You Really Bash Yourself

in your inner dialog when you are alone, and right hand and forearm are in a cast.  and you are me.  You call yourself names that should not be said to anyone.  Or not many, any way.

you think what an idiot it takes to maneuver one's life into such a corner.  Then you realize you have never been good at discerning friend from foe, real from fiction in many contexts.  People will often betray trust if it comes down to some perceived advantage.  Among the very young, they often do it for fun.

But when you don't know, you often shortchange the wrong people and it is too bad.

I have the possibility of becoming very healthy.  Some real living and maybe head issues to resolve, but no legit  excuse why that cannot be done as well as the work I need to do.

My blood levels are now normal.  Still taking the pill, but don't be surprised if that is even cut back.   My secret plan may be working.  Could all be coincidence.  I try to vary things to tell but it is hard to be,positive which cause is absolutely tied to which effect.   Pretty sure I have influenced things.

So learning to live left hand dominant causes me to pay more attention and force myself to be more patient.  One trick is to relax my right arm while attempting something difficult left handed.   My right hand will be tensing and dreaming about doing the task.  It tenses and messes things up.  If I relax, then I can patiently focus and accomplish the task.

My necessity is to be able to go on with blinders on at any instant.   I can glimpse the truth of my existence but I need blinders to ignore it, which is all I can take doing.

Well, Enter the Blue Sky recording should be out soon.  CD and itunes, and wherever.  It is called re-entry.   I think it is over an hour long.   13 tunes. a few are over 5 min i think.  we like long songs.  I do.   There is some good instrumental with viola, stand up, and harp sounding different than you may expect.

I am being told end of october it will be done.  Mostly Sande's project; her material, vocal, and ultimate responsibility.   The viola player is well off and has underwritten much of this.

I believe this could do well or fall flat.  I'm to close to it to say.  I am very happy with what the viola and i did with the solid foundation of bass and guitar.  Ho do i know if anyone else will like it?
It is rather unique.  You never know in such cases.  There are people who consider that twit, Kanye, and artist.

mass hypnosis is easy if you have the stomach for it

hypnosis may be the wrong word.  I am mostly typing left handed and shift cap is a pain.  Thank you for your understanding.

propaganda is very powerful.  Broadcast the same misinformation over and over.  People soon believe it.  Throw in ridicule, bullying and shaming those who question your odd agenda and resistance subsides.   Human nature.  

but what we see happening is highly dangerous to regular Americans who do not hate themselves or everyone else.  In cities like memphis, encouraging open season on white people is really inconsiderate.  It never should be open season on anyone.  Getting pleasure from harming others is sick and aberrant. period. dot.

The self hating whites who aren't wealthy enough to escape consequences of misguided and destructive policies seem to think if they cry out the loudest for the blood of the other white devils, maybe they'll be accepted by the "of color" people and they won't get robbed raped shot or just beat up.    I think when people see through them, or the bloodlust fever pitch of the mob mentality is at a peak, they may be at more risk than they know.

When you are condescending and assume you have to save people who can save themselves, they sense the phony reality, and the underlying lack of respect.  If I were black, I'd resent like crazy people like Michael Moore trying to convince me of my victimhood then profit from it and act like he's down with the folk; one of us.  No. He makes money from stirring the pot with false or half true info.  An absolute master of deceptive editing.

When you bus in paid thugs, call it peaceful protesting, destroy lives, property, anything remotely connected to the truth, and act like this represents a whole race of people is brazen to say the least.  But it works.  It has to be devastating to the sane people in those neighborhoods.  They are actually ensuring that inner cities remain Black, crime ridden, gang controlled communities.  They make sure education is difficult, and getting out and up is not easily worked out.

The people funding this and encouraging it are the true racists.  But it is not race.  It is just that they want a small ruling class and a mass of pliable mush for citizenry.  it is working

Thank You, St. Pat; patron saint of ambiguity

This cast is designed to discourage any use of the thumb, but fingers can function.  Just nothing over a pound of weight or pressure.  I'm mostly right handed.  

It is undoubtedly my appeals to St Pat.  Not Paddy, Patty, or Patrick.   Ambidexterity has been miraculous given to me while negotiating a breakfast burrito at El Mariachi.   It  was to the stage that a fork was needed.  A tricky cut and stab maneuver.  Pulled it off.  I thanked Leftie for stepping up to the plate.  Writing left handed is still a bit weak.  But hand writing is rarely required in this century. Had to sign one of those little CC receipts.  Pretty much just made an X.

This could have been harder so far.  Maybe because I can feel it and do not want to disturb the bone that needs healing.   If it does well then maybe no cast after 3 weeks. Or maybe they just check, let it breathe, then re-cast it for another 3.  

Maybe I do more when something limits me.  Out of anger at being controlled probably.  Or fear of not being able to change anything.