You Hear What You Want to Hear, See What You Want to See

It just occurred to me that someone who says they like my wrting, but rag on me to write this or that, anything other than what comes naturally, can't really like it in the first place. "Why don't you write about X, Y or Z? Why do you waste your time on on Q? I want to hear about ABC".

Obviously this is someone who wishes I was an entirely different person. Probably a fan of little Jimmy Hoffa. There are certain mindsets which cannot be changed, but there are lines that normally aren't touched. One is that when writing, not for a grade, not because I was paid, and not because permission was requested to do so, I would not expect advice or complaint of the sort I sometimes get. As if I have offended all that is holy because I don't conform to another's idea of what best use I can be put.

If anyone had a good idea of what best use I could be put, and I had no doubt of the veracity of such view, then I would do my best to conform. The truth is, no one really knows, including me. So, the badgering to be someone other than who I am just feeds the already pervasive feeling that I have let down anyone I've ever known, and any family who didn't spent too much time trying to kill me.

I've failed them all. I know this, yet I think that this is a feeling which is not healthy or appropriate. That makes it doubly hurtful for someone to act as if my writing here in some way lets them down, It is not here to do them favor or disfavor.

But then, it is possible that some people think I have no emotion, or inner workings at all. A rock, or else just not smart enough to be affected, or too smart to be touched. I think everyone I know has less clue in this regard than do total strangers.