Sparky The Ferret: MIA

As is par for the course in the resort home of this friend of a very high executive officer in the USA, a strange event came to light. The actual owner is rarely there. Instead we get periodic visits from his parents and their odd entourage, and some very crazy friends of his. Of course, certain people are weirder than others.

The last one to visit had the fireplace fiasco which is as of yet unexplained. Her version of events makes no sense, and for various reasons I know she is lying about one or more facts. That group trashed the place--food on the floor all over the place, everything in chaos.

So, a short time later we have a relatively sane couple, as near as I can tell, who were a little suprised to find a ferret running around in the place. This is not the sort of creature who would have just wandered in while cruising the neighborhood. We suspect the fireplace woman had it and lost it, and doesn't have the guts to own up. Of course, no one is calling her up to ask. That is not how it works.

I have not seen it so I can only go by the house manager's word that she is sure it is a ferret, and not a very large one. There are always pieces of the story missing when I come into the picture. It often sends me down the wrong path.

I was called to come in a set some kind of trap to catch it. The house manager had almost caught it but it hissed at her and tried to bite her leather glove so she got freaked and it fled. No one knows which way it went. My original info was that it was last seen in a particular room. That story changed later.

It just so happened that the TruValue hardware lady in Alpine, where I bought the havahart trap, is a ferret rescue person. She would provide it good care and lodging. Her information, plus what I researched on the net, gave me confidence that I could handle this venture into the world of wild animals.

I'm sure I did a good job with the trap but I avoided opening doors that were closed to rooms and such because I don't feel good intruding on privacy of people staying at the house. They were gone but had been told a big game hunter would be setting a trap. Since I had been told that the critter was last seen on the east wing, and the other part had been secured, I figured that was the case.

As always, the story was not quite accurate. Long story short, I think they have the poor thing locked in a room which he/she can't escape and my trap is not likely to do any good. Had I had all the facts beforehand, I would have checked the rooms and done what I could to chase it out into the house at large. One whiff of the bait and I have no doubt it would have checked into my little hotel.

It really frustrates me that I always get partial information. This case bothers me a lot. Ignoring the fact that ferret possession is against the law in CA (many things are against the law here--who can keep up?***), I would feel better if I could catch it and give it to the Alpine ferret lady. But for all I know it is a badger or weasel or mongoose. Satisfying my curiosity would also be a relief.

I suspect that when the people leave on Saturday, I will find a little dead animal who died of thirst and starvation. If not, then it would have managed to feed off of who knows what, and drink toilet water or something. Ferrets have a super quick metabolism and need to nibble frequently.

If we have to perform funeral rites, I will used the name "Sparky" on the marker because it is not gender specific, and it is a name anyone-man, woman, child, or other mammal-would be proud to own. I guess that goes without saying. duh.

So, I would request that any who read this observe a moment of silence for our furry friend, and pray that he/she/it somehow miraculously survives and doesn't bite me when we meet.

Thank you

If he is dead, it will be an outrage. Just the damned facts, lady, would have made all the difference. So, if I do find a stiff instead of a mischief making varmint, I plan to give it a good burial with an appropriate marker.

I want to put an appropriate epitaph which shows both respect for the unfortunate creature, and disdain for the bungling disrespectful people who contributed to his/her demise. Suggestions will be welcomed.

***Any licensed big game hunter, animal activist, or other person with credentials is required to execute the animal. It's the Law. So, that is where an illegal alien like myself comes into the picture. The house manager is an over the top PETA-enviro dramatist, which is great in this instance. Can be a little strange in some cases.