Money Saving

In case I find the irresistible Mrs Me; one big money saver is if she buys into the whole blood diamond thing. How in Hell can anyone ever buy a ring like I see on fingers everywhere in SoCal? Really, that item worries me and has for years. I just don't have the dough. I was watching a good looking news chick tonight and noticed a friggin ring that must have contained an once of gold and a forty carat diamond. I could be over estimating a tad, but even the news chick sets a bad example. So, to save money, ban diamonds.

To save on the cost of water I consider the entire world my urinal. It's a public service as much as anything, especially in an area that pumps water in from places like Colorado. Confuses the coyotes, too.

Don't do credit cards. They can end up charging a lot of money.

Figure out unit cost rather than suckering for the grocery store excitement sale labels. Often it is cheaper to buy 2 18oz jars of peanut butter than the 36oz economy size which has some hooplah tag on it. This is where mental division and accurate estimating pay off. They purposely price things in order to make it hard to quickly break down per unit. Some places have the unit cost in fine print on the price label, but not on the sale label.

Usually generic or store brand is cheaper than famous name brand.

Don't buy Marlboro.

Claim multiple personality disorder and list 2 or 3 of the distinct personalities as dependents.

Keep only pets that can be let outside, and which can find or hunt food on their own. Something like a badger, alley cat, raccoon, squirrel, wolf, owl, mountain lion, or wharf rat. If the animal has no health insurance, treat it as you would yourself, let it get well naturally or die.

Read your neighbor's newspaper

Forget cable, or watch it next door. Or, run a splitter from your neighbor's cable.

Carry a siphon hose at all times.

If you want to give flowers, visit the cemetery for a wide selection at no cost. Weekends and holidays are the best times. Hospitals can be a good source for fresh flowers as well.

Get my new piggy back green machine, a device designed to hook under the frame of the car in front of you. Throw 'er in neutral and experience the joy of extremely high gas mileage. Device comes with easy eject button should your unwitting benefactor turn off.

Run an extension cord from the outside outlet of your neighbor's house, or from nearby businesses to power lamps refrigerator and other electric hungry appliances.

Eat jalapeno peppers in winter to reduce the need for heating.