I Have High Cheek Bones, and Other Stuff

old family legend points to this man as my great grandpa. The resemblance is uncanny

One time a girlfriend thought the dark pigment in my lower gums was from rotten tissue and bad upkeep. It turns out, according to the dental lady examining my harmonica mouth, that this is typical of people who have Latin blood, and she seemed to imply Black blood, as well.

She seemed a bit worried that she'd crossed the line when she asked about ethnicities, as she explained it was due to the gum coloration. I wasn't bothered. I was wanting it in writing so I could send it to the chick who questioned my gum care.

Some people resist embracing their gene pool. It was not rot or poor hygiene, but pure genetics. That girl sure had me wrong. Probably a racist. Other than that, she was the bee's knees.

So, I plan to include exotic ethnic mix in my biography during my presidential campaign, and my senate run, should I lose the presidential race due to the color of my gums.:

"I was the first Latino (I kind of hate the terms, 'latina' and 'latino' for some reason. Sounds stupid to me), African, Cherokee in my neighborhood to own his own bicycle. All the other kids were White. Many of my relatives were also white. Although I tried to feel 'a part of', I always felt apart." - a sneak peek excerpt from my new bio.

Hey, if it is good enough for Harvard, it's good enough for me. I'm referring to the Scandinavian looking white chick running for office in Mass., or some other northeastern place, who claims she's Cherokee because she has high cheek bones.

Her cheek bones are no higher than mine, although I'm not sure how to prove that.

They say being touted as the first Native American woman law professor at Harvard had nothing to do with her getting the job. wink wink--and Al Sharpton would have still jumped on the Trayvon issue if they'd pointed out Zimmerman's Black heritage up front, rather than calling him a White Hispanic.

(see? I'm willing to call out racists even when we are ethnically similar)

So Liz is running for senate and people are questioning her claims of Native Americanism. If her references to family lore and proof of high cheek bones don't convince the skeptics, I don't know what will. People can be so bull headed.

People have often said I had high cheek bones, but never really explained what that means. I believe my bone structure is pretty much where it belongs. It is not like I have cheek bones framing my forehead.

I'm actually thrilled because this could open a host of job opportunities. Native American, African American, European American. If I wasn't so lazy, you'd see three hyphens that you could count for yourself and have proof of the total in my hyphen column. Just imagine I put them in.

Now all I need is to discover that I'm actually a woman and I am at the front of the line. When I was hiring, and for a so-called private company, the pressure was felt and it did influence hiring. If I could have scored a triple hyphen with gender issues, he/she/it would have been hired without an interview. Just to please the nitwits upstairs.

It should help me politically because I can claim to be one of almost any ethnic group you name. If only I could work some Asian in the mix, I'd be a hat trick plus one on the hyphens.

Wait minute, I think I have that hat trick plus one already. I should be able to include Hispanic or Latin. Habeas corpus and all that.

To think, all these years all I've claimed is to be an American with no hyphens, no claim to anyone's guilt, nothing. Now that I realize I'm a cornucopia of hyphens, I've noticed I am much more resentful and aware that even in traffic I'm treated unfairly. I suddenly want a huge government which will punish everyone not of my groups. Especially the rich ones.

High cheek bones, ethnic gum pigmentation, and an uncanny sense of rhythm. What more proof do you need?

I'm even thinking of hyphenating my last name. I heart hyphenated identity tags to separate me from the awful other people. I can't wait until the next census rolls around. t is so exciting to think about filling out forms in the future.

Back to the picture, ever notice how they always show politicians doing that exaggerated mouth thing when they talk? Like Donald Trump. I guess it makes them look like they are either going to fix the world by barfing on it, wet-kissing it, or swallowing it.

Most people don't do those labial gymnastics when speaking. Trump, politicians, some actors and singers. That's about it. Not too many people you encounter in normal life.

When my campaign gets rolling I don't expect to have that sort of photo floating around. There will be plenty of other ones for embarrassment purposes that my opponents will attempt to use. I'll shut them down by playing all the many ethnicity cards in my deck. Anyone who disagrees with me is anti-Hispanic, anti-Black, anti-White, and anti-Blues. Racists with no sense of rhythm.

Who wants to carry a label like that? I'm sure to soon be off limits to criticism in the press. I can hear the patronizers now, "he's a clean, articulate Indian...a real credit to his r..uh, peoples". I'm so excited to have finally discovered my true identity. Why I didn't put it together when the dentist gave me the hint, I don't know. Thank you, Elizabeth Warren!