It is overwhelming, my lack of planning throughout life. Odd, because at the height of my hyper focussed phase, I planned every last detail of the project at hand. But my lovely wife cleaned the house, even though I thought I tried to help.
Obviously a mental disorder. I live like a hoarder and I don't even want the stuff. As much as I worry about fire, because that is what you do in East County, I catch myself thinking it would be a relief if it all vanished in smoke or by any other means.
I sent an inquiry to an outfit that specializes in straightening out the messes created by defective people such as myself. We'll see if they get in touch and what they say.
In the past I liked to blame Bush for this problem. Now I blame Trump. Blaming Obama, or any democrat for that matter, would be racist of course. Or sexist and a whole host of phobias. The only phobia I own up to, without apology is islamophobia. Islam gives me the creeps and I avoid all contact if possible. I do not go out harassing, I just detest the whole vibe. Sometimes I get it from other bigoted religious sects too.
However if ambassadors from the religion of peace want to clean and fix up my hovel, allah akbarrio and yeehah! PBUH
So, there it is. That is how we can all just get along. Send in the ninjas and penguin types.
Some days I find I do not want to be me any more. What to do with that? You can't flee yourself so easily.
If only I could believe the nonsense about how I could make the world better by protesting the election, maybe throw rocks at police horses and such. Wait. I could go out and throw rocks at the rock and bottle throwers. Make life hell for the ones damaging property. That would be cooler than harassing police horses.
That really did it for me; when these funded, astroturf, "ground roots" protesters hurt horses. That was the final line. And they do because they get to wear a victim badge. What garbage. I would like to visit some macro aggressions upon them. Make them forget the microscopic micro aggressions which cloud their limited imaginations.
Probably filing last year's tax, finding W-2 and all that is the first order of biz. No tax file, no insurance and you don't get to subsidize my efforts to stay alive. I would feel guilty but half of whoever "you" are pushed for this state of affairs. You wanted "them" to subsidize worthless reprobates like me. At the same time you promoted crony boondoggles like the Powerlink, which some think increases likelihood of various cancerous type maladies.
I tend to think so. The ultra high voltage and such does affect people. Electro magnetic issues do affect people. Some are so visibly and obviously affected that they move. I won't argue it here. But what so many people fail to recognize is that you have no idea the range of human maladies and conditions, let alone what it is like. Many are judgmental, thinking they know how others feel. They conclude that others are weak or lazy without really knowing.
Some are lazy and weak, but some are fighting in ways the busy body bastards wouldn't guess.
Alright, so I will blame them for the mess and chaos of my life.
We shall overcome. Or else we won't. I saw someone comment how happy she is to see the protests. This is not a person who would personally assault animals and throw bottles, but she seems condone it. Of course in maddening left wing fashion, she ignores what these organized assaults on the public really are.
And these biassed assertions and attacks happen far more than the supposed white militias sweeping the nation. Nonsense. For every ten vicious attacks on people for their views by the left, there is maybe one semi confirmed incident from these mostly non existent white backlashers. There are some but most white men do not give a damn about 90% of what they are painted as thinking. They are not mugging you, and beating you. Maybe they'll send you to perpetual war, but that is something else altogether. And race is not the motivating factor there.
White people, in general, do not give a damn about race. That is what I believe. There are some but they are not as numerous on a per capita basis as the black bigots and the hispanic bigots. The ones who lie to promote their point, and subsequently promote themselves, enjoy the destruction and the emotional frenzy that keeps the lockstep jingoists of their group as ill informed and stupid as possible.
Crowds; mobs make people stupid. Anger makes people stupid if it is cultivated. We have people orchestrating events which incorporate both of those de-edifying factors.
Oh but I'd so much rather find old naked pictures of Melania Trump, because I am against bullying and hate and being a meanie.
The coolest thing though is seeing rants by these nincompoops citing white privilege, and other not measurable spirits, and ending by calling people ignorant, uneducated "hippocrates". I have seen it more than once. Off to swear my hypocritic oath
.
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Friday, November 11, 2016
Movie Reviews: Snowden. The Accountant.
I thought Snowden was pretty good. I've never thought he was ill motivated. Beyond that, I don't know. Good movie.
The Accountant was great, I thought. I liked the character and the story. I don't keep up enough to know it seems I've heard negative attitudes toward Ben Affleck. No idea why. Rather not know, actually. There may have been some violence but nothing too bad. They mostly had it coming.
So, there you have it.
I don't go into analysis of the story the cinematography or the emoting of the actors. I say if it is bad.
These two movies were good and the latter was especially good. OK. Snowden was Good +.
The Accountant was great, I thought. I liked the character and the story. I don't keep up enough to know it seems I've heard negative attitudes toward Ben Affleck. No idea why. Rather not know, actually. There may have been some violence but nothing too bad. They mostly had it coming.
So, there you have it.
I don't go into analysis of the story the cinematography or the emoting of the actors. I say if it is bad.
These two movies were good and the latter was especially good. OK. Snowden was Good +.
Would You Remain Ignorant forever, If That is The Price of the Victim Badge?
Hell yes!!!! they say, as they destroy things, assault people and stop traffic, with signs like "Love Trumps Hate". Those events are hard to fabricate because of the scale and video from many sources. Harder to edit to create desired content. Not that it is not done a lot.
Then I hear about white Trump supporters in various bigoted, bullying attacks. But the real evidence is mostly lacking. I suspect there are many bogus, staged events. I believe the violence is purposely instigated by those who stand to gain. They know the triggers to pull, the rewards to offer and how to control information and people.
The number one prize being offered these days is membership in a specific victim group. Best if it is race based, but pretty much any form of human, including white male, is claiming victimhood somewhere. When it is time to quit being a victim, or to quit pointing to that which is not your enemy pretending it is, because of fact, logic, reason, the victim recoils.
You have to supply a really healthy reward for an habitual victim to give up the hobby. It will not happen. People make their living off of herding people into victim groups, making every effort to keep them down while pretending to care, and blaming others who are not trying to do any such thing.
I do not doubt that there are some classic fools who want to play the absurd white supremacist routine. Incredulous as that is. Then there seems to be an increasing number of Black separatists. On some campuses they demand white free zones. "Of color" only safe areas. And they yell at, and push back the white devils who try to get by on their way to student union or wherever--common, public spaces. While decrying their victimhood and shouting "white privilege !!"
What I am saying is that people who see everything through race and other irrelevant filters never seem to learn what universal principles are. They become addicted to finding offense, whether or not it is there.
Do you have any idea how selfish it is to stop traffic in a big city? Or really anywhere. You have no idea what is going on in their lives, but because you don't like how something unrelated went, and because you love the lies you tell and believe, you think throwing your fit is more important than the lives of strangers. I sincerely wish it were legal for the traffic to just run you down and keep going. You could care less if you cause a death as you violate the rights of others.
I hate mobs. I can accept a demonstration, if that's what you want, but violating rights, no. And there is absolutely no justification for the violence. Stopping traffic is an act of force. Violent, in reality. I do think people should just plow through. But they won't. That's because normal people minding their own business do not gather in herds. They are not so prone to mob action.
This is what pisses me off about democrats. Instead of calling it for what it is they will pretend there is justification. They tacitly encourage mob action and the warping of the truth so many of the mob people believe the easy lies, because they have no desire to check for truth. It is really sick. It is not justified.
That's redneck behavior. I hate it. Not confined to any race. Ignorant nonsense used to work one's self into a frenzy, and convincing one's self that any violence or injustice you commit is OK because you are a victim. Self defense.
People do not want the truth. And those special elites who think they know best prefer that people know less than they do. That way they can include the reaction they are after in their pontifications about matters of government. If you tell the story correctly, your dimwitted audience will react in the manner that suits you.
I'm not talking about the talking point, face book meme truths. Both sides put out garbage and are transparently, unashamedly hypocritical.
That is why people do not want the truth. They think they are somehow invested in a predetermined outcome. If only the democrats had their way, we'd all do fine. Same with republican. What annoys me about republican is they are just democrats wrapped in some kind of neo-Calvinist gel made out of misguided zeal.
Ge sus H kee reist! This would not be better off being a theocracy. Actually, I do not think the Constitution is involved in marriage, or even abortion, except it was ruled that a person's right to their own body trumps any living thing growing in there, still attached.
I guess how it works is that what's outside and has seniority takes precedence over what's inside. And if anything is growing inside the inside entity, then it would be last in line. Last to be considered. Rights subservient to the host being, and to its host being. I need to get the guy who thought Guam might capsize to make my case.
I really wish they would make their point if they choose, practice what they know is right, but just get government out of it. If you have to be forced to keep your baby, let heaven and hell settle it. There is a point at which you are using faulty logic to justify some harsh action. It is not in the top five issues that have any business on the government docket.
It is horrible of me, but there are so many people I would hope do not multiply. Some facets of the process ought to just be out of bounds. Why are so many things everyone's business, and responsibility? I do think making it free at taxpayer expense is a stretch. But so are wars at taxpayer expense in places, for reasons that I do not support.
I am not much of a Hillary fan, but I question assertions of being Satan's little warrior woman, or whatever. I could be wrong though.
Despite the insane and creepy stuff said or played during the campaign, Hillary saying, "We came, we saw. He died!! hahahahahaha." creeped me out the most. She laughed about a brutal death. He was a bad guy dictator, but the result of engineering his ouster has been less than stellar.
Don't get me wrong, I cringe every time Trump opens his mouth, even before he says anything. He either says something bizarre, or in a way where the press can make something out of nothing. The result is the same. People think he'll come in the night and throw their children over the wall back into Mexico, then execute the parents.
The irony is, many people are getting a taste of how hard it is to really move to another country, or most of them. Any I looked at, years ago out of curiosity, had a lot of hoops to jump through and not so easy for a misfit without tons of money. Po folk are stuck in the USA. Odd that Po folk from elsewhere manage to survive here better than at home.
The real problem is BS. People believe whatever helps them lose conscience so they can be self righteously violent, and bully strangers with justification
.
Then I hear about white Trump supporters in various bigoted, bullying attacks. But the real evidence is mostly lacking. I suspect there are many bogus, staged events. I believe the violence is purposely instigated by those who stand to gain. They know the triggers to pull, the rewards to offer and how to control information and people.
The number one prize being offered these days is membership in a specific victim group. Best if it is race based, but pretty much any form of human, including white male, is claiming victimhood somewhere. When it is time to quit being a victim, or to quit pointing to that which is not your enemy pretending it is, because of fact, logic, reason, the victim recoils.
You have to supply a really healthy reward for an habitual victim to give up the hobby. It will not happen. People make their living off of herding people into victim groups, making every effort to keep them down while pretending to care, and blaming others who are not trying to do any such thing.
I do not doubt that there are some classic fools who want to play the absurd white supremacist routine. Incredulous as that is. Then there seems to be an increasing number of Black separatists. On some campuses they demand white free zones. "Of color" only safe areas. And they yell at, and push back the white devils who try to get by on their way to student union or wherever--common, public spaces. While decrying their victimhood and shouting "white privilege !!"
What I am saying is that people who see everything through race and other irrelevant filters never seem to learn what universal principles are. They become addicted to finding offense, whether or not it is there.
Do you have any idea how selfish it is to stop traffic in a big city? Or really anywhere. You have no idea what is going on in their lives, but because you don't like how something unrelated went, and because you love the lies you tell and believe, you think throwing your fit is more important than the lives of strangers. I sincerely wish it were legal for the traffic to just run you down and keep going. You could care less if you cause a death as you violate the rights of others.
I hate mobs. I can accept a demonstration, if that's what you want, but violating rights, no. And there is absolutely no justification for the violence. Stopping traffic is an act of force. Violent, in reality. I do think people should just plow through. But they won't. That's because normal people minding their own business do not gather in herds. They are not so prone to mob action.
This is what pisses me off about democrats. Instead of calling it for what it is they will pretend there is justification. They tacitly encourage mob action and the warping of the truth so many of the mob people believe the easy lies, because they have no desire to check for truth. It is really sick. It is not justified.
That's redneck behavior. I hate it. Not confined to any race. Ignorant nonsense used to work one's self into a frenzy, and convincing one's self that any violence or injustice you commit is OK because you are a victim. Self defense.
People do not want the truth. And those special elites who think they know best prefer that people know less than they do. That way they can include the reaction they are after in their pontifications about matters of government. If you tell the story correctly, your dimwitted audience will react in the manner that suits you.
I'm not talking about the talking point, face book meme truths. Both sides put out garbage and are transparently, unashamedly hypocritical.
That is why people do not want the truth. They think they are somehow invested in a predetermined outcome. If only the democrats had their way, we'd all do fine. Same with republican. What annoys me about republican is they are just democrats wrapped in some kind of neo-Calvinist gel made out of misguided zeal.
Ge sus H kee reist! This would not be better off being a theocracy. Actually, I do not think the Constitution is involved in marriage, or even abortion, except it was ruled that a person's right to their own body trumps any living thing growing in there, still attached.
I guess how it works is that what's outside and has seniority takes precedence over what's inside. And if anything is growing inside the inside entity, then it would be last in line. Last to be considered. Rights subservient to the host being, and to its host being. I need to get the guy who thought Guam might capsize to make my case.
I really wish they would make their point if they choose, practice what they know is right, but just get government out of it. If you have to be forced to keep your baby, let heaven and hell settle it. There is a point at which you are using faulty logic to justify some harsh action. It is not in the top five issues that have any business on the government docket.
It is horrible of me, but there are so many people I would hope do not multiply. Some facets of the process ought to just be out of bounds. Why are so many things everyone's business, and responsibility? I do think making it free at taxpayer expense is a stretch. But so are wars at taxpayer expense in places, for reasons that I do not support.
I am not much of a Hillary fan, but I question assertions of being Satan's little warrior woman, or whatever. I could be wrong though.
Despite the insane and creepy stuff said or played during the campaign, Hillary saying, "We came, we saw. He died!! hahahahahaha." creeped me out the most. She laughed about a brutal death. He was a bad guy dictator, but the result of engineering his ouster has been less than stellar.
Don't get me wrong, I cringe every time Trump opens his mouth, even before he says anything. He either says something bizarre, or in a way where the press can make something out of nothing. The result is the same. People think he'll come in the night and throw their children over the wall back into Mexico, then execute the parents.
The irony is, many people are getting a taste of how hard it is to really move to another country, or most of them. Any I looked at, years ago out of curiosity, had a lot of hoops to jump through and not so easy for a misfit without tons of money. Po folk are stuck in the USA. Odd that Po folk from elsewhere manage to survive here better than at home.
The real problem is BS. People believe whatever helps them lose conscience so they can be self righteously violent, and bully strangers with justification
.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Caught In The Middle
And I'm not a middle of the roader. But what can you do when people go off the deep end? If they are refusing to reason and denying logic, I can't pretend to be into it. I run.
It is crazy. It is a form of greed. Ignoring the truth to further your own ends.
Each side thinks they are the only ones who see the other side for the lowlife morons they are. Results tend to be as expected.
Someone is making money off of this. I wish I had that sort of motivation with money. I just glaze over.
I really wish people would shut up for a minute. The insane fear mongering things the left puts out drives me nuts. The insane and somewhat purposeless agenda of the alleged right regarding this president really annoys me, too. So, I have to tune out for the moment.
No one knows what to expect. So, just be quiet. I cannot fathom the nonsense surrounding this election. And the aftermath.
A lot of people were not happy when Obama got elected. Where I work, the lady in an adjacent property refused to let the secret service have access. We got the idea it was because she did not like Obama. My thinking is that you be nice to president. I met the woman. She is an insane neighborhood commando, searching for reasons to gripe.
Face it, Trump is just like the ACA, in the words of Pelosi. We had to elect him to find out what he will do. Had to pass the ACA to find out what was in it (Obamacare), and we still don't know. Seems to change now and then.
I wonder if the parallel between the ACA and Trump will continue. Hard to imagine it all carrying on that long. Be best if it does; no security issues or chaotic national events designed to wreak havoc.
Call whatever, I really do not like mobs and protests which damage property, beat up people, stop traffic, intimidate or harm the innocent. They redefine "innocent" to suit themselves so their baser tactics and sadistic tendencies can be indulged in good conscience.
Here's the real story behind the whole shebang. Clinton and Trump in cahoots. He is press just long enough to wave his hands over Hillary's legal nuisances and make them go away. Hill exerts her influence to make his legal problems go away. Maybe some witness have a change of heart or sudden strokes.
Then Trump has to step down because of a fictitious medical issue. No one in their right mind wants to be POTUS, especially if you already have a cool plane.
Both go off into relative obscurity, except Trump pops up now and then to say something peculiar then vanish again.
Hillary goes off to live in an all organic, high end, posh, cross trans metro and meandering sexual commune. They're a bit different. Their rainbow flag has the "Don't Tread on Me" rattlesnake on it.
.
It is crazy. It is a form of greed. Ignoring the truth to further your own ends.
Each side thinks they are the only ones who see the other side for the lowlife morons they are. Results tend to be as expected.
Someone is making money off of this. I wish I had that sort of motivation with money. I just glaze over.
I really wish people would shut up for a minute. The insane fear mongering things the left puts out drives me nuts. The insane and somewhat purposeless agenda of the alleged right regarding this president really annoys me, too. So, I have to tune out for the moment.
No one knows what to expect. So, just be quiet. I cannot fathom the nonsense surrounding this election. And the aftermath.
A lot of people were not happy when Obama got elected. Where I work, the lady in an adjacent property refused to let the secret service have access. We got the idea it was because she did not like Obama. My thinking is that you be nice to president. I met the woman. She is an insane neighborhood commando, searching for reasons to gripe.
Face it, Trump is just like the ACA, in the words of Pelosi. We had to elect him to find out what he will do. Had to pass the ACA to find out what was in it (Obamacare), and we still don't know. Seems to change now and then.
I wonder if the parallel between the ACA and Trump will continue. Hard to imagine it all carrying on that long. Be best if it does; no security issues or chaotic national events designed to wreak havoc.
Call whatever, I really do not like mobs and protests which damage property, beat up people, stop traffic, intimidate or harm the innocent. They redefine "innocent" to suit themselves so their baser tactics and sadistic tendencies can be indulged in good conscience.
Here's the real story behind the whole shebang. Clinton and Trump in cahoots. He is press just long enough to wave his hands over Hillary's legal nuisances and make them go away. Hill exerts her influence to make his legal problems go away. Maybe some witness have a change of heart or sudden strokes.
Then Trump has to step down because of a fictitious medical issue. No one in their right mind wants to be POTUS, especially if you already have a cool plane.
Both go off into relative obscurity, except Trump pops up now and then to say something peculiar then vanish again.
Hillary goes off to live in an all organic, high end, posh, cross trans metro and meandering sexual commune. They're a bit different. Their rainbow flag has the "Don't Tread on Me" rattlesnake on it.
.
Glad I've Avoided Much Audio Visual
Never really saw that coming. Maybe something close but a Clinton win. By hook or by crook. Then I wonder: Do they all get in by hook or by crook? Or both?
It is so third world to mob up and harass traffic if an election on a national level doesn't go your way. It is kind of third world to pretend all these people will be herded together just for how they look; yanked out of bed in the middle of the night.
Maybe one of the things wisdom influences is the tendency to got all hyper self righteous. A frenzy of self righteousness can lead to erroneous conclusions, and harmful treatment of others. It can result in unjust situations.
I often think that I may not know an erroneous conclusion from the other kind.
.
I Like Ike
It is so third world to mob up and harass traffic if an election on a national level doesn't go your way. It is kind of third world to pretend all these people will be herded together just for how they look; yanked out of bed in the middle of the night.
Maybe one of the things wisdom influences is the tendency to got all hyper self righteous. A frenzy of self righteousness can lead to erroneous conclusions, and harmful treatment of others. It can result in unjust situations.
I often think that I may not know an erroneous conclusion from the other kind.
.
I Like Ike
Saturday, November 5, 2016
If Only I Cared
I should be wound up about The Election, but I am not. My life is in such disarray that concerns over government hijinx are of waning interest. That part is good, in a way.
If you can get worked up over which sneaky liar to vote against, then your life is probably in order and you are following human nature which leads you to seek or manufacture drama. So many people love excuses to hate people and hope they suffer in some way. I see that in this election stuff.
She should be locked up. He should be in jail, or worse. It is sick. Really, it is. How do you think it came down to this? Because people are so easily bought with little excuses given to hate or even retaliate once given the gift of victimhood.
In the USA our version of knighthood is granting a person or group victim status. It is unreal and it is a joke, but a very bad, painful one. Our title of nobility; With the power invested in me as elected, or appointed, charlatan and creep I dub you victim.
The big threat is that if Trump wins, there will be riots. That definitely puts me at odds with would be rioters. I hate being threatened in that way. On the other side, if Hillary is elected, no riots but probably a lot more talk of secession. Something I personally consider a right for a state or region.
It may or may not be a bad idea. I have never bought into that house divided nonsense.
But I don't buy into most things that made public schools as terror camps and propaganda factories possible. Those who love it tend to get very angry with me.
And that is the other thing I notice, the progressive left is far more hateful in speech and action than even Trump or conservative talk. They claim those people are all hate, but if you listen, far more hateful and hostile language comes from elsewhere. But, it is wrapped in victimhood and righteous indignation which is supposed to make it OK.
Not to say there aren't unbelievably bizarre utterances from the far right, and religious entities. Hillary may suck, but would you really announce publicly that she sold her soul to the devil, or that she is possessed, in order to further your own cause?
Really, on both sides I suspect false flag stuff---let's pretend to be democrats and threaten to confiscate bibles. That will help. Or let's burn a black church and write "for Trump" on the side. --my guess on that one, all facts haven't come through yet, but I seriously doubt this was a pro Trump people.
Reminiscent of the students being terrorized by nooses placed strategically at some CA colleges. Turns out the alleged victims were actually the perps. And yet people wanted to believe the false picture of racism and harassment.
Even if I agree with a point, I distance myself from those who include all the violent nonsense in the package they drop to make the point.
But it is nothing new. Double standards. I have to say, though, I see no major accepted side of the coin that I respect a lot. Humans are not philosophically, spiritually, culturally advanced enough to keep up with their technology. And small minded idiocy is still accepted and promoted; like white free zones touted as spaces "of color" only.
Of color used to be as bad as calling people colored or whatever. 100% idiocy. As a person devoid of color--transparent actually--I resent it all.
.
If you can get worked up over which sneaky liar to vote against, then your life is probably in order and you are following human nature which leads you to seek or manufacture drama. So many people love excuses to hate people and hope they suffer in some way. I see that in this election stuff.
She should be locked up. He should be in jail, or worse. It is sick. Really, it is. How do you think it came down to this? Because people are so easily bought with little excuses given to hate or even retaliate once given the gift of victimhood.
In the USA our version of knighthood is granting a person or group victim status. It is unreal and it is a joke, but a very bad, painful one. Our title of nobility; With the power invested in me as elected, or appointed, charlatan and creep I dub you victim.
The big threat is that if Trump wins, there will be riots. That definitely puts me at odds with would be rioters. I hate being threatened in that way. On the other side, if Hillary is elected, no riots but probably a lot more talk of secession. Something I personally consider a right for a state or region.
It may or may not be a bad idea. I have never bought into that house divided nonsense.
But I don't buy into most things that made public schools as terror camps and propaganda factories possible. Those who love it tend to get very angry with me.
And that is the other thing I notice, the progressive left is far more hateful in speech and action than even Trump or conservative talk. They claim those people are all hate, but if you listen, far more hateful and hostile language comes from elsewhere. But, it is wrapped in victimhood and righteous indignation which is supposed to make it OK.
Not to say there aren't unbelievably bizarre utterances from the far right, and religious entities. Hillary may suck, but would you really announce publicly that she sold her soul to the devil, or that she is possessed, in order to further your own cause?
Really, on both sides I suspect false flag stuff---let's pretend to be democrats and threaten to confiscate bibles. That will help. Or let's burn a black church and write "for Trump" on the side. --my guess on that one, all facts haven't come through yet, but I seriously doubt this was a pro Trump people.
Reminiscent of the students being terrorized by nooses placed strategically at some CA colleges. Turns out the alleged victims were actually the perps. And yet people wanted to believe the false picture of racism and harassment.
Even if I agree with a point, I distance myself from those who include all the violent nonsense in the package they drop to make the point.
But it is nothing new. Double standards. I have to say, though, I see no major accepted side of the coin that I respect a lot. Humans are not philosophically, spiritually, culturally advanced enough to keep up with their technology. And small minded idiocy is still accepted and promoted; like white free zones touted as spaces "of color" only.
Of color used to be as bad as calling people colored or whatever. 100% idiocy. As a person devoid of color--transparent actually--I resent it all.
.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Such a Slacker
All these people on the email forum for MPNinfo.org seem to have endless energy to delve into medical minutiae which glazes my eyes in less than a second. Am I just too stupid?
Of course, I don't believe that. I could have been an Air Guard pilot, allegedly (I was a civilian licensed pilot) , or a doctor, and that means I have plenty of ego and think I'm real dang smart. (airline and military pilots, and doctors are known among therapists as the hardest ones to treat because they are each, as a group, extreme ego maniacs, with a hint of a God complex. They know they are just a little better) But I have never been one who enjoys cataloging boring facts so I can convince people I know something. Deriving facts is another thing. That can interest me.
But I'm hip to the abbreviations in the world of myleoproliferative neoplasms (MPN) for the most part. I only read what seems to apply or what might be useful. It is happening, and I am fighting it; the allure of becoming a healthcare hobbyist.
It only seems right that I be informed an all that. It may be I am still trying to cultivate a healthy case of denial. I like denial, when I buy it. Every once in awhile there is talk of "raising awareness", etc.
It is disconcerting that so few physicians are really in tune with this set of diseases and the symptoms.
I think the guy I deal with is on top of things.
They are having a big conference, or convention, at a medical place in AZ. Scottsdale? Don't know. That place has a lot of experts on these conditions. Cutting edge, etc. Doctors, patients, families? From near and far. Got the whole lodging and itinerary worked out. Better sign up now while there are still rooms available.
I would rather spend a road trip or vacation another way, at this point. Not time or money for either so a moot point.
There are things that can probably be done to make life better. They are things that I have to do.
Health care hobbyist. Did I not tell someone out there to shoot me if I ever showed signs of becoming one?
Of course, I don't believe that. I could have been an Air Guard pilot, allegedly (I was a civilian licensed pilot) , or a doctor, and that means I have plenty of ego and think I'm real dang smart. (airline and military pilots, and doctors are known among therapists as the hardest ones to treat because they are each, as a group, extreme ego maniacs, with a hint of a God complex. They know they are just a little better) But I have never been one who enjoys cataloging boring facts so I can convince people I know something. Deriving facts is another thing. That can interest me.
But I'm hip to the abbreviations in the world of myleoproliferative neoplasms (MPN) for the most part. I only read what seems to apply or what might be useful. It is happening, and I am fighting it; the allure of becoming a healthcare hobbyist.
It only seems right that I be informed an all that. It may be I am still trying to cultivate a healthy case of denial. I like denial, when I buy it. Every once in awhile there is talk of "raising awareness", etc.
It is disconcerting that so few physicians are really in tune with this set of diseases and the symptoms.
I think the guy I deal with is on top of things.
They are having a big conference, or convention, at a medical place in AZ. Scottsdale? Don't know. That place has a lot of experts on these conditions. Cutting edge, etc. Doctors, patients, families? From near and far. Got the whole lodging and itinerary worked out. Better sign up now while there are still rooms available.
I would rather spend a road trip or vacation another way, at this point. Not time or money for either so a moot point.
There are things that can probably be done to make life better. They are things that I have to do.
Health care hobbyist. Did I not tell someone out there to shoot me if I ever showed signs of becoming one?
Friday, October 28, 2016
Battlefield: depression?::: amended
So, after asking myself if I am fatigued and uncomfortable because of the MPN bone marrow circumstances, or just because I am infused with blues, I try to find even more answers.
I muster the energy to round up a garbage bag or two of rubbish and trash. Then I say out loud, "Oh great job, Dumbass. World f'''ing class. How in the hell did we end up here?" We being the real me, plus the nagging insulting me.
"You got here because you are g'' d''' waste of space. You are a rotten person. Useless. What makes you rotten is that you somehow, compulsively, lead others to believe you are not an idiot and not a terrible person. But you are.
Or, maybe you are not really evil and rotten. Maybe you just aren't quite up to some things normal people find a natural part of living. You are abnormal and cannot help it. As a result, here you are. You pitiful loser."
I say all that and more. I try to give myself a break. It is becoming tougher and tougher to do. And this honestly is why I do not own handguns, or even short shotguns. I do not trust myself.
When you see yourself as the enemy and can't manage to change that, things go poorly. It also seems like a bit of a personality split which used to land you in a rubber room. Now, the only alternatives I know are less appropriate. So, best not to give up. Never give up.
You do not know how mad I get when I think about how certain others must view me. I hate them because I love them. If that makes sense. I'm the one who is insane and alone, not them. They are happily nuts and not alone. Granted, I could not live that life in most cases. Makes me even madder.
I want to tell them to wipe the damn smile off their faces. Screw you for being happy.
There was once when I had it figured out how to turn it all around. Guess what? Too late. Just when I was going to share the plan, I found I was already devoid of one to share it with.
The plan could have worked, but, as usual, I gave up and dove deep.
Sometimes the only thing is to find someone else to help or encourage or whatever. Anything to get out of myself. But they go on OK, and never look back. And really, that is right. I did it to get away from myself and because I like it when others catch a break of some kind. Misery does not always want company. Another not universally true adage that pretends otherwise. I want no one to feel this way, not even most jerks.
If you help the bleeding person by the side of the road, just be glad. It doesn't mean you won't bleed out when it is your turn to be in that fix. So, I will just get myself out of it. Except I am not always convinced I can.
I keep thinking this JAK2 positive marrow issue is imaginary. Then various symptoms get out of hand. Why the nausea, who knows. Or cares. The mad pruritus (sort of like itch but different) is the real bummer. It leaves you exhausted or tired, either from riding it out, or what you take to numb it down.
Well, I have had it. I am too mad to give up. And someday I will not be talking to myself.
This is what I hate about statists, they think everyone has the energy, money, and inclination to read and comply with government mandates, bizarre rules, paperwork of proving it is OK for you to exist.
I am bad at that stuff and I hate those who promote it. Not good to hate, but at this minute, I do.
Alright, so I am going to get rid of this supposedly incurable nuisance, and I will go down fighting or possibly succeed for awhile. Time will tell, I suppose.
***edited to add
The missing ingredient is faith. I know that. I don't have it in the way I once did, for awhile. It needn't even be spiritual. A person has to have something to drive them and give them purpose. I've lost that.
That is the real enemy. Faith that I deserve a purpose, and then having some driving force. It is easier if you just believe religiously. I do not, at least not like some people claim. Of course I do not believe a lot of those people. They use it as a back door to self aggrandizement.
There is more to life than meets the eye. And more to human connection to things, I guess. You probably have to have children before you see much spirit. They are your ticket to at least semi-immortality.
.
I muster the energy to round up a garbage bag or two of rubbish and trash. Then I say out loud, "Oh great job, Dumbass. World f'''ing class. How in the hell did we end up here?" We being the real me, plus the nagging insulting me.
"You got here because you are g'' d''' waste of space. You are a rotten person. Useless. What makes you rotten is that you somehow, compulsively, lead others to believe you are not an idiot and not a terrible person. But you are.
Or, maybe you are not really evil and rotten. Maybe you just aren't quite up to some things normal people find a natural part of living. You are abnormal and cannot help it. As a result, here you are. You pitiful loser."
I say all that and more. I try to give myself a break. It is becoming tougher and tougher to do. And this honestly is why I do not own handguns, or even short shotguns. I do not trust myself.
When you see yourself as the enemy and can't manage to change that, things go poorly. It also seems like a bit of a personality split which used to land you in a rubber room. Now, the only alternatives I know are less appropriate. So, best not to give up. Never give up.
You do not know how mad I get when I think about how certain others must view me. I hate them because I love them. If that makes sense. I'm the one who is insane and alone, not them. They are happily nuts and not alone. Granted, I could not live that life in most cases. Makes me even madder.
I want to tell them to wipe the damn smile off their faces. Screw you for being happy.
There was once when I had it figured out how to turn it all around. Guess what? Too late. Just when I was going to share the plan, I found I was already devoid of one to share it with.
The plan could have worked, but, as usual, I gave up and dove deep.
Sometimes the only thing is to find someone else to help or encourage or whatever. Anything to get out of myself. But they go on OK, and never look back. And really, that is right. I did it to get away from myself and because I like it when others catch a break of some kind. Misery does not always want company. Another not universally true adage that pretends otherwise. I want no one to feel this way, not even most jerks.
If you help the bleeding person by the side of the road, just be glad. It doesn't mean you won't bleed out when it is your turn to be in that fix. So, I will just get myself out of it. Except I am not always convinced I can.
I keep thinking this JAK2 positive marrow issue is imaginary. Then various symptoms get out of hand. Why the nausea, who knows. Or cares. The mad pruritus (sort of like itch but different) is the real bummer. It leaves you exhausted or tired, either from riding it out, or what you take to numb it down.
Well, I have had it. I am too mad to give up. And someday I will not be talking to myself.
This is what I hate about statists, they think everyone has the energy, money, and inclination to read and comply with government mandates, bizarre rules, paperwork of proving it is OK for you to exist.
I am bad at that stuff and I hate those who promote it. Not good to hate, but at this minute, I do.
Alright, so I am going to get rid of this supposedly incurable nuisance, and I will go down fighting or possibly succeed for awhile. Time will tell, I suppose.
***edited to add
The missing ingredient is faith. I know that. I don't have it in the way I once did, for awhile. It needn't even be spiritual. A person has to have something to drive them and give them purpose. I've lost that.
That is the real enemy. Faith that I deserve a purpose, and then having some driving force. It is easier if you just believe religiously. I do not, at least not like some people claim. Of course I do not believe a lot of those people. They use it as a back door to self aggrandizement.
There is more to life than meets the eye. And more to human connection to things, I guess. You probably have to have children before you see much spirit. They are your ticket to at least semi-immortality.
.
Larry Elder Destroys The Concept of White Privilege
I am so privileged and I feel awful about it.
Don't get me wrong, I think the state and the culture of law enforcement are abusive and backward. But I think the propaganda used to control voting blocs is destructive and criminal.
Don't get me wrong, I think the state and the culture of law enforcement are abusive and backward. But I think the propaganda used to control voting blocs is destructive and criminal.
Where I Part Ways With Many
Ever seen movie reenactments of the French revolution? The guillotine glut, and class warfare run amok?
The bits I've seen are examples of the cruelty which ensues when mobs decide they are victims and everyone else is the problem. Lately our own country seems to embrace the same mentality. Mostly from the progressive left, as they are the official purveyors and avengers of victimhood.
Once you define yourself as victim, then all limits are off on how you deal with the supposed enemy. So, it is OK to stop traffic, cause violence, damage property, lie and whatever else you like to do that would normally be unacceptable.
That is the tactic used to gain votes, power, and the cooperation of the "little guy". I guess now that would be "the little being". You may think, "no, the little person", but person contains the word son, and that is obviously sexist. You pig!!
I do admit, my disdain for the language and tactics of progressive democrats, or pretty much any official democratic endeavor, is because it is so reminiscent of the abusive morons who ran the show in Dade county public schools. One out of ten teachers and admins were worth a damn. Nasty idiots.
Anyway. On another side of the coin is this excitement over wishing Hillary would go to jail. It is kind of stupid, in my mind. First off, hardly anyone should go to jail. The fact that victims are rarely compensated, yet we spend thousands and thousands a year to house people in cages where rape and further criminal indoctrination occur, indicates that we still have a toe in the Dark Ages, (where I believe Islam lives. pbuh)
If you really knew the truth, probably half or more of DC would qualify for the lock up. That is irrelevant I guess.
The idea of jail for Hillary bothers me. I thought it was beyond the pale to send Martha Stewart to jail. She had to have angered someone with political power. It did no good at all for anyone. Very very sick.
I may not believe Clintons are honest but until they are proved to be behind murdering enemies, just deny them public office and let it go. We do not have to be so damn jail happy. Way too many people jailed as is. And way too many let go who maybe should be shot or deported to other countries like Syria or Chad.
I do not have to hate and want to cause pain to people I consider bad apples. It does depend. You rape, you should just die on the spot, but no. Partly because some people lie about it. Gets complicated, but not always.
One side wants Hillary in jail, and another wants Trump humiliated and massive riots if he gets elected. It is nuts. But people prefer false narratives to truth so they do not really analyze stuff. I saw a thing going around that has a very rational tone re Hillary's lack of proper handling of classified material. Reading it critically, you can see where they sidestep the issue, and actually do not refute the basic assertion of mishandling sensitive intel, but they pretend to. Most people just buy what their talking point sites say.
The frustrating thing is that both sides tend to go hyperbolic instead of confining to facts without a context twist or veil.
Who need to be pulled out of circulation are those who will incite violence. And it is not hard to find them. Some hold high office and many are often darlings of the press in one way or another.
I know how difficult things can be in my state of health. Because I can function on flexible hours and avoid activity and people when need be, I do OK. I cannot imagine dealing with these pruritus attacks in a jail setting, or any kind of confinement. I would immediately find a way to get shot or killed because it would be a raging hell I would not wish on even Hillary. Not even on Ted K., Liar of the Senate, when he was still alive. And lying in Congress.
So, I cannot begin to agree that I would put Hillary in prison. The woman has enough physical issues. If she wins, someone else is going to have to do the heavy lifting. She's got some chronic issues that cannot be fun. But we already know modern presidents are like news anchors, they just say what they are told. If you actually think not, then you are in another reality to which I'd love to gain entrance.
Greed takes many forms. Greed for power can be as petty as enjoying the pain of others who do not share your worldview. Taking out bad guys is one thing. Actually enjoying their suffering is another.
Which brings me to the most troubling thing I ever heard Hillary, or Trump for that matter, say; "We came, we saw, he died. hahahahaha." That is really screwed up. And what we are left with as a result is even worse. She laughed about a brutal death. But, like the religion of peace, the democrats are the party of compassion. Right.
And don't start about republicans. I have no idea what that is the party of. I'm talking democrats here. The typical kneejerk koolaid response to unpleasant Hillary facts is, "what about Trump, blablabla..." Was I discussing Trump?
NO
I live in CA, and here, the democrats are like kudzu, slowly choking the life out of everything in their path. Republicans mostly just manage to look so lame that they throw the power to the democrats. I'm pretty sure democrats pay republicans to come up with some of this, so they can continue their subtle programs of totalitarianism and maybe even euthanasia.
Collectivism just doesn't work for some of us. We couldn't thrive under such a government even if we are thoroughly brain washed and reprogrammed. I believe it is an organic impossibility for some. Like me. I try. Really. But I am just not able to be that good little comrade. To dems, the collective is always more important than the individual--depending upon who is the individual.
But I can barely run my own life. Still, I do have an abundance of resentment for authoritarians and overzealous regulators.
.
The bits I've seen are examples of the cruelty which ensues when mobs decide they are victims and everyone else is the problem. Lately our own country seems to embrace the same mentality. Mostly from the progressive left, as they are the official purveyors and avengers of victimhood.
Once you define yourself as victim, then all limits are off on how you deal with the supposed enemy. So, it is OK to stop traffic, cause violence, damage property, lie and whatever else you like to do that would normally be unacceptable.
That is the tactic used to gain votes, power, and the cooperation of the "little guy". I guess now that would be "the little being". You may think, "no, the little person", but person contains the word son, and that is obviously sexist. You pig!!
I do admit, my disdain for the language and tactics of progressive democrats, or pretty much any official democratic endeavor, is because it is so reminiscent of the abusive morons who ran the show in Dade county public schools. One out of ten teachers and admins were worth a damn. Nasty idiots.
Anyway. On another side of the coin is this excitement over wishing Hillary would go to jail. It is kind of stupid, in my mind. First off, hardly anyone should go to jail. The fact that victims are rarely compensated, yet we spend thousands and thousands a year to house people in cages where rape and further criminal indoctrination occur, indicates that we still have a toe in the Dark Ages, (where I believe Islam lives. pbuh)
If you really knew the truth, probably half or more of DC would qualify for the lock up. That is irrelevant I guess.
The idea of jail for Hillary bothers me. I thought it was beyond the pale to send Martha Stewart to jail. She had to have angered someone with political power. It did no good at all for anyone. Very very sick.
I may not believe Clintons are honest but until they are proved to be behind murdering enemies, just deny them public office and let it go. We do not have to be so damn jail happy. Way too many people jailed as is. And way too many let go who maybe should be shot or deported to other countries like Syria or Chad.
I do not have to hate and want to cause pain to people I consider bad apples. It does depend. You rape, you should just die on the spot, but no. Partly because some people lie about it. Gets complicated, but not always.
One side wants Hillary in jail, and another wants Trump humiliated and massive riots if he gets elected. It is nuts. But people prefer false narratives to truth so they do not really analyze stuff. I saw a thing going around that has a very rational tone re Hillary's lack of proper handling of classified material. Reading it critically, you can see where they sidestep the issue, and actually do not refute the basic assertion of mishandling sensitive intel, but they pretend to. Most people just buy what their talking point sites say.
The frustrating thing is that both sides tend to go hyperbolic instead of confining to facts without a context twist or veil.
Who need to be pulled out of circulation are those who will incite violence. And it is not hard to find them. Some hold high office and many are often darlings of the press in one way or another.
I know how difficult things can be in my state of health. Because I can function on flexible hours and avoid activity and people when need be, I do OK. I cannot imagine dealing with these pruritus attacks in a jail setting, or any kind of confinement. I would immediately find a way to get shot or killed because it would be a raging hell I would not wish on even Hillary. Not even on Ted K., Liar of the Senate, when he was still alive. And lying in Congress.
So, I cannot begin to agree that I would put Hillary in prison. The woman has enough physical issues. If she wins, someone else is going to have to do the heavy lifting. She's got some chronic issues that cannot be fun. But we already know modern presidents are like news anchors, they just say what they are told. If you actually think not, then you are in another reality to which I'd love to gain entrance.
Greed takes many forms. Greed for power can be as petty as enjoying the pain of others who do not share your worldview. Taking out bad guys is one thing. Actually enjoying their suffering is another.
Which brings me to the most troubling thing I ever heard Hillary, or Trump for that matter, say; "We came, we saw, he died. hahahahaha." That is really screwed up. And what we are left with as a result is even worse. She laughed about a brutal death. But, like the religion of peace, the democrats are the party of compassion. Right.
And don't start about republicans. I have no idea what that is the party of. I'm talking democrats here. The typical kneejerk koolaid response to unpleasant Hillary facts is, "what about Trump, blablabla..." Was I discussing Trump?
NO
I live in CA, and here, the democrats are like kudzu, slowly choking the life out of everything in their path. Republicans mostly just manage to look so lame that they throw the power to the democrats. I'm pretty sure democrats pay republicans to come up with some of this, so they can continue their subtle programs of totalitarianism and maybe even euthanasia.
Collectivism just doesn't work for some of us. We couldn't thrive under such a government even if we are thoroughly brain washed and reprogrammed. I believe it is an organic impossibility for some. Like me. I try. Really. But I am just not able to be that good little comrade. To dems, the collective is always more important than the individual--depending upon who is the individual.
But I can barely run my own life. Still, I do have an abundance of resentment for authoritarians and overzealous regulators.
.
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About Me
- John0 Juanderlust
- Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
- Like spring on a summer's day
