Tempting is only a passing emotion

Context is everything in the world of tempts. There are times when I was glad I went along with it. However I've never regretted the times I did not give up when tempted to do so. Unless, of course, I gave up on an illegal, or otherwise unwise, plan.  

It has generally been touch and go as far as giving up on matters that many people simply take for granted. But, I have the advantage of not giving up under some circumstances when the average bear (always the damned bears) would have.  

In contexts of a positive nature, I've never regretted resisting the temptation to give up, and I've always regretted giving in to it. That may be the big obstacle to overcome in this life. When to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. One of those lessons that recur like a strange dream.  

It made me sad to see that sense of defeat overcome the New England coach when there was over five minutes left in the game against the Saints. I've seen even San Diego come back in similar situations. Certainly I would have thought they'd try. Instead he just threw in the second string and called it a day. Maybe there was good reason but I hate to see successful people toss in the towel without a fight to the bitter end. I'll have to keep that in mind for my own life.  

Pro football interests me this year. There are years when I don't pay attention. This year is good. I like the prevalence of clever tactics and abundance of outstanding quarterbacks. Also the mini dramas, like the incredible Favre revival. And the rise of the traditional pushover Saints.  

People can say what they want but I would absolutely go for it if I were young enough and talented enough that I had a shot at being a millionaire pro player. Any specialized highly physical form of entertainment is like that, I think. Getting paid for an adrenalin rush. Only a few achieve that level. Hence the big bucks. That, and the fact that there is a demand.  

I suppose the concept of nature and how supply and demand are forces of nature is not commonly given any credence by most people any more. It's just physics. Like differential pressure, nature abhors a vacuum and all that.  

I always thought that a silly saying, but they said it in science classes; nature abhors a vacuum. And I abhorred being in that classroom. That was when I realized that there was a whole cadre of science and math professors who would do anything they could to obscure the concepts being taught because it fed their ego to be over your head.  

The real tedium in those subjects is deciphering the code they use when teaching it. The material itself is not that tough. After all, someone else already figured the stuff out, proved the theories and derived the equations. One of those cases in which giving up is a mistake. A perfect chance to rob The (pompous science/math) Man of his cheap thrills.  

The Man comes in many disguises.  

Speaking of The Man and disguises, no need to give up on the misanthropic approach to climate just because some of the top dogs got caught jiggling data and scheming to silence inquiry and disagreement in the scientific community.  

One can go on hating his own species and supporting tyrants who despise individual freedom and the greatness of others. No need to give up on that just when the masses have been conditioned into dependence and subjugation.  

It is tempting.

Rain

Growing up in Miami, rain was a regular thing, especially the last week or two of school.   Every day at 2 or 3 PM it would pour.   The big fun was riding home on bikes with the hooligans in my neighborhood. 

Here in east SD county, it rarely rains.  Very rarely.  I think they have more fires than rain showers.   Except for today.  Today it is raining coyotes and bobcats.  Perfect.  Since I was feeling sorry for myself anyway, the backdrop is fitting.  

I wonder if the wash down off the hills is making temporary rivers over the road.  I know there are lots of places prone to that sort of temporary flooding.  Nowhere else for the water to go.  This is not the sort of land that soaks it in like a sponge. 

This deluge will help alleviate fire fears for a minute or two.  Fire is ever the looming fear in the east county.  It makes sense in a way, and not in another.  I would think there would be technological advances which would be in place to ensure that a fire did not spread but so far, at least in populated areas.   Not that anything out here is a huge population center.  There are towns and people though.

Some of the measures that ought to be taken are off the table due to misguided ecological concerns.  Let's risk life limb property and the bit of fauna and flora we seek to protect in the name of the fauna and flora we seek to protect.  Just as long as it puts humans at greater risk, everyone is happy.

I'm thinking there are ways to contain areas ahead of time to minimize potential spread. I have a few ideas on the subject.  I doubt I'll ever try to suggest them to the powers that be.  

My back yard is now a maze of tiny streams meandering their way down to the bottom of the canyon or bowl or box or cajon, whatever it might be called.   It follows no real pattern.  Much like my mind at this moment.

Peace and Grudges

Most likely it is a result of holiday magic.   Whatever the cause my mind runs back in time forward in time and everything in between, looking at things from varied perspectives. 

This was a good day and I can't relate for what I'm thankful because it gets too mushy and complicated.   You just have to keep some things this side of the edge or you fall apart.

Then I started thinking about some of my past lives, and there have been many just in this overall lifetime.   All of a sudden I realized I was not the cause of every situation that did not go well.   It hurt me then and it hurts me now, but I was mentally saying, "WTF did you expect?" to various people.   Really, until now I just assumed all was because I was or am screwed up beyond help.  That may be true, but what is also true is that people should not say they dislike this and that, then get upset because you don't provide this or that.  In some cases I guess certain individuals just didn't like this or that if I was involved.  Time proved that to be a lie if I take the original declarations literally, which I did.

It may be confusing no matter who you are.  I don't know how to pretend it isn't as well as a lot of people, or else it is less confusing to them.   Another of the reasons that I keep a substantial buffer in place between me and everyone.   Confusion when it comes to others, no matter how nice, is the main reason.  It works as a compensating mechanism, and life is all about compensating for one thing or another.   Like wearing glasses to correct astigmatism.   

You hear things often about how everyone has this feeling or that difficulty, but I think it is like eyesight.    Not everyone sees so well.  Depends on the item whether some corrective compensation device is needed.  To say everyone has to do that in some way is as unproven as saying no one does.  How do I know?

All I know is that in a moment of clarity I realized there are people who are at least as crazy as I am.   The difference is either awareness or ability to own up.  

I wonder what it is like to want stuff so badly that I would camp out on a sidewalk all night waiting for a store to open so I could give them my money.   I'm glad it isn't necessary to wait like that and vie for position just to purchase necessary items.  Yet. 

It is only healthy for one to briefly dwell on such things as the troubling parts of the past.  Accept the truth, and then let it go.   Maybe it is slightly sad and maybe it helps free a person to deal with tomorrow.  Whatever the deal it is a little scary.  It certainly makes risk look far less attractive.

Thanksgiving In The Ballistic 'Hood

Every once in awhile it hits me; how much different my life is now as opposed to a few years ago.  A very few years, so few it might be legitimately called a couple of years ago.

I'm not sure what happened.  I'm not the same person, yet I am.  My bad habits, doubts and demons followed me, but I think they lost a lot of their strength along the way.  That's the genius in zigzagging from Memphis to Dallas to Taos, here and there in CO, AZ and who knows where on my way to the first scheduled big stop--San Diego.   Apparently it was also the last stop.   I did zig zag again from here to Utah, and Co and all manner of places on my way to predetermined stop #2, far northeast Montana.  Things you don't need get lost along the way.

That made the big Montana zigzag pretty much the direct route, once I made it over Beartooth pass.  Always with the bears.  They don't have many bears around Memphis or Miami.  Maybe that is why you don't see signs there telling YOU how to behave because BEARS are hooligans.   I couldn't believe all the rules, regulations, and suggestions out west in regard to being sure not to make bears mad.  Talk about your privileged class.  Bears have more rights than anyone.

So, there I was on my way home from a day of working on a wodden garage door that will soon be the envy of the neighborhood.  I stopped at my favorite gas station and ended up talking to a young panhandler for about an hour.  This is not leading to one of those "but for the grace of God there go I" backhanded gratitude things.   

He did not appear to be doing all that bad and he pulled in several dollars while I was there.  "Hey there, do you have a dollar or some change?".  That's it.  People just handed over folding money.   I didn't give him any.  My pockets were empty anyway.  Almost empty.

We talked about somewhat philosophical things during the coherent portions of our discussion.   What struck me most was how much his view was tainted by what he imagined others thought of him, and by his own prejudgement of what others think and do.  I don't think he's yet figured out that everyone is some version of human, or at least a life form,  and that few if any really find life effortless.   Unique to him, I'm sure, he wants to be a rap star.  I've never seen that syndrome before.  That was sarcastic in case you are unsure.   But he claims he wants to change the world.  I'm not quite sure in what way.  

Maybe he's the real hope and change guy, not necessarily in that order.  He's got the change thing down; not just the folding money.  I liked him even though I am pretty sure he was putting on an act.  I'll bet he saw the movie,"the Soloist".   He was doing an imitation of that guy part of the time, or else he was similarly afflicted.  

It is not unusual for me to strike up conversations with the fringe elements in public places.  I regularly make out of the way acquaintances.  

Our conversation did cause me to realize how little anger I carry, relatively speaking.   For many years the anger was free floating and usually unfocussed, or else aimed at myself. 

Now I am surrounded by people who are convinced that I have some redeeming value without insisting I become someone else to achieve that status in their eyes.  Their quality, to me, is not even up for discussion.  It is obvious.  I've landed among very kind interesting people.  It is amazing.  Not that no one was kind in the past. Like I said, I'm not quite the same.  

In those days, everyone seemed to be trying to make me be different than I chose to be.  It was bit disheartening at times.  Of course any grown up ought to be able to shrug it off and not be vulnerable to such things.  Lack of self acceptance and a few other issues were undoubtably at play.  I was ready for the sanitarium, but they don't exist like in the old movies. 

At times, I am almost ready for the sanitarium, still.  Now, though, I wouldn't go out of my way to check in.  Before, I would have waited in line or walked ten miles, at least, for such an opportunity.  I'm sure I'd change my mind at the door these days.

Improvement and maybe some wisdom based on experience is all I can ask.  And, coincidentally, that is all I get.  I'm pretty amazed that there are days like this one.   The real difference is that I am glad to be alive, and not just using the excuse that I don't want to leave a chaotic house for others to clean up as my reason for not checking out.   There is a difference in finding lifelines to justify endurance and being glad to be here.

I'm usually glad to be here, even though I have no clue what my future holds.  That is not true.  I kind of see two general possibilities.  Neither includes the overwhelming sadness I felt for so long.

Did I mention that the weather here is exactly the way you would imagine it in Heaven?   I don't believe anywhere on earth has a more desirable climate than coastal San Diego county.  Here on Ballistic Mountain we have a little more variance, and I like that.  Drive 30 or 40 miles, and it is always perfect.  Best of all things, as long as there is fuel in the car and it runs.  

The really amazing part is the nature of the friends here.  It is nice to know you'd lay down your life for people if the occasion ever called for it, and know it would be worth it.  

Life in the Ballistic hood is magic, even if it comes with the usual unpleasant hooplah a Ballistic mind can generate.

Wild Turkeys

There was a time when I didn't mind the beverage Wild Turkey.  Things change, if you live through it. 

Not too far from my place there are wild turkeys strutting around as if no one ever has them for dinner.  Just today I watched a gang of 14 cruising the hills.  Too bad I didn't have my slingshot handy.  I could have fed some people and left a few to continue doing whatever it is they do in the back country.  I don't eat them but some people do.

It is a difficult day because the fact that I am still sort of dangling like a leaf caught in a spider web is bothering me.  These are self made issues and the way out is the same as the way in--self made.   I have a right to choose whatever scheme I can pursue, but the result is not a right.  

How did rights ever come to mean anything other than that?  I think the twist in thinking has been orchestrated by the tack controls and jobs have taken over the years.  Between the culture of highly placed companies in the lobby world, and the culture of over reaction to every hazard of life, one can easily feel shut out and squeezed to the point that enterprise seems useless, and cultivating passions feels like the stuff of lunacy.  

That's the trap and probably not one which is worth falling into.  That's what I try to tell myself.  I don't need to change the world, just manage a little bit of return for some effort which does not feed the monster.  Unlike that senator from Louisiana, I refer not to sacrifice values for power and fame.  

I was wondering what would happen if the health scam bill goes through since many people do not care to be forced into one of the insurance programs approved by The Secretary.   Since it is tied to tax reporting, it could create a subclass of tax rebels and drop outs.  

There may be little camps springing up in remote areas comprised of insurance scoff laws living in tents functioning in a cash or barter economy.   I kind of hope so.  There are those who have no intention of costing society if the get sick.  They may choose to pay if they can and refuse care if they can't pay.  Certainly millions do not care to deal with a middleman when it comes to medical choices.   I guess the word "choices" is used loosely, as it is less and less applicable under present conditions.  

What no one is addressing is the fact that under a better tax structure such heavy handed and totalitarian policies would not be so easy to force on the public.  There are ways to improve things and most of those go back to undoing the sort of regulations which now limit competition and choice, and enable ridiculous lawsuits.   What we are looking at is not what people believe or what those pushing this tangled web of special interest windfalls and favoritism claim.  

A species of conformity is not only pushed these days, but it is forced at gunpoint.  I'm genetically or organically incapable of keeping up with it or understanding it.  I understand how it has come about, but that is so against the flow that people would rather not admit it.  It is too dark and stupid.  Who wants to really examine the truth of matters which have been painted as holy and wonderful, only to find out they've been scammed?   I submit the policies of FDR, and even Teddy R.   

No country I can think of has ever been very free for long, but the structure of this one was a landmark in that direction; a government designed to operate within the limits of a document designed to protect the people from abuses, and designed to forever limit the scope of government.   Most other countries are formed around an ethnicity and an elite controlling class.  

Whatever happened in practice, we do have a country which was designed to remove the privilege of birth by leaving choices to the individual and legally ensuring the right to pursue opportunity and self determination.   It is only when the principles of the document have been ignored that difficulties got out of hand.   Business-government "partnerships" which have sometimes been touted, have no business existing in a free land.  Enforcing protection against force and fraud would have drastically changed the culture of mega corporations that has developed.   

Business is not bad, and neither are corporations, just for existing.  It is when specialized laws and class envy crumbs come into being which ultimately serve the firms who keep the spineless lawmakers in power.   Much of the population appears to have adopted a belief that companies are damned at birth; a sort of commerce version of original sin.  It borders on irrational superstition.  Just as the belief that all commercial firms are good is naive.  Again, without the IRS much of that corruption would be tougher to work.   Opportunity, as it was once envisioned, would thrive much more than it does now.   It is not that hard to see this truth.  There are other ways.  The Fair Tax is one such compromise if you have to have something different than the original system, pre-IRS.   

I know there is still plenty I should and could be doing.  The fear of not having the energy to do it or that I'd fail is amplified by looking at the big picture and the move toward the kind of oppression and corruption I witnessed in Cuba and Latin America many years ago.   When you have some security it is easier not to be too alarmed about the remote policy scams because you feel lie you'll still have some cushion regardless of all that.  I hope that view is correct.  

I do not want to see those who have something good established be inconvenienced by out of control collectivists.   Obviously, many already have been, as is evident from the lack of manufacturing and the prevalence of long time businesses closing their doors. 

Like any circumstance in which a group of individuals function, some property and activity is best dealt with as common area, with a set of rules and procedures adhered to be all.  It works best for people like me when that common realm is minimal and forever limited.  You see the point at which it ceases to be of maximum desirability in many condo associations.  People start grabbing power in order to serve themselves at the expense of those members in the minority, or just at the expense of anyone of less power.  

That thrill of making people do or not do according to your whims even when it does not truly affect you is quite glaring in that venue.   Otherwise I'd have kept the Memphis condo and continued to rent it out.  Not being in town, and not being able to fight arbitrary rules which kept cropping up, designed to serve a few who owned multiple units, made that plan totally unworkable. 

Now I'm in Paradise and trying to maintain some passion and appreciation.   It's that feeling of "now what?" and knowing that it is essential to form some definition of it that troubles me.   Another obstacle, related to the recurring obstacles in my life, to overcome.   I'll bet the good things are right in front of me and I'm so sidetracked, mentally, that I don't see them.

If I ate turkey and worried about feeding myself, I'd know where to go.

Rebellion?

It is enough to make one wonder, for a minute or two.  I find I brighten up when I see things like a picture of a Texas flag with the word SECEDE printed across it.  On my gig box, now my video stuff box I have a sticker with the Conch Republic's logo.   That is from the time when the Florida Keys were declaring themselves the Conch Republic and seceding from the union.  It was not entirely serious although a few may have wished it were.

Echoes of the days when I was labeled rebellious due to the content of my contributions in class discussions from elementary school on haunt me these days.  I find myself less and less on board with the sort of thinking and philosophy that governs anything I can do to make a living.   The big goal is to avoid letting the oppressive climate of the day prevent you from having dreams and having the nerve and faith to follow them.  

Under the present system I think it is best if your dream does not include hiring full time employees.  You get your ass kicked for that and you need to be prepared to pay for two or three if you hire one.  More and more you are responsible for the person's past history and compliance with laws you may not even like.  If the health care/slave state bill passes, it will be even more of a headache.  

I think the best things to be involved in are personal and home security, ammunition and firearms (lots of legal scrutiny and hoops there, though), and any technology that makes you independent of gas prices, municipal water supply, and utility companies.   I know there are plenty of marginally useful solar and wind systems for home power but it is the government rebate and subsidy that makes it affordable and worthwhile.  It would make me nauseous to buy a thing like that and take the money.  Maybe I'd do it and maybe not.  That is one area in which I think it would be OK to re-invent the wheel; another tag attributed to me when I wasn't being called rebellious. 

Actually, I don't think I am rebellious.  I just don't care to run the lives of others and I despise those who do.  

The most encouraging thing that has happened in years is the emergence of so many people who have reached the limit as far as being willing to be controlled and robbed.  I'm aware of the fact that I disagree with most of them on some of the finer points but the tone of rebellion and dissent under present conditions is not bad.   Some even openly suggest that the IRS be abolished.   That is my litmus test for any national candidate.  If the person does not suggest getting rid of this tyrannical agency then that candidate won't get my vote.

That agency is at the center of all the corruption in our government and its ever growing control over our lives.  It is at the core of what makes this health bill possible, and makes it possible to force participation.  Because it is the tool used for backhanded bribes and the "partnership with the private sector", no politician who depends on doing special favors to keep in office will broach the idea of the Fair Tax or anything else that kills this SS style agency.   

Ron Paul is the only one up there I've ever heard mention getting rid of it.   He's a bit liberal by my standards but he's close to the point.  It was his campaign that often used the slogan "Legalize Freedom".   Best slogan I've ever seen in politics.  

I've seen the ball rolling this direction all my life.  The pile of lies and criminal management is monumental.   The corruption and lies cost many lives in VietNam and elsewhere.  First we go in, then we tie the hands of our own soldiers.  It is criminal.   For awhile they use the term, "limited war", then it was "police action".  WTF?   I am not personally willing to risk my life for a vague police action, or a limited war.  The limited part means you are putting your own troops at higher risk for longer periods of time.  Do it or don't.  The mid ground is disaster. 

Anyway, I wonder what rebellion is in the 21st century.  We can't so easily claim the states and throw off our modern day King George.   For one thing, too many people are oblivious of any of it.  When it hits them they think only in terms of the item of the moment, not the principles being violated.  If they honestly believed in the divine rights of the individual they'd think differently.  People have no beliefs, on average.   Yet, on average, most people are not overly dishonest or mean or unkind.   They just sell out real cheap.

You Are OK, in my book

And you know I have a book or two.

I think you should know that I am almost out of that home made jelly.   Always a treat.  That is just one of the lingering benefits and treats that surround me because of you.   Not to mention the ideas that float around in my somewhat empty head. 

I may yet scale that cliff to retrieve the errant glider.  Now we know to draw in the missing eye on the pilot.  Otherwise he flies in a big circle and that leads him to crash.   Next time.  

OK.   Thanks

Unknown Bill Number, maybe 3290 or 420 plus acid

I tried like hell to filter through the new improved alleged affordable health care senate bill.   The mandatory part is tied to the IRS.  Any month that you don't have what they mandate you should have in the way of purchased coverage, they fine you.  being an IRS thing, I guess refusal is dealt with by putting you in insurance prison.  This is absolutely unacceptable. 

The bill takes up a couple of pages rationalizing in language straight out of old USSR double talk to justify why it is constitutional and better for the common good.  The basic argument is that insurance is interstate commerce and that by not opting in you are affecting the economy of the nation because it influences the risk pool of insurance companies, and insurance is economic and most carriers (they actually said most carriers) deal in more than one state so it is interstate commerce and a good idea for all. 

That sort of logic has no limit. It can be twisted to apply to almost anything.  No matter who you think ought to pay for medical services, this bill is not a good thing and won't make care better or more accessible.  It is a heavy cumbersome process for removing money and power from the people.  What they say, and what they are doing is built on a pack of lies, with many special interests being fed with the dollars taken from the public.  It may be hard to see but this is a measure which will further ensure that those locked in poverty and dependence will remain in that condition. 

How do you cast out tyrants in the modern world?  In the 1700's it may have been a little bit more straightforward.

Healthcare bill HR 3200 ????????

Often it is wise to search out the actual text of widely touted and discussed laws up for vote in Congress.  You absolutely can not go by the little snippets you hear regarding what the bill will do, what it includes, who is helped, etc. 

In attempting to find text of the bill as it now stands, the one passed to the senate, I am not sure I had luck.  I did find what was supposedly up for vote in the house, Nancy Pelosi's "Christmas present to the American people. 

If I were to flow chart the text it would look like a maze which tracks back on itself and loops through other mazes as well.  These things are not designed to be overly clear or straight forward.   

The most glaring aspect is that the actual parameters as far as co-pays and how competition is treated are vague and mostly at the discretion of "the secretary" or a particular commissioner.  Other aspects will be up to a board appointed by the president.   In short, it is more a bill which transfers power rather than actually specifying how things would work. 

Much of the oversight seems to involve other agencies, such as the IRS.  

Regardless how one feels healthcare and insurance should be changed, I think this particular effort is geared toward a very serious power play and intrusive invasion into private lives and industry, not toward actually providing one more access and freedom regarding how he maintains his health.   I see hints that even pre-existing conditions may not be as fully covered as it sounds.  

Perhaps some of the more catastrophic types may be, provided you aren't real old. I doubt things in the realm of an old sports injury would be given priority if you aren't all that young or in great need; just something you'd like fixed because you want to go hiking or whatever.   

Anyway, it would be nice to see in plain English the true content of this legislation.  It looks like a lock for certain companies to make money. and extension of executive branch power and a tremendous amount of authority put in the hands of officials who are not elected by the people whose lives they would influence.

Privileged

Just a pic from the movie site thejourneythemovie.com

There are lots of movies titled "The Journey".  This is not the one about the Indian lesbians, their trials, tribulations, and forbidden love.  Although that does sound like a must see. 

More on The Journey I'm reviewing a little later on the page.

===============

The term "under privileged" begins to take on new meaning when you think of all the licenses and permits there are for the various aspects of conducting a life.   If passing the test and getting a license to drive is a privilege, not a right, then I assume every licensable activity is a privilege, not a right.  

Did you know that you have to have a license to own a cat or dog in some towns?   Actually the cat or dog has to have the license, similar to the plates on your car, I think.  Owning a cat is a privilege, not a right.   And this is separate from being sure the animal has shots and all that.  At least one vet who performed all those tasks then reported the owner for not having a creature license.   

This probably makes sense to plenty of people, and they might lecture me about how that $70.00 fee goes toward animal control or maybe lawyers who sue humans on behalf of other living things.   Once again we disagree in principle.  

So, wanting to be even more privileged than I already am, I set out to get my library privileges here in the best of southern California.   I presented my case to the local library in the town northeast of me.   Very small town.  There is a school, a feed and saddle store, a sort of general store, and the pizza and other food diner.  And the library.  Very small but their computers were all being used.  They have about six of those.  I was impressed.  

It all went without a hitch so I checked the shelves and found a book and a movie.  The movie is an indie film which I highly recommend.  It claims to be in the tradition of Motorcycle diaries and Y Tu Mama Tambien.  I am no fan of Motorcycle Diaries, being a bit more sympathetic toward those Cubans who did not deserve Che's firing squads than I am toward Che, or Fidel.   

This film, The Journey, is not supposed to be about any historical figure or T shirt icon.  It is simply a good story, with better directing, and much better acting than the Motorcycle Diaries.  Much more real without trying, even though some was anything but realistic. 

It was directed by Scott Marcano, who also co-wrote the story.  This film makes me want to see what else he has out there.   Andres Londono and Kazandra Santana do well in the lead roles as do the supporting players.  The soundtrack is not bad at all.   I'm a sucker for most films set in Mexico with a Latin soundtrack.  This one begins in Orange County, near Los Angeles, with the last 7/8 of the flick occurring in Mexico.  

I know that due to Motorcylce Diaries fame and misguided praise, they think it will pique interest by categorizing this independent flick as being in that tradition, but to me that is like marketing Renoir as being in the tradition of the guy who paints tigers on black velvet.

So, I got a license to read and watch movies for free.  Not owning a pet, I figure maybe they charge pet fees that pay for the library, who knows?  I am not sure they put license plates on animals yet in CA.  There is absolutely no way to keep up with the various rules and peculiarities.  The license to be a cat thing came to my attention when being told of a story set in a Wisconsin town.  

Strange how places settled by very independent people who did not to be told what to do eventually became insane "What if" nanny states.  What if you fall of your bike on your head?, etc.

Now that is appears I may not be overdrafted at the bank, I am able to notice the cool setting in which I live.  It was all new and somewhat out of my dreams.  I can hardly imagine living in a place with no mountains and hills and curvy roads which drop hundreds of feet on one side, while hugging the side of the hill on the other.   And no large body of water nearby.  

In this case, we have about the largest body of water found anywhere, the Pacific Ocean.  I'm still somewhat fonder of the Caribbean as far as oceanic locales, but ocean is ocean, so this serves the purpose.  It is big, and here we have sea lions, seals whales, and more surfers than you might guess. 

Company was here and now is not.  I don't have a host permit or license, but it was a privilege.   Like Muddy Waters said, according to something I heard, "You don't miss the water until the well is dry".  I miss having my company here, believe it or not.  I know.  That is so unlike me. 

Now I have great leftovers which might last a few days.  I actually had a healthy super dinner tonight.  Left to my own devices I rarely manage to do that. 

This ballistictour thing has been a long term healing journey.  It becomes quite clear to me at times just how much of me was whatever unhealed is.  In that context it makes sense not to get too impatient with progress in the various aspects of living my life.  I'm not quite sure what happened but it becomes amply clear that I am re-learning a lot.   Maybe I am learning what I never knew before, but should have by the time I was 20. 

This is going to be a slim Christmas.  No big Santa this year.  I do what I can, when I can, and I certainly don't expect or want others to offer anything beyond good cheer. 

I was beginning to get down and worried, but I think maybe I ought not do that.  Too much that I am happy about, and as always, too many people to be thankful for to be moping from concern that I don't rate it.

It Is Not Easy, being crazy

That is my experience.  Perhaps you are one who finds being a nutter a walk in the park.  Not me. It is rather frustrating and sometimes sad.  

Then again, I suppose the condition does have its moments.  Even so it leaves one continually self punishing over the stupid things done or not stupid things not done.   You look at it and wonder why you're such a stranger in your own mind, then you know; nutter.   

Don't worry, it doesn't encompass any psycho human tricks in my case, although  the quiet ones who mind their own business are the ones that you have to watch.  That is what they say, no?  At least a paraphrased version. 

Now that I think of it, that philosophy has swept the nation, especially since 9-11.   Unfortunately, it is another of those false truisms.   Sometimes the ones who look and act like killers and psycho-kooks really are the killers and terrorists.   Even now, for some reason, this concept, especially the out loud expression of this concept, is so distasteful to certain people that they would risk your life and their own rather than investigate the validity of the assertion.  Better to focus on the harmless, they aren't likely to do anything rash.

See how it works?  I start somewhat close in, and before you know it I've moved the conversation off to generalized comments on national affairs.   That's as close as it gets.  I'm not so sure that is a good thing.  Have I just made the case for my original premise?   I should be an abogado.   Spanish.  Lawyer.  

I just saw an advertisement in which a family is in a Mexican standoff pointing TV remotes at one another.  They all want to record a different show.   Along the way civilization must have taken a wrong turn.  It could be that I am less of a nutter than most, when you compute the final tally.

Theory of Finite Effectiveness of Centralized System Control

***The measure of desirable results in social systems is predicated upon the idea that it is not desirable to consider the individual components arbitrarily expendable in serving the goals of the whole system or ensuring the authority of the central controlling unit [modeling human social structure after ants or bees requires the assumption that the individual is of least value and expendable.  Ants do not possess a great deal of individual autonomy or self reliance. They system is designed to protect the queen. The power unit is not in business to protect the sanctity and autonomy of the lowly ant]***

The theory is that there is a point within multi part systems at which centralization yields negative results, and as the degree of centralization increases the integrity of the system breaks down.

This holds true in mechanical systems, and social systems.  

Prior to that point centralized control is effective and beneficial to the survival and sustainability of the whole.

An example would be in the realm of education.  Particularly in formative years in which the individual units (students) are less equipped for prudent autonomy. Large institutions, large classrooms tend to lose effective positive effect on individual units.   There is a point at which size of institution and size of individual classes are most effective in achieving the goal of positive guidance and education to prepare students to be autonomous, productive and capable of reasonable self governance.

Most school systems consist of institutions which are far past the point of diminishing returns and in possibly the majority of cases are below the break even point; negative results.   The oversight and guidelines for the system have also entered that realm as their function has moved from stated purpose of educating to indoctrinating, and care taking, assuming much of the authority which might work best left to family.

Obviously many other factors interact with this.  Systems overlap and influence one another.  The same principle applies to all such that the only effective means of bringing one system into the positive results range, in which each component is left its most effective level of autonomy, is to also bring the other dependent or interactive systems' level of centralization back into that range.

The principle applies to utilities such as power production as well.  To some degree it depends on the method used to produce and transport the power.  The problem with one unit serving too many user points is that any problem with the main unit affects a huge number of delivery points.  It is vulnerable.  

There are also factors of efficiency over large distances, loss through resistance, etc.  Additionally it places the users vulnerable to potential tyranny as any evil doer who gains control of the central point can then in essence extort and exert undesirable control over the users dependent up the product.  

This is where emerging technologies and even long existing technology which makes possible production at the site of the user, or more production points serving fewer users is desirable.  If one of those goes out, fewer parts of the overall system are hurt.  As it is with all these systems of society, achieving the best level of centralization of a utility requires other systems to also move toward that point.

The tendency to rationalize control in the name of morality can result in pushing control past the optimal point.  There is a point at which removing autonomy from the individual, the family, the community, etc., may detrimentally affect the system as a whole, even if it means some of those components do not adhere to that which other components on equal level would choose.  By usurping authority in matters which do not increase a particular unit's ability to exercise self determination, all components can find themselves reducing their own ability to thrive. 

Any of the matters which involve humans have to be predicated upon certain common principles.  Some of these follow the idea that systems all have a point of diminishing positive result when the balance of authority over function moves from the individual components to one controlling unit.  

In military terms, this concept is one of the keys to the success of the US armed services back when wars were defined endeavors with a clear goal.  Our system of chain of command allowed for each unit to have one governing member, whose command was broken into smaller units each with a command.  If any controlling unit, commanding officer was not present or taken out, the next in command was defined and prepared to continue.  Not all forces had this system and once their leader was knocked out, they were thrown into chaos and got their asses kicked.

So, that's the initial idea of my theory.  I think it can probably be refined to a formula, which would definitely contain many variables.  

I believe the problems faced today are largely due to a lack of recognition of the idea that there is an optimal level of centralized control in systems, especially those which are more complex and contain a wide diversity of subsystems.  

Additionally the lack of recognition that there is a point at which subsystems are best served in terms of their ability to be self determinant, even when equal entities may not choose the same path in response to the same stimulus.  As long as their choice does not impede the ability of the other components to operate then the need for higher authority does not exist.  It is only at that point in which control must be moved up in the hierarchy of centralization. 

Often levels are jumped in response to controls which are in place being ignored.  That's primarily in human systems.  An example would be when fraud, and violation of property are not dealt with according to basic laws which have been in place for some time, but instead are regulated from more centralized entities through very specific edicts which do not cover broad principle but very narrow specificities which then leave pathways for further abuse.

It works like electricity; if there is any corruption in the process at the highly centralized level then larger numbers of component parts are affected.  There is a point at which more, smaller, manageable parts can be more effective because the authority and control is closer to the source of the problem, and defects or corruption of a component pose less threat to the whole, and can be more easily traced to the source.

Another example in which over centralization of control has been a disaster is the use of social security number for so many things which have nothing to do with the social security account.  It has become a window for theft and fraud which is very difficult for the victim to correct due to the far reaching web each social security number encompasses.  In the effort to number everyone for the convenience of  control, the security of the individual has actually been compromised.  A case where centralization exceeded the point of positive optimization.

One day maybe this can be more simply stated and formulated.   I believe it to be a principle which holds for any system which requires controlling units, and as the function, size and complexity increase the tendency to exceed the critical point and dip into negative affect on the entire system increases at an accelerated rate.

See, I'm not really an anarchist, although, if one considers the present day system moderate control, or even not enough, then I am anarchist by comparison.

I do think the kernel of this theory is valid.

Hooked on Anarchy Show

Hulu is a pretty good place for shows and movies, sometimes.   I recently got hooked on a show called Sons of Anarchy, about a motorcycle gang.  Lots of the guys look almost as old as me, and they still wear their colors everywhere they go.  It's kind of strange to think plenty of grown men actually do that.  No different than the current trend in which Republicans and Democrats in DC all wear red and blue ties, respectively.   What a bunch of garbage.  Just like the Crips and Bloods, except with the repubs and dems gangs I know which color goes with which gang.

So, if I were to wear a tie and it happened to be red or blue I guess some people would draw a political significance from the color.  First the rainbow gets highjacked, now red and blue ties.  Now that I think of it, I like the motorcycle gang colors better, because even though they call it wearing their colors, it is really a logo, so they aren't highjacking some normal facet of aesthetic life like rainbows or an entire color.   I never did like all the red state blue state crap.   Logos take a bit more creativity and originality.   

Back to Sons of Anarchy.  First off, the show is pretty good.  They seem to mess up almost everything they touch, and they regularly have the wrong picture in their internal battles.  I want to tell the younger guy that the older guy did not burn down his porn studio.   No way to do it so I guess hijinx will ensue.  Many of the people in this show are very much like people I've known who were loosely connected or otherwise to the wilder side of the biker world. 

Generally I hate motorcycle gangs because of some of the harassment, rape and torture committed by Hells Angels and Outlaws in Florida and the Carolinas many years ago.  What they did was inexcusable, and I plotted ways to wipe out large portions of them but never did. 

Any group with a cool name like Sons of Anarchy gets my attention.  I wish I'd thought of that name for a band.  Fits me well.  Since it has been done I could not now use the name for a group.   No originality in that.  

The SOA don't harass innocent bystanders from what I've seen.  They mostly battle with other gangs and government agencies.  They also have tenuous alliances with other gangs and government agencies.  Maybe that is what I like; they portray the various government players as the gangsters they are.   

It's a great show.  I think it is on FX if you have cable or other modern media access, which I don't.  I'd watch far too much if I did.  

What drives me crazy is now I have to wait about a week for the next episode to show up on hulu.

 That's my review.  

Mr Hospitality

It has come to my attention just how crazy I either am or have been.   For years I could not manage having company, regardless of the hovel in which I dwelled.  It is hard to escape the thought that it had crossed a line into the realm of mental disorder.  I'm not quite sure what I was thinking, but I never felt quite ready to be a host, even in the most minimal of ways.  There were a few times when someone may have actually come in and sat down, but not for long and it was not something I enjoyed.

Since I packed up and moved west, I've had more than one person actually enter my dwelling and maybe even spend and hour or two, and I did not freak out, develop a nervous rash, or otherwise melt down.

Company is coming and I'm looking forward to it.  That is amazing.  I still have little vague concerns, but that is OK.  At the very least it does demonstrate a change in my psyche which I count as a measure of positive improvement.  One of my goals was to quit being so anti social, especially in circumstances where it made no sense.  

This is going to be a fun time.  I've been careful to leave my car and house dirty so that my guest will have something productive to do.  I'm generous like that.  Maybe I'll stock up on cleaning supplies for a welcome to my cottage gift.   I bet that will go over well.

Yep, the way to a woman's heart is a mess to clean up.  Good thing I know this secret.    

The Back and Forth of Infidelia

Infidel (according to dictionary.com)

–noun

1.	Religion.           a. a person who does not accept a particular faith, esp. Christianity. b. (in Christian use) an unbeliever, esp. a Muslim. c. (in Muslim use) a person who does not accept the Islamic faith; kaffir.

2.	a person who has no religious faith; unbeliever.

3.	(loosely) a person who disbelieves or doubts a particular theory, belief, creed, etc.; skeptic.

Generally, I use definition number three, often jokingly, in addressing my doubting and befuddled friends.  Due to the current social climate of the world and particularly this country, people attach the word to what we believe Muslims call non-muslims.  pbuh.  I think they call us "whores", "thugs" "crackers" and "milquetoasts" in private conversation.  I can't prove it, but that's what I think.  

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Then again, some of them don't call those not of the faith anything.  I've been told, and tend to believe it possible, that some mind their own business and do not seek world or community domination.   Like many subsets of society, organizations and self proclaimed leaders who suggest they speak for all of that subset cause others to believe the whole bunch are of one mind.  I've not seen as much evidence to counter the tone of the apparent leaders, but I don't get out much.

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It's another word which has been hijacked.  This time it is a case of hijacking based upon religion rather than sexual proclivity.  Rainbows, the words, "queer", "gay", etc., have been restricted to meanings that have nothing to do with their original intent.  

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Mostly I'm upset that rainbows are now a flag relating to sexual politics rather than the old deal in which they were just considered pretty and, to many, a symbol of hope.  If I paint a rainbow on my mailbox it would be interpreted as a statement to the effect that women need not apply.   I won't be painting my mailbox any time soon.

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Considering case #3 in the definition, I'd apply it to most of those who have power over our lives and money these days.  They do not believe in the ideas of personal freedom, private property, right to free speech and dissent, or choice in too many categories to list.  Infidels!!!

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What leads to that word being most fitting is the fact that they are sworn to protect the laws which were designed to limit their ability to interfere with the peaceful conduct of free people.   The fact that slavery ever co-existed with this document is probably a greater factor in modern day reluctance to consider and adhere to the principles it represented than any other single thing.  

It is the number one mistake ever made in the USA.  That resulted in a large segment of the population believing it was entirely about class domination and that the law meant nothing, means nothing. 

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That is truly a tragedy.  The very groups who stand to benefit the most should these principles ever be enforced are used to keep those in power whose goal is apparently nothing but more power--no matter who suffers.   The result of this bizarre game has been to isolate and destroy the stability of large groups within the country.  All in the name of doing just the opposite.  The insanity on both sides of the debates along the way is sickening.  

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Now we have a country whose citizens are, in the main, completely ignorant of the structure of their government, and the reasons for that structure.  This allows gross abuse of power, distribution of tax money to specific private concerns in almost every industry, and subtle punishment of those who seek to build enterprises which are outside of the tax supported world which would employ people and provide support for themselves and others.

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We live in a country in which anonymous acts of charity and goodwill are discouraged because, unless you report your contributions to the government, and those contributions fit their approval, you do not receive the reward of a tax break.  I don't think you get a break for taking an addict into your home, helping him straighten out and get on his feet.  

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Not that it is their business to begin with,  It is because the tax system is an oppressive, tyrannical mistake.  An aberration.  There are less intrusive ways, and that is precisely the reason you do not hear republicans or democrats insisting on changing that system.  It is a threat to both groups.  Few elected officials of either party are really willing to let go of that kind of public control.  

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That is the second biggest mistake in our history; the income tax.  They had to wrangle a change to the constitution to pull it off.  There is no way we were to settle into freedom for all after that.  Just a matter of time to get where we now are.  A bill actually passed the house which would fine and possibly jail a person who does not buy a product specified by government?  

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Of course if you can't afford it, according to their assessment of whether you can or not, you can surrender yourself to their care and get it done for you.  That means you then must seek their approval for your financial choices, and approach your health care as specified by Big Brother.  Some of us do not welcome this sort of oversight.

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I'd rather just keep a signed form on my person stating that if I can't pay for whatever care I need then go ahead and leave me to die.  People are suckered into thinking that those who now get free treatment from hospitals would somehow cease to be a burden if they sign up for government assistance in this matter.  The only difference I see is that several more middlemen and agencies wil get paid from the taxpaying private citizen world than is now happening.

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It occurred to me that if the insurance companies wanted this new system, it behooves them to pretend they don't and to play the fall guy.  How can they loose if everyone is required to buy their product and if competition is still limited to a set number which varies from state to state?   I believe this is a multi-faceted scam.  Unfortunately I do not know where, if anywhere, I can go to obtain a copy of this bill in order to catalog all the irrelevant earmarks which are merely bribes to various entities.

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The entire thing, I suspect, is a big money making and power grabbing venture which has little to do with compassion or any of the hooks they have put up as justification.   We are like the rabbit entering the box, which is propped up by a stick, to get the juicy carrot.   That string is about to be pulled and the box come down to trap us big time.  It will be safe and secure, and less hazardous than ranging out in the field according to our whims.   

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It would not bother me as much if that buy or die part was not in there.  People make calculated choices which often involve a degree of risk.  Turn left on a busy street.  Life is that way.  It may be that one's priorities compel him to do X before he feels good about doing Y.   For the alleged aggregate to so closely dictate the conduct of the individual's life is totally at odds with any idea of all being equal under the law and free to choose their own path.  It is no improvement over the dreaded feudal system or class preference/slave states of ancient history.

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We have a strange mix of purely government generated feudal tactics, and corporations who pretend to be private companies, but due to the partnership with government and the bastardization of the union concept, are mini fiefdoms.  Infidels, all.  It is borne of a lack of belief in the sanctity of life, the birthright of every person to be his own director; to have the right to do as he can to build his life as he/she chooses. 

In the name of these ideals we've seen more regulation, yet the ideals have been lost in the process as the opposite is the result.  

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Still, people demand more of the same thinking this time it will be better.  It is complicated, for sure, and few things can be done overnight without bad result.  First move, go to a fair tax, or just abolish the IRS and worry about it later.  Second, limit terms for the House and senate to three for the house and two for the senate.  Require sitting out another three terms before they can hold a seat in either branch of the legislature again.

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These family dynasties and the existence of career politicians has robbed us of our civilization and our freedom.  Not to mention our wealth.  Absolutely strip those positions of the perks like health insurance, pensions, personal cars and other transportation not germane to the conduct of the job  paid by citizens.  Let them fund their own transportation for the most part.  

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Infidels when it comes to the belief that the natural, best condition of mankind is to be free.  Obviously that doesn't mean free to curb the rights of his neighbors.  People seem to have trouble understanding how that can be done, and don't want it.  It is more fun to support laws and measures which interfere in the business and conduct of others.  Isn't it great to make that smoker's habit your business, even if it is not actually affecting you?  Or to cast judgement on the possible gas milage your neighbor's car achieves?  Or to feel it best to require restaurants to be responsible for how fat people are, rather than leave it to the choice of the customer to eat their food or not?   

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No way to give up that fun, because we are infidels when it comes to the principles which led millions of people who believed in unalienable rights to spill their blood throughout history.  That's the spelling in the preamble to the Declaration of Independence.

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Personally, I think the writers if the Constitution compromised too much with big government proponents, but compared to where it went by the onset of the 20th century, they were damned near anarchists.  

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It is interesting that no continent has ever housed a significant and sizable, truly free state.   Cuba was the last place in our neck of the woods to abolish slavery.  Now they are all slaves to "The Revolution", much to the delight of Fidel, Sean Penn, and many misguided souls.  Fidel was supposed to bring fidelity to the disregarded constitution that island had adopted in the 1940's.  Fidel, the infidel. Clever. Parts of Africa and Asia have yet to stamp out involuntary servitude.  Why is that not a high priority of such illustrious bodies as the UN?  Infidels--they believe in no principle except power and theft.   Nowhere has fully cast off subjugation which places monarchs or other authorities above other individuals in worth and attendant rights.

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Citing mistaken behavior and conduct as argument against the authors of documents which contain universal principles which ensure that one can be his own master and move from the most meager of circumstance to the most abundant, according to his/her will and ability, is a self defeating mistake.   The concept I urge here is known as placing principles above personalities.

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I may despise the weaselly neighbor who informs me that the house is on fire, but that won't change the truth.  ignoring that would result in a rather toasty demise.  It doesn't matter what he's done or even if he's a famous arsonist.  Either the house is burning or not

Good Thought, Bad Thought

In keeping with my new found fascination with the ads below the posts I do (over at http://ballistictour.keepconnectedlive.com), I hit one of the links.  It was "free, life changing, bla bla bla" (paraphrasing there, even though it is in quotes).  As it turns out it was a video which was mostly audio.  Just text on the screen which went along with the audio to some degree.

The message was how to influence your subconscious by not letting yourself tell it bad stuff, like how stupid and doomed you are. The premise is that whatever you feed the subconscious, it believes, and when it believes something it influences your body accordingly.  That's why a person under hypnosis might think something cold is hot, and can be used as a scaffolding plank if you are short of wooden ones.  I refer to the typical thing where the hypnotist places the stiffened subject between two chairs then stands on her/and/or him.

The guy narrating has the ever popular English accent, which adds credibility.  Since moving to far south CA, I've noticed that the somewhat British accent is in vogue for various advertisements and such.  Maybe they find it a sound you can trust out here.  I guess I find it reassuring on a one on one basis, causing me to be relieved that the other person is literate and capable of reason.  Certain experiences taught me that this is not always so.  In the end I approach the Limey with that sense of being disarmed by assumed intelligence, and a healthy dose of suspicion.  The two things cancel out.   

What this guy suggests is that most self help confidence building courses and theories are bunk and don't work.  But his system works, of course.  Actually, I know his system probably does work well enough.  Anything that causes one to examine a self generated thought which predicts doom, or suggests the host organism is deficient and vile, is worthwhile.  Shooting down detrimental blanket assertions  before they get a chance to seed in the subconscious, is a productive practice.  Otherwise you constantly experience the bodily reactions of fear, and it makes it hard to think and act.  Exercise probably helps people do that because it requires enough effort that suspends idle thought for a time.  

It does make sense that a sustained belief in positive possibility probably increases the likelihood of bringing such things to fruition in one's life.  For some of us it is constant inner war.  That's because we indulged heavily in self loathing and internal criticism, without critical thinking, for long periods of time. That information became internalized to the point of habit.  Habits do not go away peacefully.   This explains why it was believed you could sail off the edge of the earth for so many centuries.   Despite little clues to the contrary that was the only sane view according to THEM.

I kept wondering, so how is this guy making money off of this?   It seems there are other videos and they will send you emails and all that, so I guess eventually they sell you something, maybe confidence building enlargement pills.  That does not change the validity of the assertion that you can at least guide your thoughts or temper their power.  

Mostly it is a matter of assessing validity, and benefit.  What good does it do to tell yourself you will never lose weight if losing weight is what you want to do?  Believe me, you can lose weight and there are those who actually wish to gain a little bulk.  Some things require a belief in possibility.  Most things have, at least in principle, been done by some other human; people successfully bring ideas to market, lose weight, escape poverty and depression, etc.  Things do happen like that, which adds credibility to the idea that it is possible for you, if you have the desire and few working tools at your disposal.  I keep trying to believe that for myself, anyway.

The main thing to realize is that skepticism is fine, but no one is saying that you can magically improve just by viewing videos or thinking and thinking without actually doing.  The idea is to cast away the thoughts that inhibit the action.  In the end the results come from some sort of effort and action.   When anyone promises shortcut magic which precludes real change or effort, then skepticism is prudent.  What is not prudent is to insist in your mind that any action you can dream up to achieve the presumed better condition you desire is doomed from the start and won't work.  That thought pattern guarantees you won't change anything because you talk yourself out of it before you start.  I hate it when that happens. 

It is very easy for old school American types to be discouraged these days.  We feel like we are in the grips of a giant boa constrictor which applies a little more pressure with every breath, making it harder and harder to breathe easy.  All the rules and controls which seem to do anything but protect our right to free choice, leave us believing directing our own recovery from hard times, and writing our own script for the kind of person we choose to be from now on, is prohibited at gunpoint.  Those who are presently comfortable and more secure often view our angst as unnecessary paranoia or crazy, radical rebellion.

That whole thing is a trap, even though there is plenty of good reason to feel the squeeze.  That does not mean the field can't be navigated and all opportunity is gone.   It may be a bad time to move to Michigan thinking you are going to get a great auto worker job and be secure from now on.  By allowing one's self to feel that one can no longer harbor personal dreams, you are feeding the snake.  Can't let that happen.  That is a slave mentality.  The ability to be the director of your own life, and maintain a personal code, is not yet impossible.  

It is a strange thing, living within the structure of civilization, but the alternative may be equally strange and uncomfortable.  I guess many homeless by choice people can attest to that.  There are some drop outs who are bright and capable but just couldn't hack the system any more.   In my own way, I suppose I am a drop out.  I keep believing I can avoid dropping out altogether, though.  There are too many good people and good things that can be done to buy the lie that the restrictions represent the character of all other humans.  

My goal is to prove by example that one can successfully create a niche which does not feed and/or depend on what I see as a macabre monster; the world of intrusive authority which was once a government based on a few pages designed to limit its power.   Obviously it did not do its job or it would not be possible for people to argue that freedom breeds oppression.  I reject that notion, and I am in the minority.   That stated goal is actually secondary.  The primary object is to push my limits of capability more, hoping to become immersed and enthused in the process of developing whatever project into being, and hopefully become moved to happily find myself in a state of ongoing effort toward well defined purposes, never again to feel like an aimless leaf in the wind.

There is no way to discuss it

Recent events, and the way they are treated by the press and the alleged government, are so bizarre that knowing where to start or why elude me.  Since it is likely that much of the country or a large enough portion to be dangerous, do not find the reactions surreal, and eerily frightening, I'd be wasting my time by trying to express myself in detail.  I may be wasting my time in the majority of cases which motivate me to spout off, I know that.

It is far too sad.  That is compounded by the mentality evident in what I've heard, and in what I've not heard, from media creatures and officials. 

If You Know What You Want, You are lucky

Picturing exactly how you want your life to be is not really as easy as it sounds.  Some people say they know but on closer scrutiny, they don't.  Really lucky people don't have to consciously picture anything because they are living it, and realize that they are.   

The feeling that real life is over there flowing along,  and someday maybe you too will be immersed in it haunts some of us.  The truth is that whatever is going on, it is real life.  Maybe many of us have some shade of autism in our makeup which makes it difficult or impossible to meaningfully understand the ways of civilization and the rhetoric used to define it. 

Phrases like "you just have to go out there and do it" can be very vague and confusing.  Go out where and do what?   Out there is a tough one.   I guess it means outside but I'm not clear on where.  How do you know when you are out there, and if you get out there, then what?   Maybe when you mange to do whatever living your life means, it will be evident.  I don't know. 

I've been in that flow a couple of times and it felt very strange.  Not bad, just different.  I ended up back on the bank every time through lack of a mystery quality or ingredient.  Maybe it was that picture of the ideal; what I want, how I think life should be,  and what I ought to be doing.

That last bit is another snafu; what I ought to do.  It is usually right in front of me, but jumping into the obvious action is not natural to me.  It takes fighting some part inside that would rather float on some imaginary cloud dreaming whatever dreams float through.   Not a good recipe for lasting relationships or putting food on the table.

If one is fortunate, there will be people around who insist on pulling him down to earth, or at least not let him fly away so far that he gets lost entirely.  That's a curious phenomenon when it happens.  Maybe the key to arriving in such circumstances is having a bit of purity of heart or at least a desire for a pure heart.  I can't think of any other reason that sort of good fortune would be in place.   

I know I've not always had the same simplicity of heart and degree of empathy that I have now.  Some of the misguided emotion, disregard for feelings, and general wrong conduct in days gone by troubles me at times.  I assumed that what I knew was right was wrong, and that things worked in some dark mysterious way that made no sense.  If you listen to the wrong things you think that way.   

What I see around me may make no sense and there may be a whole slew of false premises loudly broadcast which rationalize it, but that doesn't make a thing right or true.  It is better to feel alone and not human than to defer to that which is at odds with the inner compass just because that is what "everyone else" does or thinks.

Is The Economy a Separate Entity From Normal Life, like the weather?

Never mind.  I deleted the spiel.   Life is life and trying to control the interactions of humans or grab a share of their trades, just because, leads to problems and imbalance.  Simple as that.

Things will always be curbed and influenced.  Perhaps it is a matter of degree which is the crucial point.  I'm sure there is a mathematical way to find the point at which control and interference multiply problems rather than contains their proliferation.  Sort of an offshoot of the point of diminishing returns concept.

How to discern between good and bad economy

That holds in many areas of life.   A case was brought to my attention which demonstrated to me how people seek instability and insecurity.   These people aren't hurting for money, don't worry how next month's rent will get paid, so they manage to create other issues which are equally troubling.  At least from my point of view.  I'd rather live in a campsite than endure the confusing powerplays and tangled web that they are weaving. 

That caused me to wonder if people find difficulty letting go of unpleasant drama in their lives.  They may overcome the financial or job worries only to replace them with other personal stress.   It took me awhile to get used to the reduced drama and stress the ballistictour yielded.  I consciously wanted to free myself of the stuff but it felt weird at first to realize I had accomplished just that.  It takes effort to maintain a lack of drama, but it does become the new habit.  

So now, when I get rich, I plan to take pains not to tangle myself up in some way that offsets the relief that will bring.  Rich, of course, is a relative term.  Rich for me is not all that much, but why put a limit on it?

I think the point is that reducing drama and painful angst is a choice and a hard earned skill.  That is one striking thing about my best friends out here; they are very drama free and don't suffer dramatists gladly.  I have not always been so aware of these things.    Some people think when I am joking and feigning pretend drama that I am serious.   I have to watch that.  If they believe, then I might buy my own act if I'm not careful.

Back to THE ECONOMY.   If my own economy is OK, then the economy is fine.  If I have a roof overhead, can keep my beloved Subaru in fuel and oil, and put food on the table (in that order) then the economy is minimally OK.  The rest is manipulation by elitists and misguided hoodoos.  Hopefully we can curb their efforts enough through non support and dirty looks to keep the world of opportunity alive, if not as free and open as once it was.

----They advertise studies on the radio and sometimes they sound so good I want to participate even though I don't have the problem they are addressing.  I guess they wouldn't be fooled.  

If CA DMV IS Example, Run Away From Gov Healthcare Control

No doubt about it, the governmental partnership with those who own politicians leads to some troubling results in the marketplace.  

However, the usual reaction of "we need more regulation!!" is a big trap.  That results in policies which further favor very specialized, powerful interests, at the expense of private citizens.  It often results in more of what we used to associate with third world underdeveloped countries; long lines, maddening red tape and paperwork, and the feeling that one must walk on eggshells and be careful not to annoy bureaucrats if one is to get what is his logical right to begin with.

CA DMV is an outfit which is inefficient, incompetent, and largely lacking in communication skills, or methods.   

Recently, I registered a car, and obtained a driver's license.  Unlike many states, you don't get a temporary plate, or the real thing on the spot.  If you buy from a dealer you have to ride around with the dealer's advertising plate with temp registration taped in the corner of the windshield until the real plate arrives in the mail.   That takes a couple of month's.  So, like it or not you ride with Joe's Hooplah Auto Emporium!! plates until the other arrives.  

Driver's licenses work in a similar fashion.  Rather than just printing it out on the spot after you spend a day in the DMV filling out forms, supply proper credentials, etc., they give you a slip of paper and you wait for the mail.  

Their much touted web site has forms for changing name, address and other things, but no provision for correcting the problem of a clerk entering your birth date incorrectly.  For this you have to call the 800 number five times hoping the automated system doesn't hang up before you get a person on the line.  Once you get the person, you are told to go to a DMV office and wait in line with proper credentials.  Of course the battery of automated messages include the days they are not open due to "the current financial crisis".  

Since they have my name right on the title, I've opted to put off correcting the misspelled middle name on the registration.  That could be more of a can of worms than it is worth.  

These are not the people I want deciding what health concerns and drugs are approved or denied.  Actually these aren't people I want to have the slightest power over my life.  

If current regulations against fraud, theft, and violating true rights of others were enforced, rather than clouded by feel good legislation with bills named to pique emotions, the problems would be fewer and more adequately addressed.   

What people ignore is the fact that specific, complicated regulations are designed to serve those who keep professional politicians afloat while actually providing the few a path around the nominal purpose of such legislation.   I've seen specific cases first hand, and you can find this general practice without too much effort.  Very often the high profile firms who cry the loudest are the most firmly in bed with the legislators and regulations they decry.  It is an old trick and it has worked well for a long time. 

The more people are willing to allow these additional regulatory measures, thinking they are being administered by benevolent "leaders", the more they are supporting their own rape.  It is a shame but it is the way it is.   I'm shocked at how many intellectuals are sucked in.  Of course many of them depend on grants so they are basically in the same bed as the corporations they claim are evil.   It is an orgy including politicians, companies seeking government enforced monopoly, and the smarmy sycophants who find status in separation from independent entrepreneurs, and who scrap like crazy for the sustenance provided by their orgy bedfellows. 

Anyone who thinks these attempts to further screw with the healthcare world are not backed by the "evil" companies which are held up as the demons is sadly naive and mistaken.   Congress is not going to hold themselves to the same system they want to foist on us.  Why is it that the main people vehemently pushing this are not average Americans, or the working poor?

These people are rich, powerful and use public money for transportation, pensions, salary and more, and they basically write their own ticket.  It is nuts.   The motive has nothing to do with health or care.  

The main players have never been on a hand to mouth budget, and in most cases they have no experience in truly private business.   At best, most have been in so-called private companies that feed off of government money.  They have no clue what they are talking about when they make blanket statements beginning with the phrase, "what the American people want...".  

How many people want what I want?  I have no idea.  How can such blanket statements be made?   People I know mostly want to live their lives as they choose without having to ask permission for every action they take or don't take.

Too bad there are more people who remember when lines were a rare thing in this country.  There were few reasons to have to stand in a government line to obtain some "privilege".  Even DMV was not an all day, by appointment, or else, affair. 

Sad use of technology when you find yourself on hod for 30 minutes or more. and then you talk to someone who doesn't handle English well and can't solve the problem.   Technology is supposed to make life easier, not more tedious.  It is a poor application of the art if it generates inconvenience.  Much of the reason is the fact that many agencies and companies apply a technology or system before considering the consequences, side effects and bugs.  

You track most of that to the increasing possibility that companies can use government to further their ends.   If the government did not have the power it has, they could not be so used.  Those who cry for more regulation and power are only opening the door to more of this misuse and abuse of the dwindling numbers of private individuals who do not choose to partner with tax supported tyrants and con men.   

Every dealing I have with government agencies of any kind tends to make me crazy.  My path doesn't tend to cross with those who may be helping people.  I don't qualify for that need.  

I cannot even imagine the result if the feds gain more control over energy resources and methods and health care options.  Hopefully I am just nuts and stupid, and those who think those who don't go for this stuff are all ignorant and inbred are right.  So far I do not tend to see the value in this kind of authoritarian parent with guns.