Some Crazy Times

I remember when Karen Carpenter bit the dust.  I believe she was my age, or within months of my age.  People told me on my birthday, "Thirty two, they're dropping like flies.  Just like Karen Carpenter."  I don't know how she spelled Karen.

Now I see that Robin Williams would have been sixty four today.  It seems every thirty two years I find myself in a state which is highlighted by celebrity misfortune, and sadness.

Sixty four.  They are dropping like flies.   I feel like I should at least get one thing done, organized and done properly before it is too late.  I often think I will never do it.  And then that annoys me so I either forget it, or resolve to eventually get it at least a little bit right.

And I really want to will myself into such a condition that I can feel vindicated for various rejections and untold levels of self imposed loneliness. It is not a game or experiment any more.  It is taking forever to replace the absurd view of my life I was taught and force fed from birth, mostly by family, but exacerbated by neighbors and peers.  You had to be there, I think.

I think I can not say it is too late, no matter if it is or not.  Lack of gratitude for what one has to work with is the culprit. Make use of what you have and you will probably be happy.  I have experienced that for short periods of time, like minutes.  It may be cause and effect.  Or it may be a fluke, coincidence.

Getting divorced way back when was dumb.  But without far more insight, sense, and awareness than I had back then, that alliance was absolutely doomed.

Then again, it will probably work out fine.

I am too stunned by the complete nonsense, the lies, the false history being passed around to even comment.  I'm really sick of racial exaggerations lies and just pulling in race when the issue is violent behavior, not ethnicity.  All the "of color" bullshit is the new legitimized bigotry and racial discrimination.  You cannot view everything in terms of condition of birth without becoming a shallow, shortsighted bigot.  It is really absurd.

Look at crime stats, and quit trying to convince people they are targets of those who are in fact many more times likely to be violently treated by the group painted as modern day victims.  Just tell me you do not care what part of the city I drop you off in at midnight.  Unarmed.  And then I will believe your version of how racism works today.

Oh, and I just wanted to add that I am most definitely islamaphobic.  I'd even go so far as to say it was typical bullshit victim posturing on the part of their alleged holy men that gave rise to that term. I'd say many are mind-your-own-business-aphobic.  And the imams I've read or heard or crossed paths with tend to be truth-aphobic.  And most definitely they hold the infidel (non muslim) in the utmost disregard.

Weird religious garb often creeps me out.  Those black things with the slit for eyes, the whole infidel vs holy creep thing, I can't pretend I like it.  Even Catholic garb and holy men have, on occasion, creeped me out.  But they do not behead people and promote violence and war.  Why it became progressive chic to protect islam from the intolerant infidels who want to mind their own business and have all equal under the law is a mystery.  But I find many of the self hating, elitist twists of mind expressed by self-labeled progressives to be insane or inexplicable.

In any case, I do not buy the "moderate islam" bs.  I do not feel comfortable with any religious state.  Part of the problem is that military forces under any control are dangerous, but under religious zealots and total lunatics they are very problematic.