Rice and Phoning it In

It all started because I thought I could do a little work.   But yesterday was one of those days when the whole attack issue raised its wily head as I sweated out of proportion to the exertion.

So, I tried to extend my time getting stuff done before it became too much and I had to find heavy sedative or scalding shower.  I've actually bumped up the water heater temperature there because this is a regular deal.

I was taking off the outer shirt, and my phone fell, and battery came out. The rest slid into the pool.  I just peeled off the rest of everything and jumped in to get it.  I worried about modesty later at some point.   Fortunately no landscapers or delivery people or housekeepers were there so no worry.  Not sure it would have made any difference.

Then I hear that putting the phone in a ziplock bag full of rice for a day will help it come back to life. I had set it in the sun, rag-dried it, used a blow dryer, etc.  Nothing.  After a long night in the rice, it at least appears to turn on, but it is still wacko.

The phone has been acting up for awhile.  I think they owe me one anyway--I suckered for all kinds of dumb person phone insurance when I bought it.   I rarely do that sort of thing, but I know I am not easy on things like phones and watches.  That is why I wear no watch and didn't for much of my life, even back in the other century before they built the "Bridge to the 21st Century".

Believe it or not, the only jewelry type item I very much miss wearing is a wedding ring.  I wonder if I'm ever going to be the right one and have sense enough to know I landed in the right place.  Doubtful, and that sucks.  What offbeat chick wants a vegetarian who doesn't drink and is domestically challenged when it comes to making a good home?  Or even keeping the stupid clutter at bay?  I would scrub the floor every day under the right motivation I think.  But I also hate to argue but I require a lot of education in many ways.  It's tricky, and possibly worth it to the next Ms X

If It Wasn't Real, It Would Be Fiction, And That Would Be A Better Thing

I'm pretty sure Fin called this.  Not positive.  But now we actually have an Ebola Czar.

How to say it without using expletives, over and over and over.  Are you kidding me?
I actually busted out laughing when they first said his strangeness was considering appointing an Ebola Czar.  Of course, plenty of people aren't old enough to have experienced life when there were no czars at all in the government of the USA.  It was not paradise, but I do feel that the lack of czars was a preferable condition.

I can just hear the discussion:   "Ebola is really scary.  Just the thought of it, or saying the word out loud, generates enough fear to constitute a crisis.  Hey!!! I know!!  I'll appoint a lawyer to be the big
wahoo of Ebola.  King of this particular lethal disease.  What could go wrong?   Besides, if we can keep this thing rolling we can do better at controlling people and modifying behavior."

Do we have a breast cancer czar yet?  And an erectile dysfunction czar.  Czars galore, yet I don't think we have a surgeon general at this time.  I remember Dr E something Coop.  He was a busy body, trying to screw with smokers.  He was kind of an act with his affected image and Amish style, old sailing captain looking, beard.  He was a know-it-all.

But, you knew who was attorney general.  And they did not have SWAT teams at his disposal.  So now we have the SWAT teams but no surgeon general.  The CDC guys have it under control.

People don't get that all this costs money.  Their money, one way or another.

We should have a One Way or Another Czar.  The extent to which the majority of humanity are philosophical, political suckers is amazing.  People are attracted to puzzles and to having power over others, so they will rationalize like crazy trying satisfy their lust for making others pay or act a certain way.

Whatever.

An Ebola Czar.  Rumor has it this guy is going to face off against this virus by filing a restraining order and some sort of punitive tort claims on behalf of "the American People".

I happened to catch Real Time with Bill Maher for the first and maybe last time.  He really is a sleaze. But he didn't make me as ideologically angry as I expected.  I just thought his material was unbelievably lame, unoriginal, banal,  and childish.

Either his writers are so bloated on the progressive koolaid they can't think or they just had a really bad day.

But then I see some allegedly right wing stuff that is embarrassing.  The idea is not to "put God back in government".  It is to so limit government that it can do but minimal damage, precisely because it and it's officers are not God, yet they are likely to imply that they are.  And they love it when the public goes along.

Hey!  I know!  Here's how each side can "reach across the aisle" and fondle the other's ego in a bi-partisan manner.  Instead of an Ebola Czar, appoint an Ebola God.  Or a government-clergy task force for Ebola Strategies and Faith.

That's the kind of thing that makes everyone happy.   Or the majority.  Actually the way authority creep works is off of a floating majority.  The percentage of the population who support or go along with the state remains relatively constant, but the actual make up of the numbers will vary according to who is being robbed or scapegoated at any given time.

I would never accept a job called Ebola Czar.  Maybe if I were a confident and curious doctor, but someone who wants it as a stepping stone or political tool.  No, that is creepy.

I Sure Do Want To Smoke

But then I'd be burning clothes, messing up my car, smelling like smokey stuff, and probably less healthy, and it costs too much.  That's how I have to talk to myself when my mind starts making assumptions like, "We'll just go now to buy a pack of smokes and smoke just one."

Whoa, there, not so fast.  I think I stopped doing that for a reason; can't recall what that was but it'll come back to me.  People with the combination of serious lapses in judgement and addictive natures tend to lose track of reality like that.  It often yields poor results.  So, in periods of relative lucidity it is good to find ways to install reminders and safeguards against one's own stupidity and tendency toward self annihilation.

Now the urge to smoke has again abated.  The store where I used to buy them, last year, quit stocking tobacco products anyway.  And I did not like the other close place to buy them.

Maybe I'll make another day.  The good news is, despite some very very stressful occurrences lately, and some very stupid lapses in judgement and recognition of reality, I did not, smoke, drink, or disappear into an opium den or heroin boutique.

I'll immediately find the down side, the half empty perspective, in that, but for this second, that is the upside and I should recognize that this is all positive.  It will all be OK.

Must Be Sleep Writing

I glanced at previous post and find I do not want to read it.  Can't believe I wrote it.  When things are extra tough I talk gibberish, and off any real topic of import to me.  Because the things of most concern are too troubling to discuss.  That is because I have no sense of where reality is until I have ignored it once too often.  I do not like most laws and government entities, and I think they are wrong, and what they do is wrong.  But to think you don't need to observe their power and such is idiotic, even if they are evil, dimwitted creeps.

One day I will learn, and perhaps that day has come.  Let's hope this knowledge will not come with too high a price.  Time will tell.

All should be going great.  I have a friend that posted a story on FB about how great everything is under Obama---as if he is king.  He is not king and master of the realm, therefore not all powerful and responsible for all that goes on.  Also my life and expenses, the price of gas and groceries, have not been easier to manage.  I try to avoid taking the bait because I don't think anyone or anything ought to have the power people like my friend thinks makes sense.  It is the collectivist and statist view as opposed to the freedom loving individual's view.   Authoritarians.

They say we'll be bullied if we don't pay for government protection.  And I say we are paying to be bullied.  There you have that.

People my age are supposed to be much more worthwhile.  No kids, no family that I built, not much of anything.  I owe life, the world, my ancestors, relatives and myself a big apology.  Doesn't mean we'll get that apology though.

Amazes me that people actually ask me to play

Despite the rest of the shambles that passes for my life, I end up playing music with some people I find extraordinary.

This group with Sande Lollis is shaping into something quite unique and I like the music.  It is rare that I like anyone else's creative efforts as well as my own.  I guess in the realm of ideas and inventions I eventually learned that a lot of good things are not my idea, so just go for the good stuff and don't fret because I didn't create it.

I think I used to feel like a slacker if I didn't generate the idea.  Foolish lad.  But I've covered my lack of sense, judgement, timing, awareness, etc. enough.

We have easily 2 hours, plus some, of her songs, many of which are new to me.  We played about an hour's worth a time or two.  The new stuff is every bit as appealing to me.  I love the lyrics, and the feel, and the fact that I'm able to play with a violin without the sounds conflicting.  It is an art and not one generally required of most blues harp players.

I'm proud and flattered that the company I am in sought me out.  And I very much like them as people.  What else would I like them as?  They are good friends like K and L.  Except I am enough in love with her songs that were she not married I might confuse the object of my affection. And that would be disaster, so this is the way it is supposed to be.

So, the OCT 25th show will be good.  I hope lots of people see it.  We're playing a tavern which is not very crowded at night.  And I am pimping the gig and threatening all my facebook "friends" and others with eternal damnation if they don't show.  The appeal of this project falls in the intangible realm.  I can't say exactly what it is, but there is something special here.  I think so anyway.

So, from now on, I will be cleaning up stuff, working, and doing the musical things. And then maybe I'll vanish.  For now what is important is meeting obligations and being of some use or encouragement to others.

Once It Is All Neat

I'm pretty sure that, once I get it all cleaned up and filtered, I'm out of here.  Not feeling in touch with anything.
Oh, and I have to play those upcoming events I committed to play.
Wind down commitments, leave no mess, and go.
To continually use poor judgement which results in trouble, even though no one has been harmed hurt or done wrong, I don't know.  I just do not get along with the civil structure as it is.  Damn, one oversight and uh oh.  Trouble.  And they use guns and cages.
It's wrong, but I figured out, much too late, that right and wrong are fine, and should guide one's life, but being right has zero to do with surviving in civilization or whether it brings trouble.  Do what works and keeps you out of harm's way.  Play the game or be nailed to the wall.  And I regularly demonstrate that I don't have very good sense.  I'll do things that baffle even me. Just self defeating oddness.
And in my case, if I see it coming,  running is not likely to work out, so best approach is to shift dimensions, and poof.  He was never here.
When every bridge has burned, no going back if you are in a hurry.  If you're good maybe you can rebuild the bridges.  I don't know. Bridges are not so easy to build, and what if you are a lousy engineer and builder?  Didn't have to be so, but probably no changing the essentials now.  I'll try to figure that out before any big decision.
Just wanted to stop those itch attacks.  That's all.  But then it took on a life of its own

Every Now and Then They Stop and Listen

Most musical events which are jam or open mic are peopled by those who want to play, and catch up socially with others when they aren't playing.  They talk through the other people playing.  After all, almost everyone there plays.  Or so it seems.

I've been noticing who and what gets everyone's attention and holds it.  At a thing I checked out the other evening, a guy named Bobby was playing a few of his original songs.  The redneck trouble makers playing pool in the back stopped and were moving to the music making positive yet unintelligible comments.

Other than that the crowd was as loud as whoever was playing,  Bobby is not loud or flashy.  He is good, and likable as well.  Mostly he's good and not a fake.  He comes from the heart.

So, tonight I was at a place with lots of talking and I relayed to Sande the Bobby observation.  We had yet to play and she wanted to do an original that has never been heard and a couple of songs in spanish that I never heard.  Mexican I guess.

I told her that people would listen, that I wasn't worried.  The talking had become rather loud.

They stopped, and they listened, and I was thrilled to play on Mexican/ Spanish songs, even though I need some practice--that music goes not where I automatically expect from habit.  They go elsewhere.  It worked out pretty well I think.

The cool thing was that a few minutes before time I said, "they'll listen to us because they should!"
Seeing the attentive, smiling faces and people moving and dancing proved I am learning what gets and holds interest.  It often coincides with what is most fun to do.

I Can't Stop It,a song by Sande

This wasn't a gig.  Just got together at Renegade bar--From the show Renegade--the Lamas kid---anyway, the guitar on left didn't play when we were at the ranch.  We had more sound there, and a bass player and I don't know.  I was filling in the guitar on what was up and then confused myself about keys. I do that sort of thing when I'm guessing what's coming.  Sande set up a gopro cam and recorded this.  This was almost like just sitting around jamming a little laid back stuff to me.  I like the challenge of the violin.  I also like it that Warren is classically trained and has done a lot, so I can take cues here and there.  Although in this I'm cuing for others to partake in the instrumental.  It's to prove to myself I can hold back.  Also usually the keys are more prominent.  We've just started playing together.  Rick, the keyboard also has a lot of real training; plays with a college symphony way out east of here  El Centro.  Long way.  I renewed my driver's license there. Crowded.  Few English speakers in line, but quicker than normal places in San Diego county.

That might be the second--or first-- time playing that song.  I've got a cd of her doing it solo, just to have a feel for it.

I like her original songs a lot.  There are many more.



Maybe we need to set up a Sande riser, kind of like a drum riser.   She stands about 2' 10" so a riser could help her be eye to eye with the rest of us,

Why I'm Still Not A Carnivore

It would be way better to be an omnivore.  A true omnivore.  You could eat well where I live if you like things like rabbit.   You could kill dinner every day with a rock.  I suggest acquiring this taste if you are already a carnivore.  Squirrel too.  They're everywhere.

But here we go, Master Chef final.  Appetizers?   Ha.  One is fixing pig's ear, and the other cooking an octopus.  That does not seem appetizing to me.  I can usually empathize, even if I don't eat something.  No way can I do it with these things.

That's supposed to get your appetite going.  Can't even imagine that.

But I'll bet lots of people love these items.  More for you with me around.  That is good, and I'm glad to be of service in that way.

Heal Thyself, Musician

If I were, I would.  In some ways maybe I am.  I think I have good sense and a little tiny bit of knowledge.  Enough so that I can clue guitar players in on what key they are in if I know the chords they are playing, and if they capo up I can tell them where they are.  They don't always know because they don't know keyboard and only know the guitar chords and how the strings are tuned.

Some very good players, very good songwriters fit that description.  That doesn't make me a musician, just someone with sense who knows a thing or two.  Anyway, I think the original saying is a Biblical thing and they said, "physician" not "musician".

I changed it to suit myself like I do all Biblical things.  Another lie.  I don't actually do that so drastically.  I just do not, can not, believe in the zero sum game of punishment and sin.   Executing me does not wash it clean if you kill someone.  It just doesn't.  I don't believe the whole purpose and message of Christ is that the Creator tortured him beyond belief to make everyone else's screwups OK.

Forgiveness and redemption I go with, but not some other things.  And I do think that for however many hundreds of years the Church has played that and much else wrong. It makes it easier to control people.  Guilt is one hell of a tool.  I should know.  I was infused with at least the average dose given Catholic and Jewish children.  But my dose did not include the antidote.  Most likely I'm wrong.

I can't pretend to believe it in ways that I don't.  I can't understand how pouring a bunch of pain on someone over there fixes people over here.  Although most mothers go through a whole lot of pain trying to keep their children safe and well.  Just bringing them into existence...

Another story.  I'm not healed and it sucks.   This weather sets me off every few hours if I am not careful.  Just the drive to work in 100F temps found me unable to tolerate the great outdoors to do my job upon arrival.

I hope it either goes away quick or can be fixed whenever I do the next blood test.  The last two have been progressively outside the blood box.  So maybe the next one will include an obvious item they can pronounce, like incurable imminent death.  Or easily dealt with blood thing leeches can cure.

Of course, anymore, it feels like anything to do with medicine is already overrun with leeches.  What I don't think people get is that the doctors and practitioners aren't the leeches.  It is the system which forces them to test you for prostate cancer if you're a woman, just to cover any possible liability.

Obviously, that was a fabricated exaggeration to make a point.  I've found that people cannot follow thoughts most of the time, and cannot discern hyperbole from a hyperbola, so I have to watch myself if I don't want trouble.

But I'm not saying I don't want trouble.  Jury's out on that.  I still like the songs of Sande Lollis and I like playing with her.  She's a good soul I think.

But whatever is going on, I either want it fixed soon, or I want it to kill me quick.  That is how it is.  If I was a woman I might feel differently.  I've concluded that women are almost all way tougher and stronger than I am, so they are unlikely to relate to this at all.  I can relate to it and that is how I feel.

Ever since Christmas I've realized I'm an unproductive waste of life; no kids, wife, long term career or major benefit to anyone.  My family somehow held up that mirror and I got the message.  I won't go back to gaze in that looking glass again anytime soon.  It is not intentional for the most part, and I am in total agreement.  I just think it rude for a family member to make such views so clear even if not directly stated.  If I point out why others are a waste of humanity, and describe your life to a tee in describing them, come on.

Oh well.  That trivia is the least of my worries.

This heat has caused me to think it is no wonder the people in the mideast are such angry, raving, head chopping, woman hating, lunatic worshipping psychopaths.  It's the relentless heat and sunshine.  It's worse than Arizona, where the sun never sets, and no matter what you do, it is always in your eyes.  Southern Arizona.  At least in Arizona they don't mind if the women wear skimpy clothes and think and drive, and such.

The longer we pretend that the majority of Islam is sane, the more trouble we're in for.  I found a copy of the koran, in English, on an airplane.  I perused it for quite some time.  All manner of instructions about when to kill people and when not, and who to kill.  As long as you aren't in their way, you should be safe.  I guess that is the moderate viewpoint.  That's the difference between this recent activity and the Inquisition; nothing in Christian holy books really gave any justification to that stuff.
But the muslim holy book is very easily interpreted to justify any abuse of infidels.

The Great Pretense seems to apply to any group that is irrational, and troublesome and devoid of logic, and who make real pain in the ass neighbors.  Has nothing to do with any ethnicity--the problem is the behavior.  But we pretend that obnoxious behavior is somehow a wonderful expression of multiculturalism.

I think this physical issue is making me into an angry, yet proud, islamophobe and a phobe when it comes to all manner of lies and pushy bullshit entitlement and aggression.