Simple Goal

Due to the fact that it is way too late for most things I would consider worthwhile for me to do or find, I  have drawn my goals in a bit.

All I want is to be streamlined neat and organized in house and vehicle, and be nowhere near anyone when I die.  Unless I had someone I wanted to be with at the time.  As it is, I want to be far from humanity when I check out and leave no mess, and no confusion in my wake.

That is it.  But for some reason, achieving that minor bit of normalcy--something taken for granted by most people--is almost impossible for me.  It makes no sense.  I'm referring to the reasonable handle on clutter, mess, and paperwork, not about being off in the wilderness when I kick.

So, maybe I will get it done.  I am getting angry enough to fight the fatigue factor some, but dang.  Just an hour or so yesterday at work and bammo--the skin attack.  Comes over like a rush but lasts a long time.  Not much fun.  I wonder what is what with that.

My doctor resentment is a thing I am trying to subdue.  But I need to take it into my own hands some because I am sure we have this thing figured incorrectly, or he does.  He is half right.  But if we do not get on it soon, I am pretty sure the dominoes will fall at an accelerating rate and there will be no return.

I just don't even know how to begin.  I know I am becoming less sensible and able to decently communicate.  I am way edgier than is normal.

Some guy was making a big deal about how people ended up in line at a convenience store the other day.  You know how when it all of a sudden backs up and the main aisle gets blocked, and all that.  So he says, "hey how about helping me fix this and line up over here!  He was behind me, and I was kind of at an in between spot by a little island of goods, and the person ahead of me was my friend and she was involved in telling me something.

So the guy, who was nearly a head taller than me, starts grumbling again about people lining up wrong.  I tried to defuse it saying the design didn't lend itself to big lines.  They usually don't happen for long.  He grumbles back, "There is nothing wrong with the design, people just have no brains, blablabla."  I did not consider him very bright and I was sick of it already.

Soo...I finally look at him and say, "Yes, you are right, we are all so fucking goddam stupid. You are the only one who is bright. We are just too fucking stupid to do it your way!!"  And I was perfectly prepared for him to attack if he wanted. I just did not care.

He shut up and mumbled under his breath, "No argument there."  And I mumbled to my friend, "I told you, the California redneck is in a class of its own".   Then I offered him to go ahead of me and he refused.  Both of us not being at all polite in tone or manner.

He was a jerk, but what the heck was it with me?  I just do not care sometimes.  And I am tired forever of know-it-alls who spend all day trying to find reasons to prove their non-existent superiority.

This keeps up I will probably punch harmonica John in the nose next time he says some rude arrogant BS. Everyone thinks they know things regarding others, and maybe they do not.

Time to seriously try to find that parasail and learn how to fly it.