Rain and Rain

More rain in Southern California. There was some slight chance of snow at my altitude but it doesn't look like that will happen. Unlike other places I've lived, when it rains here it seems more difficult to ignore it.

It would be nice to once again be in the state of mind I enjoyed for a short period of time several years ago. For what seems like a brief moment I accepted what I am and what I am not and didn't feel apologetic about it. I was less inhibited when it came to being happily strange and what I think was creatively funny. Had to be there to get it.

Lately, the humor is nowhere to be found. It's easier to look at information which does me no good and which I can't change. Always plenty of food for thought and opinion. But I have lost interest in bothering with it. Conspiracies abound, I think. But that is considered mental illness now, suspecting that things are not as they seem in the big picture. If you don't trust your dedicated officials and self proclaimed leaders, you could find yourself on the wrong side of homeland security.

Not me. I believe it is all there for my own good and that various agencies and the Ad Council know best. I've seen the light.

Sometimes I wish I was still married, but I do recall certain things that lead me to believe it is possible that I may not have been in the right place with the right person. Even if I had been clear headed and sober, which I wasn't. That was a generation ago so it bears no relevance now.

Restless is what is going on now. Painfully restless with no thought of why or what I think is the cure. It will come to me. It always comes down to don't give up.