds get a pass.  If you look at it objectively you will see that a lot of people aspire to priesthood and a metaphysical sense of infallibility.   The medical profession, science paid for through taxes and controlled by Big Brother.  You can eliminate ever church, synagogue and other place of worship, and you will find there is not shortage of priests.  They just opt for another title.  A rose by any other name...

So, I guess we are doomed.  And I may never get any tests done and I will go out with a bang to escape the phobia with which I've been plagued.   But only if my own cures do not work.  I will fix it myself, but I'll be using pills in the process.   I'm as good at trouble shooting as the doctor/priests.  I can use their info and do a better job at solving the problem.

But they do have info I do not have.  I'm just better at working it down.  You can know everything and still be a horrible troubleshooter or problem solver. It is the rule rather than the exception.  That is why things are as they are. We are intimidated and rightly impressed with those who know lots of complicated stuff.  Where it goes wrong is that we assume such knowledge equates to doing the right thing, and knowing how to best use the information.  Mostly it doesn't work like that.

You'd think people would know this.  Especially in academia, yet they are the worst for letting egos override truth and true constructive progress.  A lot of information, experience, and knowledge is there. Ability to put it to best use is not a popular skill.  Ability to obtain government funding and agenda driven grants is very popular, and a skill which has been honed to a fine art over the years.  The driving force in academia is to maintain their egos, and include themselves among the priests who take your money because they are super natural.

This is not to say that higher education isn't great, that few people grasp the real math behind science or much else, and that many great things have been developed and discovered in such institutions.  But it is almost by accident and the majority of what is done and taught is for the purpose of control and maintaining the security and social status of those who manage to spend their lives there.  If I had it to do over, I would very likely secure myself in that insulated existence and enjoy messing with the minds of students and faculty alike.

Depression without any real good reason is bad.  Depression with plenty of identifiable reason may be worse.

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Graceland; quick review

Graceland is a new show, I think.  Fairly new, anyway.

Picture the show, Friends, but exchange the characters for plainclothes cops representing various federal agencies. Put them in a SoCal beach house, and let one friend be a master manipulator/ lovable psychopath.  Most are from the shallow end of the kiddie pool of gene pools.  Others are just shallow, yet sincere.   Give the "Friends" writers partial lobotomies, and turn 'em loose.

And there you have it, Graceland.  Imagine the zaniness that ensues.

Ignoring the Speech Impediment in the Room

She did it again, while doing the other thing again.

So, while Michele was trying to fan flames of fear, resentment, racism, and victim fixation, she again displayed her inability to properly pronounce words beginning with STR.  Mrs. O loves to use the word "struggle", but I think advisors may have influenced her to use it less.  Or speech writers quietly altered their choice of words over the last couple of months.

Hearing Michele go on about the "schrtruggles" of others can be a distraction.  This time she was talking about the abuses you can expect when walking down the schrtreet.  No one asked, "Yo, what's a schrtreet?"  They may have been too busy contemplating the non future she was deshcribing.

I've noticed no parody or impersonation in this case.  That is unflattering.

I guess it annoys me.  There are people who've lived in that house whose speech bothers me so bad I cannot listen to them.  Bush was that way, so is Hillary, and both the Os.  I just cannot listen to them for long without discomfort.  Or dishcomfort.  I schrtruggle not to have ill feelings toward any of them.  I do think they are dishonest and not worth the money.

Just Wondering about the Privilege Issue

Recently I learned that the big rage on campus, and in other circles which enjoy a degree of insulation and, in a way, isolation, is to filter interpersonal relationships, one's moral compass and world view through the lens of "checking your privilege".  The privilege checkers I've read or heard seem oddly guilty, arrogant, and condescending, while telling themselves they are being empathetic and a whole lot nicer, hipper, and more aware than their awful forefathers.

I'm not sure what "check your privilege" means.  And when I'm in doubt I think to myself, "What would Steve Martin's character in The Jerk do?".  I'd make a bracelet expressing that sentiment in handy initials, but there are so many in this case that I might forget what they mean.  Besides, I'm not going to forget my go-to guy for this sort of thing.

Anyway, this in depth consideration leads me to ask, "Is privilege like special purpose?  If so, I've got one of those!!!  I'll check it now."  

For that reason, I'm reluctant to ask anyone to check his privilege.   It seems a bit personal and out of bounds.  Sign of the times I suppose; big brother, militarized police having wet dreams about martial law, people generally all up in everyone else's business.

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Swamp Cooled

Good thing I have that swamp cooler.  When humidity is low, like it is here, this inexpensive device, which only uses 85 watts, cools my place just fine.  It works out.

Other than that,  some friends are more the fair weather variety than others.  That is good because that lets me off the hook with them.  You just leave the ball in their court, and hope it stays there.  Less trouble that way.

Red Letter Day

For the first time in awhile I was able to shower without 45 minutes of after-shower under the skin fire ant attack.   Of course, to accomplish this I had to wait until things felt settled down.  Much of the day this phenomenon felt as if it were trying to rage forth.

Keeping calm, covered and infused with anti-histamines is the program for managing it.  Of course the other rituals also help.

It reminds me of the old Crisco party stories I heard way back when.  But this is not much fun.  Coat yourself n very light--not too fragrant--olive oil, and for good measure add a coat of coconut oil.  Then go in an use tea tree oil shampoo instead of soap.

End it all with water very hot, all over.  Run until it feels like you're as used to the hot water as you'll get.  The the mad dash to dry off quickly, but with minimum rubbing, as that can make matters worse.  Multiple towels is one way to go.

Then quickly throw on cotton tee shirt and long sleeve shirt, etc.  All the while willing calm equilibrium upon your body.  Today there are a few little irritations but not much.  The minor twinges which hint that an attack would love to come through feel like it does when you get your hair cut and  little of it gets down your shirt.

If that is all there is, then fantastic.  So, today is good.

 I tried to see if substituting cleaning up with baby wipes would be a quick alternative sometimes.  If you have this, do not waste your money.   It will send you over the edge.

So, I have to figure a way to go further with the tests to see if all this is a harbinger of doom, and if so, to what degree.  Or maybe just an anomaly of temporary duration.  In most of these cases they never figure it out.  I'm probably one that will be figured out. Or else it will just go away.
It is surreal.

If You Can't Take The Heat, Exit the Kitchen

These last few days have me thinking.   This entire area is highly flammable.   Yet it seems as if the preventative measures are still more reactive than proactive.   I know they are highly limited in what can be cut back where I live.  It seems to be a huge community which endangers itself in order to satisfy random environmental whims, and boondoggle crony capital ventures.

If nothing is going to change I am wondering if I can stay.  The trouble is, of the states that have no income tax, I'm not sure if I can cope with the weather--either hot cold/and/or highly humid.

Having my doubts about this burning itching attack thing.  There are expensive tests that can rule out some possible causes--none of them particularly good news.  So, on the good side, if such tests come back negative, I don't have to travel that crazy road.  But then they rarely find the cause, so chances are it becomes one of those, "learn to live with it" deals, and coping strategies continue.  I've learned some tricks, but this limits me quite a bit.  I'll bet there's a way to fix this.  Of course there is; just have to figure it out.   People often never figure thing out.  Doesn't mean there is no actual answer.  Ignorance is not proof or disproof.

This is an hour north of me, but not that far inland.  They think 8 of the 9 fires, may be arson.  The total is probably around 12 or 13 fires.  Some were put out very quickly.   The response has been rather impressive with many fire departments traveling from afar, and cooperation has been atypical for government agencies here in SoCal.  It is sick, 100F degree temps.  55mph wind.   2%!!!! humidity.  Who does that?  I grew up where 30% relative humidity was radically low.

That is how it goes.  The main hope is that I find a way on my own to change this game.  Otherwise it is forever just treating symptoms, avoiding water, too much exercise and all other triggers.

I'll bet it works out.  The specialist only confirmed what I thought, and thinks it ties into things I've experienced on and off for nearly thirty years.  It is just that the dam must have burst in the last few months.

Some have claimed that rebooting their diet got rid of similar symptoms after awhile.  An extended program of vegetable and fruit juices.  What have I got to lose?

Oh, if I find a need, and a way, to move, I figure I'll need a place with minimal redtape in obtaining permission to exist.  We've become a nation in which citizens exist by permissions.  People do not get it.   Many do not realize the Bill of Rights is not a list of permissions granted to the people.  Because they do not understand what is a right.

I have to be careful.  Feeling like this and being homeless would most likely be fatal.  So, we will play the game, against my better judgement and moral code.  I am selling out to some degree.  As little as possible, but I cannot fight how things are, wrong as it is.   Just look at the kind of freaks California elects to office.  It is probably worse on the state level than federal, if that is possible.

If I can afford to live legally, I may stay awhile.  But unless I make more money, it is inevitable that I'll have to hit the road sooner or later.

This fire thing is absolutely nuts. Camp Pendleton catches fire regularly, it seems; two, three times per year.  It smacks of same thing over and over, and no changes made.   I'll do the things I need to do to be  prepared to move if I choose to.  Maybe I'll make enough money to deal with CA.  For now, I no english, or any other language.  No comprendo.  No read. No speak it.

This was taken from inside a Marine chopper that is about to drop water on the fire in San Marcos, below

Is Nebraska at War?

Probably at war with Alameda CA sheriff's department

I think Alameda County is vulnerable to having the escape doors and hatches welded shut.   Make them chase you around until they run out of fuel, and then leave them there.  This vehicle is trying too hard.  My money's on Nebraska to win this one.

But if you throw in the Richland County, SC sheriff's department, I'm not so sure Nebraska will prevail.

It looks as if these guys force you to listen to whatever the guy in the tie is selling.  And then it is either buy or die.  He makes lots of sales that way.

Thinking is Not Always an Option

After awhile a person can become too tired to think.  Although I'm pretty sure it is due to lack of adrenaline because of depression, that is the state of affairs.

So, I'll hit a specialist who is highly recommended by my previous primary care giver, the veterinarian. If only he hadn't retired I could have had the blood tests I need all worked out.  Of course we have to translate the numbers into human terms, as the numbers for various things aren't quite the same in a healthy human and a healthy canine.

That is just daydreaming.   When your vet retires, you may as well kiss any reasonable, helpful, quick healthcare out the window.  On your own now and in many cases Mexico is a better bet.  Too bad they are a thug state that holds people hostage in jail.

When I'm feeling great  think why go anywhere?  When I'm feeling down but not symptomatic I think I'm imagining it and it is all just a manifestation of my worthlessness and because I'm doing it all wrong. But when I feel symptoms coming on, I'm glad I have this booked.  I'll get the money.  This outfit doesn't accept anything to do with "Covered California".  I do not have time for CA to decide whether to insure me or harass me, and I am no fan of any of this.  It makes it look like I applied in time.   You figure, if I have to buy it, I'd pay as much in two or three months as this episode will cost.

I can't be paying that all the time.  And the slowness and corruption in the free stuff may cost me as much in the long run.  Well, it hasn't been free.  But it has been lower cost for not being rich.

I'm not too sure how this phase is going to resolve itself.

When Did I Check Out?

Seriously, I'm not believing I'm here, so maybe I'm not.  This would make no sense to those who have normal brain waves and an understanding of civilization, and maybe even women.  I'm not convinced that women understand women.   Never has one given me useful, accurate advice on how to please and ingratiate myself with another woman.  You'd think those who are in no way candidates for a special friendship would give honest useful suggestions.  They may think they are.

I think they have no more clue than I do.  So much for lumping people into one category or behavior and thought based on condition of birth.  Maybe those who create "women and minority" specific quotas, programs, preferences, or limitations should learn something from this.

Be that as it may,  I've got bigger fish to fry.  Even though I don't even eat fish.  I don't skin cats either. Though it sometimes feels as if a cat has skinned me and a big fish then tossed me on the grill of life.

I knew getting back on the books with a part time job, letting the Obamacare lady put me up for California's health garbage, would be a mistake.  California is now sending me thinly veiled threats in the form of a questionaire.   "We know you did xyz through ACME credit Union.  And we know this, that and the other.  So tell us every minute detail of your activities for the last few years.

I can hear the WWII German accent, and see the guy with the monocle holding his cigarette funny, backwards to the way I would hold it.  In his other hand is a riding crop.  His arm is folded behind his back.  He's very good at keeping that monocle in place.  I'm thinking, if you already know so much, and were weird enough to state it, almost like an accusation, why are you again asking me for my social security number?

A number I specifically tried to refuse when they cornered us in our bogus auditorium science class in 7th grade.  They had TV monitors and taught science on TV.  Then there were one or two humans that also did science stuff live.  I recall that one woman did not seem happy.  Stressed out, and she wasn't bad looking really.  I hope she went on to better things and got unstressed.  Now I get it.  Then, I did not.

So, why would you suggest the bad security practice of writing the ss# on a form in the mail, when you already know it?

The state is a lot like television.  Especially the kind with canned laughter; laff tracks.  If you are away from it for awhile, minimizing contact, it seems dangerously insane, annoying, and over the top when you are again exposed to the madness.  The scariest thing of all is to realize that you are the odd man out.  You're considered the troubled and deranged entity.  And in so many ways, you know that is correct in your case.  But in so many other ways, it is in no way true.

Go along to get along.  People never tire of kings, thugs, charlatans, and mystics.   Trying to even address particular issues is pretty much a waste.

I'm think of moving to a state with no income tax.   I like it out here.  But I may not be able to survive this crazy ass state.  You have to be either illegal or pretty well to do.  Moreso than I am apparently.   Otherwise there is a growing and consistent attack upon your freedom and enjoyment.  I don't believe in class envy or class hatred or class worship.  The class thing is always a big hit.

The big class buzz-phrase among charlatans and tyrants is always "for the Middle Class".  CA has got something for the middle class.  Pain, harassment, and a few crumbs and tokens of revenge for imaginary transgressions.  The promise of power--get The Rich--,and a few tax expenditures buys the "middle class".  Government employees claim to be middle class.  The bigger that group, the more they need to hit the poor and the rich.  The connected rich don't care.  Unconnected and only sort of rich are under the bus with the rest of us.

If you aren't making enough to pay rent and eat, you don't think how important it is to get the state's approval for your sorry state of affairs.  This whole thing is really wrong but the right alternatives are in no way going to be embraced by the majority.  People want what they can get from the state, and trade principle for a pittance, or a personality flaw, like jealousy or resentment.   So, I would make no difference in defying the state in any way.  But unlike most employed by the state, I would not harm anyone just because someone tells me to, or because I can.   That is what separates many of us.

There are those who'll do just about anything to save a job, even one that pays very little.  I've seen it on many jobs.  And the larger the company the higher the incidence of the mercenary atmosphere.  No question that most in these companies lie as a matter of course, one way or another, and would have no problem killing someone if it would save their jobs, and they wouldn't get caught, and if all it took was pressing a button or other means to avoid dirty hands.

I'll answer them, later.   You are either a believer that most of what this country and state do is right, or else you are being robbed and cooperating because they will kick your ass and take your money anyway.   Whatever the case, you are not being patriotic as I've heard some claim.  Taking one for the team are you?  No pain no gain?   I think, if you believe you are better than those who do not fund what you fund but don't approve or condone, you are not being honest.

Some don't have much money. And if they aren't using much in the way of anything not covered by sales tax, gas tax and the like, why make it so they can't live without your help?   A lot of what California does and the ACA does is exactly that.

I should have known this would be a can of worms.  I guess I did know and figured now is better than never.

Even in some countries, (ones we foolishly think are more overbearing) they have nothing like our bizarre complicated tax codes and criminally thuggish tax departments harassing you.   I doubt anyone has such an absurd tax code and an agency run amok like we have.  I still cannot comprehend why states, and sometimes cities, think it is cool to tax income.