Does Questioning Imply Fickle to Country?

At one time, I probably thought the Pledge of Allegiance was noble, right, patriotic, and what you ought to do.  But then I did what I rarely do; I researched the matter.

I guess it was all the "Under God" controversy and the "In God We Trust" protests.  Again, I thought it had always been such and that the militant atheists were just being obnoxious.  I still they they were being obnoxious, but that is beside the point.

The point is, we did not have such mottos on our money until the 20th century.  Mid-century, I believe.  And the Pledge was written in the late 1800's by a socialist pastor or minister of some sort.  The original version lacked the "under God" part, and had the students giving the straight arm salute, like the did later in Nazi Germany.  There was another pledge floating around about pledging head and heart, bla bla bla.  So, it was similar in sentiment and conditioning value.  The holy man's version was more catchy and rhythmic I think.

Plus the minister was pushy.  No idea why he was so intent on making people ritually promise allegiance while not even thinking about the words they are saying.  Like a mass chant.  Almost cultish.  But, I go along with it. Why get my self beaten over something like that?  Got nothing to do with veterans, last war we understood, none of that.  No shadow on serving to defend the country.  One can be in the military.  You can't run it.  Got to have it.  Big time.

I am troubled by the insistence that one pledge his/her allegiance to the state, in essence.  It is almost like a promise of obedience.  And reciting it daily, by rote, seems a little 1984ish.  Over the top control tactics.   I don't think that was the best of our system.  It was not the idea of those who conceived this system of government.  Many of them were trying for the means to most limit the intrusiveness of the state.  They made a lot of compromise to get something more freedom oriented than what was fashionable at the time.

Anyhow.  The pledge is a very questionable tradition.  And I consider myself fairly patriotic.  But what I see as essentially American does not include blind promises drilled into kids so young they know the sounds more than the actual words.  I get killed saying that I guess, but I won't say it where it makes much trouble, and I won't refuse to be pledgie when those around me are.  I get the sentiment. This is the first country of its kind.  And I get to be born here. And I would do battle with invaders.

But I also resist attempts to place more controls on people who just want to mind their business.  The excuses for running people through militaristic shakedowns in order to board planes or attend events or whatever are increasingly convenient, and nebulous.  At least the plan of eliminating them is vague if existent at all.

It feels almost sacrilegious to even question the sanctity of the Pledge or "Under God" or any of that. But your talking stuff that wasn't official until the 40's and 50's, although Pastor Bellamy, or whatever title his holiness held, was being pushy getting his pledge in place unofficially, many years prior.  Like I said, he was pushy.  And a socialist.  He wasn't Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson or anyone like that.

Makes you wonder how many band wagons you've ridden since birth that may not be ones you'd ride were there from the juggernaught's inception.

It Looks Like Liberty, But It's Not

People thought my point regarding possible draft resurgence and gays was somehow bigoted.   It was not.

I am not a huge fan of things military, however I am a big fan of living in a country which can repel attack and deal with aberrant people, countries and cultures when necessary.   That may be wishful thinking, as I am not sure of what my own country is up to.

But here is the main impetus of my feelings on such things.  Vietnam was a bloody, unmitigated disaster from start to finish.  We were experimenting with police action in horrible conditions.  And people were dying like crazy.  Not a good thing.

Most Americans did not really see any pressing need to go fight there, so they conscripted young men of the proper age to go against their will.  No one likes 18 year old boys so they are the easiest group to draft.

No one wants to be called coward or unpatriotic so people allow the involuntary servitude.  If your country or government is master, then slavery is OK.  

But back then, women were exempt as were gays.  But being gay was not the premier, special class thing it is today.  However, you could get out of going to war in cases you deemed bogus just by saying you were homosexual.  Easy out, thought they would write FAG on your permanent record.  It at least offered one a small amount of control and freedom.

Now, people think we have come so far because gays can put bakeries out of business and they can march in gay parades without getting kicked out of the military (which still sends people into insane wars).  Of course no one is being drafted again, yet.  They still sign up.

Now that women are going into heavy combat roles, they will soon have to register for selective service--the draft.  It is only a matter of time.  But it is equal.  Come a long way, baby.

That is like a field slave who was forbidden from using the mule to plow, thinking he's made big progress because he can now use the mule.  And he's so enamored with this progress he seems to forget that his life is owned by the plantation.  The progress is a distraction.  His life is still not his own.  

So, besides the odd circumstance of fighting wars with no universally understood goal or definition of winning, we have various groups who are begging to be included in all aspects, even though we don't know what we're fighting for.   It is nice that we manage to spend billions in war bucks with so few casualties, relatively speaking.  It fools people.  All is just marvelous, but wait until forced participation becomes the way of life again.  No one who had a pass in the old days will be so lucky.

After observing the abuse and misuse of our armed forces, the disregard for integrity and life among those who direct our military activities, I wonder at those who so eagerly want to be put in harm's way while the military is still being used for corrupt purpose by people who do not care about right and wrong, only their own ends which do not serve the bulk of humanity well.

We've been duped.  So, while people think they are furthering the cause of equal rights for women, gays, and other, they are effectively just making it easier for a larger swath of the population to be potentially enslaved and misused.  Very sneaky business.   Do away with the requirement for young men to register for selective service. Do way with selective service and I will change my tune.  Then I, too, will applaud all the gains and freedom of groups who have previously been held down and limited.  But for now I say, bummer, you are setting yourselves up to be cannon fodder or whatever else the state needs from you.

The Over the Top Moral Blather

Now I have relatives reposting facebook letters explaining why they can't be friends with anyone who supports Trump because those people are all hateful racist whatnots by definition.  I wonder if they have really scrutinized the world of politics in this country over the last fifty or a hundred years.  Remember the cost of Vietnam?

Anyway, I think the assumption that anyone who supports the guy they think is Hitler Jr., is evil, is over the top and smacks of the sort of jack boot attitude they claim is Trump's M.O.

I tend to think we have a serious problem with who has power and the incredible dishonesty, corruption and outright theft that is rampant in all corners of government.   I am not following every word, but I pay enough attention to know that we have but one reasonable candidate remotely in the mix.  And no one even knows of this person.  That would be the Libertarian candidate.  Gary Johnson.

No chance of him getting any votes.  The media has done its job to protect the two parties.  You rarely hear about others, and when you do they are painted as kooks for not being the same old cattle-to-the-slaughter outfits the republican and democratic parties are.

Anyway.  I may think the entire premise of the democratic party is immoral.  Or much of it.  I have no idea what the republican party stands for.  Democrats still like to pander and pretend to rob the rich while screwing those to whom they pander.  Bizarre, but it works.

Anyway, for me to assume that all who disagree with me are evil thieves, racists, sexists, and thugs would be over the top.  You can be heavily misguided in politics and be my friend.   If you are one of the jackboots who kicks in doors without a warrant, and for stupid reasons, then I probably have no desire to be your friend, and I don't like you.

I just find it surprising how people tend to stretch their moral outrage to justify radical judgement and condemnation of people who see the path to Utopia as something other that what they envision.

The older I get, the more I wonder if I haven't been misguided in many ways for much of my life.   It certainly is not due to my core evilness or a desire to do evil or harm anyone.   And I assume the same for most of my misguided friends.

I'll Take a Look Later

I've been blissfully news free for a day or two.  Soon I am sure to run into some news whether I want to or not.  It just seemed so curious and orchestrated, the way all forces political--which includes media especially--aimed and fired at Trump repeatedly.  More than the usual flak any candidate can expect.

I wonder what the next act in the play that pretends to be our government election process will entail. It is as interesting as it is sad to see how easily the public is swayed and herded and directed.  People repeat sound bites from news and comedy shows that have replaced traditional news shows, without ever double checking veracity of the assertions.  They just parrot the things and become emotionally attached.

If Hillary were to be indicted for being an irresponsible secretary of state in her handling of state secrets, perhaps they would yet toss Pocahontas into the race.  I had expected a push from Elizabeth Warren from the outset.  Maybe once they knock out Trump, the same thing will be done with Clinton.  She is actually an easier mark, except she's got the goods on most of Washington, I think.

I cannot imagine what possesses certain people to run for president.  Trump's run has me puzzled.  If he is really just doing it because he cares, I assume that he knows he has probably put his life in danger.  From now on people will be doing anything to tear him down.  I think he is probably the perfect target for lunatics.

We can worry about that another time.  For now, I am still playing music here and there, often wondering why I bother, feeling like a stupid old guy that ought to be someone, some thing, somewhere else.

Really, Mitt?

Mr. Establishment himself. That Bohemian Grove going, new world order taking professional politician.

Four years ago he is kissing up to Trump for money and support.  Greatest guy in the world.  Now he turns vicious and launches an attack on Trump with no evident stimulus involved. He isn't running for office.

I don't know if he endorsed anyone.  If he did it would be like dealing a blow on two fronts.  His support has got to result in drop in the polls.  No telling what effect the attack has on Trump's standing.

I'd be queazy even if it were Harry Reid or someone else with whom I tend to disagree and for whom I have little respect.  When Mitt, and most republicans, plus democrats and unaffiliated ruffians all launch an attack simultaneously using the same buzzphrases and insults,  I tend to think there is skulduggery at play.  There usually is anywhere within 100 yards of most politicians.

Whoa. This Really Is Stage Play

Lucky me.  I caught much of the republican "debate" on my way home this evening.   Un be liev able.
They have all quit running for president.  The new game is to parry with Trump.  Come up with the dumbest squabbles to have before millions of people.  Embarrassing.  I was embarrassed for them because they did not appear to be embarrassed for themselves.  Sad.

There is no surprise that they catch Trump changing views or altering caveats.  Some of it was not as cut and dried as Megyn made it appear.  Forget the personalities.  I don't know how it looked, but it sounded like they might, at any time, all pull daggers and stab the Donald into oblivion.

Everywhere in the media, all media, you see real efforts toward attacking Trump.  I've never seen such an orchestrated instance of character assassination and humiliation.   Republicans and democrats.  The repubs are even using progressive slurs and insults.  They are all using the same words. That is not accidental.

If it were normal nice people, I would think they just fear for their country.   Being who they are, I realize that can't be the case.  They fear for their power, and their hold over the American people and government.

If they are that afraid of Trump, it makes me want to see what happens if he actually gets the nomination.  If he won it all somehow, and they couldn't rig the result, I believe he'd be eliminated.
But it does make me feel good when both sides are afraid.

This is the oddest of elections.  Bar none.

The Ohio guy--Kasich--sounded like the winner, from what I heard.  He was the only one not caught up in schoolyard taunting.  It was sad.  He is hardly on the radar outside of Ohio, as far as the presidential race goes.  You never know.  What an easy gig; appearing to be the rational adult at the republican debate.  

Bernie and Hillary should just flip a coin, hold no debates and make no speeches.   They can only hurt themselves.  The republicans have to be giving them such a boost that all the dem candidate has to do is shutup and take the job,

I have to ask why the repubs are doing all they can to ensure that they all lose.  Hillary must be the choice if there is a conspiracy of elites to control outcomes.  It will be like having Bill again, just without charm or even humor.  Lots of screaming.  She's a screamer.  She thinks it brings the crowd to a fever pitch of madness, like they'd go lynch someone if she gave the word.  I think she is mistaken.

Could I stand an election campaign which consisted largely of Trump and Hillary exchanging their meanest and dumbest insults?  Months of the really stupid.  Painfully stupid. Insults, mudslinging, mud wrestling, you name it...  Oh no.  And that signature Hillary thing of raising the pitch at the end of her pandering speeches, and screaming.  Usually about how we aren't going to take it anymore.

And they both have court cases. Trump's is civil not criminal.  Hillary's is federal felony stuff, but we don't state that.  We sweep that under the right wing conspiracy rug, and because she's a woman.

So my conclusion is; while I know Trump is as clueless about the constitution and principles of personal liberty as the vast majority of my friends and the public, other candidates more cognizant of the document's meaning, spirit and intent purposely ignore it and weaken it.  And they are freaking over Trump.  It is not because they care about the Constitution.  Or freedom.

It sure makes it tempting to vote for him, just because so many people seem panicked.  Cruz does, and Rubio appears to be resigned to the fact he won't win, so he has devoted himself full time to braying "Na na nah na na!!!!" at Donald Trump.  He is like a fly that just keeps buzzing and buzzing.

And Trump just doubles down on crazy stuff.  Maybe he is right about the effectiveness of going for terrorist families but there is a matter of legality with some of what he implies he'd do.  He couldn't do but so much.  People coming out saying they would refuse orders and all that are most likely stooges for whoever is so worried about the Donald.

Bill Richardson said he'd cure breast cancer if elected.   It isn't like democrats and other politicians don't make outrageous claims.  At this point who cares?

As much as I think Bernie is off base, I'd rather see him run than Hillary.  She doesn't appear to be wrapped too tight.  A power junkie.  A crazier one than the Bern.

If his primary bickering is an indication, Rubio would be a very tedious candidate.  What if it were Marco vs Hillary?  Rubio would be nipping at her ankles the whole time, incessantly barking like a chihuahua, if this debate was any indication.

More than ever, people seem to be acting odd.  Look at Christie's sudden change of demeanor, endorsing Trump, appearing stoned on valium.   He must have been blackmailed. Second fiddle and building up others is not his style.

Maybe nothing is up.  I think hijinks abound.

Really? Was Tuesday Super? Stage Craft

I've seen and heard many references to "Super Tuesday!" but I paid little attention.  It is impossible not to notice.  I'm trying to avoid the fray because it only results in someone going home crying.  Same as where horseplay leads.

A coworker started spouting the CNN or democratic party line on Trump.  I cannot argue as if I know it is all untrue, but I do sometimes mention that a claim is not true or unsupported.  But I only liked Trump slightly more than Arnold long before politics.  And I never could stand Arnold.  Arnold is one who thinks he's really smart but too dumb to know that he is not all that smart.

He is good at accomplishing goals and maintaining drive.  Those are great qualities but don't indemnify one from being a banal, arrogant, ignorant dolt.   So goes Arnold.

I forgot the talking points my coworker was regurgitating.  I'd heard them before.  That, I remember.   Some of it is the twist from preventing illegals and islamic ne'er-do-wells from entering the country and raping children, to Trump wants to deport all immigrants and he hates all Mexicans.

If La Raza was my only exposure to 'the other', I would hate them.  But it isn't.  So I only hate the strutting racist, ignorant obnoxious ones.  Same with about every ethnicity or race or other grouping based on physical characteristics or condition of birth.  Some are highly annoying and some aren't.  The subset of humans which is composed of those who are truly aberrant, incorporates pieces of all those race and ethnicity defined/condition of birth subgroups.

I hear people making sweeping bandwagon statements, and though I may sympathize with their emotions but I can't actually go with the general mob mentality stuff. I should specify I guess.

OK.  I think our border is a joke, and I think the Mexican government and ours are jokes in border related matters.  Cartels are equal players with governments.  Just on example.  So, everyone knows that there are trouble makers around the border.

But they act like the governments haven't created the problem.  Drug laws, corruption, abuse.  So you have criminals and people trying to escape criminals and people looking to game systems and people who just want to live away from that mess.  Big mix.

But the governments are the biggest problem.  They create the monsters and then beat the public down for their own good, for security against the monsters.  And people buy it. I won't even anticipate the arguments I normally get when I express such views.   They usually beg the question or employ other propaganda devices.  

Personally, I am not thrilled at the way the federal and state governments have evolved.  City, too, for that matter.   But, I am not sure that any of the likely grandstanders claiming to be needed to run things for us, as seriously deranged as they are, will be our doomsday demise.   We are dealing with huge egos.  "Huge" is one word which has enjoyed a surge in usage, if not popularity, via Mr. Trump.

The only possible upside I see if Hillary got in is that maybe some of the outfits that need eradication will piss her off.   There are rumors that being on the wrong side of Clinton can be a terminal disease.  But I suspect all of them would bump people off--or give the nod--if that was what it took to get what they want.   I am unsure what Trump and Hillary and most of the rest want.

I think Bernie justs wants sex with younger hippie women.  Ted may be harboring a messiah complex.  Marco--no idea. Carson--why is running?   He is the least corrupted, I think, but as soon as he gets much into it, he starts to show signs of being forced to play the game like the others.  Only as far as not saying anything to offend anyone, be taken out of context and used against you, etc.  That pretty well covers all speech.   Ben, it is painful because I like you.  But I do not get why you are running instead of working influence in some other way.  Where you might do better.

***just hours or so after this was posted, Ben decided to remove himself from the gangster world of national politics.  At least out of the line of fire.  ****

Anyway, I don't know the validity of any of Trumps plans, but if he is that vile and stupid, why stretch the truth to defame him?  I hate having to defend trump or even hillary from people who cannot resist the personal ignoramus attack approach.  That certainly limits my circle of friends if I were to defriend people for jumping on the half true bandwagons which continually go rumbling by.

It did strike me that when I pointed out Hillary's penchant for pandering, particularly to "persons of color",  my friend immediately just discounted it and refused to even consider her dishonesty and demagoguery.   She had just seen a documentary which described what an idealist genius Hillary has always been.  How she has always been a real champion of civil rights.   My friend watches more tv than I by a factor of about 1000.  Clearly.

So, if you are convinced you have to choose a candidate to love, ignoring any evidence suggesting your dog in the race is rabid, or really a skunk, you need to practice the machinations of non-logic to hone your skills.  Get regular logic out of there or you'll go nuts.

The look of horror I sometimes receive when I say that I think Trump is no more dangerous than most of the other candidates is priceless.  I find them all potentially deadly.   Look at the current one.  Wasn't he supposed to end all war?  Or at least make a whole lot less of it?  Maybe he changed his mind.

He is continually stirring the pot in the mid east.  They will all continue these wars with no goal.  Those are money makers.  After Vietnam they figured out how to make wars that use billions of dollars in bullets and machines but don't cost as many American lives.

That way they keep selling bullets and people don't get overly excited and upset.  Vietnam's lesson to these people was that protracted wars make a lot of money but better find ways that get fewer Americans killed.  That keeps the heat down.

And now we can wage very expensive--lucrative for the suppliers--wars, but never even pretend to win or know what that would mean.  Wars of no actual objective other than to sell bullets.   Everyone can create their own idea of the purpose and plan of these wars.  Throw in an "Oh thank you for your service"  and some knee jerk type patriotism, or just the usual, "It's OK because it is my party doing it'.   That's all you need.  Business as usual and people arguing the fiction they are fed as truth.

Trump did not create that madness, that carnage, and that theft.  So you want to tell me he's more dangerous than those who did create this mad set up?   I don't buy it.

Regarding the border, the border patrol harasses Americans in our own country.  And they serve as a funnel for local police.  It is a money maker.  They have permanent road blocks, and part time road blocks on all major roads.   Interstates and the old two lane highways.   If they were just looking for border jumpers, why do this?  How about just have border surveillance or/and change the stupid laws.

People accept anything.  Path of least resistance.  And the old standby that if you got nuittin to hide, by golly, then who cares if they stop you to prove your innocence just for the hell of it?  That implies you live by grace and permission of the state.  Circumstances you can't foresee can easily throw you into a situation in which this sort of abuse comes back to bite.

But I wonder if today's hard core progressives will even acknowledge clear proof or solid logic.   They would likely deny that anything outside their preferred world model could possibly exist.  So, if authoritarian tactics end up used in ways that affect them, they'll blame others.

The biggest red flag when it comes to the methods of the governmental and that whole odd concept, was when they actually felt that a "national conversation on obesity" was of such importance that "we" should start programs and spend taxes to identify and fix fat kids.  They just never said it like that.  We are "combatting obesity!".  (said the fat sweaty statists in tax paid legislatures).

Seriously.  When obesity is now everyone's business and concern, you don't get just the slightest little tinge of a feeling that you may being played for a sucker?   A useful stupid, idiot?

That is just one example.  Government is always trying to sell itself.  And the major news outlets for years have served as government's sales people.  How often did the nightly news back in the old days include a story, and then anchor to field reporter cross exam which always included conclusions involving inadequate regulation.  They forever cried for regulation.  Maybe they still do.

It is a game.  Even if you really want to love some politician in this circus, I'm telling you, it is a stage play.  I do not get why it is, as far as the core motive.  No matter.  It is a play.   Politics is one business in which people are not themselves.  They pander.  Simple as that.

Here's a test:
If you were speaking in an auditorium filled with thirty thousand people or whatever they hold, and all seats were filled with geniuses and PhD's or equivalent.  A room with Einstein and Newton and Hawking.  Would you be pumping your fist trying to work them up into a frenzied mob?

The top candidates clearly know they are preaching to dimwits or people in heavy denial, because they talk to them as if they are working the crowd up for a rock band.  But they are jockeying for position to have access to sending nuclear weapons across the globe.  They are bucking to be the head of the military.  I would not think, if I were to interview people for the job, that the one screaming and pumping fists and jumping on furniture or calling names would be the best candidate.

I have to say, though.  The best argument I have heard in Trump's favor is that Al and Rosie said they'd leave.  Rosie, I don't so much care. But for Al Sharpton to go be a pest in another country?  Wow!  That is worth the Nobel Peace prize, or Congressional Medal of Honor.

Statists and Stoopitts; a tale of two parties

Hillary and Bernie compete for guilty middle class, angry minorities,  voters who see conditions of birth, such as ethnicity or gender, as virtues.   They both pander.  It is more obvious with Hillary, but Bernie is not a professional politician for nothing.

I have not paid super close attention.  I get my info from stories her and there, but not from the barrage of coverage that some might see.

To the credit of Bernie and Hillary, if my impressions are correct, they haven't been vicious toward one another.  That is very smart, because the republicans are tearing one another to shreds, so whoever gets the nomination already has the dirty reputation and the ammo for quick soundbite impressions.

The republicans are doing the job of their opponents.  They are exposing one another for hypocrisy and insanity.  That is a very dumb strategy.  And it is not Trump's fault. Rubio and Cruz are doing it and have been.  Others have joined in as well.

It is just odd.  It is highly detrimental to the long term goal, assuming they want to win.  Maybe they don't.  That would certainly explain it.

Anyway, Hillary scares me a bit, like a female Doctor Strangelove in some way.   Her squawky. rouse-the-crowd voice that she goes into like an unpleasant crescendo is to her what Strangelove's rogue hand was to him; the hand that would try to choke him.  It had a mind of its own, like her voice.

The republican attacks on one another are making Hil and Bern look sane and smart.  Even on a moral high ground. Really, it takes effort to make Hillary Clinton look like the candidate of integrity. But, as usual, republicans go out of their way to let us know our choices are mostly cosmetic when it comes to national politics.

I'd like to see the two curmudgeons get nominated.  Bernie and Donald.  A festival of New York insults.  Bernie is originally from somewhere in or near New York City.   I see little policy difference with Hillary, domestically.  But I think he's less of a hawk.

A Bernie vs Trump situation casts out a significant number of regular players who are used to being the stars, and in control.  By appearances it would seem than they are not part of the status quo in the realm of wielded power.   Whether appearances mirror reality or disguise it, remains to be seen.

I do not encourage anyone to vote, unless inclined to vote my way.  Why would I?  If no one voted, that could be disturbing.  It could be a sign of revolt rather than apathy.  I won't argue it now, but states which mandate voting are forcing people to legitimize a potentially corrupt political process.  They can claim a mandate even though people thought they were less lethal than their opponent, by some small margin., not that they thought them actually desirable or any thing other than the lesser of negative choices.

Please don't be Hillary vs Trump.  That could be painful and embarrassing.  I do not want to see that cage match.  It would be far too ugly to enjoy.    Best pairing would be Clinton vs Rubio or Sanders vs Trump.    That just seems fair.   And there is enough difference in what they say to give you hope.
At least it can look like separate interests.

I am so glad I only caught bits and pieces of the actual interactions between candidates.  Nice when you do not have to play the video because you can read the text for the story.  Minimizes exposure to toxic wastrels.

I do not like our march toward a soft (to be kind) totalitarianism. However, I no longer think that if a particular person is elected president that we will all go to hell in a hand basket.    While I certainly am not one who has "faith in the American people to do the right thing",   I do not believe disaster is inevitable.   And is probably not quite as imminent as it appears.

How Hard Can It Be?

Just to organize a few hundred square feet and reems of ignored mail.  That's it.  I know if I could do that all would be roses.  Life would be way better and pain would no longer exist.

Can't ask for more than that.

Not How It Always Was

I'm pretty sure I look healthier than ever.  I'm pretty sure it is a lie.
Oh well.
Played last night and almost had an attack of the heebie geebie red ant pruritus deal.  The only quick solution other than scalding shower is illegal in most states, even in this one without a card.  But there are drawbacks to that.

You have to weigh things out. The old balance sheet.
Anyway, I experiment with naproxen combined with tylenol.  Crazy.  I think it helps some.

I find it makes me short with people and I say things that seem a little harsh or almost hostile, then wonder what it was I really meant, or why I spoke at all.  So, I have consciously tempered my speech once or twice.  Mostly I just tune out and nod as if I am picking up on the conversation, but I am only catching about 53%.

Music sounds different when I am playing it.  I mean different than other times playing the same thing.  Like one wheel in the sand. Just not quite there somehow.  Crazy world.

Guess I'll go back to bitching about morons in Che T shirts and let it go.

Someone on the aquagenic pruritus email forum, got the ball rolling on a discussion of how their normal body temperature runs low.  It turns out almost everyone there runs low temp.  That was a person who also has essential thrombocythemia, like I do.  So, there may be something to that.

Maybe a way to raise my temp a degree or so would help.  I think they are on to something.  Doctors have yet to figure it out, even though there are specific university departments devoted to related conditions--the pruritus/itching deal.  I resist the word "itch" in relation to it because it is not like a normal itch situation. But I guess that is the closest sensation which may describe it.

My world has been upside down forever, but these last two years have turned it even more upside down and inside out.  My temper is returning and that may be not good.  I don't know.

I am so sick of everyone relishing the status of being victim of others and using it as an excuse for their anger, playing the self righteous game.  Women are angry. People of other than transparency and lack of color are angry.  I am angry but I cannot blame all women, all Mexicans or Cubans, or Africans, though the militants annoy me to no end.  I am just angry because I am.

And I feel self righteous for recognizing that fact, since the ones who buy into the professional victim promoters are too greedy to indulge in some introspection and admit the same thing.  They are angry because life is that way, and society and law and culture tend to fuel anger.  People prefer to have villains to blame for every little thing.  Usually it is garbage, but you can rationalize problems everywhere you go.  You can find insult in most interactions with people.

If you really want to find insult just go to memphis and experience the customer service.  But as sure as you are that the next person will be rude, you'd be slammed by the nicest person in town, and all you preconceived notions get smashed for that moment.  It is so bad.  The one in a hundred that isn't a racial warrior hating you for not being something else queers the damn deal.

That must be how things work in life.  But I wouldn't know.  I am the worst one I know at doing life. Or maybe it is civilization.  Whatever it is, I am not good at it.  You'll never catch me talking much "we" talk as if I speak for humanity.  "aren't we all?"  I hate that.,  How the hell do I know about we all?  And I doubt you do either.

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