Busted!!

Never think people don't find and read your blog.  You may think, "oh [person X] would never make the effort to come read this.  That requires hitting a link somewhere or something."  Oh boy would you be wrong to think that.  Possibly, embarrassingly wrong.

What can you do?  Life's short.  Shorter for some than others, and how do you know?  So what do you do?  Own up.  sort of.  No more than you have to though.  Then again, what's the truth?  What's right, kind, and whatever else principled people dream up to prevent trouble?

I'm not sure.  I only know what I know.

Today was a music day, and some people sounded great.  I almost got a piece of paper because of all the obvious triggers that I used to use to go outside and smoke.  I don't like to sit there for too long so rather than just walk out and enjoy the sun, I used to smoke.  Or if I played well I'd get self conscious and go smoke when I was done.  Or if I played poorly.  Or if blablabla.

I did not want to smoke today.  It was a little freaky witnessing my own reflexes to certain stimuli.  It was the sort of thing you notice when you are changing a behavior.  Especially a behavior that involves reacting to things.

But today started out very well.  By midday, pacific time, I received a boost of the spirits that left me in a great frame of mind all day.

I'm almost in disbelief over how much better my lungs seem to work.

This was such a good day.

What's The Point of Conspiracy Talk re smokes n junk?

I'm glad you asked.  This is something that applies to smoking, drinking, or any other activity one voluntary does which is known by that person and others to be detrimental.

It is a false rationalization placing the responsibility for your actions onto others.  If you look for it, you'll find a conspiracy of enemies out to make you do any stupid thing you can imagine.  The enemy is largely created and organized in your own mind.  It is fiction.

Obviously no one can make me start smoking again.  If I want to I will, and any other explanation is total garbage.  If I do, it will be because I am not thinking straight.  Most, probably all addictions feed on a person's ability to lie to himself.  Or her/it/they self.

Sometimes people see odd things I write and wonder.  I guess I don't blame them.  Of course I don't.  They took time to notice.  But I play around a bit and rarely feel emotionally all that angry when ranting.  When I get all sappy and sentimental, I'm probably coming from a more heartfelt emotion that I let completely out.  I'm a lover not a fighter.  Wonder if I've forgotten how to do either one?  Probably not...

By not letting life's triggers, which are all part of the conspiracy to make me do what is not what I should do, dictate my behavior, I win.  See?  I beat Them, even if there actually is no Them.
Never mind.

You probably couldn't see the other dimension friends and things, that float all around me, if I introduced you to each and every one by name, and they all tweaked your nose.