Heal Thyself, Musician

If I were, I would.  In some ways maybe I am.  I think I have good sense and a little tiny bit of knowledge.  Enough so that I can clue guitar players in on what key they are in if I know the chords they are playing, and if they capo up I can tell them where they are.  They don't always know because they don't know keyboard and only know the guitar chords and how the strings are tuned.

Some very good players, very good songwriters fit that description.  That doesn't make me a musician, just someone with sense who knows a thing or two.  Anyway, I think the original saying is a Biblical thing and they said, "physician" not "musician".

I changed it to suit myself like I do all Biblical things.  Another lie.  I don't actually do that so drastically.  I just do not, can not, believe in the zero sum game of punishment and sin.   Executing me does not wash it clean if you kill someone.  It just doesn't.  I don't believe the whole purpose and message of Christ is that the Creator tortured him beyond belief to make everyone else's screwups OK.

Forgiveness and redemption I go with, but not some other things.  And I do think that for however many hundreds of years the Church has played that and much else wrong. It makes it easier to control people.  Guilt is one hell of a tool.  I should know.  I was infused with at least the average dose given Catholic and Jewish children.  But my dose did not include the antidote.  Most likely I'm wrong.

I can't pretend to believe it in ways that I don't.  I can't understand how pouring a bunch of pain on someone over there fixes people over here.  Although most mothers go through a whole lot of pain trying to keep their children safe and well.  Just bringing them into existence...

Another story.  I'm not healed and it sucks.   This weather sets me off every few hours if I am not careful.  Just the drive to work in 100F temps found me unable to tolerate the great outdoors to do my job upon arrival.

I hope it either goes away quick or can be fixed whenever I do the next blood test.  The last two have been progressively outside the blood box.  So maybe the next one will include an obvious item they can pronounce, like incurable imminent death.  Or easily dealt with blood thing leeches can cure.

Of course, anymore, it feels like anything to do with medicine is already overrun with leeches.  What I don't think people get is that the doctors and practitioners aren't the leeches.  It is the system which forces them to test you for prostate cancer if you're a woman, just to cover any possible liability.

Obviously, that was a fabricated exaggeration to make a point.  I've found that people cannot follow thoughts most of the time, and cannot discern hyperbole from a hyperbola, so I have to watch myself if I don't want trouble.

But I'm not saying I don't want trouble.  Jury's out on that.  I still like the songs of Sande Lollis and I like playing with her.  She's a good soul I think.

But whatever is going on, I either want it fixed soon, or I want it to kill me quick.  That is how it is.  If I was a woman I might feel differently.  I've concluded that women are almost all way tougher and stronger than I am, so they are unlikely to relate to this at all.  I can relate to it and that is how I feel.

Ever since Christmas I've realized I'm an unproductive waste of life; no kids, wife, long term career or major benefit to anyone.  My family somehow held up that mirror and I got the message.  I won't go back to gaze in that looking glass again anytime soon.  It is not intentional for the most part, and I am in total agreement.  I just think it rude for a family member to make such views so clear even if not directly stated.  If I point out why others are a waste of humanity, and describe your life to a tee in describing them, come on.

Oh well.  That trivia is the least of my worries.

This heat has caused me to think it is no wonder the people in the mideast are such angry, raving, head chopping, woman hating, lunatic worshipping psychopaths.  It's the relentless heat and sunshine.  It's worse than Arizona, where the sun never sets, and no matter what you do, it is always in your eyes.  Southern Arizona.  At least in Arizona they don't mind if the women wear skimpy clothes and think and drive, and such.

The longer we pretend that the majority of Islam is sane, the more trouble we're in for.  I found a copy of the koran, in English, on an airplane.  I perused it for quite some time.  All manner of instructions about when to kill people and when not, and who to kill.  As long as you aren't in their way, you should be safe.  I guess that is the moderate viewpoint.  That's the difference between this recent activity and the Inquisition; nothing in Christian holy books really gave any justification to that stuff.
But the muslim holy book is very easily interpreted to justify any abuse of infidels.

The Great Pretense seems to apply to any group that is irrational, and troublesome and devoid of logic, and who make real pain in the ass neighbors.  Has nothing to do with any ethnicity--the problem is the behavior.  But we pretend that obnoxious behavior is somehow a wonderful expression of multiculturalism.

I think this physical issue is making me into an angry, yet proud, islamophobe and a phobe when it comes to all manner of lies and pushy bullshit entitlement and aggression.

No Film At 11

It must be something to do with me and video.  I tried twice with the Memphis band to get people to operate my video camera.  I put it on a tripod.  I said, "you don't have to do anything but make sure it is on and doesn't get stolen.  If you feel like it, zoom in when there's a solo, but that is not even necessary.

One time I got pictures of a bar ceiling and bottles of booze and it was turned off when it should be on.  The other time the sound was ok but more of the video was of port-o-lets, tarmac, sky, tarmac, building walls, tarmac, port-o-lets than of the band.  It was on a tripod.  WTF?

I'm almost positive that time was due to a deep seeded issue which drives that person to seek conflict while pretending never to do such a thing.  I used to think she must have been mad at me, but now I believe it was some need for me to mad.  I did not scream and yell.  Even then I smelled a subconscious trap.  Subconscious because I don't think she even knows it was an obviously bizarre thing to do.  Just leave it and make sure it doesn't get stolen, I said.  Any closeups are just an option.

This time the cam was not mine and none of the responsibility was mine.  In any case we played in front of a camera, once again on a tripod, which was only turned on after the show was over.  On and off had somehow been confused.  New cam and I don't know.

The way I am these days I'm sure it is my evil doomed mojo, karma, dharma, and bad vibes that cause it to happen.  That's all stupid but I just don't want to be mad at anyone because it wasn't my stuff anyway, and it won't fix anything.  So, I take it out on myself I guess.  "You no good waste of space, you can't get video right even when it isn't your video and someone else is responsible."

Musicians are all crazy or jerks or both anyway.  We like their music and they make it to offset their troublesome ways.  That's my theory.  Most people like music but how many really like the behavior of those creating it?  Don't answer.  I don't, so that means no one likes them.

That thread keeps getting a little thinner.

So, no video and that sucks. And I know I jinxed it, so as a result I pronounce all musicians to be jerks--and that's only to keep from putting down a more vulgar name.  See how this works?   And do you see why you shouldn't pay a lot of attention to anything I say?   At least as far as opinions about people.

But you mark my words and watch the way it goes out driving; it is always the person in the DODGE...


100F degree weather in east county San Diego.  This is not pleasant.  And out of nowhere it rained.  Didn't cool things down for more than a minute.  Just made it steamy, muggy and not fit for human consumption.  There is a reason SD has Stepford weather; something about the place makes it really unusually uncomfortable when it slides out of the norm.  I used to laugh because 80 is just a hhot day elsewhere.  Here it is tragic and feels different.  Maybe they will DO SOMETHING in Sacramento.  I know, tax everything!!!  That is what is supposed to fix weather.  I saw it on a chart on facebook.  It was put out by the World Consortium on DOING SOMETHING!!!  Be sure to say that with breathless urgency. "We have to DO SOMETHING to fix weather, human nature, gravity and other realities..,.