There is a regular gathering at a place which has the idea that a combination of Greek and Mexican cuisines is a good idea. I don't even eat most things on the menu, but I can tell you it is something that triggers in me an uncharacteristic gratitude that I neither eat meat nor fish nor lamb nor fowl.
A good room for playing though.
They showed up. It looked like I wasn't going to play for quite some time. Eventually they took off to go see a movie. I was more comfortable after they took off. I've learned that it i easier not to ask anyone to come see me play, especially when I don't know what I'm going to play. If I am ever with a really good group, playing a really good venue, and I know and love the music, maybe then I'd invite people.
Outside of those parameters I've never seen it work out. It is always stressful and disappointing. I ended up on one good song. Amos did a good job on St James Infirmary. A minor, so I was in my safe zone. And the structure of the tune makes sense. Some of the stuff people like to do makes no sense to me, but I have narrow taste. Many tried and true tunes do nothing for me, yet many guitar players and others love the songs.
What scares me is that I have no idea how to behave in most situations involving Vagabond Lady. I doubt it will end well. Or maybe I am dooming it from the get go because I'd rather go straight to that lost feeling rejection can bring, without enduring the shock that comes with crushed dreams and dashed hope.
I had no idea my neglect of all had left me in such a state of social dysfunction. Do I go to the effort of trying to change things, or go back to searching out the edge of the earth so I can drive over never to be found? Either one sounds like more work than I want to do. Probably better to brave it through the awkward social trials and face inevitable heart shredding as a test of courage and character.
Years ago, when I would cry, "leave me alone!", my mother cautioned me that I should be careful because I may get what I ask for. She was way too right on that one. I'm tired of trying to bend to fit where I wish I could. It never works, and who could possibly fit with me in any natural, non stressful way? I know. I can't think of anyone, either.
Vagabond lady is really trying to make an effort, I think. I am just not sure how to handle it. I don't have the money to take control of things and be a hotshot. Supposedly that isn't required but I think it is.
