Maybe I Am Somebody's Secret Boy Toy

You can't prove I wasn't Faye Dunaway's secret lover. It seems she was in Memphis sometimes when I was there. So was Jesse Jackson. So was Al Sharpton.

I was in the same town as Ted Kennedy, too, and Gloria Estephan. And Jim Morrison. And Abalonia, though I'm not sure how she spells her name; I was too busy fighting my shame as she took advantage of me.

I'm pretty sure, now that I think of it, that Herman Cain forced me to do the windmill in his hotel room. He hired people to kidnap me at that conference.

I'm only coming forward now for purely altruistic reasons. It has nothing to do with secret payoffs, politics, or my narcissistic desire to be on talk shows and in the news.

You can't prove I did not have forced or voluntary sex with any of the people I've listed. It may even be difficult to prove you didn't sexually harass or abuse me, or have a consensual affair with me at some point in my life. So, I'm going to your enemies, and the media to tell the sad tale of my involvement with you. Hope you understand.

One thing I never did was visit any universities in NY or Pennsylvania. But I am not sure I can prove that.