Just Hanging On; or trying not to be my characteristically stupid self

So,  I work at a place, the manager of which has blown town.  I know.  She knows.  You know.  No one else knows.

She's soon to fill in the blanks to the owner, and then the scramble will begin.  It seems two people who are in the Chicago office, and regularly interact with the owner, are after her job.  They've taken to subtle sabotage and the usual cheap tricks that the sociopathic work ethic which now characterizes most businesses spawns.

I think, in many ways, I'm the best suited person for the job.  I am the one who could most use the salary, as if that is a qualification.  I know what is going on, and am just a good choice.  The manager thinks there is no hope of getting the job over the ones in the Chicago office.  I'm thinking maybe they'll knife one another, leaving me to swoop in like a white knight who is above the fray.

I've worked there for quite some time but only been on the books since April.  I've had not more than 2 minutes face-time with the owner, cumulative, if that.   And they may end up displeased with the manager who hired me, due to her exit strategy.  She has her reasons and I understand them, but that makes a good reference from her of questionable use.

She may yet pull it off amicably, and I think she's in better stead with them than she thinks.  At least I know she'll give me a glowing recommendation as she already suggested I look into a job like hers and volunteered the part about the good reference.  This part is good because I did not have to bring up the topic.  That helps keep us on the same page.  I'm holding to a confidence, and secrecy.  I gave her my promise so I am keeping it.  Besides, in reality, I do not know what she and the company have discussed.

We do what we can.

It would be a better job in light of my physical madness.   More responsibility, and more problem solving of varying types.  Also nothing is ever the same or consistent.  I do best in that environment.  Already I am beginning to treat things differently, as if I already was running the show here.  I can't seem to help it.

It is clear that some people are very adept at not letting others know very much about their job, and manage to keep others unnecessarily dependent upon them for whatever they can hold to themselves. My manager is one of those people.  Things you'd think I have the inside line on, I don't.  That is now changing because I am the guy who has to talk to various service outfits and vendors now.  Or at least the operation is trending toward that.

I almost never get jobs that I really want and that I am suited to do.  This one I'll either get quickly when the time comes, or I won't.   I kind of think they should restructure the process just a bit so that maybe I'm the main person but the housekeeper also has more responsibility.   Overall, we know what's what, and she is very resourceful and smart.  It will be a mystery and trouble if they pull in one of the Chicago crowd.  I finally have connections so that many things which have proven difficult in the past with contractors and vendors would be better with my choices.

We'll see.  If it doesn't happen, I will have to rethink my existence and what to do next.  Maybe even have to move.  Going above board may be the dumbest thing I've done.  I don't think I can afford to feed and house myself, and feed California too.  Why such a nice state lets itself be run by such money grubbing creeps I do not know.

The best way to live here is to either be on every social welfare program, and know how to play the system, or be at least a multi-millionaire with good cash flow.   If you are just getting by, you're getting kicked in the nads by this nanny state government from hell at every turn.  If you're lucky the police might shoot you while chasing a fugitive who looks nothing like you but has the same color car.  

And you wonder why I question the wisdom of progressive democrats who pretend they comprehend social justice.  They're killing us, really.  I'm not the only one in my situation.  I honestly attribute it to lack of character.  People cannot resist the power to screw some while pretending to help others.  Mostly they are just feeding their own egos.  And with egos that large, it takes lots of feed.

Time will tell, I guess.

Blood test did not show improvement, for the most part.  Some values went further the wrong way, some much further the wrong way.  Some went from OK to not quite OK.  If I keep finding my vision acuity to be decreasing, I may accelerate the process.  We were "buying time" to see how tests would look in a month or two.  Maybe it is all just some sort of punishment for being depressed and sad and regretful about ever letting certain person or persons go out of life in the past.  Next to getting divorced and becoming a drunk, that is the dumbest decision ever.