Mr. Relaxation, the dog

So, with the exit of Max, the beloved gigantic dog who was very kind, and large, they decided to go look at the great pyrenees place in Ramona.  They just didn't want to deal with the void.

Out plops a 3 year old rescue named Frank.  He comes out and lays down, sort of turning on his back.  They brought him home.

He's a lot smaller than Max.  Max weighed somewhere around 160, so Frank must be about 120 lbs is my guess.  Still big.  He's got a different look altogether.  I think he has the blues.

The story is, he lived in northern California and ran away 16 times.  Small town or out in the country I think.  I guess they had to pay the shelter every time to bust him out of dog jail.  The last time they told the shelter to just put him down.  After 16 visits the people there knew Frank.  First name basis and all that.  No way did they want to put him down.

So, they contact a guy who contacts the lady in Ramona, and next thing you know, there he is.  I have no idea how they induced this creature of leisure to run away.  He is happiest laying down while wagging his tail.   One indication of something not quite right is the fact that his hair is so long and matted.  A little grooming is in order.  Also under all that fur was a choker collar, on so tight that they had to cut it off with bolt cutters.

He seems pretty happy to be where he is but I think he is waiting for the other shoe to drop.   He knows his name and does what is asked, most of the time.  So easy to get attached.  I try to avoid that.  Dogs and cats don't live that long.  It is easier getting attached to other people's pets though, because I like the freedom of being able to split on a moment's notice without wondering how the animal will be accommodated.

It may be that after all the recent change, and his previous people encouraging his execution, he is out of energy and just wants to lay down for a month.  His check up revealed no reason for the exaggerated sense of leisure and relaxation.

And so it goes.  Now I have to train another creature.  Pet owners never seem to know what they are doing. It is up to me to explain cats and skunks and humming birds.  And to teach the animal all it needs to know.  I try to avoid it but what can you do.  Most people are awful when it comes to training pets or raising their children.  They need third parties, who don't feed the creatures, to manage that.

Harbinger of Doom? Maybe not even a harbinger

The dramatist, the thespian in me tends to see signs and symbols in things that may just be happenstance.  Like Max, the very kind, gigantic dog, suddenly coming down with a type of aggressive bone cancer which is an adios sort of condition.

He must have covered symptoms for some time because he's just been diagnosed and now he is going fast.  He is going to be put down in a day.

The nature of this is that by this time it also spreads all over and amputating the immediately defective leg would do no good, and any buying time options would be pure misery.  Soon the bone itself falls apart.  This is not a good thing,

So, after playing for Crest and their parade I went in to Pt Loma to see Max, and see the fireworks from their impressive viewpoint.  This is tough on the people.  Veterinarians like my friend spent a lifetime in that field because of deeply caring about animals.  He takes it hard when they go. Especially the one's he likes the best. He's no fool.  He knows some dogs and cats and other critters are jerks, and some are A OK.

So, as I left I told Max I'd see him on the other side.  If other side there be.   I hope so.

If I'm not careful I could end up like Max.  But maybe not, if I am lucky.  If I do.  I'm not overly eager about any of the options.  Chemo-lite is not so bad.  I get some side effects but I can cover them fairly well.  I do not like that the itching issues seem to be thinking of returning.  Not quite full blown but annoying.  At the same time, I can still tolerate much more heat, and I can do more than I could at this time last year,

Today, I feel like I don't care if I ever play any music ever again. I just don't care right now.  People depend on me for the moment, and I may be helpful so I keep at it.  Also I would be way too isolated if I quit without some other source of contact with humans.

You never saw a 160 lb dog be so spoiled. Eggs and bacon for breakfast today.  Hamburger and toasted buns for lunch.  Little bit of bagel for a snack, and the best pain pills a dog can get.  He was crashed out mostly.  It hurts him to get up, but he does his best.

I do not think things are going to get much easier than they are now.  I have to re-assess my view of hardship so I won't feel overwhelmed and such.

Something has got to give.  I won't rush it though.  But inevitable is inevitable.

Max, Me, and I don't know

It turns out that Max, my gigantic canine pal, has an aggressive form of cancer which affects bones, then all else.  He'll be with us for only a short time now.  Probably a matter of a few months at most.  A few weeks is also a possibility.  He is a very gentle kind creature.  When I was house sitting, he knew when I was having a tough time.  He knew when I came down with weird disease over a year ago.  I swear, he treated me differently and was quite nice and supportive.

His people are quite sad and spoiling him like crazy.  We all are.

I've never been an over the top dog or cat person.  I absolutely disagree with those who claim there are no bad dogs, only bad people who own them, etc.  And I do not agree that all breeds are wonderful.  If one or two breeds supply the majority of the aberrant individuals who eat babies and maim pedestrians, I tend to think that maybe something is up.  If you have one of those hell dogs and it is just marvy, good for you.  

If you are one who owns a hell dog and tells unsuspecting guests, as the rude animal is baring teeth and growling, "Oh, he just needs to get used to you--just don't make any quick movements", then I would posit that we will all benefit by putting down your pooch, and you.

That said, Max is not even in that league.  He's one of those creatures who almost cries if you seem displeased with him.  And he can take No for an answer, though he may test you a few times just to be sure you really mean no, and not yes or maybe.

He's limping because the disease is first working on his lower left leg.  But he still gets excited at the thought of a walk.  He just can't go all that far.  If it was a slowly progressing condition, I'd build him some sort of rig with wheels so he could keep trucking.

Not sure how I am doing.  OK, I guess.  We played House of Blues on Tues night.  A few groups played--an hour each.  We were on at 8.  I'd say we made a favorable impression.  It looked to me like we were the highlight of the evening. 

I can't whine about my mistakes or the sound or any of the usual frustrations.  I played how I play--maybe better than some times, and the sound guy gave me excellent sound, and the mic was plenty hot, meaning I could work it by backing away and such, which is what I like.

The cute girl bass player from the group Daddy Issues, gave me a fist bump afterwards, and complimented my playing.  She's about 23, and one of the best players around.  She also teaches violin and such to kids.  Love the name of her band, but even though their front person is a looker, I think the bass girl outclasses that group.  That's neither here nor there.  I just get a kick out of the girl.  Her guitar strap broke the last time I saw her group. So she finished the song lying on her back.  She's like the daughter or girlfriend anyone would want--depending upon your age, and/or grip upon reality.

So I was sitting here resting, reading, planning the next week's work and music schedule, and the sadness swept over like dense cloud enveloping me.  Overwhelming sadness with no focus.  I'm a mess I guess.  No idea where I'm going or why.  Playing the music keeps me healthier than I would otherwise be, I think.  The hydrea must be doing something to various blood cell levels because itch attacks are only mild now, and not debilitating.  My lungs are great but I still seem to lack O2.  Probably the faulty cells not holding enough.  But I can still feel the much expanded lung capacity compared to when I used to smoke. 

Sometimes I go up to this place when I am lost, alone and want to hide for a few hours away from everyone and everything.   I may be the miracle boy, but I do not always think I am really going to pull this off for that much longer.  It doesn't matter.  I just wish no sadness was involved in being me. Free floating, f'ing sadness.  I hate it.  Loneliest stuff there is. It is some nasty junk. 

It is weird, the whole playing music deal.  I am now playing with two classically trained people.  The new bass player is allegedly a woman, but I suspect that has not always been so.  OK. Fine,  I don't think she cares for me at all. Weird scene.  However, she is good and pretty much makes her living that way or has.  She's a nice guy, overall, though, just not so much toward me.  I live a weird life.

Anyway, the playing is the main thread that prevents total isolation and waiting to die.  

I think I can do better than this.  At least I am not one who succumbs to dumbass peer pressure of the sort that pushes self styled intellectuals to jump on the "I hate my people and my country" bandwagon.  Listening to white apologists constantly dream up new modes of self flaggelation, while somehow trying to distance themselves from their own genetic make-up, is nauseating. 

They appear to be seeking to endear themselves to ethnic groups who they assume are in great need of their protection and benevolence.  "Hi, I am your great white leader who will not only dream up grievances for you, but I will also wreak havoc upon the white devils who owe you so much!".

So, I guess I would rather be sad, lonely, and a mutant rather than be that.  

Come to Crest, right there on the ridge above Harbison Canyon, just east of El Cajon, on Saturday for a fine time. Fun for the whole family.  

where we will go, no one knows

Weird to Think This May Apply In More Than One Case

If you had any idea how much I miss you, you'd probably shoot me, or yourself.  For that reason, I'll keep it to myself.
Lots of love and unidentified emotional angst,
Your pal,
[REDACTED]

Well, It Did Get Breezier

So, on my way back into El Cajon to pick up my car and drop off the rental, I pulled into the CVS parking lot.  On my way backing out, I was making use of the back up cam, plus trying to find ways to glimpse the world behind and beside the car, first hand.

That first hand look at the world is tricky in that car.  It is good, in that the windows are dark and small so the sun is not too oppressive.  However, as I mention previously, this vehicle is best enjoyed by those who do not care to see where they are going.

OK.  I'm backing up, head on a swivel, left, right, left, up, down, etc., back up cam, all resources in play.  Then I go to shift into drive, still maintaining a vigilant watch over my surroundings.  I reach down for the crazy Chrysler shift knob which is like a tuning dial or volume knob.  I reach down from memory, grasp the dial and turn clockwise which is where drive is located.

Pic doesn't show that this is flat, on the horizontal plane. You see part of the fan knob at top, also on the flat horizontal plane. 

Only the fan sped up.  The fan speed  knob was located just above the shifter knob.  Can that even be safe?  They are close to the same size even.   Much as I enjoyed the new Chrysler car, and as dirty as my 200K+miles Subaru is, I found it to still be the more ergonomic machine. It takes so much less effort because you can easily see who is near you and where you are going, and there is no way you would go to put the car into drive and accidentally turn up the radio or air conditioning fan.

I'm still wondering where is the catch.

The drive shaft assembly comes as such, no separate U-joints.  It is very expensive and they would have had to pull it out of Oregon.  I think that is because they so rarely go bad.  But we are talking over $900.00 installed.  A little over $100 is labor.

Well, once again, my friend Kevin, from up here on the mountain and from the Copper Creek group of which I am the harp guy and sometimes vocals, saved the day.  Seems we were discussing practice fro this past Saturday's gig at the Wine and Song festival--friggin sound was perfect for me. Just how I like it. Anyway, I must have mentioned it.

I did mention it because I talked to the dealer in the afternoon and they agreed to try to find a used part.  Kevin has access to just about ever part source's data base due to his job--maybe he is actually with "The Company".  He calls me back and says, here is where you can get the part $100.00 and they deliver every day to San Diego.  There were some complications regarding payment.

But---here's the cool part---the dealer was fine about the part, and since, for various reasons I needed to pay the parts outfit, they held the money there and gave it to the driver who dropped off the part.  I expected red tape and, "I'm sorry, my hands are tied.  Our policy is, only parts from authorized Subaru parts emporiums!"

They retained me as a customer.  Otherwise I would have grabbed my car and stalked away, forfeiting the minimum fee the always stipulate for looking at your car.

It was one of the smartest moves they could do.  This is what I figured out.  A man like me does not want to think he got reamed by a mechanic shop just because he didn't have time or energy to argue or whatever.  Who wants to go tell people, "Hey did I ever get screwed by the mean service department or mechanic shop.

You sound like a loser wimp. I may be a loser but I don't want to be a loser wimp. That is a bridge too far. Does that even make sense?

Anyway, when they work this way I cannot complain.  I will tell people that El Cajon Subaru-Mazda is OK in my book. I feel victorious in some way, relieved, and full of good will toward that company.

I wonder if service departments and other shops realize how much people value a good experience.  I thought I'd save with an independent shop, and I really wasn't satisfied with what they charged and their reasons. Maybe it was all legit, but it felt like a little legit, a little con.  I doubt I'll be back.  And I can't recommend them.  Marketing.  They could have made more money in the long run.

Guess they counted on me dying.  So did I, but I don't think it will happen soon.  I am the miracle boy from hell, dammit!

If you ever doubt the sure footedness of the subaru system. Just drive it up my hill, then take that Chrysler up the hill.  You will be surprised.  I had no idea how spoiled I'd become to not slipping and sliding all the time./

I Must Be Rife With Buttons

Too frequently, on Facebook and elsewhere, something gets my attention because it hits a button that sets me off on a rant.  The trick is to not give in and actually comment.  But I do, and then I am embroiled in my least favorite activity--arguing with progressives who pretend academic superiority. Growing up, that was my brother.,  I felt he was cowardly and I just wanted to punch him for his obnoxious ridicule, pulling obscure, yet unimportant facts out, then taunting me for not knowing.

Always those factoids begged the question at hand. It was a propaganda technique.  I see it everywhere on FB and in progressive propaganda designed to ridicule anyone who even thinks of not obediently going along with the accepted line.

I have got to quit commenting. I cannot change a mind, and I hate to argue with a passion.  It brings out that desire to punch someone in the nose.  Not because I am not able to reason, but because I cannot stand the smug obnoxious attitude and the irrelevant little bits of nonsense sold as intelligence.  It reminds me of my youth and makes me angry.

I am just shocked at the lengths to which people will go in their rationalizing and creating straw arguments, whatever it takes to deed their desire to see others stomped by the boot of authority, while pretending to be above the fray and only seeking justice and the greater good.  BS.  They love the idea that they can be on the side which uses government to put the other side in its place.  It is unearned power, pure and simple.  And they love it.  Especially the academic variety who want desperately to be superior.
 
But, even by their own tests and standards, they have nothing on someone like me, and that really annoys them.  They scoff.  I just don't get it, is what they think.  They are right. I do not get it.  I think they are very bright but are too prideful to recheck premises in depth.  The live and lie on half-truths.

I tell myself I will not make a single comment on anything political, then two separate progressives put up a video of an australian comedian taking gun control and using false premise and half truth to ridicule the USA the Constitution and anyone who draws some connection between the two or sees the value of either.  More or less, that is the effect.

Of course the self appointed genius socialists on a mission comment that he is all truth, blablabla.  What kind of person trusts Joe Biden or Nancy Pelosi with weapons more than they trust their neighbors?  Maybe they live near the hood where everyone is lovely, just misunderstood.

I trust random strangers who are not in government more than I trust random officials from agencies I would abolish if I could.  Also, I am aware that news and social media make it seem like there is more crime and more shootings than ever before.  Not true.  We are being barraged by invented problems and then beseeched by the feigned panic of those same officials seeking more power because "we have to DO something!!!!"

Please, let me not respond in the future.  amen
.

An Important Thing Learned from Facebook

It is clear that I have lived most of my life with an optimistic outlook, in at least one sense.  I always believed, without really trying, that people were basically good, and that they mostly agreed on the value of values, even if they were lacking.  I also believed that people mostly preferred to self monitor--respond to their own conscience rather than be told what to feel and think.

I thought people in this country automatically rejected the idea of over bearing authority, and that they were usually honest and trustworthy because that is just what you do.  I thought most people relished the idea of you being able to live as you choose, provided you don't harm others.

Facebook helped set me straight.  I learned that multitudes of people are greedy, dishonest, dimwitted, and tend to feel self righteous based on things they don't even understand.  It is the thrill of power, attention, and maybe a chance for some free stuff.

A shocking percentage of people are truly dimwitted, base, greedy and basically dishonest.  And they get out of it with phrases like "my truth" or "what is true for me".

People will jump on almost any band wagon cause or destructive mob action, presented with little to no real information.

On the other hand, a lot of people are nice as can be.  But they'll still feel justified in telling others how to live, what to pay, etc.  Just cannot keep from stepping on the rights of others.

The old tv cowboy lynch mob rednecks have nothing on the modern day mob protester.  Pride in ignorance is the name of the game.

Tyranny of the majority is a concept they just don't get.  And the people who make it their business to live like royalty on our money, with our blessing, count on that.  They count on people being so weak that they thrive by being part of the mob, in the majority.  Soldarity is the hollow cry of the cowardly bully in many cases.

The majority of people probably aren't basically good, or not so good if there is something free in it for themselves, or if peer pressure is pushing for some uncalled for screwing with the minding his own business individual.

New Car Review; some kind of Chrysler

I think it is called 200.  I don't get it.  That was what the rental place gave me.

To make it short and sweet;
the car accelerates poorly 0 to 30, then it has some zip.
good gas milage--in the 30 mpg range
this one has SXM satellite radio--I like #31, Coffee something or other

This is a great car if you like turning a knob to put it in or out of gear, you like the new keyless cars, and you'll love it if you are not concerned with being able to see much of what is around you.
So, visibility is like driving my Subaru with the sun blocking shades still in place.

But the A/C is grand.  Like many American cars of this century, many control labels are blocked by steering wheel and other controls, so you have to twist and turn like a contortionist or a snake in order to figure out what's what.  Except some labels are so small and lacking in contrast, and being done in the international picture language so we don't offend illiterates, the best way to find out what the button does is to just push it.

There is a screen in the middle of the dash, about the same square inch value as the windshield, just a different shape.  This is great for keeping you from getting bored watching where you are going.  When you push the illiterately labeled buttons the screen changes.

Sometimes it asks you to tell it verbally what station you want.  But the screen is a tease.  It is insincere and does not honor your request.  You have to poke the screen itself in order to get back to some configuration you find comfortable or less hostile.

The seat adjusts in many ways.  Some of those ways are actually useful.  But beware!!!!  The seats are designed in such a way that if you drop anything it will disappear and require stopping the car, kneeling beside it and putting your head as close to under the seat as possible, then you use a knife, slim jim, or similar device to push the object out so you can grip it with your finger nails or a pair of tweezers.   An amazing feat of engineering.  No idea how they do it.

I drove all afternoon from hither to yon, and still I find a gear shift which is exactly like the volume knob on my old Onkyo tuner of yesteryear (size shape, may be the same knob) to be less than intuitive or ergonomic. It seems hazardous to me.  If you drive this care with children, duct tape their hands to their sides and tie them up in the back seat.  Or just toss them in the spacious trunk.

It appears easy for a child to accidentally push down on the knob and shift you into trouble, never guessing what's what.

That about sums it up.  Chrysler has always been good for A/C.  Maybe they started as an air conditioning outfit.  Maybe they shouldn't have branched out, though they did serve a lot of people well in past decades by providing marginally acceptable and culturally ubiquitous mini vans.

So for the big Dodge vehicles, also Chrysler products, it is "Guts, Glory, Dodge", said in your best monster truck promo voice.
For Chrysler cars the slogan is, "Can't see where I am, and I don't care, Chrysler"
Said in your best Al Sharpton tele-prompter voice.

Clunker? With 200K + on miles, these things happen

So every time I'd accelerate from a stop I'd feel a bunch of annoying clunking coming from under the floor of my trusty ride.  Right between the driver and passenger seats.  Sort of.

Being Subaru it has a rear drive shaft. That means U joints, etc.  That is what I think is clunking. It got way worse over a short time.  By the time I arrived home I had to really baby the acceleration to avoid that clunking.

Ah, but I discovered a trick!  The all wheel drive must be run by electricity in some way.  There is an empty fuse slot in the fuse box under the hood.  It says FWD.  We think it means front wheel drive.

Put a fuse there and now the rear drive train is out of the picture and the car is just front wheel drive.  Until you do this you have no idea how much the all wheel drive kicks in and prevents slippage and such on these dirt roads.

So, I am ok for a short while but looks like big bucks more than likely.

I am glad there is at least a temporary measure.  It is hotter than I like; in the 90's.  And I wonder if I will ever quit being so lonely.  At least I have some friends and people expect me to play music.  But I do get tired of alone-ness.  Now that I think I won't die in the next year or two, I am less likely to avoid people.  My misguided sense of nobility or chivalry usually causes me to run away for fear of screwing up someone's life.  Forget that.

I am now officially done protecting others from entering my world.  There are worse places and I think the whole premise is dumb anyway.

Not pleased to have car issues, but not really surprised, considering all the miles and all the uphill dirt roads.  Things wear out.  The fuse trick was found on a forum.  It is not a well known move.

Hey Man, Stay away from the brown acid, and the red and blue koolaid

Seriously, I find the level of thought when it comes to the organization and administration of civilized society to be surprisingly low and of poor quality.   Not much you can do.  People are not about to abandon their careening band wagons.

I have observed something, though.  An emerging pattern.

It used to be that any mention of Pelosi or Reid in less than glowing terms would yield comments like, "Oh yea?  What about Bush and Cheney.  And Rumsfeld.  Eh?"

Mention anything near and dear to the progressive heart in any way short of worship and you get the above result.  I forgot to mention that "lol" would be used as either prefix or suffix.

That used to be the standard fare.  "Hey, Michele tends to insult and be a bit racist."  "Oh yea?  What about Bush?  And Cheney.  And Rumsfeld?  lol".

But gues who is the new Bush?  Darn, you guessed!!   Hillary!!!

Now you see things like "I don't Trump; he's power hungry"  "Oh yea?  What about Hillary Clinton? Huh?"  The lol is used less by this crowd, however use of lol is optional and not discouraged.

I still think they put Hillary out there so the other koolaid crowd would wear themselves out, effectively expending all their energy so that Pocahontas can come in and mop the floor with them.  Forgot her name for a second.  Elizabeth Warren.  Hillary is the new Bush so Warren can be the new O.

I may be wrong.  They may be mesmerizing and deceiving even me.  If you only knew the reality of this life.  I don't know what you'd do if you knew what I know.  Probably nothing.

Or maybe shout, Oh yea?  What about Hillary, 'n 'em?"