Tips for the Reluctant Craftsman: part 290-product review 331

Today's product being reviewed--Penofin oil finish for wood products

The review contains a few suggestions describing How I Do It (the title of one of my many books soon to be released)

First you need to strip the teak item to be finished. If it has some kind of varnish or the like, hit it with a quick going over using 80 to 120 grit sandpaper. Feel free to use a motorized sander where possible. Don't waste much time on this part.

OK. Penofin stripper. This is a useful substance. It works with water, which I like. You wet the piece to be stripped. Soak that baby. Then you brush on the stripper, which looks harmless, doesn't give off a whole lot of fumes, and seems like thinned out liquid soap. Don't be fooled. This stuff will eat a sponge--I know. That's why I use a brush now.

OK, you let it sit there, and mist with water if it starts to dry. If there is a lot of oil or whatnot deep in the wood, use a scrub brush on it. That works wonders. Then you hose it off. It does a better job than other things I've used with less annoyance and easier clean up.

Penofin stripper gets an A.

Penofin Marine Oil finish:
This stuff is somewhat tinted. Not a lot though. It has very good UV protection and penetrates the wood better than most.
After stripping, you used some brand of teak cleaner and cleaned the thing with that--brush it on and rinse it off. Penofin makes a cleaner but I had some other stuff so if there is a difference I can't say, but doubt the cleaner brand matters.

OK. Then you went over everything with 220 grit to get rid of fuzz and smooth things out. You now brush on the marine finish, let it sit for 20 minutes, then wipe off the excess thorughly. Rub that baby down. It will feel dry to the touch when you've done it right.

Before wiping it dry you can make it all better by going over it with 600 grit wet and dry sandpaper. 400 grit is ok but I like the 600 better. You can begin by rubbing in the oil with the wet and dry, but I like it the way described.

I like the way the things look after applying the Marine oil finish. I also like how it goes on and in. It is different than the Watco teak oil. Not sure how, but it is. More goes in than wipes off.

I have a feeling it will hold up better than most. Time will tell. For now I give Penofin Marine finish an A.

Penofin Verde Oil finish:
You can get it with a tint of varying shades but I used clear on a cedar bench. The process for preparing the cedar was the same as the teak, including using teak cleaner stuff to wash it out, and including the 220 grit final sanding and the 600 or 400 oil application step.

Verde is touted as all environmentally friendly etc. I don't care. It has the advantage of being relatively odorless. You are more likely to need more than one coat with this, but one is certainly adequate if you aren't being too particular. I'm often too particular. One coat did very well, but I want to go over the whole thing with 400 grit on a power sander, then rub in more Verde with 600 grit--all f which is not really a requirement for many situations.

OK. The verde is easy to work with. Brush on, wipe off and that's that. I just want to make the surface slicker and a bit more lustrous. Not to be confused with lusty. Verde also has high UV protection. A tinted oil always has a bit more, but not much in this case. It is good stuff.

Verde gets an A.

I'd give all these items A+ if it required no sanding or work to bring out the best. Of course I'd give a chain saw an A+ if it cut down the tree then milled it into perfectly smooth beams and boards with no effort on my part, too.

After doing all of the above, you can use denatured alcohol or vodka to clean your hands. Once you've put everything away, get naked, jump into the spa, heated to 102F, hope there is no one in the bushes filming for youtube, then relax and forget it.

Uh OH, I'm one of the New Right Malcontents

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Why they shoot ducks

So, it was five something, A.M.. IN THE Morning, to be clear, EARLY in the morning. I was sleeping at the place where I do important work, remotely related to national security, Michele's biceps, and the strings that orchestrate her husband's every action, or inaction. But other than that's where I was, all the rest is neither here nor there. Or is it? No, it is irrelevant I am sure. But I bet they are watching, so I use the spa in birthday attire at the end of the day, just to figuratively thumb my nose at them.

OK. I'm having bizarre other-worldly dreams, which is typical at that place because wife #1, almost a household name, put a hex on it. Some kind of voodoo hoodoo.

I wake up to rude squawking and splashing. The back door of the room I use opens onto the patio and pool. I thought it was a combination of crows and pool hoppers. I throw the door open and discover it was a gang of vandal ducks. They should be migrating, shouldn't they? Go north, harass Canada or, if you dare, Minnesota or one of those places.

The creeps just gave me a dirty look- until I charged, clapping my hands, describing how they were to be my breakfast. I was pulling the old, "Yea, I'm a carnivore like crazy" bluff. No need to tell ducks I don't eat duck. It worked, but my sleep situation was irreparably disrupted and bruised.

The creeps crapped in the pool, and I bet they peed, too. No manners.

So, next time you see a duck hunter, say "Thank you". That person is probably saving you a good night's sleep and protecting you from duck debris too horrid to describe.

On the other hand, what if they were really government ducks sent to spy on me? You really can't be too careful, and you certainly cannot trust your elected puppets and the rest of that mess (aka "public sector") not to violate your personal space. I bet the reason I am so tired is that they are somehow monitoring my brain waves, reading my thoughts and attempting to replace them with happy visions of being a slave of the state.

The fatigue I feel is due to the fact that I am constitutionally incapable of being molded in that way. The only people who can make me say and do things counter to my best judgement are women. And even they cannot cause me to follow the rules as laid out by these corrupt impostors who hate the free.

See, if i had been packing a shotgun, I could have shut up the ducks, sent a message to any others in the area, and, if they were spy drones, I'd have struck a blow against The Man, foiling his diabolical intrusion on my sleep and thoughts. I see no downside to shooting those ducks. However, this is California, and I doubt it is legal to shoot them, even in a private swimming pool.