Nothing to do With Me

Guns and demagogues and how to prevent bad things and how to exploit bad things have little to do with my immediate life.

I think it useful to not indulge what is consuming me emotionally.

I should be thrilled that the newly found chiropractor in Alpine is a Palmer grad, and that he has drastically reduced the pain that had been a nuisance for a month or so.   I think it has been going on for even longer and I just forget time frames.

Sacroiliac sounds like a made up part.  Just a word to further a scam.  Apparently not.  I have found myself experiencing problematic pains a few times in my life.  It is the type of thing that only a good chiropractor has been able to relieve.   That was my main worry when I left Miami, along with the fact I'd found a decent hair cutter.  

As rare as it is when I have back or neck issues which fall under chiropractic purview, it is nice to know one is near.  I remember barely being able to get in the car a drive to his office.  My brother's brother in law.  And his father before him.  Those two worked magic.  People who knew the dad and know the son's work will attest to it.   The Alpine guy is good but he's not them.  Still, the job will get done.

When asked how to select a chiropractor in distant cities, my Miami in law relative said just check fro Palmer grads.  Finally after a decade or so, I did just that.  The only time I have been to anyone but a member of that remarkable family in Miami.  Oh wait.  I did talk a guy in Inverness into doing something to relieve back pain when I had to pick up a car there and drive it down on Christmas eve. Then I got real help.

This is the only chiropractor in Alpine, as far as I know.  He is not hurting for business, that is for sure.  And he doesn't charge as much as the Inverness, FL chiropractors did in 2004.   I went from one to the other there to find one that would just give some adjustment and not demand X-Rays and a bunch of stuff that would require coming back next week, etc.  Finally that one guy understood and helped.  He also talked to my Miami friend on the phone which helped.

I think it must be the Palmer way to minimize bureaucracy and actually do you some good. 

It must be a nice life when you benefit people on a regular basis.  I honestly do not do much good any more.  Not often anyway.  And, as is probably common, when I think I will change and fix this mess I feel too exhausted.  I bet that is just another big lie my mind is working with.  Damn it.  If I had stayed married and done all that would have entailed, things would be so much different and so much more sane.  So tire of looking in the mirror only to see a total idiot and fool looking back.  

But, I only look in the mirror when absolutely necessary and only to ensure I don't go out with stuff hanging out of my nose and such.  You can go for specifics without really looking at the person in the reflection. I'm expert.  

Not Obligated to Seek Some Sort of Meaningless Solution

This is same subject matter as last one but will be shorter and more to some point or other.

Seriously, how can the same people who claim movie violence and video games have no influence on violent behavior suggest that a shooting in a place where all guns are banned would have been prevented by more laws and tighter gun control?  

The solution is always to emasculate society--not to raise feminist ire here.  It is an expression that means to render powerless.  Until recently we saw power in terms of masculine virility and such. Not my idea. Just the messenger.

Anyway, by the present logic they will eventually find it best to cut off our arms and legs except for those who get permission from on high to possess these deadly limbs.

The trend for way too long has been to look at every insane act or even just accidents as something that justifies reducing people to begging victims, hoping the big grand power of government will save them from the imminent rape, murder, beating, etc.  To "take the law into their own hands" would just be wrong.  Leave it to the professionals; the ones who can legally carry a gun and legally shoot you for almost any reason.

Well, that last is a stretch, but not much of one in reality.  I just don't want to fuel the new victim twist of thought which has thugs and other idiots deciding that it is OK to shoot police because Al Eric, and Barack have more or less claimed you are justified.  Even though "hands up, don't shoot" never ever even almost happened.  Total fiction.  Just how it is.

So, they play up the mass murders in a way that attracts people to do it.  And they, of course, deny any influence.  But that is clearly wrong.  How do you think drugs spread so quickly?  News and schools hammered us about it when very few kids even knew what pot or any of that was.  The cops who came to talk, and the administrators and teachers involved were already so highly annoying to many people that their credibility was nil.

If they said it was so bad, and we hadn't seriously considered it up until then, maybe it was worth trying.  Those people were dedicated statists who were full of lies and were highly unjust.  So they sold a lot of people on the efficacy of drugs and alcohol.  

Had there been less sensationalism and less hysterical legal reaction, I doubt things would have gone as they have.  The first I heard of crack cocaine was in a news article which described how to make it.  Brilliant.  It was a guy who did and sold coke who showed me the article.  Up until then, he didn't know how it was made or much anything about it.

So first they promote by guaranteeing murderers that they will be famous and that millions will be frightened or otherwise affected by them.  Then they create the image of the dark mind, the loner persona, a disturbed person whose past can "give us insight into the killer's mind".

Who doesn't want to be so important that who shows are devoted to your inner mind and what makes you tick.?  Annoying cliche--"what makes him tick?'.  Ask clock boy--another bandwagon bunch of garbage that Obama embraced much too quickly.  Did he inspect the hoax clock to know it wasn't purposely designed to cause panic?  Like all sensational stories and cases in distant cities, he knee jerked his way into taking a side without knowing anything accept it served to help him manipulate opinion.

What a jerk.  Really.  And now to make it like the only people who care about murder are those who seek "common sense gun control", which is absolutely meaningless.  Remove guns from all government people based on my view of their suitability to possess a firearm.  I trust my judgement more than theirs.  I absolutely do not trust their motives whereas I do my own.  And that is why I oppose the idea that more laws will save the day.

We disarm our own military on military bases.  I'm sorry. WTF?  How does that make sense?  We don't disarm the body guards of the monied elite or of government officials.  But the rest of us can only hope that attention seeking lunatics will follow the law.  Really.

I have rarely seen a president disgust me more in reacting to an act of terrorism and sadistic cowardice.

Recent Events Prove that you needn't be smart to be rich, or be president

I was falling asleep while writing this, dozing off.  I am not sure a lot of it even makes sense.  I will leave it as a curiosity.

Not saying the president isn't smart.  Everyone says he's "off the charts", but actual numbers are sealed.  Where I work, the lack of correlation between money, power and intelligence is demonstrated regularly.

c The brilliance of "common sense" controls on the right to self defense, which is the underlying point of second amendment, is pretty much rooted outside reality, and inside the power elite.   If more laws against guns and how they are bought would prevent lunatics from finding ways to get them, or deter them because they don't want to violate a regulation, then why not just outlaw murder?

Oh wait a minute.  It is already illegal to have firearms on that campus of the latest man made disaster.  Workplace violence will perhaps be the label.  Even security could not have weapons on campus.  So, it was already a zone of extreme gun control and regulation.  Possibly to the detriment of innocent victims.

I am pretty sure murder is illegal, even if there is no way to further the cause of diversity or solidarinosc of some kind.

The truth is that promoting it in the press will not help, and that is exactly what has been happening.  If I want to express my anti-social homicidal maniac side, all this glamour and attention is hard to resist.  And it is easy to do in gun-free zones, especially schools.  Why?  Because they are run by nitwits, possibly highly intelligent, but nitwits when it really comes down to it.  And it is like shooting fish in a barrel.

So if we just forbid people from owning guns, except government people and those who can afford to find a way to buy in, no one will get shot.  None of this would happen if only common sense laws pertaining to home basketball had been enacted.  The dummies who oppose a totalitarian state, which grants rights as privileges which citizens must earn,  obviously don't care, and probably pay mass shooters to do mass murder.

I'm sure some stern signage indicating that the campus is a no-kill zone, and that there is plenty of money to be had, if where it goes  disaooeared

I Must Be Easy

So, I get a call.  "Hey soandso asked us to play at such and such and x% of the door, and open for soandso2. "

And I think, well I have no commitment that I recall.  Lately it is foolish not to see if I have something listed on one calendar or another.  That is a prob.  More than one calendar and rarely keep them all up to date on any given topic.

My consistency is in my inconsistency.  And therein lies the genius of the thing.

Of course, I quickly agree to play as if I know what I'm in for.  We did a set at TinRoof for some reason and I guess the people liked it.  It was a nice place.  And for about 30 minutes, nothing existed beyond just playing.  No thinking, no worry, just suspended in that place.  It is why I do these things. If I let myself get started before I think what a fool I am and how stupid, etc., time just disappears.

Then all of a sudden, that is it. No more.  It feels like two minutes have passed, but it also could be two hours.   Very rarely when I play out does the set feel as long as it is.  A two hour show often feels like thirty minutes or an hour.

You won't believe Day of the Dead.  I think I play six hours on one of the days.  I play four on Halloween.  That is the best gig I have done so far. It pays the best and is most diverse demographic. It has come to the point where I hate to use the word diverse because it has become a stupid, almost cartoonish battle cry for those seeking victimhood and trying to legitimize hostility toward people who are just minding their own business.  But they aren't doing it with the right race, gender, lack of gender, sexual preference, non preference, compulsion, etc.

And that has nothing at all to do with diversity. Diversity is not a virtue in most cases. It is just a situational think. We have a diverse array of paint colors. A diverse selection of nitwit trading cards, featuring a diverse cast of characters drawn from Hollywood and Washington DC.  And all parts of California.

Companies have long had VPs of diversity,.  They may make the title bigger by adding another buzzword. Diversity and sustainability. Diversity and equality.  Diversity and human relations.

I forget the specific example from a past employer.  That VP was a viper.  Female, sexist, racist underhanded creep.  Sexist to the point of clear and open dishonesty and corruption.

Many people in the business world think that is what you have to do.  They think that is free enterprise capitalism.  It is not.  It is lack of character.  Dress it up however you wish.  You know you have worked around people who would probably OK a hit on someone if they thought it would ensure their job security at 25k per year, or even less.

That is the thing.  We have hundred-aires selling out every bit as much as, or more than, millionaires. You'd think the hundred aire would be less likely to let someone die if it meant he could keep his hundreds.  I would assert that he is as likely as the millionaire to throw his fellow man under the bus. Literally.

Observations like that cause me to be reluctant throwing myself into solidinosc with every mob or demonstration.  I don't care what they support.  Besides they probably think it is OK to violate rights of others to make their point.

Oh, I was talking about playing and how I just agree in an uninformed way.  It is embarrassing to admit that most of my decisions are rather uninformed.  I think I have a phobia to informing myself about my life and options for sustaining it.  Makes no sense but that is how it has been forever I think.

I miss being married, even though that was lifetimes ago.  I really should have stuck with it and accepted the help available to me.  On the other hand, maybe she is better off.  One part of me hopes so.  Another hopes not.

Never Trust Aspiring Actresses

That is my take.  The aspiring actress/ex-concubine of my employer was very nice and sweet in person.  They trashed many aspects of the place.

Damaged the super telescope that has an electronic controller, kind of like a remote.  Left a large pan, with at least two quarts of oil in it, outside on the grill in a very nice AllClad pot, covered by the stainless rectangular cover which covers two separate side burners of the grill complex.

Managed to drip fish and crab juice all over the refrigerator, leaving serious fish smell.

Separated at least half the louvers on a wood louvered window covering from the vertical piece that opens and closes them.

Somehow removed about a four by six inch area of the finish off on one table.  Ruined a couple of towels and a robe.

There will be more.  I spent much of today trying to rescue the fridge.   Such is my life.  The good part is that it is indoors, and indoors has a/c and that helps ward off the demons.

I think she had to assert her high maintenance actress creds.  A little revenge maybe since the boss cut her off from having all the groceries and booze she wanted to order, brought in and paid for by him.  She was spending close to $2000.00 sometimes for 3 people for 3 days.  Just food and alcohol.  Then she'd load up the left over into coolers and go home to L.A. at the end of trashing the place.

Sometimes she trashes it worse than others.  Never gives accurate figure on number of people coming. Often lies and says just her and her mother, then she has ten people staying there.

But, she can be charming and she was nice when I went to eradicate invisible ants by the bar b q grill.

I cannot figure out what is what with her or her mother or their friends.  It is uncanny how they can make problems.

So, let's just take her off the list right now.  Without a sizable dowry, I refuse to marry her.  And that's that.

It Must Be My Imagination

In no way do I feel normal or right.  But the lower hydrea dose seems to have most blood levels in a good place.  The iron whatever is pretty much within bounds, and the other metabolic thing was OK except for one value and that wasn't very high, just a little.

I'm thinking, if I still have symptom,s I don't like then why bother with the medical annoyance?   Maybe it is all just part of being nuts.  Could it be the same or better if I did nothing?  No more doctor visit, tests, or, when I run out, no more hydroxyurea.  

I just do not know.   I do know something has got to give.  This Limbo state is unacceptable.  If I am imagining these symptoms then I need to quit it. It is all mental.  If I am not imagining it, then I need to fix it, or get better stuff for treating it.  I don't even know what "it" is.

Enough is enough and I have had it with feeling like this.  I hit spells, sometimes more than an hour, of feeling great and not finding mundane tasks and behaviors tedious and daunting.   And not finding the slightest activity setting off some crazy body heat thing with the itching, fatigue, fog, etc.  Like rolling in fiber glass insulation while over heated and/or short of breath.

That's worst case.  Best case is better.

But, I cannot trust my mind a lot right now, especially on impulse thoughts.  That I know.  I find that I am wrong too often for it to be everyone else or explainable by other excuses.  I am just mistaken.  But I know when I know and when maybe I could be wrong.  But I have to be careful to pay attention a little more.

Probably a result of the hydrea, and maybe due to anemia, but even those numbers are slightly better. So, I think I should find energy, get some income coming from online or other source not dependent upon location.  Then I should move to Colorado or other cool, low humidity location.   I wonder if I could pull that off even if I wanted to.  I doubt it.

But there has to be a more energetic life to be had.  I manage to make music gigs and practice.  Being in a purely social setting is torture.  I am always feeling weird or in pain.  That can be pushed away by doing something, like play, most of the time but not always.  So I work it so I am only around people when I have to be and I avoid a lot.  This can't remain the same.  But it probably will.
dammit

If We Judge By My Life, Salvador Dali must be God

Or Visa Versa, if you will.  [late edit in response to comment: correct is "vice versa" yet here it is not correct.  Although incorrect does fit with the material in a self deprecating  subtlety of the "if Obama did it, it is brilliant, if Bush did the same thing, it is moronic" variety]  If you won't is never addressed when such expressions are used.  Hardly a democratic attitude.

See, I am of the ilk who knows what democratic means in this context, and that it is unrelated to Clintons or Obama or the party.  The sort of ilk that doesn't just grow on trees.

At least I managed to meet the hot actress at the rancho house.  She even hugged me when I left and brought out a coke that said "share a Coke with John".  And she gave me the coke.  Not just for show. Hard not to like people who make you smile like that.  So we overlook the other zany aspects.  But I think she has toned down a bit.  She just did a zombie movie but she is the lead and not a zombie.

Not sure of her age.  Thirtyish, I'd say.  Best decade for most people as far as attractiveness goes.  Plus by then people have some sense, but not so much that it spoils their fun or their hope.  I did say most people, not all.

I wonder if my harsh call to the doctor's office had an effect.  When I went for the lab, which they actually put in this time, there were 3 tests ordered, instead of just the CBC.  I have results for two of them.  The other takes longer.  Anyway, that indicates that maybe the guy decided to take a look at a few other things.  Nothing looks way out to me right now.   Sort of.

So, that bit of extra thought in the lab order is a good sign. I hate to fire anyone, including my doctors. Even though they act as if you are the one who can get fired.

It would be way easier if you could just get your own meds without seeing doctors and all that.  Admittedly it could weed out some of what needs weeding out.  But it could also save some lives. You can die going through the system, especially if you are not well set or back by the guns of government.

No one thinks like that, but even if you are a good thing, like a librarian, your healthcare is ensured by the fact that they have the guns and can take your money.

Just fact, no call, yea or nay, here.

So now we have another bass player I guess.  Alberto is probably in his 20's, has very little experience.  Less than five years I think.  And he is great to play with. He's got a real feel and he melts into the whole.  But he's creative and does what I would consider taking chances with his runs.  It works well so far.  I don't count on any bass staying long right now, but I welcome this change.  The old bass played with us at Hard Rock Cafe the other night, and yikes.  Weird, out of place, loud jazz runs and off timing.  Seriously not working out.  This is a person with all kinds of creds and training so I have to wonder what is up with that.

But, I would imagine certain radical identity change could be the stamp of an inconsistent and, maybe, troubled soul.

I don't get it.  But I don't have to.  I have my views of what could maximize the possibilities of the sound and material.

Call me shallow, but I really did not enjoy it when people would come up to me and say, "Hey, I think your bass player is a man!   That's a man, right?".   How would I know?

Ok, how I would know is not something that is going to happen.  As if I am responsible for trans whatness.  Wasn't my idea, and anything I know on that topic is not by intention.

I do not care to know some stories yet I end up knowing them.

So, yea, at one time the lass was a lad, and whether the surgery was ever done, we do not know.  Not before a marriage and the fathering of a son took place, sometime in the seventies; that much is certain.

I never detected any of the items in question.  Nor could I determine a lack thereof.  I believe the grope would be the quickest way to answer the question.

 I prefer you do it.

Still Trying to Row Upstream

The interesting two week, plus a day or two, stay on Point Loma is over.   Regardless of how the picture looked to me, I had responsibilities that directly affected others, not to mention the implied agreement and commitment to fulfill expectations.  That kept the depression at bay to a degree.  No choice about letting it swallow me up.  Animals had to be fed and I needed to be sure the house was as good or better when the owners returned.

No question that there is a remarkable bond between Frank, the dog, and myself.  I am not a dog person but I had to make an exception.  This dog knows stuff and must have been to counselor school sometime in his past.  We communicate very well.

I taught  him to sit and lay down without actually having to teach him.  He just knows what I am talking about.  Besides, laying down is his got-to condition in response to almost any stimulus.   But he would also come when I ask.  And he would wait when I asked, like "wait before jumping out of the car or into the car.  Their car, not mine.

It is rare I like a creature that much.  I will miss Mr. Relaxation, without a doubt.  Never did see Lucy and Baxter again.  I always dod the Shelter Island walks just at dawn.  Out of there by full sunrise.  I like it better with fewer people and hardly any other people with dogs.  Most are OK, but plenty have creepy dogs or are creepy people.   If you have a hell dog, why even go out where other people go?

I feel a little nervous about canceling doctor visits, but, really, this guy is not offering insights and even interested enough to familiarize himself with my case very well, or concerned enough to refresh his scant knowledge prior to the visit.  Just a look at the file would help.  But maybe his notes are so scant that he gets the wrong picture from reading them. We will see how the new plan works.  These are may records so it should not be so hard to get copies of what I want.  I'll get to the lab thurs or fri. And then see what the Iowa guy says.  Something seems not quite right, or else I am only imagining things and only think I feel this way.

I'd say the blues are enemy number one, and being a plural word, maybe two and three as well.

Another session at Hard Rock Cafe on Thurs.  I played there a week ago last monday with another group.  The sound man is getting used to me.   I do not understand why we are practicing with one bass player but doing the gig with another.  Entirely different styles and approaches.  One is a young guy with not too much experience, but a natural intuition and ability to be part of the whole which is rare.  The other one is highly educated, much more jazz oriented and does not give off the vibe of being part of the unit so much.  A good player but I don't know.  Plus when someone tells stories which cannot possibly be true, for whatever reason, it makes things awkward.

Much of that is likely due to the avoidance of admitting being born and having children as one sex, then deciding the real person inside is the other sex, and identifying like that.  No clue if surgery ever happened or not.  Not many are actually fooled.  But it is off-putting.  I'm sorry, but it is a pretense of sorts which I endure out of deference to the front person and Karen the viola player.  It is Sande's group, and she knows I'd rather just stick with one bass player right now, and play just the three of us when that one cannot play.

Truthfully, I am too ground down to take on these battles anyway.  As long as I can play and add interest or excitement, and make practices, that's all I need worry about. I have enough of simple life fears as it is.  Keep worrying I will kick before getting stuff straightened out and shielded against the state.   What the hell is wrong with people that they ever let the state hold life's work or accumulation hostage, as if anything family or designated heirs receive is up to the government?

Seriously sick and jealous people rationalize anything when it comes to what others should do or not.

I hope I get the simple stuff taken care of.  That would make life much better.  Maybe I won't even kick any time soon, although I would not put money on it.  Not unless things change.  They'll not get it figured out on their own.  The health care debacle is another sort of civilized institution which has long evolved on an aberrant course.  The doctor-as-God motif has been pushed for as long as I can remember.  Mostly that is just a money making image.  And the bureaucracy has crept in for many decades.  This latest iteration with buy-or-die insurance only enhanced the really stupid aspects.  Maybe some have benefitted.

I hear horror story after horror story of dismissive physicians, here in San Diego, usually at the same outfit where my less than satisfactory doctor can be found. But not exclusively.  Many stories of lame diagnoses with physicians discounting the patients story of symptoms etc., with either dire consequences or eventually the patient find someone else who gets it right.  But the arrogant ones never admit their mistake.  All is the patient's fault even when it makes no sense in light of facts.

I would walk away from it all now if I had my life and house in order.  I really would.  I am afraid to do that now because I don't think I can get much done without trying to control some blood level issues.  I cannot wait until I feel organized enough to get away from the medical system.  I hate the attitude, assumptions, and method of operation about as much as I do the intrusiveness and master of the people mentality of government agencies.   Remember when motrin required a prescription?  That is insanely corrupt and insulting.  The setup sucks, despite the remarkable progress over the years in procedures and all that.  The administrative structure, and prescription set up is pure nonsense.

Hell with it.  I am preoccupied with my own illness and I am sorry that I am.  We will quit doing that soon.  I will begin a conscious effort to not discuss it at all if I can.

Clairvoyance from Afar on the ol' Gridiron

This one is short.  Those high school players who clocked the ref?  They are lying, and playing the adults for the politically correct morons they are.  Definitely lying.
.

I Still Find these "Awareness" Things to be largely bunk

I have always been irked by the approach used by most charities and victimhood organizations.  Often, I would try to examine my aversion to their tactics and found it difficult to pin down.  For example, I think 5K runs are marvelous but I recoil on the self aggrandizement I see on the T shirts and in the rhetoric of people who claim they are fighting to cure something by walking or pouring ice on their heads.

My thought has always been, go get an education on the topic and do some real troubleshooting and experimenting.  People could have marched for days and days to find a cure for darkness, but the result would not have been a single light bulb.  It is a business.

Be that as it may, I always wondered, "What if I had that disease?  Would I feel differently?"  I guess not.

On the mpninfo.org site which is all the info and cutting edge stuff related to myeloproliferative neoplasms--f'd up bone marrow stuff---they announced that

September is National Blood Cancer Awareness Month

Yay.  Why am I not overly enthused?  No telling.  I guess I'd rather it be "Kick  arrogant, useless, pompous, disrespectful hematologists and oncologists in the ass month.  And punch them in the nose too!!"

 But, that is just me, I'm sure.  And maybe the doctors who go nuts because of the idiocy of their less respectful colleagues agree.  I know of at least one who does.  But he's in Iowa.  

So, part of taking matters into my own hands requires trying to educate myself a bit.  Believe me, I do not pretend to understand or even try to nail down the biology and chemical factors in minute detail.  I do try to keep up with treatments and diagnosis of specific subgroups among the bone marrow production disorders.  That is what myeloproliferative means.  

And I often worry that I am too resentful and hard on my hematologist.  But then I look at info from conferences and such, all listing symptoms associated with various conditions, or percentage of people in that group with particular symptoms.  This is the guy who said my symptoms were irrelevant.  And the guy who forgot that half the problem is anemia, and also did not order labs even though cell counts and such are the big deal.

For awhile I just wanted to ignore it and not think.  But then after that last visit, I saw little choice. This pompous caste system advocate from S.Africa would let people die before he would acquire enough humility to reasonably trouble shoot, or suspend his ego for ten seconds. 

But to the point.  Even though I have this rare disease.  It was rare disease awareness month or week not long ago. Geez.  Even though; I still would get no big thrill out of a T-shirt or people running around the block.  How about making it legal to seek any drug or therapy that you choose to try?  Things like that.  Get the FDA, which serves mainly to facilitate pharmaceutical wars between companies and the public.  If you are in then they help you. If you aren't then your product is forbidden.

Adults should not have to have permission to get pain relief.  As it is, many are in horrendous pain but have minimal resources and their doctors are afraid of various agencies ruining their practice if they just do the compassionate thing.  It is a sick, "Mother may I?" game that treats one set of adults as having the right to dictate and be the arbiter of other adults choices.  And the majority of people seem ok with that.  Just cannot help that busy body, pushy thing.

And again that brings me back to charities. Good cause or not, do not harass me for more money at the checkout counter.   Do not push and cajole me at work, making it like you are so holy for being a pushy charity cop, and anyone who doesn't like it is heartless.  Screw off!!  Nervy ass companies. You want big numbers for the charity?  Give me a raise or pay it yourself.  Maybe my charity is helping the poor family down the street buy the kid shoes.  Or food. 

I tell you, the big charity game is bunk.

So, we are all now aware that there are a zillion kinds of blood cancer.  Lots of people live longer than you will if they have the type that is well contained with certain dope.  Some people do not do so well because of sensitivity or something; they have bad side effects, etc. 

The thing is, you probably have worries of your own.  I do not care if you are aware.  What they should have is a month to raise awareness that you cannot be aware of everyone else's conditions of life, needs, or best choices.  That would go a long way toward improving stuff for all.

Anyone knows that there are more avenues of research which can yield useful results than one could ever count or know.  Often doing research in one area sheds light on some unexpected field.  Nincompoops and pretend scientists don't get that.

So, my theory is that my symptoms more closely fit myeloid fibrosis, probably secondary, but even in that there are inconsistencies.  The inconsistencies present with the polycythemia vera dx are consistent with the MF dx. It is crazy.  But even crazier if you are poor and limited in choices.  Believe me, the whole affordable health care debacle just lulls the poor and stupid to sleep while the bureaucracy of the allegedly free stuff systematically kills them off through incompetence and pure neglect.  A sick citizen is of little use to the greater good.  Believe me, eugenicists really are in positions of power.  And they are not always right.  

Sometimes they are, I guess.  

For example, a husband and father in my situation is way more worth helping than I am.  Assuming he is trying to help support and provide guidance and all that for his family, and carry his weight in the marriage.  But this system of pretend medicine will result in many like that falling through the cracks.  It is another part of the great pretense.  Like the fiction of "Hands up, don't shoot me" .  Never ever happened, but it became the battle cry.  Facts are no fun.

Some symptoms of this stuff are confusion, irritability,  and depression.   What a big surprise.  None of that here!!  

There's an MPN education foundation that has big conferences and a lot of Mayo clinic participation and such.  I want to hook up with those people.  This thing of floating in limbo is getting old.  

I am enthused.  I see now that the expensive bone scan can easily miss earlier forms of MF.  I think you have to be far advanced for it to show like that. But I guess no one wants a bone marrow biopsy.  Stick a needle through your hip and suck out some juice.  I bet my guy screwed one up and the patient got an infection and either sued or died, so he hates to go there.  I do not want it either, but there may be no other choice.  I hope there is another choice. Invasive procedures are...invasive.  

I rambled on and on.  But, at least it is here in case something ever happens.

You can be sure you may not feel much compassion from Dr Saven at scripps. And you will wonder if he even pulled the right file.  However in DeMoines, Dr. Shrek--yes, that is the name-- think I spell it right--is a real prince and very sharp.