Shake Rattle and Roll

Finally, the cabin shook like crazy, and I could confidently chalk it up to seismic activity. Supposed some of the after shocks have been in the 5 range. Normally, I assume it is just my own form of partial seizure when things appear to be shaking. Sometimes, that is the case. Not today.

Fortunately, if anyone is blaming the oil companies, disposable razors, carbon dioxide, George Bush, Nancy Pelosi, or America's tolerance of gays, I haven't heard it. Of course I did hear equally scientific explanations for Haiti's earthquake.

Being the ultra scientific expert that I am, I have found bits of truth in various past causal theories and formed my own learned opinion regarding the underlying causes of this occurrence.

Al Gore has proven beyond a doubt that the earth is running a temperature. Not totally on subject, but that then proves the earth is warm blooded and will die if it gets too hot or cold. Or it could run too high a temperature for too long and suffer brain damage. This may have already happened, but I'll save that scholarly investigation for another time.

Danny Glover, noted seismologist, asserts that global warming caused by activities of humans causes earthquakes. He and Al both believe humans are the cause of things that happen in nature which are inconvenient to man. In science this is known as the "inconvenient causal loop theory".

I have determined that earth is running a temperature but is suffering from a cold. It can be easily proven and you'll find the details in this month's issue of Science Things Only Offered Publicly In December.

So, the short of it is this, man made inconvenience has caused the earth to have a feverish cold which resulted in the earth sneezing and, if you'll forgive the indelicacy, some flatulence also resulted. When the earth poots or sneezes, either volcanoes erupt, tidal waves are generated, and/or earthquakes strike.

There you have it. Humans being human caused the earth to shake. It can be prevented by planting trees, but not all on one side of the place or it will capsize, and by buying yourself down to neutral through approved carbon offset firms. It may help to pour massive amounts of aspirin and chicken soup all over the ground and particularly down volcanic craters, both active and inactive.