Once Again, Right On the Edge

Actually, I never really got off the edge, but the exodus from Memphis gave some momentum to something new.  The traveling become the only pain relief, but I couldn't stay and enjoy any one spot because the aloneness of it made me nauseous and full of regret, etc.

Now all that is coming back like a tidal wave.  I like tidal wave better than the word tsunami.  Shows I am not really very continental or interested in the larger scope of humanity outside the U.S.  How pedestrian and ignorant.

I have found that work is the key, and people are the key.  I have to unburden my personal life so the barriers to real company are removed.  I've let myself drift dangerously off the healthy path.  And I don't know that I can stop the drift.  I had better do it.  It may be possible.  I'll bet it is.  And if I do manage to return to some semblance of sanity and purpose, I will know I earned it.  And maybe I will even find some self respect for doing so.

Then again, maybe not.  The moral is: don't screw up everything while you still have the faculties to just do an honorable day's work and build a nice life and family.  Be loyal to those around you, and do not run from possible mates, but make it your mission to help them feel special and good for being who they are and alive.  Try to strengthen the partnership and do it right, even if you have to face unflattering truths.  I ran, instead.  It was the wrong thing to do, and I imagine God marked me off long ago because of it.

Or maybe I marked me off.  I must be made of better stuff than this.  I am sure something stunted my whole life.  Does it matter what, if the end result is disaster regardless?  Correcting course makes more sense than stewing over what caused the compass to fail in the first place.  Especially if the compass is long gone, and now we are using celestial navigation.

And listening to pop culture 'wisdom' and government sounding nonsense which urges the culture in stupid directions is suicide too.  Remember as recently as the 80's they were touting the non-addictive properties of cocaine?  They were.  They being the same ones who hog the airwaves beginning sentences with we, and our.  Our children are our greatest resource.  Right there is a start to the problem.

Who owns "our" children?  Do they own themselves?  Do their parents have a say?  Maybe it is just a big collective we that owns all souls, and the majority decides all for all.

Didn't help in my case.  What, now, do "we" do with "our" seniors?   Obviously, we must do something!!!  Isn't that the deal?   We Must do something!!!!  For the love of God, people, we must Do something; people got shot two thousand miles away!!!   It doesn't have to make sense. The presentation just needs to be breathlessly emotional, bordering on hysteria, and it must restrict someone's rights or freedoms.  Then people can feel safe again.  It does not need to actually solve the problem.  It just needs to help the overwrought hysterical narrative along.  And it works best if we select bad guys who have nothing to do with the initial problem.

How can I apply this on the individual level so I don't die with a dirty house?  That is the question. I must do Something!  Oh, right. I already tried that approach and the real troubles never disappeared.  shucks