War On Obesity Seen In Night Sky

Wally O Sausagowski was convicted of being problematically fat. Government officials sent him into shallow orbit around the earth. His re-entry was witnessed across the midwest. Although the official spin is that they have not yet made a determination on the identity of this fireball, and they have implied it was meteor related, an insider in the Department of Obesity and Poor Genetics, who asked to remain anonymous, confirmed that this was in fact Mr. Sausagowski burning up as he re-entered the atmosphere.

Don't say I did not warn you.

If you are not a string bean I suggest not wearing horizontal stripes, bikinis or speedos. Get some elevator shoes to enhance your height, and avoid face to face contact with government officials, census workers, or overactive neighborhood watch personnel.