Strange Days:part 515

Mental blocks are sometimes treated with drugs or diagnoses of various types. That approach s the luxury of those who can carry their issue to well paid professionals. If that luxury is out of one's grasp, the best thing is to realize that the block is mental, and that means you have to fight through it.

I thought I put up a post a day or so ago and now it is gone. Maybe I imagined it.

I have coolers and other things now, found that Target is best for cheap gear, WalMart's selection is wanting. Cheap is how we role in this realm.

Maybe I can get the massive mess, that is the manifestation of my mental block, under control in time for an almost on time departure. It is working on me and actually causes shallow breathing and internal panic. That is unacceptable. No way for a brave man to be. I'll retreat into a calming trance and down a ton of Cuban coffee and bull through it.

Half of the purpose of this trip is to force me to confront things which my self imposed stagnation has allowed to become unmanageable and unmanaged.

If you really begin dropping out of life in an unhealthy way at an early age, it can carry over for decades. For some it takes longer to confront the internal lies, regardless of who is at fault for them being there, than for others. Like always, I probably have everything I need and find it difficult to accept this. The rest is just confusing work. Organizing and de-trashing is very complex for someone like me.

boohoo. OK. Whining is over for now. Luckily I don't have a flood to deal with. Cleaning up after a house is flooded would be a real challenge. I could probably clean up someone else's mess, for pay. But my own, it is as if I am looking at an unfamiliar planet and haven't a clue what to do. That is obviously a mental issue which is internally based on completely wrong premises.