So, I hereby put myself on the market, but first, let me list the parameters for you.
1.a female human who has been such since birth--I know it is horrible of me but still legal to rule out transgender
2. Age is a tough one. I can't imagine you'd find me at all interesting unless you're over 40-- or so.
3. be attractive and in decent enough shape. Better shape than I am in would be a plus. If you don't weigh more than me, that is a plus as well. This is a rather flexible parameter. You may be irresistible and be able to send me to the moon on a seesaw--you never know
4. tattoos. I don't know. Every single woman of middle age seems to have some compulsion for someone to draw on her body. Permanently. If I hate it, that's ultimately a deal killer, but it doesn't mean I won't fool around. Maybe I don't hate it. Have to see it.
Seriously, I saw one that freaked me out more than if she'd had a big clown's face on the thigh. Actually, at first I thought it was a big clown's face on her thigh. I guess that is the only one that actually frightened me at first glance.
So, I guess, I'm neutral to a point on that, but not a big fan of the practice.
5. I don't care what you eat as long as you don't care that I'm a non carnivore.
6. did I say good looking? Oh, and not inhibited in stupid ways when we're alone.
7. you can't be looking for money, because I don't have it.
8. I hope you like road trips, and can get away now and then to join me.
9. Don't cultivate jealousy, yours or mine. I'm too old for that.
10. Be nice.
11. If you have kids, let them not be at home, and let them not be needy brats.
12. Don't have big horror stories about your ex. Don't want to hear it. I'll try to return the favor.
13. don't be a drunk.
14. be affectionate, get my jokes, and make me laugh.
15. think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, even though we both know better.
OK. I sure hope this server can handle all the applicants that will pour in. I'm thinking I'd be a better person if the right woman took over management of my life while pretending I am my own master.
After thoughts:
16. hates diamonds would be huge plus
17. could care less about fancy restaurants
18. won't try to get me to go places where there are big crowds
19. don't be a compulsive victim or obnoxiously neurotic. We'll reserve that privilege for me
20. I hope I get that almost helpless rush of powerful positive emotion every time I see you---not a requirement, but I doubt it would take much. As men get older they get mushy and sentimental as much as they get cranky and curmudgeon-like .
21. Be able to convincingly act like you think I am genius
22. skilled in subaru maintenance a plus
---I'm prejudiced against cops and employees of the IRS, however I do realize that beggars can't be overly choosey. Maybe a deal killer, maybe not---
OK. Now everything anyone needs to know about me:
I'm 6 feet tall, 175 lbs, live in a cabin on BallisticMountain, drive my subaru more miles than you'd believe. Mechanically inclined. Sometimes bright, and sometimes not so much. I have a didgerido, and maybe a hundred harmonicas, or so. I can make things out of whatever--tile stone metal, etc. ---if I have to. The City of Miami gave me a humanitarian award for unknown reasons.I'm a radical. I don't drink.
Very impressionable so you could probably quickly mold me to your will.
I'm an idiot, often as not, but a fairly polite one.
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Can't make comments any easier, I don't think. People are having trouble--google tries to kidnap them. I'll loosen up one more thing and let's see. Please give it a try