Yikes and stuff

It does get old finding that not too many people can follow a sentence this long.  And not many can properly interpret even that basic level of complexity.

I'd say it is not their fault, but much of the time it is.  That is because people refuse to step back and accept that, sometimes, what they want to be true simply is not.  Greed and cowardice fuel the purposeful ignorance as much as anything.  Fear of not being part of the herd, and ignoring truth as a result, is cowardice in my book.  Much more so than suicide.  Odd juxtaposition. But that school which calls suicide cowardly is pure ignorant BS.  It annoys me.

But the refusal to see reality out of belonging to some team or because it gives you a way to be accepted is sad.  But maybe it is the smart thing.  Either way people freak when their treasured illusion is revealed.

I think a whole slough of people suffer that in the case of Obama, as just one example.  Everyone wants to believe he is not owned by big money and is totally above board.  If confronted with any duplicity on his part, they immediately shout, "but, right wing!!!! but Bush!!!!  but Republican!!!", etc.  It would be funny if it weren't so bizarrely scary.

They fall for the idea that you must pick one of two teams.  Which of the establishment's choices do you like?  Any flavor you want, as long as it is chocolate or vanilla.

I have rarely seen anything like it.

People often ignore the context and qualifiers of a statement so that they can ignorantly go off on someone.  Often me.  Makes me think I should have read the book by Glenn Beck, "Arguing With Idiots".  I love the title, and remember seeing the cover in airport shops.  The title and cover were great, no matter how one may feel about the author.  I can identify with the sentiment.  (I'm pretty sure it goes of on a tack which is not what I'm after here, but that is irrelevant.  I like it for the pictures.)

As soon as you see yourself pulled out of context for what appears to be the pleasure of your antagonist, who obviously loves to do verbal battle for the sake of the battle itself, you know the conversation will never be more than an unpleasant waste of time.

I've known people that counter logic and proof with things like, "That's your truth, not mine", "There is no absolute truth, everyone's reality is different", etc.  Or, "Oh, that's your logic.  I'm more intuitive."

Great.  So you learn to get along with dimwits and to avoid constant conflict, you begin to dumb yourself down.  It is a mistake.  Put up with the arrogant jerks who feign an air of superiority, and smash them. At least you will have a higher level of discourse and self esteem.

Or you may find some like minded people who can accept new information, even when it bursts their little bubble of preconceived belief and such.  Once in awhile I wonder what I got myself into. I can almost visualize what's what, but not for long.  Some false narrative runs in my mind which has always ensured my obscurity, and poverty of sorts.  Much to the pleasure of some, I fear.  Not that they would all admit to such sick and sneaky sadistic pleasure.

.

Back in the Fight, or trying to be

This serious depression issue is a nuisance, to say the least.  I know it involves a lot of lies which cloud the mind, but it takes a lot not to feed and believe the destructive pronouncements which run through my mind.  People deal with those things.

Life is a lot of adjust and adapt and compensate for the weaknesses.  Deal with it.  Just how it works. It is not a thing of being a victim really.

That brings me to my resistance to people being described as victims of hurricanes and other incidents in nature.  Come on.  Humans are made to find ways to steel themselves against the hostile environment in which we live.  That does not make us victims. What a stupid outlook.  If we are victims for living on earth then what is the alternative?  Things happen.  It is all physics and such and alleged scientists do not know it all. They know it some.  The ego bound doctors and scientists of the world want to halt advancement right here because they are lazy, arrogant, insufferable creeps.

Really adept scientists and doctors are not fearful of what they don't know.  They like to learn and convincing you of their superiority is not job 1, like it is for my hematologist.  Soon, I expect to can this guy.

For awhile I was so sick of this whole semi-cancer issue that I quit looking into it and all that.  But I cannot let it go because when the blood levels are left on their own, I get the itching attacks and such.  With or without treatment, fatigue is the norm.

Anyway, I am almost sure the dx is slightly off.  I will annoy anyone reading with initials, which I hate, but I don't care.  I do not think PV makes sense.  We are solidly in the realm of myeloproliferative disorders. Bone marrow malfunctions.  There are different ones.  I just don't think it makes sense to dx a disorder which is characterized by too many red blood cells when the count is normal or low.  And when anemia is a marked issue.  All that is low.  Other stuff is high, and I am thinking we need the bone marrow biopsy, even though I have avoided it.

But this crazy ass doctor is not who I want doing it.  He doesn't even read the file, and he ignores every symptom I describe, claiming those things are "separate issues, not related" to the blood troubles.  Wrong.  They are directly related and something is being missed.  I am almost too tired to care, but fortunately I can get enough anger going for some adrenalin to kick in.

Rational anger.  The kind that is measured but is based upon logic and solutions and lack of tolerance for ego bound, pompous nincompoops whose insistence on maintaining their superiority could cost years off your life.  I won't have it any more.  This is why I bring my good friend the ex trauma nurse with me.  Otherwise I might explode and end up in jail.  Seriously.

How did the medical world turn into this?  Oh well, lots of people manage to benefit.  And the ones who die aren't around to complain.  But, believe me, having a rare disease is very risky when you have a pompous egomaniac for a doctor.  They are too closed minded not to kill you before getting it right.

Being poor, depressed and sick make it difficult to get in front of the curve, but I will.  If I happen to die as a result of these creepy guys I hope their names are smeared by my friends.  Right now I will say, do not go to Dr Flores, internist or Dr Saven , oncologist/hematologist.  I want to punch both of them right now, or else get my money back.  Maybe in another life they'd be great, but the bureaucratic mess has brought out their cowardice in the form of arrogance and disrespect.  Afraid of being sued for being creepos who do not know it all.

Geez.  Doctors whose number one goal is shielding themselves from responsibility get no respect from me.  I've had it.  But I have a plan,. so we shall see.

Perhaps the Truth is Over Rated

It seems very depressing to consider describing my real life, so I think I should take time off---from what, I am unsure--and imagine how it would be if it were not depressing.  Then I will write that instead.

I should create a fantasy life and convince myself it is real.  Maybe it is possible to so convince one's self that he is living a certain life that when they come and take one away, he will never realize he has moved to a rubber room.  In his mind he is on vacation with the wife, possibly visiting his wonderful grown children and, maybe, a grandchild or two.

All this can happen if he can take time away from his many obligations involving consulting with misguided governments and others regarding water and energy solutions which do not automatically glorify a retarded or intentionally poor standard of living.  Not to mention the banquets of award and recognition.  But, family first in this life unlived.

Time to clean house, and find that weight appropriate parasail.   And perhaps the ultimate sedatives.  The truth is not that great and may not be tolerable for a whole lot longer.

Fantasy is better.  In reality, I do not want to see family, for a host of reasons which I hate to even list in my mind, silently.  So, I won't list them here.  I often think some things are of the past and not likely to ever occur again, such as Christmas with relatives and visits.  I can't do it.

I know I started out with the makings of a good person.  The boat was missed and I do not believe I fulfilled that potential.  Not the worst one ever, but not much of a good person, in reality.  Just a dunce.

And I am pretty sure they have missed much of what is making my blood so lousy I cannot even give it away.  That is almost irrelevant though.  The worst of all diseases is not living up to one's standards.  My reasons may involve believing others knew what they were talking about or not understanding sadistic jealousy, etc.  Changes nothing.  I'm just another casualty of the big pretense and some other things.  As a result, I hurt plenty of people, thinking they had no feelings or vulnerabilities.  That was very wrong.

No Exclamation Really Fits

It comes over in a wave, like the feeling you get when you are hundreds of feet up on top of a building and first peer over the edge.  That suddenly unbalanced stomach and flash of total paralysis.

In that scenario it is just a quick wash as maybe you steady yourself with a hand on the parapet.  But in a life gone off the tracks it can last, almost a lifetime.

Telling myself it is never too late doesn't do it anymore.  When it is too late, it simply is.  And it can scare the hell out of a person.

Maybe this is the cowardly aspect they talk about when those who actually have no clue try to assess suicide people as having taken "the coward's way out".   I consider those who go along with the crowd, no matter what, as the true cowards, but that is another story.   They run the world, or allow it to be run.  Herd animals at their finest...

Last thing I would ever want is the suicide path, but I do not think everyone has a choice.  You'd be surprised what your mind and body can manufacture; fear, pain, confusion, suffocating loss of hope.  Those can push someone over the edge--literally. All one can do is to hope that he can be some benefit to others who deserve it, and forget what a wasted and hopeless existence he has built.  Or just wandered into, like a rootless vagabond; a dead leaf blowing in the breeze come fall.

So, I am in a band with some nice and some strange people.  One of the members is successful, and not such a misfit.  She used to head up the arts and music for a very large school district--one of those "unified" deals.  It paid big bucks I think.  She has a long term marriage and, to me, has it all together.

The rest of us are weirdos.  Sorry, but we are.  The main person struck me as gay, but she isn't. She just likes that boyish look.  I get no vibe whatsoever that she likes women in that way, but she seems to eschew feminine accouterments as well.   She has a long term marriage so she has more sense than I do, I guess.  Then we have an alleged woman who was apparently born male and I have not reached down to see if a surgical procedure has been performed.

People go, "Hey, that chick playing bass for you guys is a dude!"  What can I say?  She never told me she was not a chick.  But I guess I thought the same thing.  I have no desire whatsoever to even discuss the situation.  The actual women in the group seem to be all sympathetic and almost over the top PC about the issue.  I just find "her" a little arrogant and off-putting.  Good player, in a way.

That brings me to something I have learned about playing.  There are very musically educated, skilled players, and there are players who know how to play off of others, and always listen to everyone on stage.  This one has the creds, Berklee music school, etc., but seems aloof, superior, and kind of isolated.  That symbiotic thing is missing, although she is highly regarded in the jazz circles around here.  So, maybe I am just a bigoted and mistaken soul.  Probably not.

It makes for one odd looking music group.  And I believe it is our downfall.  Got to wonder when people say to me, "Oh, you're playing xyz next week?", and I say yes.  And they say, "I wish it was just you and leave the others at home."   No, please, I do not want to carry that.  That hurts me more than flatters.

 I guess I'd rather play with gender confused women and alleged women than the typical middle aged "I have to have just the right tattoo, the exact right hair and goatee, the bandana, and pretend to be badass" blues/rock players.  What conformist nonsense. There is a conformity to it, right down to the lingo, and mindless causes.  Of course, that is the natural and right look for some I guess.

But the attitude of , "I'm a rebel" is diluted a bit if you are as indistinguishable from the others as an Anonymous convention with hundreds of Guy Fawkeses.

Really.  I am so over the skulls and whatever the Texas Longhorn finger thing means in a rock context.

OK, I never liked the skulls, etc anyway, so if I wasn't into it, I guess no need to be over it.  But I used to tolerate it.  Now I want to bring out the fumigator every time I see it.

There are a lot of people and cultures that seem more legitimate candidates for suicide than I am.  So why is it so hard to get through the day?  Why the paralysis?  If I told you what I think, you would jeer and say I was a wimp.  I believe it was the lies I was told from infancy by my borther about my lack of worth, and my parents' tacit agreement.  The only people I trusted programmed me so well that I have failed to thwart it.

But like the trans whatever person in our group, if anyone else messed with the person I would be the first and fiercest in his defense.  But those people whom I defend rarely know it or appreciate it. Clueless bastards, all of them.

Dear Old School Cubans in the nominally Free World

Unbelievable.

Castro, and no doubt plenty of self hating guilty liberal fools, want the US to pay them back for not trading with Cuba under Castro (after they murdered thousands, stole and nationalized American interests and property as well as Cuban interests and property)

That brings me to the thing that is the flaw of socialism enforced by the state--it relies on forced distribution of wealth and resources, according to the whims and vision of those with the guns.  Legal theft and bullying.  On a personal level, be as generous as you see fit.  But do not put a gun to your neighbor's head forcing him to comply with your view of compassion, etc.

IDIOTA del mundo

Really.  Every time I see it I want to say it again: IDIOT!!

But I have noticed, even in my little nobody, nothing, corner of the music world, that there is often this assumption that you support mob action and whatever, just because.  There is no real thought goes into it.  But disagree and you are looked upon as worthy of the firing squad.  Even if they have no real case in their favor beyond the intimidation of peer pressure.

So, a mass murdering, lying, thieving thug, who has lived well while the people he rules live in poverty, wants us to pay him.  He does not want to return what he took, answer for the murder of defenseless innocents, or answer for why he misled the people who supported revolution, thinking they were getting a free constitutional republic.

this, I believe is Raul Castro--(the one standing)

Please send me in to take him out.  I am fine with probably not living through it.  I am the guy they need for this.  Nothing to lose and I need to get out of here.

I haven't checked to see what dumbass things Kerry must be saying down there at the embassy opening.  Already I sense the progressive slant is that "we" somehow did horrible stuff to Castro and his lunatics.  He stole from everyone.

Our own government shut down every Cuban initiative to try to organize in S.Florida to go take their island back.  It was some deal made in the early days by JFK.   In order to keep them and Russia from thumbing their nose making us look bad, he threw the uprooted Cubans under the '53 Chevy.

Things I have seen from snarky internet badasses who love dictators like Fidel and the late great Hugo astound me.  Obviously many of them have no idea the lengths our government went to, to prevent the Cubans from overthrowing the murdering bully rapist thug.

Why it is Hollywood chic to sidle up to thieving murdering thugs because they claim to champion the "little people" is beyond me.  They ignore the blood on their heroes' hands entirely.    Almost as if they tacitly relish the pain and torture inflicted by such dictators.  They ignore the dissidents imprisoned and the people executed and mistreated.  The seem to enjoy sharing the dais with the thugs and pretending those others had it coming.

One of my favs: Fidel discussing the finer points of agriculture with a local farmer along the way to Havana

In reality, Rodman going over to hang out with Kim Jong Un is no more stupid and crazy than Sean Penn with Hugo Chavez and others with Castro.  It is purely the bigotry of the self hating wing of the progressive movement that draws a distinction; hispanic is currently cool and badass, bad haircut Korean is not cool.  They are racists.

Anyway, I would be more comfortable being dropped into Cuba to do mischief than Korea, although N Korea is in greater need.  I am bigoted too.  People in that part of the world scare me.  They eat bird's nests and cats-boiled alive.

So punish me for my bigotry and send me in to do something stupid with no chance I won't get shot.

I'll never change anyone's mind.  The homespun, populist, "common sense" BS holds too much appeal for people.  Usually because it justifies theft, vengeance and power over others in a homespun, feel-good, middle-of-the-crowd sense of safety and belonging.


*******
“Hemingway hailed Castro’s revolution as ‘very pure and beautiful,'” Fontova said. “He was also a guest of honor at many of Che Guevara’s firing squad massacres. Hemingway loved to watch Che’s firing squads murder hundreds of Cubans. Hemingway would watch the massacres from a picnic chair while sipping Daiquiris.”
Fontova’s source for this troubling detail of Hemingway’s life is a former employee of late Paris Review editor George Plimpton who says his traumatized boss once told him how Hemingway took him to one such fire squad social gathering.

Never heard this assertion refuted.  Many talented artists, and even some brilliant intellectuals are philosophically bankrupt and otherwise, total idiots.

Life Is a Little Rich for My Blood

This woman (married) with whom I play music says, "Oh I feel so bad for Bob X, he is really hurting being alone".  Me--What?
"He really wants someone in his life again.  I feel sorry for him."


Me: No shit!!  So poor Bob is to be pitied for being alone?  He ran his wife off, and you are expressing pity for him, to me, of all people?  WTF?  Like I am going to commiserate with you about poor Bob.

Do you have a clue as to how much my life sucks?  How it really, really sucks?  I made it this way, so I don't deserve or want pity. Pity is an insult.  But poor Bob, he couldn't keep the old broad around and she hit the road.  She has one story and he has another.

Made me want to scream from the rooftops, "F*** YOU ALL!   I QUIT!  I CANNOT DO IT ANY MORE!  I have no hope that I will ever make it right."

Maybe the mutation happened because my body wanted to distract me from my real woes.  If there had not been any positive result on the JAK2 mutant thing, I would be sure I created all this.  I still think so.

I also think they have a close but incorrect diagnosis.  Obviously there is bone marrow disorder because the cells are screwy, even when the numbers are right.  Poor quality red blood cells.

But polycythemia is overabundance of red blood cells, and I have yet to see that.  I have too many white ones and platelets, left to my own devices.  They were sure I was bleeding out somewhere inside which kept the red ones from being too high.  I doubt it.
It is some other issue.

I'm sick of the arrogant elitist oncologist/hematologist.  I dread whenever the next appointment is.  Last time I described some symptoms and he says, "Oh that has nothing to do with this--meaning blood results and chemo to keep too many of various types of cells from being produced.

The fact is those symptoms had everything to do with "this"; blood values and drug reaction.  What a pansy.  He said that because he only wants to look at blood numbers, has zero empathy, and assumes he is far smarter and "better" than his patients.

 I did some looking and it appears he's from South Africa.  From the French speaking part, I think.  I worked with a guy like that.  That have a class system instilled which an old fashioned American can't comprehend.

That is before bears became people too, and a number of other pretenses gained purchase.

I would not have known to take this stuff I was prescribed, hydrea, but I would have know to put the dose where we are now.  And I would not have let it go three months and discounted the calls I mede after six weeks describing symptoms which I now see were clear indicators to cut the dose.

It was to a point where I was considering growing a beard, which I did not want to do, because every time I shaved I would later bleed from little dots on my face.  Just too little clotting capability because the pill had depleted things to a very risky level.

I go by what I think from now on, and just one more arrogant remark from this jerk and I let him have it and either stop the medical treatment altogether or find another person.  Everything relates and he tries to say everything I bring up is a separate issue.  Purely afraid of engaging and doing anything besides ordering labs and hiding from the patient.  As mad as I am becoming, that may a good plan for him.

I am going broke.  Really goddamed broke.

I will somehow get that hang glider/parasail, some highly potent pain and/or sleeping pills and find the highest launch point I can, and that is that.  I can't live on the street because this condition is like torture when you cannot escape the elements, heat, etc.  And I do not want to live that way.
But the rope is at the end again.  Only this time I think it really is.

I am angry at how I have botched a perfectly good life.  Even though I am angry at relatives who I think secretly hate me for being a failure and a waste, I hate myself for it, too.  But I'd never be such a prick to others about it.  But that is a good part of how it came about anyway--had to be there.

What a waste.  I should not be this way.  Too late to fix it. That sucks.  Playing some high school reunion thing on sunday afternoon.  Outdoors.  We are getting friggin 90 and 100 degree days.,  That is sure to be crazy.  I suspect they will do an abbreviated version of what they have planned and that will be that.  I am not even getting paid.  I can't afford this any more.

And I am too under the cement slab of me to be able to think or do the work to find paying gigs.
It's always darkest after I open my eyes, before the dawn or no.

Several Steps Removed From Human

It just struck me; I really like the people I met through my blogging in days gone by.  Even the chick that shook me down in the southern hemisphere.  But, really, I have connected with very cool people through the blog.

Some I never met face to face, but I did collaborate on a piece of music with a Canadian.  If I ever get up there, we'll meet, and it will be cool.

On FB however.  I have yet to actually make a real friend as a result of facebook.  That may be because you can only aggregate links and other people's posts, but nothing too lengthy.  This paragraph is pushing it on length, in faceland.

Yet people will argue and raise all kinds of hell about nothing.  Or who knows what.  Shallow things are addictive.  As long as I understand that, I can better understand why I am spending my time stating opinions and reading about stuff that is irrelevant, yet emotional.

The days of journalspace really were quite different.  I feel different. Some of that is not really a good thing.

All of a sudden I have an idea forming.  It is related to all this.  There are things that were cool then but a duplicate is not in order now.  But I think I see a trend and a way to flow with it.  I better remember to think this through some more when I have the chance and the energy.

Has to do with delivery I think.

They're Back!!

It was the day of the spark plugs, yesterday.  Though a demon of sadness was trying to have its way with me,  once I got rolling I noticed more energy as the day progressed.  More than I've had in awhile.

Ifigue being off the poison pill for a week and various values would improve.  I think maybe some improved more than enough.  Today at work I discovered that, once again, just barely break a sweat and the attack is on and the body's thermostat takes a hike.  It's like random nerve endings being hit from the inside with a tiny hot torch than never stops moving, and in an unpredictable pattern.

Fortunately no one else was at work.  Many times I said "ouch" out loud followed by expletives and prayers and curses.   Just like the old days.

This is why everything should be available over the counter.  And easier access to lab procedures would be nice.  I would have done a cbc a month ago and avoided this over correcting form of trial and error.  If 30 days cut the number almost in half, what do you think another 90 is going to do?

I cannot believe the attitude.  My theory is that he wanted to see how far down in would go.  For his own curiosity.  Not my well being.    It is important to watch these people.  Not to be rude to them or argumentative, but just to get it right.  They really do not know.

If I could get what I want over the counter, I'd start back on the poison pill but half the dose or less.  And I would get muscle relaxer for other things.  Because I had to get the stuff from friends and it is all that stopped esophageal spasms.  That or pain pills.

Drac won't admit anything is at all related to his field except blood values. Forget dealing with the ramifications of those values.  He ain't prescribing anything to help you work with convulsions, shooting pain, etc.

Anyway, Dr. Chickenman.  Dracula is a CYA sissy. But like designing the schedule so that I was sure to end up critically low on platelet value, I sometimes thing my discomfort pleases him.  He may get the blood balanced, but I think the fact he pretend no discomfort is related pleases him in some perverse way.  He's a good blood doctor, I guess.  He's published many scholarly papers on various types of cells etc..  But I sense he is a sadist who likes to watch you squirm while he pretends he can't help. Maybe I am too harsh.  I am not so sure.

My opinion of the medical world is complicated.  The equipment and the most sane of the people are awesome.  But there is the extreme bureaucracy and incompetence on some levels, in some places.  The industry is rife with extremes, and they are weighted toward extremely insane and/or incompetent, or just plain cold and cruel.

Up to me I would have cut the dose a moth or more ago.  I did mention it in a phone call about weird bruising.  Oh no, don't change the dose.  Not only are doctors not God, half the time they are not even cognizant of the information in your folder, which they hold in their hand during a visit.  Maybe they can't read.  Or don't like to.  More fun to look at the patient and guess.

These attacks take it out of me.  Fortunately I was able to use a very hot shower on site.
That works for some reason.  Normall I could not tolerate such hot water. It is a weird thing.

Fuquits of the World Unite!!!

Oh, never mind.  They already have.

Believe me, the California redneck is a different animal altogether.

I'm so depressed.  I think I will move back east in another year.

I Get Why They Hate Their Own

The world is not filled with bright people, on average.  Although there are some who are astonishingly intelligent and creative, and they account for the reason we don't suffer more than we do.  They managed to create ways to overcome the hazards of nature in spite of the hostile lack of comprehension on the part of their fellow humans.

I think it is because they like humans, even though they are often ingrates and dolts.  I doubt much worthwhile progress is truly made by the legions of misanthropes who are everywhere and of every description, type and subgroup.

I heard that 60% of people would save their dog from a speeding bus over another human-a stranger.  I like dogs but find this an odd choice.  But it is way cool to be down on the human race and pretend animals are all about utopia and bliss.  They are either running around trying not to be eaten, or they are stalking other animals in hopes of eating them.  Some even kill for reasons to do with territory or maybe even sport, and not food.

Nature and its lovely creatures are dangerous and homicidal.   Or they are constantly running from the killers.   But it is unnatural for members of one species to hate their kind.  It seems odd for people.

If you hate people, and you are a person, then do yourself in.  If you do others in your life will be even worse than it is.  Even the misanthropic chic hate serial killers and mass murderers.

We have had radical chic, limousine liberal syndrome, and now misanthrope chic.  It is cool to pretend you hate humans, and to discuss it as if you are somehow above the fray and exempt. So righteous.  Barf.

Once again I commented on FB and people were too defensive and flat out stupid to get it.

Some crazy girl was twerking and ended up on fire.  Long story, se the film.  Anyway it was shared.  It was obviously not originate where I saw it.  The original caption is "white girls twerk? #not"  or something about like that the part after # is questionable, but intent the same.  Generalizing about white girls based on this flaming chick.

All I said is why did it have to be presented as racial.  Oh geez.  The guy denied it was at all racial.  If you bring up race, and generalize and the event is in no way specific to that race, it is racial. Jayseus H Cristo!  Now he's all pissed and saying "Oh I'm just a racist asshole, etc."  ??? Too dumb to see that it was racial when they brought up white girls this and that.  And too dumb to know I did not call him racist.  Also too dumb to realize the original caption being addressed wasn't his, although he did parrot it.

You bring up race and I find it irrelevant or offensive or tired or stupid, I will ask why.  Every once in awhile I have to blow off steam of this sort.  You can sandbag and play dumb for only so long.  Eventually the dimwitted will get to you, especially if they are unaware of the dimwittery, and they have a bit of a chip on their shoulder about how smart people are lacking in common sense or some such garbage.  I play along with dimwits and then I once in awhile actually say some of what I see or think and they get offended.  And I do not regret it.