Cursed Deductibles and Mind Clutter

It makes long term financial sense, but when it comes time to pay the piper, one is often disturbed at having any deductible at all, insurancely speaking. I'll deal with it later and hope my windshield doesn't fall apart in the interim.

A year ago, my only concern was whether I could get myself together enough to pack up and hit the road. Given that my life was pretty much a worthless vacuum, it seemed the best option, and a possible path toward finding meaning and satisfaction. I had no idea where I'd be or what I'd be doing by now. One thing that I discovered is that I could probably be satisfied to travel indefinitely, even if it meant sleeping in tents.

I also discovered that, if tents are involved, I need an air mattress to help make the discomfort bearable. What a drag that is. I guess, if I had to, I could get over it. Enjoying sleep on rocks, concrete or dirt is a skill that puts one ahead of the game, if you ask me.

The big problem of the perpetually disjointed life, partly the fault of poor judgement, too much, or not enough, drugs and alcohol, and partly due to principles held at the cost of outward gain, as well as other blatant stupidity, is that there is nothing to show for it. At some point, you expect to have a bit of continuous passion for something, or some one.

On the other hand, we'd all be better off if some people, who lived consistent, relatively balanced lives, and multiplied like crazy, would have never made it to that point. So, my "what might have been" may have been a real nightmare by comparison to the present reality. It actually feels like a never ending nightmare, but not the dark scary kind. More colorful and surreal, even pleasant. It just doesn't go anywhere, and that is the nightmare portion of it.

The lesson is that it is tougher to start over now than it would have been long ago. Making something special happen has still got to be the goal. Demanding as little as possible is probably a good idea. Life gives and takes, so no use expecting anything one way or the other. It doesn't owe me.

Certain qualities are probably enhanced by time, experience and pain. Empathy in some respects may have been enhanced. I'm also more suspicious of food prepared by disgruntled groups who usually dislike my disgruntled group.

I write these things because they interest me. They are true enough, but often just follow a thought more than a fact. It doesn't matter.

The cracked windshield is just a metaphor. An expensive one due to the deductible, but a metaphor just the same.