Perhaps I Am Phobe

Rabies used to be associated with hydrophobia,  or maybe it was homophobia, heterophobia or islamaphobia.   I definitely suffer fro the latter.  Many overly gruesome and heavily uniformed religions trigger my aversion responses.

I'm most likely more rabid at this point as I have concluded the issue with which I am dealing, which is becoming impossible to live with, is probably a thing called aquagenic pruritis.   As dangerous as internet research can be, it can be useful.

And anymore, the Doctor, at your officially approved, government compliant black hole of health,  talks to you, leaves the room to go google what you discussed, then comes back with the search results.  They should loan the patient a computer so both of you can search.

 I say "black hole of health" because any health you had will get sucked out of you if you make many visits to a clinic or hospital.  You won't get better if it isn't a cut and dried circumstance like you're pregnant, or have a broken arm, or need to be sewed back together.

Aquagenic pruritis is not common but people do have it.  It leaves no marks unless you skin yourself alive to get at the sub-dermal horde of fire ants attacking you with crossbows, flamethrowers,  and shotguns full of tiny capsules of acid.  A monstrous army of nano soldiers who rape and pillage skin cells from the inside out.

After a shower it is so bad that grown men have been known to beg outloud for God to fix it.  They have been known to down every pill of any kind in hope of relief.  Grown men have paced back and forth for an hour, waiting for it to subside, and for all the pills to act.  Antihistamines sort of help, prednisone is best but it can take some time to fully mitigate the madness.

Cures are not likely as the aquagenic pruritis is probably a symptom of something else.  Maybe tiny creatures or bacteria.  Or renal failure or karma, or bad attitude and punishment from divine bullies.  All I know is that I may not get much medical help because they don't know, and it isn't on their quick list of things they can treat.   I'm rather disgusted with the whole medical setup.  But I have been for a long time.  And many of your favorite charities are just as disingenuous when it actually comes to true cures.

Perhaps we can all run around the block and wear T shirts proclaiming to the world that we are "doing our part" to find a cure for aquagenic pruritis.  Because we are sooo good and wonderful.  That'll fix it.

Personally I think something remotely akin to a unification theory for the body is the path to pursue.   Everything influences everything else, and it all has electrochemical signatures of some kind.  Things are wired in odd relationship.  That's why scratching an itch in one place sometimes soothes or annoys a nerve in another place on the body, seemingly unconnected to the first point.

This is a troubling time.  I'll have to figure out how to work things out.  If this can't be fixed at all, I will sign over the car, get rid of all my stuff and mess, and make a swift, invisible, clandestine exit.  It is that unworkable.

All the usual suggestions and thoughts have been addressed and considered; detergents, soaps, hot, cold, lotions, creams, foods.  They tested blood for food allergies and found none.  I'm fairly certain it is of internal origin.  Probably not enough of one thing or too much of another.

I may be rabid because when it comes to water in the form of shower and such,  I am increasingly afraid of it.  When I get the nerve I'll try what works for some, coating themselves with tea tree oil, extra virgin light olive oil, and/or coconut oil, and using tea tree oil shampoo all over, and making last of shower as hot as possible without scalding.   No nerve to try it yet.

The pain and inability to do anything with it has caused me to view showers like one might view a date with the whipping post.   When I wake up, all is well and I can't imagine ever having a problem.  Then a little activity reveals just a shadow of the pruritis letting me know that a little more will bring on the full rage of an attack.  So, I calmly do nothing and stay safe.

There is not way to write read, carry on a conversation or do anything but pace, roll round or slam against the wall when attacks occur.  And activity and showers bring on attack.

I was recording at a guy's house and it started up.  I had some prednisone and other stuff so I took that.  It was  minor attack but I could not do anything while it raged.  That was a close one.  Nothing like the way it is after a shower, or a walk up this hill.

I walked yesterday for first time in weeks. it was almost cold out. I felt OK.  I suffered for a long time after.  It took well over an hour for it to really abate.  The worst went on for about 30 minutes, and it went from more intolerable to a little less intolerable.  Finally it moved into tolerable range, without aftershock waves of attack after an hour or so.

I think a full juicing reboot, where you just take in fruit an vegetable juice for awhile will help.  Maybe it will balance whatever the underlying cause is.

Another Issue Obama Tackles--he said, she said gossip and nonsense

I won't argue the case that basketball is a squeaky annoying sport, peopled by far more than its share of criminals, women beaters and morons.  They are wealthy and have lots of sex, but love to grab any chance to cry that they are oppressed.

Many people in other industries and sports also enjoy that same little quirk of thinking they are the center of the universe.

So a sad character owns a team, scores a hot trophy girlfriend.  She apparently likes large black men who play, or have played, pro ball.  Apparently she likes to post pictures with them and even bring them to her older rich boyfriend's team's games.  This makes the old guy feel bad.

He complains to her, using the word "black" in describing the people she seems to use in her strange flaunting of her possible extra-curricular activities.  He's older, frumpier, and some version of white.  It seems he feels a bit intimidated.  I think everyone looking at this knows what is what, and reads the same thing out of it---he doesn't like his trophy chick making it so obvious that she gets her kicks with large black men--the stereotype is only annoying if you are an old white guy with a spirited, disrespectful, trophy girlfriend.

But it is absolutely the sort of thing the President of the United States must address.  Any time a guy complains because his concubine is screwing athletes of another race--(and in basketball that is the majority.  If they'd been all white, I'm sure he'd still complain, but he'd not call them black people)--it is imperative that the president help turn this into a racially divisive event and jump on a side without knowing all the facts, or any of them.  (If I had a concubine, she'd look like that.  If I had a son, he could be a player diddling the owner's trophy girl)

The president has many fantasy children, some are dead, like Trayvon, others are forbidden from playing football, but probably not basketball, and probably not forbidden from shagging the team owner's concubine.

Now Al Sharpton, criminal, racist, inciter of murder, ruiner of lives and careers, is in on the act.  This is absolute nonsense.

Here's some very shocking news.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE BLACK PEOPLE OR ANY OTHER KIND OF PEOPLE.  That is your right.  I dislike a certain element of New Jersey/New York culture.  Do not want to hang with those Snookie-the Situation types.  I've only seen those particular instances of that culture a few times. Enough is enough.  I liked Bernie Mac but not Bill Cosby so much.  Come with a battering ram to my door, Al Sharpton--bound to be some thought policing and ill gotten gain to be had!!

Does it not occur to anyone else that some sports team owner's comments to his flighty, but attractive, gold digging girlfriend, over her tendency to make a fool of him, is not national news or even significant?   You want to hear racism?  Monitor the conversations of all those weighing in on this frustrated cuckolded sugar daddy's rant.

Unbelievable that this made news and I know what this guy said to his chick.  Even more unbelievable that our president is so classless that he jumps on this opportunity to play demagogue and further encourage the false racial narrative and animosity.

It is a shameless political ploy.  More of the varying standards based on condition of birth.  If you want to complain about a group, be sure it is the group which the thought police allow you to mention in that way.

 A good rule of thumb on these matters: if coca charlatan Al Sharpton is jumping into the fray, odds are, half of what you will hear is a lie, and the other half is way out of context.  Al loves to lead witch hunts, and if you are anything other than black,  your rights and innocence are irrelevant.  Al needs a focus for his madness and someone to sick his idiotic followers on.  These antics have had dire results for innocent people.  Al has never even said, "oops, I was wrong", or "sorry about your life, career and whatever else I wrongly destroyed".

Maybe Putin will weigh in next.  This is incredibly bizarre.

No one seems to question what is up with the crazy girlfriend and recording this stuff.  Kind of like with Tiger.  He was awful yet the dozens of hookers and such grabbing a moment in the sun by violating his confidence were fine and dandy.   Standards seem to conveniently shift according to whom  is being served up for dinner at any particular time.   OK for Obama to lie, and even execute people.  He's not Bush, so it is alright.

Equality under the law can't exist when presidents treat private free speech as some awful crime.  It cannot exist whenever certain groups are given preference.  But liberty and freedom, equality under the law, mean nothing.  The goal is control and power.

How can people not see that the motive here was frustration that his girlfriend is throwing it in his face that she's into the other, younger, pro-athlete guys.  The race is really not the issue.  In his shoes most people would focus on common difference.  A guy can't even humiliate himself without being ruined over a PC faux pas.

It's a lose-lose, and now he'll either have to can the girlfriend or learn to enjoy her taunting actions and lifestyle. And be the easy prey of phony celebrities and tv people.  He's being slammed wrongly, I think.  Is everyone just pretending?   .

What Happened to the Cool Stuff?

One wheel motorcycle from 1930's, top speed over 90mph

So apartment babies could get some sun--baby cage

They crowned Miss Atomic Bomb in 1950

Just a holding cell, not a penitentiary

More Effective than Water Boarding

They probably already do this.  Snowden may have already included this in files made public.   If you wanted information from  reluctant sources, what you would do is give them some sort of allergy for no good reason.  They'll tell you anything you want to make it ease up, provided you did well in designing the allergy.

What really sucks is when you run around, searching out government agents and foreigners, throwing yourself in their path, "Ok, OK, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just make this attack go away."  Don't you hate it that not only are they not interested in any information you may have, they have no control over your condition.  Two strikes, easily.

Nothing to do but to refuse to spill the beans.  "You'll never make me tell you where the treasure is hidden, ten paces south of the old tree, then forty three miles, north, north east.  And you can't miss it".
So, I'll stand up in defiance of The Man.

Not OK, Not not OK

One thing clear about the medical process, trouble shooting is not part of it.  In my case they are buying time until whatever insurance attaches itself to me.

So, I go through hoping I can time showers and allergy dope, so that one counteracts the attack the other will surely precipitate.  It seems that the drying off is an issue for about 45 minutes or so.  Any activity that brings about even imperceptible degrees of perspiration could also be trouble.

The steroid run was very minimal dosage and not being continued.  Actually since I was unsuccessful at gaining insights through calls back to the clinic, I opted to avail myself of some prednisone a friend had laying around.

Then I stopped that, had another appointment and realized they are just trying to treat symptoms and the idea of finding the cause is something they won't consider.  At least not until they are sure some insurance is in play which will cover any number of tests.   Even then I get the impression that the motive is for everyone to feel like they are doing something, and that actual thought is not a trendy activity in the medical world.

The old long ago set up worked better for people like me, willing participants in the problem solving process, but not on board with "the doctor is God and knows all" attitude.    Or maybe not.  Unless a diagnosis was so simple a two year old could guess it blindfolded, I rarely sought professional attention.   had very little success with anything less clearcut ever, now that I think of it.

I can't solve this with so little information.  I think it ties n with my throat and stuff back in there.  If I knew a little more I could fix it.  I'm a very good trouble shooter in that I can use information from others familiar with a particular system, to then isolate the cause of the system's malfunction.  They have to be willing to work with me though. In an ego bound medical environment they can't be that open and honest---it defies all the codes of ego maintenance, and ego maintenance is their creed.

So, I'll keep taking the latest stuff.  I don't even know the name.  Some allergy med that has to be prescribed.   I think it is one that probably has TV ads with cartoon people rolling in the hay or skipping  through a meadow filled with wild flowers and weeds.  Everyone is happy in cartoon land because the protagonist takes a pill!

It has brought to my attention how far out of the mainstream I've wandered, and how sad I think various trends within the mainstream have become.  The clinic world demonstrates this.  It is good to have some of the advantages of medical knowledge and procedure.  It sucks to deal with the herd mentality and the culture which tends to believe medicating a symptom is as good as curing a problem.  Take a pill and go away.

The question regarding my access to guns was in the paperwork.  I didn't tell them how I bite  toast into gun shapes and point my finger like a gun.  I do it because I'm too old to get kicked out of school for such wicked behavior.

I was afraid to let on about depression.  I have the feeling they will punish you for certain answers.  It may not see like punishment to those who want to be swallowed into the system never to return.   The deal with depression is that, yes, I feel like a worthless whatever, but I make it a point to compensate for those things.  You just have to know that you live with  lying mind which is out to kill you.  You learn to replace the lie, or ignore it.   Doping it up may not be worth it to everyone.  But if you think the insurance companies and the post John Edwards medical landscape had moved us into a maddening one-size-fits-all paradigm, I believe that is nothing like the inflexible moronic approach to medicine we can expect from the ACA (obamacare).

They have me signing up for stuff I never actually asked for.  Entertaining.  People have been duped to such a degree that it angers them and they're hanging on for dear life to a team to cheer.  I'm still astounded that we allow the most vile of people and agencies to run our medical resources.

The Ahnold Treatment? Legally Draining Your Taxes

Part 1. The Belmondo is now on steroids. Perhaps we will be of big muscles soon

 Part 2 is... forgot. It is the one after the first one

This is important information for the medical case study.  We can hope for the best and wonder if we know the difference.

So, the Alpine clinic is nicer than the places whose doors I darkened in Memphis when I had the good insurance.  I arrived when they opened at 8:30, and they found me a spot at 10 A.M.  By the time I filled out an ocean of paperwork including listing my love life as "hopeful" when the asked about its status regarding active or not.

The never even asked me to take my clothes off.  I guess I wore underwear in vain.  And an unstained T shirt.  My friend in Ft Lauderdale had an eye issue one time and that perv doctor was trying to find reasons to get her shirt off.

In retrospect we should have beat him into unconsciousness and taken his money and perhaps his shoes.  And we should have told his wife.  But that is another story, and besides I was wanting the young ladies to abuse me.  This could be symptomatic of deeper issues. But that is another story for another time.

They suggested I talk to the insurance lady, so I did, at 1:30.  She let me in early.  I could not believe I didn't have to wait until 12:30 for a 10 o'clock appointment, and then the insurance lady was on the ball.  I'm only officially employed, part time, since Apr 1.  She felt like she'd spoken to e a day earlier than that, so I am in the awful system that people never ought to have let evolve to this point.  I'm talking even well prior to this health insurance scam, even prior to John Edwards ruining the lives of good, decent doctors through junk science.

Anyway, I qualify for YOU to pay almost all of my medical expenses.  Thank you.  I honestly don't think it is right.  I paid for the blood test the are doing prior to insurance lady stuff so I guess I saved you a couple of hundred there.  Sliding scale brought the visit down to thirty bucks.

I am desperate to get this problem relieved and in the height of the agitation probably would have traded this computer, or my car, even my didgerie do.  Still it goes against my beliefs.

I could care less if you are all neo-bolsheviks who cannot see that what you blame on "capitalism" or "the economy", 1% , etc.  is largely the result of government involvement and partnerships with private corporations while finding ways to avoid enforcing laws against force and fraud.  No doubt you disagree and find me extreme.

Extreme is the way people cling to variations of feudal monarchy and won't let go.  Whatever the case, I'm sorry for this set up.  I could probably pay for this medical adventure on a one time basis.  I cannot pay for insurance and afford to live, too.  So, you get to buy me insurance I would have done without, because I don't want to be on their list of insurance dodgers.  IT'S THE LAW.  And lots of people love it.  And they love it for the exact reason I do not like it--they get free stuff at YOUR expense.

At least you know I will only avail myself of the minimum, plus maybe a bag of the free California condoms in the lobby.  I'll fill them with water and throw them at cop cars from some overhead cliff.

It seriously troubles me.  I don't care if every deadbeat and undocumented fugitive is getting even more free stuff than I am.  It is a dumb way to do things and I think it is wrong.  Charity is not wrong, but forcing others to pay for it at gunpoint is wrong. When government gets into the business of charity, that is what you have.  And they bleed you dry to do it, so you have less ability to help people on your own.

I Meant to Go Medical

Oh my god. Ever wonder about those guys you may have seen in weird news reports who don't wash for years at a time? I think know what motivates that sort of negligence. They may suffer from what is ailing me.

 Every time I take a shower now, afterward horrible itching of arms torso and sometimes legs occurs. Scratching is no good. Screaming helps, but not much, as does pounding on the walls and throwing things. It s that maddening, although I did not actually throw things or scream much. Just a few loud expletives.

 I try to relax and slow everything down. Even though had taken a Zirtec earlier, it raged just now. I finally took a benedryl even though the other is supposed to be a 24 hour fix. First time I tried that one. No good. I think that is what the Z one is called.

 I did claretin a couple of days ago. It was sort of OK. For two days I put off going in to the Alpine clinic which I think may be minimal on red tape. I'm not sure any medical place can be basic and not insane and still be legal.

 This is the sort of thing you cannot live with. On your own with no relief you offer yourself a shark bait or buzzard food at the the bottom of a high drop off. All is well if do nothing even slightly active, and if I stay away from the shower. After shower is the very worst. It is a sure thing that trouble and the inside out itches will attack.

I've seen some similar symptoms described but always the people had it from preteen years into 20s or 30s, and I saw no comment from anyone older. I think it is because they all jump off cruise ships or out of planes without a chute before they get any older.

I have seen discussion of relieving symptoms, but no talk of real cause or cure. However one person I discussed this with thought it could be adrenal gland related, and suggested getting a medrol pack, I think it is called. It is a round of drug you take for a specified number of days. It is supposed to get the adrenalin running better. Is that what it is called--that packet of pills you take? Medrol pack or ybe hydogoblinosophine pack. Must be one of the two.

Yay. Must be the benedryl. Irritation finally subsided. I cannot think of anything new that would set this off...except I haven't been smoking. That is the only obvious change. I can't start back, I'm too used to not burning my clothes and not smelling like wet ashes.

If I find out that this is related to chem trails, the NSA, CIA, or RFID chips, I am not going to be pleased.

edit--time has passed
wtf is going on. Now it attacking with a vengeance. Popped another benedryl and don't dare tke anything else, but I may add claritin to the ix if it doesn't end. Already I'm pushing it. This is unreal, unholy, unfair, unbearable. Whoever came up with this design must not have known or cared what an annoyance certain types of pain and bizarre sensations can be. Got to be a better way. FAAHHHHHCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%^&*)_

edit-more time has passed
Finally, it eased up some.  The benedryl makes me feel weird but anything to reduce the symptoms. Tomorrow morning I go in.  Uh oh, it is wanting to flare. I have to sit in one position not leaning back against anything. If I am going to sleep I have to lay down or prop up.  What would Jesus do?  One can only wonder.  What would Vladimir Putin do?  Yes, I see now.  Given the resources I'd invade a country and start  war just to distract myself.  We are onto something.

Ian Belmondo - Take Me To The Tropics

This was about a year go.  I was always out of breath trying to sing, but I seemed healthier than today.

One day this song will be right. I've never been able to get the rhythm and such like I like it but it s nice that people want to play it.





posted because Scott of lowandslow/flight plan blog indicated he liked the music videos much better than my whining and commentary

Who I Played With Saturday Morning

Trevor McSpadden - Better Off Alone





This guy invited me to play a roadside farmer's market thing Saturday based on my reputation.  He's definitely professional and, like many native Texans, one very nice person.  His wife is very cool--a knockout--and their baby is one happy girl.  I told him he was richer than most.  I think he may know that.

He said he liked my style of play an such.  I was about his age a long time ago.  Oh well.

It is still murder not smoking.  That was my number one hobby for the last many years.  I'm using my self-loathing to keep away from them, "suffer, you dumb bastard!!!"  Try as I might, I've never been one of those than understood the concept of "loving yourself" for more than a few seconds at  time.  Maybe I just don't get what it means and I really do feel whatever they are talking about with such concepts. I doubt it.  It's OK.  I trick myself, with occasional success, into temporary sanity.

In some ways I guess I do OK.  It comes and goes.  Loving you is a far easier concept. I can't be loving you and hating me too much at the same time. See?

ScoffLaw by Default

On radio news, they said people were waiting in long lines to sign up for some kind of government mandated healthcare arrangement.  How come I didn't know such place existed?

That is my defense: I didn't know where to go, and my computer froze every time I went to a health hazard site.  I still find it a sad statement about America that we call a law, largely written by a congressional aid of some kind, who had worked for one of the largest insurance firms, "Obamacare", naming it after a politician who did not write the law, either did not know what it was or voluntarily lied about it, and who is not God, king, or the source of the money paying for anyone's medical costs.

The absolutely shameless way that people on right and left personalize a government program and law, almost deifying their savior or enemy, as the case may be, leaves me hungering for a climate controlled cave in the wilderness, replete with all amenities, yet off the grid, off the radar and far away from anyone who believes in forced communalism, charity at gunpoint.

I'm eligible for any number of subsidies and medi this and that.  Who knew?  My issue is that it turns my stomach and I may seriously prefer an early death to participating.  I am undecided about that.

In the mean time, I will go to the Alpine clinic to see why I am having attacks which swell the tongue and rage from within like red ants biting from the inside, then they go away with enough allergy stuff.
I'm pretty sure if I quit being so tired I can work it out through massive green juice intake and bio-feedback.  Or something.

Probably lack of cigarettes.

So, where were these people waiting in line?  The insurance companies left standing must be doing well.

Many people point to european countries and Canada claiming "Oh look, Utopia!!!".  We used to point and say, "Geez, those poor suckers are under the thumb, glad we know how to be free!!"  Yippee, we surpassed their stupidity yet we still feel unsophisticated and want to follow their example.

Our increasing paranoia and trouble is always met with more of the same ultra-statism that got us here.  The fact that the corporate-governmental enmeshment is fueled by regulatory agencies, and is only allowed to thrive under the erroneous idea that government is the best bet to run all things, totally eludes most public discourse.  Emotional attachments prevent reason.

I see people who are opposed to every war we are ever in, so it seems, yet they thank every person in uniform for their service.  If you were opposed to a war, do you thank those who fight it?  I'm beginning to wonder.   Defense does keep us free. Using the military domestically against our own does not.  If fighting wars with no defined purpose or conclusion in remote parts of the world keeps us free, how it does this must be classified information.  I've not heard consistent justification even from those supporting various wars.  I've heard no good reason that we've trained and armed lunatics, who are later labelled enemies.

Emotionally, I want to say, hell yea, go team, thank you for your service. USA!  But logically I think my country and my military has been hijacked by evil doers and by flawed philosophy.  Long ago this happened.  We were never perfectly free or of consistent values, but we had a good chance.

Peer pressure, laziness, concerted efforts to obliterate the essence of the philosophy of freedom, greed, and envy have all served to bring us here, standing in line somewhere to buy government mandated insurance, required to cover things we may not want or conceivably ever need, from officially specified sources, or else we will get punished.  WTF?

I've always been in between.  I really did not like the culture of youth that did everything to please the public school teachers and establishment.  They knew to say what pleased, gave reports on how much they loved the U.N., cheated at sports, were junior governmental units to the max.  Then there were the badass kids, being tough and giving the establishment kids a hard time.  Bullies and bully entourage types.  They were unkind and I did not like them for that.

In many ways, nothing has changed, except the statists have more power than ever, there is more stress than ever an the tyranny brigade demands even more power while the fools all around cheer.  Crazy, the gangsta types and the ones who love government like the Obamabots all pretty much support the same party and the same programs.  To me it makes sense; I consider both groups bullies and ill mannered people who intrude into the lives of others uninvited.

How am I supposed to become apolitical if I have to keep up with all these mandates and buy-or-die political schemes?