75 and counting

Slow going is an under statement. However! I'm 3/4 of the way through with page 75. It is rare that I write more than a half page at a sitting, lately,(except blog posts-I go on indefinitely) but I still have the basic idea in mind.

I had to do some research and asking around about a certain topic. Since one of my family members is an expert, and loves to pontificate, I was able to get plenty of what I needed from a phone call. It is just a particular event in the story but not entirely germane to the basic flow of events. Plot seems a rather ambitious description, but I guess that is what it is.

There have been a few things I had to research. I should keep track so I will know how educational this endeavor has been. It certainly is a psychological thriller to me. Sometimes I want to be sure they all get their hearts broken and their spirits smashed, and other times--most of the time--I can't help but wanting things to work well for the protagonists. Maybe I think I have no heart left and a smashed spirit during those angry times, and get mean with my characters. It doesn't last. I'm not a sadist, apparently. The antagonists get off easier than they should for the most part, but it ain't over yet.

At this rate I won't finish until summer. That is just not right.

I think the reason I have a few copies out there to select individuals is so that I don't suddenly decide it is all garbage and trash it. These are people that any one of which could keep me going if I think they are hooked. One person particularly likes certain aspects and has a desire to know what is next. The others probably humor me. But they do it nicely. I just want to finish this. No one is likely to be influenced or inspired so it will mostly be the story I wrote because I had to finish something. It's shocking how important it is to me, because it has become one of those anchors that keeps me on this side of the
thousand foot drop off.

That is what you have to do if you aren't going to get drugs to mellow the mind or smooth the mood, and if you are of a yoyo nature which might qualify you for such. You find excuses, tricks you can play on yourself, etc. Why not? What is being combated is a mind which lies to its host organism. Just trying to fight the lies. They cannot often be hit head on because the lie is usually more convincing than the defense against it. Like the big black crayon blob that resembles an angry circle which you tell your troubled child, "Oh yes!!! That is the best cow I've ever seen" after the kid says, "It's a COW, d'uh'uh!" (May I point out that your kid is not only a terrible artist but a brat)

But that's neither here nor there, Better to raise a psycho with high self esteem than a doormat.

Anyway, this is how the mind does things. I never would have believed it but I was proven wrong about 24 years ago, much to my alarm and surprise. Minds will work to get fed whatever it is that satisfies the chemical craving to which it has become accustomed. That is why some depressed people do all they can to amplify the depression. Not because it is fun, but because it produces the chemical thing the brain is into, even when it is a drag and miserable. Same thing with most addiction, although I can tell you a straight out drug addict is a different animal than an alcoholic. Some say it is all the same, but it isn't really. There may be things in common and the way out may be similar, but it is a different breed, like all the other types of addicts. Similar but different. Lots of people do not agree with me and that is OK.

My book is easier to read, most of the time, than my essays. I'm somewhere between a quarter and a third of the way through I think. A book should be no less than 220 pages I think.