Why they shoot ducks

So, it was five something, A.M.. IN THE Morning, to be clear, EARLY in the morning. I was sleeping at the place where I do important work, remotely related to national security, Michele's biceps, and the strings that orchestrate her husband's every action, or inaction. But other than that's where I was, all the rest is neither here nor there. Or is it? No, it is irrelevant I am sure. But I bet they are watching, so I use the spa in birthday attire at the end of the day, just to figuratively thumb my nose at them.

OK. I'm having bizarre other-worldly dreams, which is typical at that place because wife #1, almost a household name, put a hex on it. Some kind of voodoo hoodoo.

I wake up to rude squawking and splashing. The back door of the room I use opens onto the patio and pool. I thought it was a combination of crows and pool hoppers. I throw the door open and discover it was a gang of vandal ducks. They should be migrating, shouldn't they? Go north, harass Canada or, if you dare, Minnesota or one of those places.

The creeps just gave me a dirty look- until I charged, clapping my hands, describing how they were to be my breakfast. I was pulling the old, "Yea, I'm a carnivore like crazy" bluff. No need to tell ducks I don't eat duck. It worked, but my sleep situation was irreparably disrupted and bruised.

The creeps crapped in the pool, and I bet they peed, too. No manners.

So, next time you see a duck hunter, say "Thank you". That person is probably saving you a good night's sleep and protecting you from duck debris too horrid to describe.

On the other hand, what if they were really government ducks sent to spy on me? You really can't be too careful, and you certainly cannot trust your elected puppets and the rest of that mess (aka "public sector") not to violate your personal space. I bet the reason I am so tired is that they are somehow monitoring my brain waves, reading my thoughts and attempting to replace them with happy visions of being a slave of the state.

The fatigue I feel is due to the fact that I am constitutionally incapable of being molded in that way. The only people who can make me say and do things counter to my best judgement are women. And even they cannot cause me to follow the rules as laid out by these corrupt impostors who hate the free.

See, if i had been packing a shotgun, I could have shut up the ducks, sent a message to any others in the area, and, if they were spy drones, I'd have struck a blow against The Man, foiling his diabolical intrusion on my sleep and thoughts. I see no downside to shooting those ducks. However, this is California, and I doubt it is legal to shoot them, even in a private swimming pool.