Memories Suck

Whether it is an organic defect or a phenomenon of internal chemistry, or simply bad character, I am not sure, but when I look at certain people from the past and their lives, I get sick inside. Not that they are sickening, but it scares the hell out of me because I don't know what happened, while their lives seem to add up and my doesn't.

I doubt I can make a difference from now on. Maybe it is possible and maybe not. At times, like at this minute, it is quite a painful thing to consider. Part of me wants to unleash any and all ability I have on some endeavor that amounts to something so I can say to Them, "Screw you. You were wrong. You couldn't kill my spirit. Screw you all.".

That is a childish fit, I know. The worst of it is I cannot conceive of any worthwhile ability or endeavor that would redeem me. This is the way the battle rages. The best that could happen is that one day I am able to save someone worthy by falling on a grenade. Then they'd say I died nobly. As it is I have fallen on many a figurative grenade without actually saving anyone. That can scare the piss out of you at a certain point in life.

It is all pride and ego. I may as well accept it. I've gone from allegedly promising to kind of stupid, lacking status or import. It had to have been my choice. Today I am a mediocre, at best, handy man. And not even full time at that. I forgot what it was I was good at. It seems my lack of skill in understanding the ways of civilization and the corrupt aspect of capitalism* did not work well for me. By corrupt aspect, I mean the usual office politics and willingness to take credit for the work and inspiration of others. That is a quality in more people than not, if you don't actively defend against it, but I assumed it was a rarity. Then I would react in the most idiotic of ways. Not their fault. I got glitches. Just certain non sequitur mental and emotional reactions which screw things up, especially if I pretend the don't exist.

[*please note, I consider pure capitalism the only natural, holy, right and fair model of human transaction. I'm referring the the bastardization of it. ]

Too many hard blows to the head, I suspect. Must have been knocked out one too many times, long ago. Maybe it was one of the times I collided with a concrete floor or a tree limb.

Remind me not to search names of long ago nemesis types. Or even casual acquaintances.

Quote of the day, re Capitalism: History suggests that capitalism is a necessary condition for political freedom. Clearly it is not a sufficient condition. Milton Friedman.

I would add that you have to have economic freedom to have personal freedom and political freedom encompasses both. I'd further suggest that it is a crime against nature to deny a person any of these freedoms. That is, if you believe everyone is born with the right to make his own choices and own his own life. Obviously, many in the world do not accept or revere that premise.

Brave New World; part MMI

I'm not sure what I do that directs organizations and institutions to my inbox, but I must be doing something. In the case of failed democratic House candidate Ray Lutz, it was trickery. I sign a petition intended for a forestry guy, and it turns out his people were custodians of the petition and used it to pad their propaganda list.

Normally, I avoid petitions, demonstrations and the like. used to write letters but, quite frankly, I've come to believe these things only put a red flag by your name in a data bank. I know my fears smack of conspiracy mentality, but just because one suspects wrongdoing does not make him wrong. Often, people and groups do conspire. Look up the definition and it becomes clear that the word did not enter the lexicon as one which has no concrete meaning or history. Any plan hatched by a couple of people or more is an incident of those people conspiring.

So, now I get an email from Alebertson's, a friggin grocery store. The will give me a five dollar gift card if I get a flu shot. I have to wonder why they care. What if I'm allergic or someone who is better off unhealthy. How do they know? All I want is cheap food. Good produce at rock bottom price so I can juice it up and become super man. No doubt their PR on this issue would include phrases like, "Giving back to the community". Maybe if they didn't take from the community they wouldn't have the guilt trip which induces them to "give back".

No doubt there is a tax break or other behind the scenes perk which causes them to pursue matters unrelated to providing their product at a good price. I'm far more suspicious of companies that blabber on about giving back than I am of companies who just go about their stated purpose and leave it at that. Use that money to develop even better service and products, not to influence my behavior in the name of community service. A company who provides a top notch product or service at the lowest possible price, and does so honorably is already an asset to the community. If they are really on top of their game, "giving back" would only siphon off resources which would be used to better their operation. It is pure bunk, but people buy it.

If only Albertson's would send Ray Lutz to another state or country in exchange for me getting a flu shot, I'd do it tomorrow. Had he not opened his mouth at an event which was not politically based, and had his smarmy smug people not sent emails calling the opponent an idiot I might have voted for him. The emails were over the top. I suppose they assumed that everyone would rather hear their character assassination rather than direct statements of policy and reasoning to back it up.

What does Albertson's have to do with the Lutzmeister? I have no idea. Nothing, I hope. Only that both send me bizarre emails. Raybo lost the election and still won't quit. He's even implied possible vote tampering even though he lost by about three to one. The other people in the race did not hijack names and addresses, or unilaterally turn meetings of concerned citizens and businesses in this area into political photo ops. It really was shameless, and highly detrimental to the effort at hand.

If I ran Albertsons I would give huge discounts to anyone who gave Ray Lutz the flu. What a weird store. They had one program which gave you cookware prizes for buy hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of groceries in a set period. They showed hugely inflated prices for the stuff. A $12 at Target frying pan was supposedly a $30 dollar value or so. Buy $600 in groceries and you could own this wonderful piece of Chinese production.

That's why I go to the local Daniels whenever I need something. They don't care if I get the flu or not and the prices aren't any higher. I bet the Korean manager is not part of the Ray Lutz machine, either.

I think Ray is stalking me and I want it to stop. I sent in one of his reply-and-donate envelopes with clear instructions to take me off of their mailing list. We'll see if it works. Probably he'll send my name to Homeland Security as one of those domestic threats. You know, like veterans and people who like that snake flag--don't tread on me.